back to article BOFH: Videoconferencing for special dummies

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns I think I'm losing my will to live. I'm working on documenting a new videoconferencing unit we've installed in a "state-of-the-art" mini conference room. I use quotes, not because the videoconferencing unit doesn't have some superb features, but because those features will never get used …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I swear Simon works where I work.

    1. b0llchit Silver badge
      Pint

      He works many, many places. He is a multi-copy physical-split talent roaming our buildings. You can probably detect him by inspecting the local pub at Fridays.

      1. Jonathan Richards 1 Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Pub at Fridays?

        I think you probably meant ...local pub at brunch-time on Fridays.

        See you there.

        1. The Dogs Meevonks Silver badge

          Re: Pub at Fridays?

          No.. I think he means... it's Friday... there's a pub open somewhere.

          Same probably goes for all the other ones that end in 'day'

      2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        Simon is the personnification of the Single Electron Administrator theory.

        1. steelpillow Silver badge

          though that implies that anti-Simon might turn up instead. The problem is, why are these systems dominated by ordinary Simons, while anti-Simons are few and fleeting?

          1. The Dogs Meevonks Silver badge

            There are loads of Anti Simon Simon's though

            But all of them are a complete A.S.S.

          2. b0llchit Silver badge
            Joke

            All the Simons are entagled and work in unison to present the positive and pleasant environment we all know of the Simons.

            All the anti-Simons are random phenomenon and actively steer in different directions where the many anti-Simon collisions cause the remnants to end up in elevator shafts, open windows, no-exit cellars and other convenient types of dark-rooms and -places.

      3. M.V. Lipvig Silver badge

        AT Friday's? I realize that Simon likely has a stomach of steel after eating many late night takeaways while working on... network... overtime... something, but Friday's? I think that's a bridge too far.

    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      So true to life

      We had to install tamperproof USB and network cables because they were rountinely removed and incorrectly installed (probably attempted to connect USB cables to ethernet ports…, or worse). And, yes, if a cable can be laid in a way that someone can trip over it, it will.

      But the worst thing was installing some Microsoft Surface hubs…, apart from the cost – a company car – they're absolute pigs to work with! I think we had to setup a subdomain so that the screens could go online or do screen-sharing and we're not a W365 company. The accounts like to reset themselves every few weeks!

      Oh, we also had an auth failure on the company wifi with the machines blithely ignoring the expired certificates even though they had been replaced weeks before with new ones… so now we're preparing some backup switches just in case (the new certs don't expire before 2040…) and I'm not sure whether I should allow the idiots coloured crayon kids connect the cables themselves or use tamperproof, which would mean unsightly but inviting cables on the tables… If it's not one thing then it's another.

      1. Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward Silver badge

        Re: So true to life

        Sometimes I miss the simpler and more eleganter equipment of yesterday, where it did not had a plethora of functions, but it just worked, even though the sound and video was of potato quality.

        And you didn't had any certificates that needed renewal or upgrading... or a monthly cost (like O365...)

        1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

          Re: So true to life

          Even with equipment as simple as a whiteboard and coloured pens, you can guarantee that some clown will leave a permanent marker on the shelf below it.

          1. collinsl Silver badge

            Re: So true to life

            And you can't even use a chalkboard these days as someone will complain about the chalk dust giving them cancer...

            1. BenDwire Silver badge
              Headmaster

              Re: So true to life

              When I was at school then the major risk was from the board rubber* being hurled at one's forehead from the Latin teacher. Back in the 1970's they preferred to use the "Short, Sharp Shock" treatment. Didn't do us any harm ... < twitch >

              * a substantial wooden block with a felt insert that was used to clean the chalkboards (as they weren't called back then)

              1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
                Childcatcher

                Re: So true to life

                Interestingly it seems you can still get white boards.

                P.S.

                At my school it was the maths teacher who was a perfect shot.

                1. David Aston

                  Re: So true to life

                  Same at our school. Mr MacDonald - should have bowled for England....

                  1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
                    Thumb Up

                    Re: So true to life

                    As at mine...in the US (private school)

                    Latin AND Math(s) teachers...maybe the English one as well.

