back to article BOFH: The Boss pulled the plug on our AI, so we pulled the pin on him

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "What's that?" the Boss asks, looking at a video on the PFY's screen. "That's our new AI remote diagnostics," I reply. "What's it doing?" "It's walking over to its printer." "Its printer?" "Yeah, it's one of our users. There's some paper jam they want us to sort out, so we've got …

  1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Only a fire extinguisher? I was expecting the safety catch on the window.

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

      You mean to cause a database normalisation warning? Quite possible. Although my thoughts were straying to that killer robot that may still be lurking in the basement.

      1. Bebu
        Coat

        An no sequel database then? :)

        I haven't the foggiest whether nosql databases have normal forms or not. Although it is likely one of the few things that I have absolutely interest in knowing. :)

    2. Chloe Cresswell Silver badge

      I don't know, using one could herd the boss though the other regardless of any insafety catch... ;)

    3. TeeCee Gold badge

      Depends what's in the fire extinguisher, whether that matches what it says is in it on the outside, who last maintained it and whether there are any non-standard features about it.

      1. Elongated Muskrat Silver badge

        ...and how much the BOfH determines that particular user to be expendable.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge
          Angel

          But surely this is the Boss and they're always expendable, especially when they're starting to show signs of sentience.

          1. PRR Silver badge

            > Boss ..... they're starting to show signs of sentience.

            Chill out, dude. Can't happen.

          2. KarMann Silver badge
            Gimp

            I think the 'particular user' that Elon Musk (for short) meant was the one with the 'AI remote diagnostic tool' and the fire extinguisher, not the Boss. Expendability may be a variable with greater standard deviation, amongst the pool of (l)users.

            And I'm sure BofH knows all about their deviations, from their browser histories, emails, etc.

      2. Korev Silver badge
        Flame

        Depends what's in the fire extinguisher, whether that matches what it says is in it on the outside, who last maintained it and whether there are any non-standard features about it.

        Maybe the PFY's sideline in "safe" Halon disposal....

    4. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      I was hoping for a shopping list: cattle prod, car battery, gaffer tape, carpet, quick lime…

    5. Catkin Silver badge

      It could be similar to the fire extinguishers from the 1997 Christmas party (published at the start of the 1998 run).

    6. Mark 85

      Only a fire extinguisher? I was expecting the safety catch on the window.

      I'm wondering if it's a halon system. No mess to clean up in the parking lot.

    7. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      Mushroom

      I was thinking hand grenade.

      1. Shooter

        You beat me to it!

    8. Paul Herber Silver badge

      There has to be some sort of fall out after these incidents.

    9. eionmac

      Russia.

      We are not in Russia. We have properly closed windows here.

      1. Paul Herber Silver badge

        Re: Russia.

        No Sacha windows?

    10. DS999 Silver badge

      Only a fire extinguisher? I was expecting the safety catch on the window

      If the boss is smart he will have previously had his windows rendered inoperable to avoid "accidents" that seem to befall so many in the company. So the next step the remote AI dictated to the user was likely to be "throw fire extinguisher through window"...

      1. KarMann Silver badge
        Childcatcher

        Really?

        If the boss is smart….
        I want you to think about what you've said here.

    11. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Hot Diggity

    Sun

    "For instance, in this printer problem, the database will know that it can discard all the Sun Workstation information from the mid '90s"

    Crikey, I'm old. I'm still supporting print queues on Sun servers and I don't think they are being decommissioned any time soon

    1. jonsg

      Re: Sun

      "Bad news. You're being decommissioned."

      "Oh, we're finally getting rid of those old clunky Sun servers and thirty-year-old printers, and getting upgraded! Couldn't happen a moment sooner."

      "No. You're being decommissioned."

      "What, ALL the equipment?"

      "No. You're being decommissioned."

      "Oh."

      1. Evil Scot Bronze badge
        Flame

        Re: Sun

        Still Could be worse.

        You could be replaced by HP LaserJet 500s and its annual firmware update and rollback.

        Icon for the the large wheeled metal receptacles outside the back door.

        1. heyrick Silver badge

          Re: Sun

          "Icon for the the large wheeled metal receptacles outside the back door."

          Your company purchased Cybertrucks?

          1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
            Coffee/keyboard

            Re: Sun

            ""Icon for the the large wheeled metal receptacles outside the back door."

            Your company purchased Cybertrucks?"

            You bastard, keyboard etc!

        2. notoriusR2

          Re: Sun

          "HP LaserJet 500s "

          LOL my father had that printer in his office. I wrote a HPPCL program for it to draw pleading paper and one for Letterhead. Much simpler times.

      2. Roger Kynaston
        Happy

        Re: Sun (and printers)

        Ooh the memories! My first proper sysadmin gig was at a now defunct uni and they used to redesign the registration form every year. Bear in mind it was multi-part carbon and had to be printed on a huge dot-matrix jobby. Persuading it to print the form properly took up most of August!

        I do miss Sun but not that.

        1. Hazmoid

          Re: Sun (and printers)

          My first sysadmin role was managing a Sun system containing a major herbarium database . At the time, all the specimens had labels printed ( from the sun system) with bar codes for ease of cataloguing.

          I was constantly tweaking the form for the labels to allow for different fields and lengths of information.

          So long ago I have forgotten most of it and the building is no longer standing.

    2. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Sun

      > Crikey, I'm old. I'm still supporting print queues on Sun servers

      Sounds like you're a bright Sparc though...

      1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

        Re: Sun

        Why Sparc? If he's really old, he could be using Motorola 680x0 Sun3 systems or earlier.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Sun

          Those aren't old. mc6800's are older, but the first computer I used had already received a cpu upgrade to 3MHz: it was an 8080.

          1. Paul Herber Silver badge

            Re: Sun

            Luxury.

  3. Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward Silver badge

    The ending was good.

  4. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker
    Mushroom

    "Pull the pin"

    I expected said pin to lead to something a bit more... explosive (see icon), particularly on a grenade.

    Of course, you're invited to check my handle again and remember who my primary customer is, plus many of my coworkers over the years are ex-military.

    Or maybe I'm just channeling MythBusters: "Jamie want big boom." I may look more like Mr. Savage (with goatee) but act more like Mr. Hyneman.

  5. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Paper jam

    Tear paper into small pieces

    Place in saucepan with a little water

    Bring to the boil

    Add sugar

    Continue to boil

    After 15 minutes, see if the liquid thickens on the back of a spoon

    If not continue boiling for a little longer, until it does

    When ready, remove saucepan from heat

    Pour contents into printer

    Call support line and tell them you have a paper jam in your printer

    1. Elongated Muskrat Silver badge

      Re: Paper jam

      Do you have to add pectin, or does it depend on the type of paper you're using?

    2. Paul Herber Silver badge

      Re: Paper jam

      The printer is now toast. Mmmmm, toast!

  6. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    "Yes, but it doesn't stop there. The database also takes into account the caller, their call history, previous issues with the printer, the caller's department, where the device may have been deployed previously etc. all to come up with a most likely scenario for the problem concerned."

    As a veteran of too long on the frontline I concur that is a very sound policy

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