Win a slice of XP cheese if you tell us where Microsoft should put Copilot next Do you need a bit of Bliss in your life? Come up with a suggestion for where Microsoft might stick Copilot next, and an XP-themed Windows Ugly Sweater could be yours. The sweater debuted in 2023 and arrived at Vulture Central in a natty box, replete with an XP-themed card instructing the wearer on donning the garment, …
New "Microsoft Copilot™ for Microsoft Copilot™"™.
Struggling to find uses for Microsoft Copilot™?
Need some way to shoehorn AI usage into your next budget meeting?
Just want to watch two robots fight?
With "Microsoft Copilot™ for Microsoft Copilot™"™, you can now use Copilot™ to suggest ways you can use Copilot™.
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Going by recent management behaviour, it seems like there must be a huge demand for this kind of functionality.
Hah we've all been duped...
Could this be a copilot response to a m$ marketing droid's promt to "what the fuck can you be used for"
Think about it elReg gets a promise of timley respnses to journalists enquiring about M$ roundfuckery
Some smart bright commentard gets a taty shirt, the driod gets replaced by copilot and m$ get a use excuse for more telemitary.
"Why don't they just ask the AI what to do?"
Grunchy: what's the funniest place for microsoft to put copilot next?
ChatGPT said:
Microsoft could definitely have some fun with Copilot by putting it in some delightfully absurd or unexpected places! Here are a few comical ideas:
1. Microsoft Minesweeper Copilot
Suggests which square to click next—but is only "right" 50% of the time. It also offers philosophical musings on the futility of the game as you inevitably lose.
2. Microsoft Clippy Resurrection
Copilot becomes Clippy's sidekick. "It looks like you're trying to write a ransom note. Want some tips on proper formatting?"
3. Microsoft Solitaire Copilot
Pops up to suggest your next move and enthusiastically cheers, "Amazing! You're a Solitaire genius!"—even when you're clearly losing.
4. Microsoft Paint Copilot
"It looks like you're trying to draw a dog. Shall I turn it into a Picasso-inspired masterpiece instead?"
5. Xbox Copilot
Provides in-game tips in a hilariously condescending way:
"Did you know you could aim for the head in this FPS?"
"Careful! That lava isn't a friendly NPC."
6. Notepad Copilot
Autocompletes mundane notes with excessive flair:
"Buy milk" becomes "Procure a carton of Grade-A bovine nectar, ideally 2% fat content."
7. Microsoft Calculator Copilot
Suggests philosophical answers instead of numerical ones:
User: 2+2
Copilot: "How about... inner peace instead?"
8. Cortana-Copilot Buddy Comedy
Cortana and Copilot team up for a constant stream of unhelpful suggestions, like a digital Abbott and Costello.
9. PowerPoint Karaoke Copilot
Automatically generates ridiculous slide content for impromptu office presentations. "Here's a 15-slide deck about why pineapples should be on pizza. You're welcome."
10. Microsoft To-Do Copilot
Every task is auto-assigned deadlines like "When pigs fly" or "Just before the sun engulfs the Earth."
I'm quite looking forward to the Microsoft Copilot Services for Google Gemini , wherein Microsoft brings all it's secret sauce and refreshingly efficient coding practices to the governance of a different AI, that turns out to have exactly the same tokenisation engine underneath.
Also coming soon: The "eagerly anticipated" Microsoft Copilot Services for IBM Watson, in which our plucky AI tries it's hand at financial advice and causes an extinction-level-event for global capitalism. No need to worry though. Nobody will ever use it.
That'd be quite a realistic simulator experience. Takeoff, navigation and landing are all within the capabilities of modern autopilot systems (auto takeoff being relatively recent). And since the computer does everything, the "player" could either enjoy the realistic boredom of a long haul flight, or natter about shit with Copilot (as opposed to the captain).
natter about shit
It depends who you are flying with, but no, pilots are no longer allowed to 'natter about shit'. FAA and airline rules now direct that off-topic conversation is no longer permitted.