                    No dozing off in those classrooms.

                2. Andy A
                  Facepalm

                  Re: So true to life

                  We had several teachers who could reliably hit a miscreant when throwing over their shoulder. No need to turn away from the board.

              2. ColinPa Silver badge

                Re: So true to life

                Was the school with the Latin teacher near Ipswich?

                1. BenDwire Silver badge
                  Headmaster

                  Re: So true to life

                  It was actually in Chelmsford - but I would assume all Latin teachers were equally sadistic ...

                  Icon 'cos he looked like that when cross ---->

                  1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

                    Re: So true to life

                    Most languages can provide productive employment for those with degrees in them. Latin is the exception. The only Latin-related employment is teaching or being Prime Minister irrespective of whether the graduate has any talent for it. That's why we have so many dreadful Latin teachers and Latin-oriented PMs.

                  2. Coastal cutie

                    Re: So true to life

                    The best shot at my school was the RE Teacher - who was also the school Chaplain. Puts the wrath of God into a whole new context

              3. Bebu
                Headmaster

                Re: So true to life

                board rubber - I recall these were called (black)board dusters in our parts (Australasia) at least during the 1960-70s and were also used to reinforce pupil attention and discipline with great precision (or do I mean accuracy?)

                Some teachers were specialists in high velocity chalk others the slightly slower dusty (shock and awe :)

                1. Shooter

                  Re: So true to life

                  In army marksmanship training, I was taught the difference between precision and accuracy.

                  Precision is five holes in the target, each an eighth of an inch apart but the group 6 inches from the bullseye.

                  Accuracy is five holes in the target, centered around the bullseye but 6 inches from each other.

                  We were to strive for both precision AND accuracy!

              4. The Organ Grinder's Monkey

                Re: So true to life

                At my long-closed school in Deal, Kent, we had a particular idiot for a geography teacher, whose only really memorable trait was an obsession with Peterborough United FC, and a habit of throwing board rubbers at people. That ended on the day that he threw one at the sporty kid who was fast enough to duck AND lift up the lid of his desk such that the board rubber ricocheted off it on a gently rising trajectory, exited the room through the (closed, single glazed window, this was the 1970s) & still had enough energy to break the windscreen of the head master's car which was parked directly outside. (Toughened 'screen, not laminated, still the 1970s. Citroën GS from memory, for those that like such details.)

                1. David Hicklin Silver badge

                  Re: So true to life

                  >> lift up the lid of his desk

                  They screwed all our desk lids shut!

                  1. BenDwire Silver badge
                    Devil

                    Re: So true to life

                    We used to nick the screws so that the desks fell apart when sat on!

              5. Vincent Ballard

                Re: So true to life

                My biology teacher claimed that the shape of the rubber plant leaves was due to damage from thrown board rubbers.

              6. Russell Chapman Esq.

                Hurled board rubbers

                Same thing at my school on Mersea Island. Mr Stuart was famous for his temper. We regularly had to hide behind our desk lids. At the end of the last year, Pink Floyd's Brick in The Wall was in the charts and as we were leaving for the last time we all started chanting at him 'You're just another brick in the wall' The look on his face, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop us.

                Happy memories

                1. Russell Chapman Esq.

                  Re: Hurled board rubbers

                  West Mersea school was and still is a primary and junior school. When I was there, Mr Young the Head would go onto the school fields to practice his golf swing before some unlucky bugger was sent to him for the cane.

          2. M.V. Lipvig Silver badge

            Re: So true to life

            I've never thought of myself as a clown. Permanent markers reduce meeting times with idiots, now and in the future since the board is no longer usable. I swear some people were holding meetings just so they could sniff the dry erase markers.

            1. J. Cook Silver badge

              Re: So true to life

              something something scented markers. :D

              and technically, I've used whiteboard markers to get rid of marks made with a 'Sharpie' permanent marker- apparently, the chemicals in the dry-erase markers will lift up and remove the ink from the sharpie markers.

