back to article Man accused of hilariously bad opsec as alleged cybercrime spree detailed

A Kansas City man who stands accused of having a disregard for basic opsec made his first court appearance on Friday over a series of alleged cybercrimes. Nicholas Michael Kloster, 31, is alleged to have embarked on a confusing three-month Missouri crime spree that involved breaking and entering into a gym, causing $5,000 …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Trying to figure out how this is different from standard IT support in Missouri.

    1. Ian Johnston Silver badge

      To be fair, typing is hard when you have extra fingers.

      1. BartyFartsLast Silver badge

        Surely extra fingers should make you a faster typist

        1. Thecoolbell

          Not when they are on your feet.

  2. Jamesit
    Happy

    "Only one of these was detailed in the indictment: a thumb drive that prosecutors say was advertised as one that could help users break into computers."

    ID10T and using a work email, did he want to get caught? Good luck finding a job after he gets out. The fact that the trial is set for April Fools Day is a nice touch.

    1. Bebu sa Ware
      Coat

      Good luck finding a job after he gets out.

      The incoming administration will probably be looking for another replacement to head homeland security by then.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Good luck finding a job after he gets out.

        A felon, AND a moron. He'd fit right in!

    2. Jadith

      I got a big laugh out of the fact he deleted his Gym membership photo but sent his resume.

      1. Strahd Ivarius Silver badge

        The resume: with or without a photo?

        1. Brad Ackerman
          Childcatcher

          Joke aside, the US generally has crap labour law, but the discrimination bits are sufficiently resembling adequate that if you attach a photo to a resume it's going directly to the circular file. Unless your job is in the performing arts, what you look like is utterly irrelevant for anything a résumé should be used for.

          1. Not Yb Bronze badge

            Headshot photos are one of the reasons Hollywood has/d problems with discrimination, so even there it's beginning to be unwanted information.

  3. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Facepalm

    A master

    cyber-criminal.

    Looks like he'll get let off lightly with a death sentence (Execution live on pay per view TV)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A master

      Would a more suitable, longer-torture punishment be to write code for Microsoft?

      1. Wang Cores

        Re: A master

        worse; they'll assign him to sales!

  4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Kloster's representation was not immediately available for comment"

    A lawyer whom words have failed.

  5. Howard Sway Silver badge

    You've been pwned!

    Yours sincerely,

    Nicholas Michael "l33t hax0r" Kloster

    52 Festive Road

    Dumbass Missouri

    nick.kloster@outlook.com

    06984 4969693

    1. Roj Blake Silver badge

      Re: You've been pwned!

      52 Festive Road?

      I must admit I don't recall the Mr Benn episode where he becomes a hacker!

  6. O'Reg Inalsin

    Help for Klosterf*ck

    There is actually a book - "CLUSTERF#CK by Rosie Gee, Understanding Adult ADHD" Usually you could say - "If only he could be turned to the Straight and Narrow, his vast talent could be leveraged for good". I'm afraid only the the first half might be true.

  7. Roj Blake Silver badge

    "Kloster's trial is set for April 1, 2025"

    That seems like an appropriate date for the trial of someone so clearly foolish.

  8. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Could he get a reduced sentence due to reduced mental capacity? Sounds like that would be worth a try. Most of the evidence for the prosecution mentioned seems to support that.

  9. Andy the ex-Brit

    I'm sure his brilliant plan now is to break into the court's systems and make the case go away.

  10. DJ
    Coat

    If only some of our elected criminals officials were so clumsy.

    Mine's the one without any thumb drives (or indictments) in the pockets. ---------->

    1. Jadith

      I'm pretty sure this guy would fit right in. He will be the new small business czar and his first task will be getting rid of of those pesky government regulations that punish him for simply advertising his business.

      1. Not Yb Bronze badge

        He'll also declare the CISA a useless waste of money.

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