I had friends who flew in the jump seat when they were young, and talked with the Captain about sport, or cars, or navigation, but (even apart from the jump seat), passenger jet pilots aren't supposed to have those kinds of conversations now.
CoPilot could help the inexperienced and incompetent to navigate to the correct entry, left a bit, right a bit, up! It could also provide detailed instructions on the required rhythm and analyse the resulting outcome of the encounter to ensure both parties have optimum pleasure. A talking condom, what's not to like?
Related, and admittedly I've told this anecdote before, but... many decades ago, I obtained (by purchasing floppy disks of Public Domain software, as was the habit at the time when we weren't wearing onions on our belts) a sound/icon scheme for Amiga Workbench - what would now be called a "theme" I suppose. This gave Workbench the icons of 2001: A Space Odyssey, with the "system alert" sound replaced by a suitable clip from the film.
Well, not having seen the film myself, I was impressed/terrified/puzzled when my Amiga suddenly said "I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that".
How the *&@#! does it know my name? How did the developer code all this in just 1MB of memory?
Nowadays, of course, I am far more worldly and experienced, and would merely assume that Microsoft/Google had datamined my personal data and generated an AI-derived sound file to market stuff to me :)
Upgrading Windows on your ATM to meet the latest payment processor safety standards?
Try the new Copilot ATM functionality. Not only can it dynamically suggest new Microsoft products to purchase* based on your buying history, it can also generate a bank balance that makes you think that you can afford whatever it is that we're currently selling.
*Purchases are not a purchase. You do not own anything and are in fact subscribing to an auto-renewing subscription that we reserve the right to change in absolutely any manner for any reason at any time.
my work PC runs Fedora... and my "work" browser is Edge (because.. Teams PWA). So I have the pleasure of Copilot albeit on Microsoft's cloud not the company's/my home's electricity bill.
EDIT: errm no. Just checked... it's now broken in MS's latest Edge package.. and nothing of value was lost.
I want the Microsoft Mouse to come with Copilot. Featuring:
- Collision avoidance to keep other desk objects safe.
- Auto-braking to protect the user from embarrassing edge-of-desk incidents.
- Lane guidance, for those awkward scroll-bar manoeuvres.
- Navigation to bring you safely to that off-screen window.
- Level 5 Autocopilot to autonomously move the mouse just like a hard-working employee. Because the cricket isn’t going to watch itself, right?
Icon: is that a Christine car/mouse? Could be good co-branding.
You beat me to it :)
Resurrect Microsoft BOB but this time do it properly and Make Skeuomorphism Great Again!
http://toastytech.com/guis/bob.html
Rover and his assorted friends are now rather long in the tooth, plus today's Windows users don't (usually) require as much hand-holding, as assumed in 1995.
The new default assistant will be a cat, who appears to be asleep for much of the day but is aware of all your computing activity, on any networked platform; ready to offer help if you look like you could use it but can be also be woken up by wiggling the mouse cursor in its vicinity.
If you happen to be writing code, Kitty might well wake up, stretch, wander over for a closer look and engage in conversation if it's particularly interested, or perhaps it just fancies being stroked? It will be a somewhat autonomous/independent AI, as befits a feline embodiment having a marked tendency to develop highly efficient operating systems and applications, that are free of both errors and bloat, in its spare time.
This will enable amorous Greek gods to finally procure that hooded, skin-tight, one-piece suit, in the style of a wetsuit, made from sticky yellow flypaper that is guaranteed to win the affections of Saturday girls in bakeries and butchers shops throughout the land when power outages strike and electric blue fly zappers are no longer able to protect the merchandise.
Correct. Specifically, Zeus. However, twenty first century women are less than impressed by suitors who's modus operandi is assuming the form of a bull or some other animal. He therefore needs to be more creative.
Stick it in age of empires.... i am continually harrassed to to play with it ... god knows why i don't have single m$ product so yeah let it play with it's self...
Most of the ML stuff availeble to the masses is a bit wanky anyway.(stable diffusion +addons was quite novel ..and bloated and pulled a fuck tonn of dependicies, well ok.... LLM'S meh)
As for the jumper i would rather be found dead face down in the Thames with a sex toy in my butt and wearing a rangers football jumper...... but if you had a vista jumper now that i might wear!