              (I also have a bottle of 91% isopropyl used for cleaning things to clean the whiteboards- it's more or less the same stuff as the cleaning fluid and loads cheaper.)

        2. Blackjack Silver badge

          Re: So true to life

          [Sometimes I miss the simpler and more eleganter equipment of yesterday]

          Equipment never "just worked".

          No matter what Os or equipment you used.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeUyxjLhAxU

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: So true to life

        Haven't used a Surface Hub but MTRs suck.

        We have 1 Crestron MTR which is okayish when it decides to work.

        When it doesn't the troubleshooting is limited to rebooting. This takes 15-20 minutes to reboot, not good in a Lecture Theatre room of people.

        At least Cisco works.

        Cabling...

        .... bane of my life.

        The number of times we've been called to rooms because someone has played with the cable is ridiculous. Despite labelling everything, they still play.

        Sometimes it is a quick fix but having to spend hours redoing the cabling is annoying.

        One room, I have made the cables very difficult to remove.

        IT always get the blame despite not being in the room for months.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: So true to life

          I work with users that would blame the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs on IT if they could......

          1. Sam not the Viking Silver badge

            Re: So true to life

            From my perspective, there are still a lot of dinosaurs roaming the earth.

            1. UCAP Silver badge

              Re: So true to life

              My lot are still distinctly Precambrian.

            2. Blackjack Silver badge

              Re: So true to life

              And they all know COBOL...

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: So true to life

            But it is IT's fault... I am sure of it.. Proof? There is no proof.. No one made backups....

        2. Martin an gof Silver badge

          Re: So true to life

          The number of times we've been called to rooms because someone has played with the cable is ridiculous

          And not just USB and HDMI - one of our rooms has a nice audio desk with quite a lot of cables plugged in, but only a few things in use at any one time. I went in there the other day to swap some cables back - because someone had owned up to swapping them when I wasn't there - to find that six or seven other cables were in totally the wrong holes; cables from the radio microphone receivers plugged into the insert points instead of line in, cables from the CD player plugged into auxiliary outputs, the cable which was supposed to be in the aux-out plugged into a different aux-return. Loads of little things.

          I find this sort of thing is down to one of two causes. Either the person using the room is so impatient that they can't be bothered to call for technical help when something doesn't work first time, struggle through their meeting (or whatever) with the laptop camera instead of the nice Logitech Meetup camera and then moan to us afterward, or they're the sort of person who likes to think they "know stuff" and cannot admit when they get it wrong.

          I'm pretty certain it was the latter case with the audio mixer and I have two prime suspects, but neither of them is going to admit anything.

          Oh, and the number of times I've gone into a room and found (for example) two kettles plugged into a single 4-way strip; even the one I've put extremely sticky gaffa over three of the sockets.*

          On the other hand we have managed to train one or two people. Upside is that they don't (often) just mess about. Downside is that we have to be there for the start of every one of their meetings because despite having done the same thing every month for the last three years, "it's better for you to do it, that way I know it will work".

          M.

          *yes, I do have some extensions with just single sockets on the end but someone will always be able to find another 4-way to plug into my extension. And don't lecture me about never plugging kettles into extension leads. I know my stuff and if you saw how stupidly sockets were arranged in our rooms (well, the whole building really), you'd understand. Without an extension lead, in one room you'd have to put an urn on a table more-or-less in the middle of the room, plugged into a floor socket. Yes, I have seen that done, with no barrier around the table and toddlers haring about while their mums chat...

          1. Joe W Silver badge

            Re: So true to life

            If the extension lead is rated accordingly you can plug in a kettle.

            Hell, there's three phase thirty something amps extension "cables" (and higher, and they are really stupidly heavy, all the copper)

            1. J. Cook Silver badge

              Re: So true to life

              Indeed; I have, sitting and awaiting for me to get the appropriate plugs for, two nice 6 foot length of 12 gauge, 3 conductor cable- they have ten amp connectors on them now, but I need the 20 amp connectors, because I occasionally need short (read: two or three foot) extensions, and those are surprisingly expensive to buy pre-made.

