back to article Hide the keyboard – it's the only way to keep this software running

By the time Friday rolls around, The Register understands readers might just want to toss the rest of the working week away without a care for the consequences. That sense of ennui is why we ease you into the last day of the working week with a new installment of On Call, the reader-contributed column that celebrates the …

  1. Claptrap314 Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Wat?

    No maintenance personnel unplugging something? I. Think. NOT!

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Wat?

      This is even worse , which I didnt think possible.

      I'd have sacked that guy / idiot / gorilla on the spot, not that I've ever been in a position to sack anyone and I dont think the protagonist was either.

      Does he run round the rest of the room pushing random buttons for shits and giggles? what a tool . This has really pissed off more than a "on call" should or has before for some reason .

      1. Marty McFly Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: Wat?

        I've seen this countless times. A new technical system is going in place and it is impacting someone's job. You can bet damn well that maintenance worker knew exactly what was going on and got a good laugh out of the new system crashing.

        And the "solution" was a piece of plexiglass over the keyboard?? Talk about not solving the problem! The problem is employees blatantly thrashing on company equipment. And it was going unchecked by other employees coming in for the same shift?

        That is a huge behavioral and cultural problem. This was in the gas industry (not clear if that means petrol or air gas). Either way, this type of systematic employee misconduct often leads to what is commonly called an "industrial accident".

        1. ShortLegs

          Re: Wat?

          "I've seen this countless times. A new technical system is going in place and it is impacting someone's job. You can bet damn well that maintenance worker knew exactly what was going on and got a good laugh out of the new system crashing.

          And the "solution" was a piece of plexiglass over the keyboard?? Talk about not solving the problem! The problem is employees blatantly thrashing on company equipment. And it was going unchecked by other employees coming in for the same shift?"

          Did you read the article? I dont think you did. It never stated that the employees were blatantly thrashing on company equipment. It stated that ONE employee threw his lunchbox on the table, where it hit the keyboard.

          No mention that this was impacting someones job. No mentikon that it was a maintenace worker. No mention that the worker knew the effect it would have. Not even "Henry" and his colleague had any idea that simulatenously pressing X number of keys would crash the system.

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: Wat?

            "Did you read the article? I dont think you did. It never stated that the employees were blatantly thrashing on company equipment. It stated that ONE employee threw his lunchbox on the table, where it hit the keyboard."

            It was part of a new piece of expensive control equipment. Generally, random employees don't use the room that is in as a crew room. If he was there, he was supposed to be there. So by definition he knew what it was and had probably had training on its use. Throwing his heavy (metal?) lunch-box on the desk right next to the new expensive equipment should be an obvious no-no even to the most uneducated gorilla. And in that time period, it was commonly a disciplinary offence to even drink a mug of tea next to the computer and/or keyboard, never mind eat your lunch over it, or worse drop your lunch box on it.

            Not least of which, it happened on multiple days. The system crashed each time he threw is lunch box on the table. Even he ought to have correlated the effect with the cause after a few days.

            1. MachDiamond Silver badge

              Re: Wat?

              "Even he ought to have correlated the effect with the cause after a few days."

              Oh, I don't know about that. I've worked with people so clueless it was a good thing that they didn't need to think about breathing.

            2. ShortLegs

              Re: Wat?

              "It was part of a new piece of expensive control equipment. Generally, random employees don't use the room that is in as a crew room. If he was there, he was supposed to be there. So by definition he knew what it was and had probably had training on its use. Throwing his heavy (metal?) lunch-box on the desk right next to the new expensive equipment should be an obvious no-no even to the most uneducated gorilla. And in that time period, it was commonly a disciplinary offence to even drink a mug of tea next to the computer and/or keyboard, never mind eat your lunch over it, or worse drop your lunch box on it.

              Not least of which, it happened on multiple days. The system crashed each time he threw is lunch box on the table. Even he ought to have correlated the effect with the cause after a few days."

              Again you are adding suppostion.

              Its a new system, who said anyone had been trained in its use? Heck, Ive worked in places were "training" is a deliverable, but never is.

              Heavy and metal. Its weight and composition are not mentioned, and are irrelevant. A tupperware box with sandwiches in can press multiple keys.

              Ive been in the game for years but never been in a company that made it a disciplinary to have a drink or food at desk, including the Forces where back in the day Junior ranks were barely trusted with the things, often being cautioned to hell and back wrt the cost of it, and how they couldnt be trusted with one (which made me laugh, as many soldiers were entrusted with equipment worth far more than the paltry £1200 386sx from the DGITS catalogue.. try £5m worth of CET!).

              Uneducated gorilla... hmm.. how many blue collar workers would you use that expression to their face... I'll hazard a guess that will be 'none' then.

            3. rcxb Silver badge

              Re: Wat?

              Even he ought to have correlated the effect with the cause after a few days.

              Are you kidding? I had a user who would report, every single day, that going to a certain website caused the computer audio to stop working, necessitating a system reboot. This user dutifully reported the issue to their supervisor and manager, day after day, for a full 2 months and change, before I finally chimed in and asked the manager why they didn't just tell the user to stop going to said website, which none of the other users ever go to.

        2. katrinab Silver badge
          Headmaster

          Re: Wat?