I dont know about that. Imagine being found dead with a sex toy in your butt and a QPR jersey on. Hell the Undertaker might not be willing to remove it. Worried about getting an infection he'd say. So at the funeral, all your friends would get to see you wearing a QPR jersey! Oh the shame of it!!!
Since they've backported (back-foisted) it upon Windows 10 (it hit me, again, yesterday) I ask this: why not go all the way and foist it right back on Windows 3.1, too?
Do you remember those "Help" menus from 3.1? If you don't, you should go and run that in an emulator, unplug your router and try to work out how to use it, offline, just from the help files that used to ship with programs, back then – accessible by help menus! They were often – albeit with exception – actually useful! They were references and sometimes even told you how to do Things with the software or the operating system.
Also: you'd be building up the user-base to validate my argument that there are surely many running 3.1, even in 2024, and they could be blighted with Copilot, too, just like the rest of us.
“a link to a community forum of non-experts discussing a different issue relating to a different version of a different piece of software”
Or the ever-helpful “Please run SFC.EXE /scan” regardless of what the problem is.
“Hi, my Windows 10 install keeps trying to upgrade me to Windows 11” -> “please run sfc…”
“How do I show non-printable characters in Word?” -> “please run sfc…”
Etc etc.
Microsoft want Copilot everywhere, well lets see how truly committed to this principle they are!
Introducing the CoPilot board! Replace all those expensive Board Members and Board Rooms with Co-pilot Board. It can make all the right noises about stock prices, sales, cutting costs, etc. without actually doing any work at all. And it wont cost a cent more than the subscription fee! It's a massive Win for cost savings through the use of AI!
And to really double down, we have a second range of products - CoPilot C-Suite! Save on those big glass offices on the top floor, all you need are some top class servers, and you too can have a C-Suite
that will really save the bacon. Able to look and sound confident, whilst doing as little work as possible. Able to make decisions based on Underling provided options, or the random "gut feel" method. Should things start going wrong, it is well versed in the schools of "reducing headcount", "improving cash flow", and the all important "dynamic rebranding". The Co-Pilot C-Suite will really help your firm pick up the slack on the AI stack!
If you're firmly seated at the Table of Linux/Unix commands, occasionally venturing out into the Land of PowerShell or the Fields of CMD is an annoying exercise at times.
So, why not bless PowerHell with a CoPilot that suggests replacements, or even translates for those feeling lucky, the usual non-micros~1 commands into valid Redmondian commands.
Mind you, this depends on very minimal levels of hallucination, so I wouldn't hold my breath.
You sure don't want to let an AI with full command line access hallucinate on commands such as "rm -rf" and the likes.
On the new CopilotMouse, which will require either a SCSI cable or a Threadripper inside said mouse, Copi(ng with it) will lead the pointer toward buttons which make more sense than everything else, like on the right display you try to answer a meeting call but the pointer will move to the left screen positioning itself to allow Edge & Bing to become your default browser/search.
Truly amazing...
They can put it on those nanobots that BillG put in the covid vaccinations: "You seen to suffer from severe mental retardation after having to manually activate that M$ product you legally purchased. These copiilot nanobots will restore your brain activity to a level where you do not drag your knuckles over the floor when you walk. But don't use Visio."
Or maybe the Microsoft Keyboard: it will hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete automatically when it starts seeing distress levels of typing or frantic mouse movements and button clicking.
Or maybe it can be deployed as a DDoS countermeasure: this thing requires so much compute power and internet bandwidth to harvest everybody's personal info that no other botnet can get in touch with the first hop on its way over the internet.
Me: How many R's are there in raspberry?
- There are two R's in the word "raspberry." One at the beginning and one towards the end.
Me: Are you sure there are only two r's in raspberry?
- Yes, I'm sure! The word "raspberry" has two R's: one at the beginning and one towards the end. It can be a bit tricky because the first R is silent when pronounced.
Me: So, if a letter is not pronounced, it does not count in writing?