          2. cosmodrome

            Re: So true to life

            Look for the guitar player among the staff and you've got your suspect. We can't help swapping cables in audio mixers. Not even in those that are perfectly in order or even in those we've set up ourselves. And then there's the curse of the gaffer tape. It gets limp and immediately loses it's stickiness as soon as it sees one of us...

          3. Andrew Scott Bronze badge

            Re: So true to life

            yes, something isn't working fast enough and they start pulling cables and plugging them in randomly. Conference room had monitors that used rs232 at 115200 b/s. had to wait after turning the system on for everything to get the message and acknowledge it. could take several seconds, but people had a habit of repeatedly hitting the on button followed by the off button (just in case) and then the button the selected the input, vga/hdmi front of room, rear of room etc. Lucky if anything worked after all that. usually when i got called to fix things it just took touching the on button and waiting for things to settle, if the cables hadn't been moved in the mean time.

          4. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: So true to life

            Without an extension lead, in one room you'd have to put an urn on a table more-or-less in the middle of the room, plugged into a floor socket. Yes, I have seen that done, with no barrier around the table and toddlers haring about while their mums chat...

            Triva: the only person killed in recent times by an earthquake in Britain was a child who was hiding under a table, and crawled out from under it just as the tea urn that was sitting on it fell off...

        3. Giles C Silver badge

          Cabling

          You think that is bad in meeting rooms, try the cabling in retail stores, I used to work for Thomas Cook and the number of times a branch stopped working and when we sent an engineer out the wan link would b in the console port or similar. We never found out who was telling them to move cables (we made sure it wasn’t the service desk) and used to blame it on cable fairies who crept around the stores at night.

          I think we had at least one or two stores a week suffering the same sort of problems.

        4. Will Godfrey Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: So true to life

          Back in the day, I never liked Crestron - always found them clunky and awkward to program. Much preferred AMX systems.

          1. Martin an gof Silver badge

            Re: So true to life

            We have a lot of projectors which need to start and stop automatically. All the "pro" ones use PJLink and in my experience (there are over 30) it "just works". All the "small business" ones also have PJLink (because I can't buy a projector without) but they mostly also have Crestron Connected. Their inbuilt web interfaces are slow and clunky and their PJLink implementations must be slightly out of whack because my PJ utility (which admittedly was pretty poorly written by me) keeps moaning of "unexpected response from projector" even though startup and shutdown seems to work well.

            First met Crestron at Magna back in 2001. Touch panels in each control room, timers which kept losing time and the only way to get changes made was to call the consultants back. Morning startup was tedious.

            M.

        5. AlbertH
          Flame

          Re: So true to life

          One room, I went as far as Supergluing the connectors in place to stop the cretins Managers fiddling with them.

          1. Ze

            Re: So true to life

            Super glue?? I thought that was what hot glue was for, or even 2 part epoxy, although Sikaflex (polyurethane that they glue windscreens in with)would work well.

      3. ShortLegs

        Re: So true to life

        >auth failure on the company wifi with the machines blithely ignoring the expired certificates even though they had been replaced weeks before with new ones…

        Erm, but shouldnt the machines ignore the expired certificates, because they been replaced? Or are the expired certs still on the equipment / end-user devcies and actually require replacing?

        >so now we're preparing some backup switches just in case (the new certs don't expire before 2040…).

        2040? That may just cause issues in itself when a client decides that the certificate end date is beyond 14months so must be invalid... or a security risk.

      4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: So true to life

        " I'm not sure whether I should allow the idiots coloured crayon kids connect the cables themselves or use tamperproof"

        We had to put easels with flipcharts on them in the VC rooms because using the VC as a whiteboard was "too complicated" for the coloured pencil brigade. And yes, I have seen them trying to write/draw on the flipchart under instruction from a remote participant because neither end could figure out the shared on-screen whiteboard app :-)

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: So true to life

          "write/draw on the flipchart under instruction from a remote participant"

          Aha! A use for Logo.

      5. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: So true to life

        Surface hubs aren't purchased they are summoned by management with a ritual blood sacrifice. We have several and they were so counter intuitive to setup, failed so frequently and their use case was so limited they are now operating as super expensive touchscreen monitors + cameras with a proper SOE computer doing the work....