          If it is in the UK then it would be "air gas", as we don't describe liquids as "gas". We would say it is in the oil or petroleum industry.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Wat?

            I'm from the UK. I've worked in oil and gas in Scotland and Europe. We called it "oil and gas" when referring to the industry. If we were getting technical we might talk about "condensate" when referring to the mix of stuff that comes up the pipes depending on the type of operation. I've never heard anyone refer to anything as "air gas".

            1. anothercynic Silver badge

              Re: Wat?

              This... have never heard this described as 'air gas'... maybe in the air liquefaction business (i.e. where things like liquid N2, O2, H2, etc come from), but not in the petroleum industry. :-)

              1. JWLong Silver badge

                Re: Wat?

                What they mean by "Air Gas" is what's called "Natural Gas" in the states.

                Methane........

                1. The Indomitable Gall

                  Re: Wat?

                  Called "natural gas" everywhere. It's the poster two further back in the thread who invented the term "air gas".

                  1. wilhoit

                    Re: Wat?

                    As if that were not confusing enough, there is a kind of synthetic "natural gas" that is called "water gas", because it is made by cracking water over hot coals. It is a mixture of carbon monoxide and hydrogen.

            2. Terry 6 Silver badge

              Re: Wat?

              I'd assumed that the poster was using the word "air" as a descriptor- i.e to discriminate from "liquid gas"-since the alternative would be to write "gas gas"

              1. N Tropez
                Mushroom

                Re: Wat?

                This is why hydrogen will never take off as a fuel in the US - you go into a filling station; there are two sets of pumps. The sign on one says 'gas'. The sign on the other says...'gas'.

                1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

                  Re: Wat?

                  I guess theyd have to label the actual gas one "gassy gas"

                2. el_oscuro
                  Devil

                  Re: Wat?

                  Actually, that is even more ironic, given that both of them are actually in liquid form.

                  1. JulieM Silver badge

                    Re: Wat?

                    Easily-winnable proposition bet: Place two disposable lighters, one more well-used than the other, on the table and ask someone to select the one with more gas in it. They will invariably pick the one with more liquid (and therefore, less gas) in it.

        3. MachDiamond Silver badge

          Re: Wat?

          "And the "solution" was a piece of plexiglass over the keyboard?? "

          It seems odd that a critical piece of gear is left somewhere that a "worker" might plop down their lunch box or get close enough to touch. It's like the oil pipelines that can be accessed from the internet. Why? Yes, it would be more expensive to do it differently, but when millions of dollars/pounds/euros are hanging in the balance every minute of every day, a bit of expense to protect that is worth it.

          Risk management is a huge PIA to executives that demand their bonuses, but only for those that are nearsighted. It's not that hard to plot the costs to minimize a risk verses the likelihood it might happen vs how much it would cost if it did. It's the same as when I figured out how much home owner's insurance to carry. I could buy enough for 100% replacement should anything happen, but that's not cheap. I am zero percent covered in the case of a forest fire burning down my house. For it to become an issue would first mean growing a load of trees nearby and I don't see that happening without much more climate change in a wetter direction. Flooding isn't an issue, etc. Some things I've needed to guess at some numbers for, but the base tier covers everything I need it to cover.

      2. ShortLegs

        Re: Wat?

        "Does he run round the rest of the room pushing random buttons for shits and giggles? what a tool . This has really pissed off more than a "on call" should or has before for some reason ."

        Same response as to Marty McFly. Re-read the arrticle. The guy wasnt running around pressing random buttons. He threw his lunch box on the table. Guess what, its not uncommon for people who work in non-IT functions to do that sort of thing.

        Thank god you are not in a postion to sack anybody - you'd be pretty lonely having sacked everyone for something trivial that pissed you off.

        1. Conor Stewart

          Re: Wat?

          He through his lunchbox on the desk and hit the keyboard, it's not like the table just got bumped. For it to happen multiple days in a row the guy must have done it multiple times, hence just throwing things around and hitting random buttons.

          1. tip pc Silver badge

            Re: Wat?

            He through his lunchbox on the desk and hit the keyboard, it's not like the table just got bumped. For it to happen multiple days in a row the guy must have done it multiple times, hence just throwing things around and hitting random buttons.

            Taking things to the max and seeing harm in innocent encounters.

            Also did you dictate that comment?

          2. MachDiamond Silver badge

            Re: Wat?

            "For it to happen multiple days in a row the guy must have done it multiple times, hence just throwing things around and hitting random buttons."

            The question would be if it was the same cause each time. Other days it could have been somebody at the start of shift that thought to see "what happens if I push this button". After that it's, "what if I type in something naughty".

  2. Naich

    Sloppy

    Can you stop putting AI slop photos on your articles please? They just look shit.

    1. simonlb Silver badge

      Re: Sloppy

      The word "shit" being a massive understatement.

    2. Headley_Grange Silver badge

      Re: Sloppy

      There are photos?

      1. mistersaxon

        Re: Sloppy

        Not any longer :)

      2. David Hicklin Silver badge

        Re: Sloppy

        > There are photos?