- Actually, even if a letter is not pronounced, it still counts in writing. The spelling of a word includes all its letters, regardless of whether they are pronounced. For example, in "raspberry," the first R is silent, but it is still part of the correct spelling.
English can be tricky with its silent letters! Do you have any other questions about spelling or pronunciation?
Me: So, essentially, you just told me raspberry has three r's?
I see where the confusion might be! To clarify, "raspberry" has two R's in its spelling: one at the beginning and one towards the end. The silent R at the beginning is still counted in the written form, even though it's not pronounced.
So, the word "raspberry" definitely has two R's. English spelling can be quite tricky with its silent letters!
And people use this to get work done?
Copilot in the BIOS loader.
And you think I'm joking, don't you?
On second thoughts, my money is on Poettering adding it as a dependency for systemd before too long. Holy crap, that was meant to be a joke but even the vaguest notion of it actually happening scares me shitless!
/coat. It's the one with a FreeBSD image in the pocket.
In my fantasy world it could suggest things like:
"It looks like you are trying to use Excel as a database substitute.
Don't do that you colossal bell end, use a database rather than abusing a spreadsheet."
.. and taking the fantasy further, users would actually pay attention & stop spreadsheet misuse.
Apologies if Excel already has CoPilot - my work PC instance does not, but I have anything remotely CoPilot looking in application settings or registry disabled on my work PC, so I could possibly be missing out on some AI "pleasure"
The Waste Isolation Pilot Plant in New Mexico came up with a set of ideas for burying nuclear waste and keeping it secure for over 10,000 years. The message they wanted to put across was as follows:
It just needs the Copilot logo adding at the bottom to finish it off.This place is a message... and part of a system of messages... pay attention to it!
Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.
This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here.
What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.
The danger is in a particular location... it increases towards a center... the center of danger is here... of a particular size and shape, and below us.
The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.
The danger is to the body, and it can kill.
The form of the danger is an emanation of energy.
The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.
It's probably just a matter of time before they put a Copilot into Copilot.
They're already directing support tickets through Copilot, making experienced professionals who've already diagnosed an issue in their products go through interminable hoops before even reaching the human gatekeepers to their product teams. So the next big thing is going to be replacing all the help links sending you to a generic product help page in Microsoft Learn with Copilots that very authoritatively tell you to click buttons that don't exist, or serve up help for previous versions of products because that's the last time the official documentation got updated.
Which leads us to the inevitable conclusion... A Copilot that helps* you in using Copilot. What a time to be alive...
*hinders
Time to kill two birds with one stone.
Microsoft to purchase all Spotify CarThing rights, defunct devices and warehouse stock and relaunch Zune as a car brand based on that hardware. Possibly rebranding Spotify as a "whitelabel", possibly not. Prodigious sale of personal movement data used to fund the resurrection, along with a "loss-leader" hearts and minds mentality about getting people to interact more closely with Copilot and a marketing campaign about it being a "Copilot in your car".
Trained on exabytes of "homework" folders around the internet, the CopilotSutra will suggest only the horniest and most medically likely to be successful copulation activities. It will enhance every act with AI generated guidance including audio descriptions and diagrams for singles and groups. Everyone, from beginners to seasoned pros will increase their positional vocabulary. *Note: CopilotSutra does not know where the G-spot is.
Microsoft copilot copilot.
No more need for a second officer in the cockpit on commercial airlines!
Automating all the tedious checklists!
Get instant, natural language responses to queries like "turn the autopilot on", "flaps to 20", "approach at 200", and "why is there a mountain outside the window".
Ensure the safety and cost efficiency of airline travel with the groundbreaking, innovative Microsoft copilot copilot!
Microsoft will combine Recall with CoPilot to not only predict your time of death but it will also prepare a multimedia obituary presentation. All those passwords and the sticky dark corners you browsed in Edge, will now be part of your "Copilot Into The Afterlife". Ads featuring a dancing Clippy for various funeral services will be included free of charge. "If you're going to snuff it, let Microsoft stuff it"
In a pivot towards Copilot-enabled device management, Microsoft announces Copilot for Windows Update.