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Me too

      Same

    4. Philo T Farnsworth Silver badge

      Every video conference in which I've ever participated, the first 40 minutes were consumed by "technical difficulties," followed by "you just dropped out, I can see you but can't hear you. . . uh, now I can hear you but you've been replaced by a test pattern, what happened to Anna? Did she leave? Bweeeeeeeee echo echo echo screeeeeeeee! Someone's feeding back, turn down your speaker! Okay, time's up, let's meet again next Thursday."

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Yes, and I can assure you it's a lot of work to make that happen.

        Yes, I really hate video meetings. Why?

        :)

    5. chivo243 Silver badge
      Go

      I've said it before... He's the wind... he's everywhere! And this conference room story proves it without a doubt. A place I worked had the coveted conference room for visiting bigwigs, who never had their own dongles, and dollars to doughnuts, they left with ours. It was so hit and miss, someone had to be on hand to make sure it started as expected.

    6. Groo The Wanderer

      Break out! Le Freak. C'est chic!

    7. TheWeetabix Bronze badge

      Let me check on that...

      What was your username again?

  2. Dave K

    I developed a bit of an eye-twitch whilst reading this, brings back so many painful memories of supporting VC rooms - particularly Cisco Telepresence rooms in my past.

    I do wish I'd thought of removing the features sticker though!

    1. Sam not the Viking Silver badge

      Skills....

      I gave a presentation at a local university some years ago. I was mistaken in thinking that they must have resolved any 'connection issues' for their multiple screens in the lecture theatre.....

      In the end I did the presentation from my own laptop connected directly to a projector.

    2. Alistair
      Windows

      Telepatience

      Dave K:

      Please don't mention that horrific device again. I gagged a bit.

      Even our networking team despised the creatures, and they were the one's who'd suggested them.

      I have memories of cfnroenec sllac where sklof at the remote dne appeared to eb gnipmuj up and down in their staes.

  3. Howard Sway Silver badge

    it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

    That's because it always brings new features. None of which will ever be used, but all the extra buttons for them on the unit will have new and incomprehensible icons on them - what does a square balanced on a circle with a wavy line inside it do?

    At least they seem to have moved on to HDMI these days. No more trying to wrestle the thick SVGA cable through a tiny gap between two desks that was tangled up with the cable nest below and then struggle to get it to move the final 2 centimetres needed to connect to your laptop.

    1. eJ2095

      Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

      Missed out the part where the SVGA screw had been tightened by the hand of god

      1. steelpillow Silver badge

        Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

        Was preferable to the HDMI connector twisting loose for the tenth time this morning.

        Locking screws too tight? You'll love the replacement, Sir, it is permanently too loose! Bwahahaha!

        1. Stuart Castle Silver badge

          Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

          Well, the technology exists. People just need to use it.

          https://www.startech.com/en-gb/cables/hdmm1mls

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

            Yes, also for loosening too tight screws.

            Sometimes you have to keep it simple, also to give the relevant user a hint of possible consequences if he, she or it repeats the offence.

            :)

          2. steelpillow Silver badge
            Holmes

            Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

            Now slap me round the face with a wet kipper if it ain't the truth, but have you ever, ever, EVER seen office IT kit with a matching threaded socket?

            Or, perhaps better still, a cable with locking HDMI connectors at BOTH ends?

            1. J. Cook Silver badge

              Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

              Not office IT kit, but more specialized kit like POS hardware with secondary customer displays, and a fair amount of A/V gear.

        2. Martin an gof Silver badge

          Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

          And the fact that with VGA you could use almost any length of cable, daisy-chained if you liked, and you might get a slightly wonky or grainy picture but at least it would work - or would work if you lowered the resolution a notch. With HDMI you're into using boosted cables or inline amplifiers if you need anything longer than about 10m to be safe, 15m absolute tops. Then again, at least those are more reasonable in price these days. When I first needed a 40m HDMI cable it was a fibre-optic thing and cost about £200. Many of the built-in systems here run DVI (basically the same as HDMI) over two fibre pairs plus a cat.5! The tx/rx unit pairs for those cost something like £350 nearly 20 years ago but when they fail these days they can usually (but not always) be replaced by devices which ignore the fibres and just use the cat.5.