        I suspect that like myself the security software on their browser means that the AI photos are invisible....which IS A GOOD THING

    3. The Dogs Meevonks Silver badge

      Re: Sloppy

      If I see an AI generated attempt at an image, I immediately assume that the article was probably written with the 'ass'istance of AI too.

    4. Ian Johnston Silver badge

      Re: Sloppy

      I tried a GIS on "massive lunchbox". The results were ... intriguing.

      1. TheBruce

        Re: Sloppy

        Ah Father Ted and the putting of his masive tool in my box line.

  3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    A former colleague of mine tested my monkey-proof (I hoped) user-I/O I had designed for an image processing tool (way back in the late 80s, early 90s) by leaning with both his underarms on the keyboard for a few seconds, resulting in an interesting mix of weird characters. He then pressed enter and got two error messages:

    "Input answer too long, remainder clipped"

    and

    "Error in integer input format"

    and a new prompt to enter the right answer. I was quite chuffed. I had actually written my own interrupt handler for just such a case. I do not doubt there more inventive monkeys could throw a spanner (or wrench) in the works, but at least it survived this pretty extreme test.

    1. PerlyKing
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: leaning with both his underarms on the keyboard

      I think I know what you meant, but that gave me an "interesting" mental image :-D

    2. An_Old_Dog Silver badge
      Joke

      Post-Test

      ... that would have been one skanky-smelling keyboard!

      It would be a valuable tool for punishing* aggressively-stupid l-users (vs simply-ignorant users, whom can be converted into knowledgable ones).

      *"Here's your new keyboard! I installed it for you."

    3. doublelayer Silver badge

      If you're trying to develop an interface that can survive anything, your error messages are concerning me.

      "Input answer too long, remainder clipped": This one concerns me anyway. If my answer is too long, truncating it to size and using that doesn't sound like the right approach under any circumstances. If those limits are firm, reject it and tell me acceptable sizes. If I could do something to extend the length of acceptable input, keep my input and give me the option. Otherwise, you're virtually guaranteed to have the wrong thing when truncated; if I intended the long value, you have something wrong, and if I intended a short value and somehow put on extra data, you have something wrong and probably much larger than what I intended. Either way, that could cause problems.

      "Error in integer input format": This one isn't as big a problem. However, the message could be better. If you want nontechnical users to understand it, you are going to need more words, and that applies to a lesser extent even for the technical user. I assume this means "input must be but is not an integer", but that's not exactly what you said.

      1. Persona Silver badge
        Facepalm

        When rewriting a very buggy bit of real time code produced by a co-worker I discovered he had a habit of sprinkling the error message "hideous error" into his code. It transpired that he used it exclusively when encountering an error situation he didn't know how to handle. Previously he been berated for not testing for error conditions.

        1. GeekyOldFart

          There was - and probably still is - a last-resort unhandled exception trap on the AS/400 which resulted in the error message "Here be dragons. Call (developer's name)" - not cleaned up when it all rolled to production. Had it demonstrated to me by a colleague who once worked alongside said developer at Big Blue.

    4. gnasher729 Silver badge

      During CeBit, my boss walked around, came back and said “I went to this computer, pressed Control-A, and it crashed, so I thought I better come back”.

      Four hours later “I went back to that booth, they still try to get their computer back running” .

  4. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Extremely bad design

    Control access for systems of any significance should be completely isolated from access by non-specialist workers.

    1. that one in the corner Silver badge

      Re: Extremely bad design

      > Control access for systems of any significance should be completely isolated from access by non-specialist workers

      Good point in general, but in this case the keyboard was clearly expected to be required (hence the shield instead if, say, locking it in a cupboard) and it was inside the existing control room, full of tasty knobs and buttons, so one would presume that everyone on the shift was already relevantly qualified and specialised personnel.

      Although perhaps, for the sake of the new system, still a bit too much in the hefty gas rigger mindset and not willing to give up dropping me sarnie box on the table like I done for the last five years before this interloper arrived. A bit more "sensitivity towards the fragile new equipment" training was also in order.

      1. Conor Stewart

        Re: Extremely bad design

        "hence the shield instead if, say, locking it in a cupboard"

        If the keyboard wasn't needed for day to day operation then there is a much simpler and more robust solution. Just unplug the keyboard.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Extremely bad design

          Depends on the computer it's attached to. Plugging a keyboard into a live running system may or may not end well. It was quite probably a PC of some sort and probably ok to plug in, but there were still oddball PC "compatibles" around with different, unique or propriety connectors and, if late in the 80's, might have been a PS/2, notorious for not recognising a keyboard plugged in after boot time and even blowing the keyboard fuse on the motherboard.

        2. HMcG

          Re: Extremely bad design

          And get the infamous “Keyboard not detected -press F1 to continue” error message.

        3. Medieval Research Council

          Re: Extremely bad design

          Not always a good idea. I was dressed in smart suit with tie done up waiting for members of the press to arrive for live demos of a new range of computers (rebadged Sun-2s) and new software when, being bored, looked at the keyboard cable and thought "is that an RJ45 plug?". Unplugged it to get a better look and the computer halts. Frantic rebooting happened with about a minute to spare before the actual arrival of the fourth estate. My excuse was that I'd been so busy typing at our development machines that I had never had any idle time actually to look at the keyboard nor to learn that typing "C" would continue from halted state....