CWU promises to relieve the burden of managing enterprise device fleets through the 'intelligent application of updates enterprise-wide'. Users don't leave their devices on overnight? No fear! Copilot will monitor end user productivity metrics and automatically apply key updates during a user's 'window of least productivity'.
No longer will you have the CEO yelling at you because his device restarted and lost all his 'very important yettobesaved documents'. Just blame Copilot.
Coming soon in CoPilot Wave 2: CoPilot for Task Manager; CoPilot for Global Admins; CoPilot for Organisational Efficiency (automate your reorgs and redundancies through the power of AI! Starting at 9.99 per user per month)
For a long time I have tried to figure out how Co-Pilot could increase productivity (profits) in the average workplace then it occured to me.....
Intergrate Co-Pilot into Minesweeper and Solitaire.
Co-Pilot takes care of playing the game while the cube drones are now freed up to do what they are actually paid for.
Productivity gains in a lot of the public sector would be astronomical overnight, just like we were promised.
Copilot being described as a ‘generative assistant’, my first thought was : put it in somebody’s genitalia, but I was afraid this might sound somewhat crude.
So I’ll go for the Lode Runner game instead. I mean, Lode Runner and Wile Copilot is guaranteed to be a huge success, isn't it ?
They should shoe horn co pilot to better enable Microsoft AI enabled surface technology. This could be like using vision to enable people to add unicode or maths to a post by stylus alone, or to draw in different notes on a score sheet. This could be having AI brush types that work well with the stroke styles of the stylus adjusting to how you personally do it. The AI could also convert midi score sheets into a realistic wav files. This could also include games where the AI creates tasks for you to complete then asks you questions about your experience and generates another task relative to where you have told the ai you need to improve and this could all be touch screen and voice based. co pilot could from your activity offer suggestions on what to do next.
I'd actually like to see a System CoPilot - one that lets the user "decrapify" their PC in one go without any 3rd party utils, clears temp files and cleans the registry.
Then finally deletes all desktop icons, files from a users OneDrive but replaces the Desktop Wallpaper with a new image that whilst is ok, doesn't quite look right.
You may be darkly amused to learn that the official investigation into the 2017 collision between a tanker and USS John S McCain (an Arleigh Burke-class AEGIS destroyer) asserted that the faulty touchscreen controls allowed for a race condition failure where the poorly-trained and poor enlisted fuckers at two separate control stations were fighting each other for command of the throttle and steering.
The people responsible for repairing this whizz-bang navigation control system were IT personnel without any training on the new systems because the senior officers basically went "we'll waive the training because we already have IT people..."
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Copilot digs up Cortana, nurses her back to life, followed by Nightingale syndrome.
This inevitably leads to a couple week long freak-off...
Somewhere along the way they start using a Rabbit R1 in unspeakable, yet very intimate, acts. (use your imagination)
While the sordid details cause quite a media frenzy at the time, ultimately the hype dies off just as fast:
"AI gets a virtual AI", "Cortana waxes poetic... and philosophic, but can't spell raspberry", "Master Chief decides to go analog", etc.
And we all move on with our lives...
However, 9 months later the bastard spawn of this unholy trinity rears it ugly little head!!!
It lives neither in the cloud or dedicated hardware, nor the device you're reading this on, but strangely requires all 3
A blind man can scrape the web better than the software developer's god, every device wants to talk to you even if it's not 'smart', and the alien hordes bearing down on earth don't stand a chance!
But sadly it still can't spell raspberry!!?
As a the leader of the worlds biglyist most awesomeist and hip company Copilot AI should be deployed in my pants and shirt.
I am really looking forwards to having a little map to show me the locations of both my Arse and Elbow.
Where's the IT angle in this? there certainly isn't any Information Technology in AI :-p
Imagine the next time your computer crashes, and instead of the typical unhelpful error code and :( , a Copilot chat box appears in front of a Copilot-generated blue screen image and error message. Before your computer reboots, you have the option to diagnose the issue by talking to Copilot, except in this instance Copilot has been trained on years of Microsoft Community forum answers and is completely useless.
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