          Oh, and the fact that some computers don't like our boosted cables. I have Lenovo and HP laptops with onboard HDMI which happily drive that 40m cable, while Surfaces and MacBooks (usually with external adapters) often baulk at the prospect. One regular visitor is so aware of this problem at various venues that not only do they bring a selection of USBC - HDMI adapters for their Mac; if one doesn't work, another might; they also bring an older Mac with inbuilt HDMI just in case. I had one person with a Dell laptop a few months ago who brought their own USBC - HDMI adapter which wouldn't work, but when I tried an identical unit from my own stock, it was fine!

          Thought I'd found a way around the problem with the Panasonic PressIT device*. Bought a couple of units to try, and yes it does work, but for some reason it needs a tremendous amount of peer-to-peer WiFi to work well without judder and lag. With the number of competing APs in our building** it's always going to struggle to find clear space, so judder and lag are the order of the day. Not really a problem for a few PPT slides but not at all acceptable for video.

          M.

          *yes, the PressIT does have the disadvantage of another dongle for some idiot to take away with them, but at least it's fairly large and not a teensy little one for the "clicker" we lent out

          **why can't I set my HP Instant-On APs to use channels 12 and 13 at 2.4GHz, or in fact anything except 1, 6 and 11? They're set to the right domain (UK/EU), but even on "manual" I'm not offered the option to juggle things about, just 1, 6, 11 - it would be far easier to find clear space if they could use 1, 5, 9, 13***. Corporate's Cisco APs seem similarly disadvantaged, and the numerous SOHO / domestic APs in close proximity just add to the problem.

          ***because I can, 2.4GHz is actually turned off on the HPs, but this isn't often an option, for compatibility reasons

          (sorry, I could rant all day about this stuff)

          1. spuck

            Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

            If you're using 2.4GHz on anything other than channels 1,6 or 11 you are causing more interference to everyone around you who are trying to play nice. Stop it.

            1. Martin an gof Silver badge

              Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

              I'm not talkng half a dozen APs in the same room, I'm talking about "adjacent" (in the radio sense) APs. Coming from a radio background and looking at the specs, even 1, 5, 9, 13 are effectively non-interfering (5MHz channels, 20MHz bandwidth) and ideal for use where the "wanted" AP is closer than the "unwanted" one and it's much easier to mesh four channels than three (c.f. cartographer's map-colouring problem), even in 3D.

              All that 1, 6, 11 adds is an unnecessary 5MHz guard band. Might have been useful for "b" standard but not needed for "g".

              Note how at 5GHz the channels are (mostly) 20MHz apart, not 25. 2.4GHz channels 1, 6, 11 are 25MHz apart.

              The only trouble it would cause is where one of mine on (say) channel 5 is "near" someone else's on 6.

              And for APs which are even further apart, it's possible to get away with 1, 4, 7, 10, 13.

              M.

          2. Richard 12 Silver badge

            Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

            Those wireless PressIt and ClickShare things are absolutely horrific.

            There are ways to do wireless video, but none of them involve a USB dongle with a button.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

        "he SVGA screw had been tightened by the hand of god"

        Alternatively, when unscrewed they took the threaded pillars on the equipment with them and now the socket is free-floating inside the equipment - ow will be when a forceful attempt to insert a plug the wrong way up detaches it from the circuit board.

        1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

          Brings on horrible memories of "wireless" displays at many customers (and indeed some of our own) offices. Invariably have to hunt down the dongle-thing, plus in the USB (on the mandatory 3rd attempt) and then go through all the hoops to get a connection that drops after 2 minutes, freezes or just doesn't work at all.

          To their credit, our IT department does have our laptops set up to allow the most common dongles to install their required drivers etc (software install generally is locked down to admin-only, not for minions) although once or twice that's screwed up due to esoteric, weird or just plain Chinese-knockoff equipment.