  5. ColinPa Silver badge

    Just move some disks

    I was told this...

    They wanted to physically move some mainframe disks to make some space for new kit - but without shutting it down. It needed to be moved just a couple of inches.

    Two of them put their backs to it and gently pushed. It moved - success.

    What they had not realised was someone's belt was caught under the Emergency Power Off button. So when they stood up, it pulled the EPO and shut down the disks.

    It took two hours to recover!

    This was the same company who connected two main frames together. The cable was only 4 meters long. Instead of routing it down to the floor, under the floor, and up, they had to connect it at neck height with a couple of stands to support it. This worked, until someone walked into it, and pulled it out of the machines.

    Colin

    1. Sam not the Viking Silver badge

      Re: Just move some disks

      Working in a hot, humid climate and sporting minimum attire, an older colleague was lifting and moving a large, very heavy, metal-clad instrument. He eased it down on a metal bench but unfortunately trapped his clothing and a rather delicate piece of skin. An emergency hospital visit, a swift cut and soft bandages..... And antibiotics...... no alcohol.....

      At the time he did shout out to <deity>. I don't know if he changed religion but he now had the opportunity.

      1. Evil Scot Bronze badge

        Re: Just move some disks

        I doubt it. not as a Blasphemer!!!!

        "All I sad was that 'that was nice piece off haddock. good enough for...'"

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Just move some disks

        >"At the time he did shout out to <deity>. I don't know if he changed religion but he now had the opportunity."

        Ah, so he was moving a terminal from IBM*

        *International Business Mohel

        1. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C Silver badge

          Re: Just move some disks

          Inshallah, Bukra, & Ma’lesh

          God willing, tomorrow, perhaps

          1. agurney

            Re: Just move some disks

            ah, you mean mañana .. however there's no word in Gaelic with such a sense of urgency

    2. PB90210 Silver badge

      Re: Just move some disks

      Something similar...

      "The line should be terminated within 2m of the router" (2m=1 Osman for the metric martyers)

      The guy terminated the line on the wall opposite the rack, so you could stretch out your arms and reach both with finger tips

      (obviously too difficult to lift the floor tiles)

  6. andy the pessimist

    the old days

    I used to program a credence lt1000 tester. There was a tek 4205 monitor and keyboard. To stop production from interrupting remote debug sessions I would unplug the keyboard.

    Remote debugging can still be problematic with modern testers.

  7. IanRS

    Small boys are good problem finders

    Forty years ago or more my father would sometimes bring home prototype printers that his company was developing, to see if me and my brother could crash them just through the buttons on the front panel. We sometimes could. Many years later I used my own son the same way while building an electric organ. Give a small boy access to a device with over 200 organ keys, buttons and LEDs which makes lots of noise, and the hard part is keeping track of what he is doing. The even harder part is prying him loose again.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Small boys are good problem finders

      Absolutely anonymous, but back in the day, I was tasked (by the financial institution) with trying to crack their financial system, to syphon money off into a particular account of theirs.

      I had one video camera pointing at the screen and one at the keyboard through each test session. An independent person had to sit with me during each session monitoring the cameras.

      Both video tapes were couriered to the financial institution after each test session, so that they could see exactly what I was doing.

    2. G.Y.

      Re: Small boys are good problem finders

      Carnegie-Mellon (circa 197X) had an ultra-secure OS called Hydra. One employee had a small (1yr+-) baby, got a home TTY to use on the system. That baby crashed the system, but could not explain how he did it.

      1. John 110
        Angel

        Re: Small boys are good problem finders

        A 1yr+ baby is a toddler. Any parent knows that nothing is safe round a toddler.

        --> little angels...

        1. Sherrie Ludwig

          Re: Small boys are good problem finders

          A toddler is a two-foot tall person with a right arm reach of eight feet. Although one harassed mom called hers "a cat with hands."

    3. Someone Else Silver badge

      Re: Small boys are good problem finders

      Buttons and switches and knobs! Oh my!!

    4. DoctorPaul Bronze badge

      Re: Small boys are good problem finders

      "If you want to know if something meets or exceeds military spec, give it to a six year old"

  8. John Riddoch

    Workaround

    I remember an old Sun bug report for Solaris where some stress testing caused a crash in CDE. It helpfully listed a workaround: "don't pound on the mouse like a wild monkey"

    This was when Sunsolve listed a lot of useful information about bug reports and before Oracle hid it all away...

    1. DanielsLateToTheParty
      FAIL

      Workstation

      As a first timer in a VLSI lab I got to try out some Sun SPARCstations, of which there were 10 in a row and all networked. The lab tech was very proud of his domain and showed off their ability to act as terminals to one that was powerful enough to run CAD for all of them. That just means they were each 10 times too powerful but I digress.

      The mouse on mine could move but nothing could click. The tech guy leaped into helpful mode and pointed out that the buttons don't work when the keyboard's numlock is on. "But that's crap!" I said without thinking. Something that I regret because he was almost brought to tears. I had insulted his babies for having a pointless and crap design and who wouldn't be hurt by that? Of course I still think I'm right. It's a ridiculous oversight.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: buttons don't work when the keyboard's numlock is on

        That just seems weird. Or maybe it was to ensure focus didn't get clicked elsewhere when doing lots of numeric data-entry? I know I'd find it annoying, but I just wonder whether there isn't some niche where it makes sense...