          Many is a time you just yearn for a simple HDMI cable that "just works".

          Pass the brain bleach (or several cold pints) please nurse...

        2. J. Cook Silver badge

          Re: it's just that new equipment always brings new problems

          I have a 5mm hex driver in my kit to deal with that, along with needle nose pliers to lock down on the other threaded pillar to keep it from moving while I applied force with a regular pair of pliers or a screwdriver. :D

      3. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Happy

    I trust the hammer in question ...

    was a hefty lump hammer

  5. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    loved it ,

    "So the echo cancelling is working now?" - "No, I pulled the sticker off the front."

    "Yes, but what do I do if I don't have it with me?" - "Probably the same thing you'd do if you didn't have your laptop with you,"

    Two absolute bangers!

  6. ArguablyShrugs

    Maybe it's the lack of coffee...

    ...or I am just being extra daft today, but I don't get it. The ending I mean.

    "No, just this hammer. Apparently, the Breakout Room feature is incompatible with breaking out the wall of a room."

    Did the PFY break the projector, the wall or what?

    ta.

    1. Fr. Ted Crilly Silver badge

      Re: Maybe it's the lack of coffee...

      Yes...

    2. Ze

      Re: Maybe it's the lack of coffee...

      Wouldn't it have been easier to use the hammer on the boss either break the boss fixing the PEBKAC error or even just his hands.

  7. Big_Boomer
    Mushroom

    HAMMER Time!

    Everything can be resolved if you have a big enough hammer <snicker>

    1. Giles C Silver badge

      Re: HAMMER Time!

      Or to quote rainman rays repairs on YouTube “everything is a hammer”

    2. xyz123 Silver badge

      Re: HAMMER Time!

      Except having a room solely occupied by a big hammer so no-one can use it

  8. Terry 6 Silver badge

    Oh God... If only....

    ...it wasn't so f***ing true.

  9. BigJayce69

    "So the echo cancelling is working now?"

    "No, I pulled the sticker off the front."

    I actually spat my coffee out over my desk at this one lol

    1. BenDwire Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      A long life has taught me that reading BOFH is a nil-by-mouth experience, unless you want a change of clothes/keyboard/desk.

  10. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    The curse

    of documentation............. and the 'simpler' employees (IE idiots)

    We created a checklist to run if myself, the PFY, and the setters were not available in order to start the cells, a typical one reads

    1. Turn on isolator

    2. Press white button marked "power" and wait for alarm to show up

    3. Press "Hydros start" , then press the red reset to clear alarm.

    4. Press "Autorun" and wait for it to light up green

    5. Press "cyc-start"

    Nothing too bad there, except the PFY calls me down 5 mins after I turn up to have a look at the mess, our best guess is that the id 10 t put it in test run, hit start, then noticed it wasn't doing anything, hit reset to stop it, put it in autorun, then started it again, then panicked when it didnt do the expected thing , and hit E Stop.

    And we're left sorting the mess.

    I did suggest feeding the id 10 t to the PFY.... but I was told we're not that cruel.

    Still gotta remember the old saying "You cannot make anything fool proof because the fools are far stupider than you can ever imagine"

    Wheres the "head banging against a wall icon?"

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: The curse

      I take it the onle line instruction was ignored:

      DO NOT TOUCH

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  11. Stuart Castle Silver badge

    I did tech support for a uni. I usually worked in the computing labs, but I was doing staff support one evening . I got a call saying the av system in one of the lecture halls had failed , so I took a projector and laptop there. This was not easy as we’d had heavy snow that had turned into ice , and it was in the next building.

    So, I walked (skidded, to be accurate) over there carrying a projector and laptop that, together, cost more than I earned in a month.

    Got to the room, started unpacking stuff. Then I noticed, the av cabinet was switched off. I flicked the switch, and within ten minutes, the av stuff was running. This was a computing science lecturer who’d been using that equipment for at least five years.

    1. spuck

      There seems to be is a certain set of people in CS who completely breakdown when the pristine, error-free world of theory they operate in meets the reality of the analog, entropy-filled world of reality. Of course this is not unique to CS people entirely, but it amazes me the number of computer science folk who have trouble even considering the idea that voltages sag, noise is everywhere, or that the limits of spacetime apply to whatever they are doing.