        1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

          Re: buttons don't work when the keyboard's numlock is on

          It sounds like the mouse buttons are somehow mapped into the keyboard. Possibly the mouse movement also is but it somehow isn't interfered with.

          But disabling mouse clicks while someone is moving the mouse with num lock turned on seems very unhelpful. If they are moving the mouse, then they want to use the mouse.

      2. G.Y.

        political compiler Re: Workstation

        I once heard a reply "the DG Algol compiler does not work in the state of Israel"

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "don't pound on the mouse like a wild monkey"

      ... but .. but .. but .. I was only clicking on it like a deranged gibbon! 8-)

    3. WolfFan

      Oook!

      Can you pound on it like a tame monkey?

      1. J.G.Harston Silver badge

        Re: Oook!

        Wild? I was furious!

    4. MachDiamond Silver badge

      Re: Workaround

      "It helpfully listed a workaround: "don't pound on the mouse like a wild monkey""

      I think it was Oberheim that had a warning on one of their PCB's counseling against dropping a penguin from an airplane onto the keyboard (piano). If you wind up with some space on a PCB........

  9. Bebu
    Windows

    Wondering about the platform?

    Given Turbopascal was mentioned I am wondering whether CP/M (80, 86) was involved. The 1980s also covers MSDOS 1.1 - 4.0 but I would have thought MSDOS' keyboard interrupt handling wasn't that fragile.

    I suppose Turbopascal could have been used for embedded development which might make sense if you were dealing with a lot of sensors that used interrupts to get the processor's attention rather than polling.

    I could imagine if the system had a fairly large interrupt load that a race condition in the keyboard interrupt handler might be exposed by mashing the keyboard eg if the ISR didn't immediately mask further interrupts before processing.

    I vaguely recall MSDOS device drivers had interrupt and strategy parts but were basically a charade as the two parts weren't asynchronous.

    Back then I thought minicomputer hardware like DEC's PDP8 and PDP11 rule that space (industrial control and monitoring.)

    1. Caver_Dave Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Wondering about the platform?

      Going back to the late 1980's I produced lap timing systems for the F1 teams (later sold to other motorsports). I repurposed the barcode reader input on an Epson PX4 to read from timing beams. This was all in Z80 assembler including the fixed point maths library to do all the calculations. The special keyboard would also time key presses to 1/100th second accuracy for manual timing. I did the first F1 in-car telemetry also, although I used an early Epson laptop to display at the receiver end.

      Epson EHT-10's (the first(?) touch screen handheld) were used to allocate baggage in the hold of Concord.

      More Epson PX4's were used for the Gallop Pop chart data gathering, for EPOS at Tie Rack, and for order-entry at Pharmacies, with an Intel 486 interfacing with 50 ordering lines at a time and a recalcitrant mainframe (often buffering the orders when the mainframe went offline).

      Millennials are surprised what can be achieved with relatively simple technology, when they need multi-MB programs to print "Hello world!"

      1. Tom Chiverton 1 Silver badge

        Re: Wondering about the platform?

        Those two F1 projects deserve a full web site with details :)

        #arcadeBBSForever

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Wondering about the platform?

        "Millennials are surprised what can be achieved with relatively simple technology, when they need multi-MB programs to print "Hello world!""

        Just the other day I was installing a driver for Windows and it crossed my mind that the size of the download was bigger than an entire Win98 base install :-)

    2. PRR Silver badge

      Re: Wondering about the platform?

      > I would have thought MSDOS' keyboard interrupt handling wasn't that fragile.

      I know the story is true because I seen it, only in an office with a budget binder. On IBM 5150 PCs there was a small CPU in the keyboard interface, to buffer keystrokes. BIOS serviced. If you let it fill up, it would throw an error, the PC lock-up. This misfeature faded in late XT or early AT machines.

      Ah, found my 2016 explanation:

      "Buffer Overflow" used to mean something different.

      This was the late 1980s. Our low-funded department was using hand-me-down IBM PCs. THE "PC", 5150.

      I get a call "the PC crashed and it is beeping!"

      It isn't beeping. It does say "Buffer Overflow". What buffer? Try Crtl-Alt-Del... nothing. Big red switch. Re-starts fine, does what a PC is supposed to do. Glitch? Gamma rays? I ask them to call if it happens again.

      Couple days later, same again.

      This went on for a week. One day I came over to get my paycheck, and it did it while I was standing there. Beep-beep-beep-beep.... "Buffer Overflow".

      I look at the binder with 10 pounds of fan-fold financial printouts sitting on the keyboard. I tell the user to keep stuff OFF! the keyboard.

      FWIW, IIRC: IBM had a lovely auto-repeat type-ahead keyboard, but the 5150 only had like 16 characters of key-code buffer. Once that overflowed, even Ctrl-Alt-Del would not get through. It would keep beeping, but the user had noticed that taking the binder off the keyboard (before I got there, and not telling me) silenced the beeps.

      1. doublelayer Silver badge

        Re: Wondering about the platform?

        Presumably it wasn't continually buffering new things, or there would be odd keystrokes showing up on the terminal. In that case, why didn't they do something along the lines of waiting until no keys were pressed (they already knew the buffer was overflowing in order to beep), then clearing the buffer and starting again? It would make sense if they hadn't bothered with a buffer, but to have one and have no ability to clear it seems like a weird oversight.

        1. PRR Silver badge

          Re: Wondering about the platform?

          > why didn't they do something along the lines of waiting until no keys were pressed (they already knew the buffer was overflowing in order to beep),

          See https://www.minuszerodegrees.net/bios/bios.htm

          The BIOS (self-test, boot, floppy, console, TTY and more) fit in 8Kbytes. (Not 8Meg!) While clever minds can do a lot in 8K, the PC project was a rush-job and you are not supposed to leave lunch or budget on the keyboard. (I assume cats were banned in Boca Raton lab.)

  10. Test Man

    Why hasn't anyone mentioned and castigated the bloke who threw their lunchbox at the keyboard repeatedly every day at the same time? He's the culprit! He shouldn't be slinging anything around this sort of equipment!

    1. DanielsLateToTheParty
      Alert

      Being too rough with your lunchbox is dangerous. It could spill open and let the sandwich's meaty filling fall out on to the desk, making a huge mess everywhere! That's just inconsiderate in a shared work place.

      (Icon for "All hands man the pumps", nudge nudge, wink wink)

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Coat

        You are Fat Harry White & I claim my five pounds......whaddya mean "Ohhhh ten pence short?"

  11. I Am Spartacus
    Boffin

    How to crash a CRAY-1

    Way back when Cray computers were the ultimate in super computing processing, the company I worked for had one that was doing oil seismic processing. The CRAY-1 was a beautifil machine. Shaped like a torus, it stood aprox 2m tall, with a circular bench seat around the base which held all the power and cooling components. And it is extremely tactile. People would walk past and just run their hands over the cabinet.

    But we kept getting crashes. When this happens 20 hours into a 23 hour job, it gets a toiuch annoying. The onsite Cray engineer had no clue. It happened at different times of day, different days of the week. No pattern at all. So he did the only thing possible and watch the computer like a hawk. All was fine until one female operator from the tape handling room walked past, touched the CRAY and crash. It only happened to her. Turns out that her nylon work coat (think lab coats, but cheaper), rubbing against her nylon tights was causing a static buildup that she discharged through the sensitive electronics.

    The solution was to erect a small fence around the CRAY beyond which only male operators could venture. The unions went mad. Discrimination they yelled. Right up until the the situation was explained the the shop steward and he was told that women could of course tend the Cray, but only after the shift leader had checked they were wearing silk underware.

    1. DanielsLateToTheParty
      Happy

      Picture of Cray

      Yes the 70s had some, interesting, clothing choices. Here is a glorious example of the man himself.

      https://www.computerhistory.org/revolution/supercomputers/10/7/3

      And here's another favourite photo. It's the Enterprise in a time travelling mixup and Dr McCoy is a total pimp.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Shuttle_Enterprise_-_GPN-2000-001363.jpg

      1. Gene Cash Silver badge

        Re: Picture of Cray

        > the man himself.

        But you have to admit, Cray's outfit does match the computer... which is rather dubiously colored, but the peripherals for our university IBM 4381 had really strange primary-colors claddings. Printers and tape drives in bright red and blue was weird looking.

        > Dr McCoy is a total pimp.

        Roddenberry is wearing an strange dark brown outfit himself, in the middle, and what is up with Nimoy and the red/white stripes above the pockets? And I feel deprived of not fully seeing whatever Doohan is wearing.

        It's interesting the gay man (Takei) is the one wearing the most conservative outfit, other than the NASA folks required to be in grey suits.

        And of course Shatner is not there at all, which is probably why they're all smiling and happy looking.

        1. UCAP Silver badge

          Re: Picture of Cray

          They had "accidentally" run Shatner over when they wheeled the Space Shuttle out - he is under one of the rear wheels. THAT's why they are looking so happy!!!!

        2. Dave559

          Re: Picture of Cray

          And all of the male Enterprise crew members are wearing some pretty pimptastic shoes, to be honest…

          The other strange things about that photo are that James Doohan rather looks like he could be auditioning for a role as another Scot, namely Billy Connolly, and Gene Roddenberry likewise as Terry Wogan!

      2. PRR Silver badge

        Re: Picture of Cray

        > rubbing against her nylon tights was causing a static buildup that she discharged

        This story (probably true) runs back before transistor computers. To knock you out before an operation they use anesthetics, and for the longest time it was gasses related/similar to ether. Ether is also known as starter fluid because it is so VERY flammable it will start a cold engine full of bad fuel. Of course there was a mystery explosion or two blamed on Nylon underthings. (Before 1940, silk.) A memo supposedly went out to surgeons to "keep a close eye on their assistants' garments". (Cotton should be far better for static than the suggested silk, but I wasn't there and don't date surgical staff.)

        > Dr McCoy is a total pimp.

        You should see his powder blue 1968 Thunderbird. OK, even my grandfather had a T-bird, but DeForest Kelley got one of the very first Ford 428 engines, improved heads on the venerable truck/Tbird boatanchor. It is said that he loved that car.