  12. Grogan Silver badge

    Good documentation has quick reference pages, and more detailed chapters/sections and/or common examples that follow :-)

    I find some man pages awful for that reason, the synopsis alone is too silly like "foo [options] [arguments]" but then you have to wade through prosy stuff to try to understand how to actually use the program.

    1. Bebu
      Windows

      Manual Pages.

      I find some man pages awful for that reason, the synopsis alone is too silly like "foo [options] [arguments]" but then you have to wade through prosy stuff to try to understand how to actually use the program.

      Best read in the order SYNOPSIS, DESCRIPTION and then jump to EXAMPLES (and yes BUGS.)

      Even then there are examples that are contenders in the race alongside Finnigan's Wake or War and Peace and Proust's effort for length and impenetrablity.

      I recently had to consult lvcreate(8) for the first time in years for an option I don't normally use and my gast was well and truly flabbered and that isn't the worst offender by a long chalk.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Manual Pages.

        BUGS

        The entry for the original man find:

        "The syntax is dire"

  13. capnkirk

    Screen sharing

    The screen sharing line had me in bits, almost up there with Billy Connoly's prescription windscreen joke.

  14. Bebu
    Windows

    Worth the price of admission:

    "the wireless connectivity standards field has more cowboys in it than a line dancing event at a denim factory"

    "Mac users who feel that they are being treated like second-class citizens – because they are second-class citizens"

    "any idiot knows to turn the screen on – but on the other hand our idiots are special"

    These gems colour in a lot of the circus clowns in the support comic book.

    I was fortunate in having the boss who chose to tend the VC kit and the special people using it. Later the existing PFY was already all over the tech. So I probably know as much about VC as Simon's special people. Certainly never used VC of any description - a technology along with social media deserve a chapter each in my Le Livre du Temps Perdu. ;)

    1. J. Cook Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Worth the price of admission:

      Heh.

      the video conferencing kit we have at [RedactedCo] for the conference rooms are (technically) managed by our support and A/V teams, but since these things talk to MS Teams, I get roped into trying to support the stupid things, which is a non-starter because I've not been handed any paperwork for them and have zero clue how to use one, outside of 'make sure the service account has the appropriate license, and is enabled and the password is in the department's password vault'.

      I should probably carve out some time and play around with the one we have in the office with one of the people who actually support the thing, so I can at least use it correctly. :D

  15. xyz123 Silver badge

    I had a former high-lvl cabinet minister complain about me once because I told him HOW to turn his monitor on

    Apparently I "wasn't doing my job correctly" because he also needed to know how to turn it off.......

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Did you work for the Press Association? One of the many curious things about organisation is that because it was founded by some parliamentary act, it deals with things like the Cabinet Office and Downing Street IT in a number of areas.

      One of the oldest employees when I worked at PA was a guy who was on first name terms with a succession of government ministers and civil service grandees. He was constantly going there to deal with IT issues and had a pass that allowed him to go pretty much anywhere.

      On retiring he was even thanked for his hard work at an official reception in Downing Street. The irony was that he was technically an "illegal immigrant", having arrived in the UK without papers back in the 1960s and had never become a British citizen. The security clearance process must have been bypassed on the false assumption anyone working for PA was already cleared.

  16. RAMChYLD Bronze badge

    > the wireless connectivity standards field has more cowboys in it than a line dancing event at a denim factory

    Good grief, you read my mind!

    Why these conferencing systems can't just use the industry standard, Miracast, is beyond me! These conferencing systems need you to install a silly little app on your laptop that practically does nothing other than connecting it to the device over WiFi.

    On that note, Simon is also smart to not point out Wireless connectivity. The one in the conference room where I'm currently working at has nasty latency and frame rate issues if you connect wirelessly. I presume the manufacturer thought it's good enough for powerpoint presentations and simple display of spreadsheets, but well, try to hold a Zoom call or Teams meeting and watch the image degrade to a sloppy mess.

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