        But I was in highschool when that photo was made and I do not think DeForest's get-up is extreme. Not my style but common for dress-up, dances or Shuttle launch.

        > The perspex sheet was the best solution after all.

        I can't have cats so I would never know: there is a whole cat-egory of keyboard protectors:

        https://www.amazon.com/Anti-Cat-keyboard-protector-Keyboard-Storage/dp/B0B618LNL6

    2. ShortLegs

      Re: How to crash a CRAY-1

      "her nylon work coat rubbing against her nylon tights was causing a static buildup that she discharged through the sensitive electronics."

      Fnarrr fnarrr!!!

    3. TooOldForThisSh*t

      Re: How to crash a CRAY-1

      Having learned to type in high school on a manual typewriter, I tend to have a heavy hand. Years later when computers became common our service department would often bring me troublesome keyboards to test. They knew that if anyone could break it, it would be me.

  12. Mint Sauce
    Angel

    Do the monster mash

    "Mash the keyboard" is my standard first test whenever someone foolishly asks me to test something... I have noticed they don't ask so often now :-D

    Turns out sanitising inputs is apparently too hard to bother doing 99% of the time...

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Do the monster mash

      "Turns out sanitising inputs is apparently too hard to bother doing 99% of the time..."

      Hence the constant successful hacking of online systems. Bobby Tables anyone?

  13. Luiz Abdala
    Joke

    Interrupt driven keyboard.

    Well, a smack on the pain-interrupted employee could've fixed that, but an USB-polled keyboard would have worked too.

    However, old kit may not have USB, and human employees tend to have Geneva Conventions and Human Rights protecting them or something.

    The perspex sheet was the best solution after all.

    At first I thought someone was unplugging or turning off some piece of gear that caused the system to bork itself. The famous vacuum cleaner or kettle-in-the-UPS conundrum comes to mind.

    PS

    Can we get a BOFH icon?

    1. Zoopy

      Re: Interrupt driven keyboard.

      "Can we get a BOFH icon?"

      No, the BOFH icon would get *you*.

      Don't wish for foolish things.

    2. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Re: Interrupt driven keyboard.

      If this is the '80s, it's LONG before anything like USB was even a twinkle.

      Do you remember a lot of motherboards with the old large AT DIN keyboard connector, where if you disconnected the keyboard, it required a reboot to see it again?

      Well, it might not have been "a lot" but it was enough to really piss me off and remember it 35 years later.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Interrupt driven keyboard.

        I thought the AT keyboard handled connecting/disconnecting ok, but ps/2 has issues? I remember needing to be sure the mouse was plugged in before booting.

        And of course some KVMs didn't play nice with some computers and operating systems.

      2. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C Silver badge

        Re: Interrupt driven keyboard.

        "if you disconnected the keyboard, it required a reboot to see it again?"

        or pressing F1. On the missing keyboard.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Interrupt driven keyboard.

        I currently work with systems that have USB keyboard and mouse - but if you unplug and replug them, a reboot may still be required. These machines are too old to know how to talk to any other USB device, like a thumb drive.

      4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Interrupt driven keyboard.

        "If this is the '80s, it's LONG before anything like USB was even a twinkle."

        FWIW, it was a twinkle at that stage. Ataris SIO interface for daisy chaining multiple tape/disk drives, printers etc was around and the designer of the SIO interface went on to be one of the devs for USB :-)

    3. Korev Silver badge

      Re: Interrupt driven keyboard.

      > Can we get a BOFH icon?

      We used to have one. I don't know when it was taken away.

      We've still got that Paris-sized gap to fill. Maybe competition time.

  14. Philo T Farnsworth Silver badge

    The solution. . .

    . . . is what in the trade is known as a "molly-guard1," I believe.

    Etymology

    From Molly (female given name) + guard.

    Originally a Plexiglas cover improvised for the Big Red Switch on an IBM 4341 mainframe after a programmer's toddler daughter (named Molly) tripped it twice in one day. Later generalised to covers over stop/reset switches on disk drives and networking equipment.

    _______________

    1 https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/molly-guard

    1. Zoopy

      Re: The solution. . .

      So maybe they should have just called the lunchbox guy "Molly" any time he did that.

      Pretty good odds he'd shape up quickly.

      1. PB90210 Silver badge

        Re: The solution. . .

        Once knew a guy nicknamed "Fifi"

        Turned out he was given it becausehe didn't know how to pronounce "Fyffes' bananas"

        (why don't we give people nicknames anymore?)

        1. Andy A

          Re: The solution. . .

          Both my parents spent time working at a large (originally government-owned) manufacturing site. Loads of people had nicknames. Some had real names known only to the payroll department.

          One middle-management chap was known as "The Sherriff" because he regularly announced "I'm just shooting off to...". One chap was known as "Black Pudding" because he had once warmed up his lunch in the urn of hot water intended for brewing tea. The origins of "Spongecake" were anything but politically correct. My mum, it turned out, was known as "The Duchess of <building name>".

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The solution. . .

          A coworker recently earned the nickname "Smokey" after plugging a 120V printer into a 240V outlet.

          Remember, only you can prevent printer fires.

        3. Potty Professor
          Boffin

          Re: Nicknames

          I was given my nickname by my primary school teacher, Mr. Isbester, when I was 11 years old. I was the only member of my class that knew about Pi, and could recite it to ten decimal places. He asked who had told me, and when I explained that my father worked at University College, London, he dubbed me "Professor Purvis", a nickname that I have carried through school, university, and most of my working life.

        4. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

          Re: The solution. . .

          Nicknames at work in the 21st century probably count as workplace harassment. But the last that I heard of, British police still had a strong culture of nicknames - and possibly other prejudices.

  15. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Devil

    We had

    the problem of operators with extra fingers pressing things they should not.

    The solution was simple and is done during their first day.

    "This button stops the machinery, this button starts the machinery, if the other buttons are pressed, your finger goes whee whee whee all the way home" while showing them my cigar cutter....

    Human rights violation? since when have operators been classed as human?

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: We had

      "the problem of operators with extra fingers pressing things they should not."

      I thought this story was set in a gas plant, not a nuclear facility!

      1. ShortLegs

        Re: We had

        "the problem of operators with extra fingers pressing things they should not."

        "I thought this story was set in a gas plant, not a nuclear facility!"

        I thought it was set in a gas plant, not Norfolk

        1. David 132 Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: We had

          Hey! I’m from Norfolk and you’ve just offended my mother, wife, and sister.

          …here she is now in fact…

          1. Korev Silver badge

            Re: We had

            Normal For Norfolk then...

  16. xyz123 Silver badge

    The best thing would be to have had a connect/disconnect double switch (gotta pull them both down), to shut off the keyboard when not in active use.

  17. Mishak Silver badge

    Sunlight

    I'm sure I've done this one before but...

    Working on controllers for electric fork-lift trucks, we had a controller mounted high on the back of a vehicle so that it was easy to get at. It never had a cover on either so that the EPROM could be swapped out to update the software.

    Worked like a charm until one afternoon when the controller started to reset now and then when the vehicle was moving towards the outside of the building. Many an hour was spent reviewing the code but no faults could be found. I then noticed a shaft of sunlight that moved up the back of the truck as it moved towards the widows - with the controller resetting when the sunlight hit the EPROM.

    Whilst they can be a pain to get off at times, those light-proof stickers that are supposed to be put over the UV erase window can be useful - the EPROMs weren't getting erased, but there was enough charge getting moved about to cause the occasional read error...

    1. Emir Al Weeq

      Re: Sunlight

      >as it moved towards the widows

      Exactly how many men died before you started using the stickers?

      1. Mishak Silver badge

        Re: Sunlight

        No one:

        1) Testing took place within a test cell.

        2) It was enclosed by a barrier*.

        3) The only person allowed in the cell whilst the vehicle was operating was the driver.

        4) All testing took place at low speed.

        5) The hardware automatically put the controller into a safe state if the micro failed.

        Up until that point, everyone believed the stickers were there to prevent long term erasure - no one was aware that a burst of weak UV could lead to corrupted reads.

        An easy to remove cover was put in place after this incident, followed shortly after by a move to the use of FLASH.

        * I had this put in place when I saw how things were done at the time I joined the company, as safety was not great.

        1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

          Re: Sunlight

          You did mention widows, perhaps you meant the spiders of that name?

  18. CA_Diver

    Keyboard Sympathy

    Decades ago, a customer with a PDP 11 had erratic system crashes. No remote debugging success, change of tape drive by field service after a supposed relationship to the backup yielded no resolution. With the customer becoming annoyed, we dispatched an engineer to the site. A day of connecting flights and the next day he arrived. We provided a three ring binder with documentation, "how you boot the system", "Making a daily backup, "Making a weekly backup" . . .Customer was resting the binder cover on the number pad of the system console. Multiple keys supported the cover without being depressed. A single key or two triggered a crash. The customer would then move the binder and read the system startup page.

  19. Steve Holdoway

    Back in the day DEC support suggested that the cause of random shutdowns could be alpha particles released when opening brown cardboard boxes.

    Well at least they brightened our day.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      The obvious solution is to not buy your alpha particles in brown cardboard boxes :-)

    2. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      I'm sure DEC Alphas were chips, not particles...

    3. MachDiamond Silver badge

      "Back in the day DEC support suggested that the cause of random shutdowns could be alpha particles released when opening brown cardboard boxes."

      Wouldn't that be easy to spot when after opening the boxes, people's voices got all squeaky?

  20. Mike Lewis

    DAT spat

    Backup tapes on a DAT (remember those?) were getting corrupted so the unit was sent to Sony to fix it. No problem found. They were still getting corrupted so the unit, cable and controller card went to Sony. They still couldn't find out what was wrong.

    They asked me to have a look at it and I spotted the problem right away. They had laid the cable across the back of a 21" CRT monitor. Cable moved, problem solved.

  21. petef

    I remember many years ago ETI published a design for an electronic lock keypad. You needed to press keys in order to perform the unlock. Get one wrong and it reset. However looking at the circuit I could see that if all keys were pressed simultaneously that would unlock it.

  22. AgTiger

    "What's the strangest reason for a crash you've encountered?"

    Oh, let's go for an oldie but a goodie: A Story About ‘Magic'

    http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/magic-story.html

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