back to article I told Halle Berry where to go during a programming gig in LA

On Call is on vacation this week, so it seems appropriate to share a couple of the stories sent our way after our recent tale of a support contract that saw a techie required to spend a weekend in a $5,000/night hotel suite. Let's start with a reader we'll Regomize as "Terry" who once wrote a book about a so-hot-right-then …

  1. hammarbtyp

    5 *

    Due to company policy, I think I have stayed in every 5 star hotel in Edinburgh. I remember checking in once, at the same time the Eurythmics were checking out, just in front of Dave Stewart in the line

    I hated 5 start hotels. Why?

    Well company policy was that they would pay whatever for the hotel room, but food was fixed at a ludicrous low allowance. So I would pass the restaurants knowing that I could in no way afford them, and instead have to find a burger joint instead. That was fine, but the other thing 5 star joints expect is that you will use room service for everything. So no tea or coffee making facilities, and since room service was extra, again i could not use it.

    Eventually I worked out that hotels are hotels, you get a bed, a shower and a TV, and you really don't need anything else, so you are better off going for a 2 or 3 star hotel, since they don't expect you to have a platinum American express

    (My boss, would often have to go to Stockholm. Sometimes they would put him up in the best hotel, the same one Nobel prize winners would get. My boss had a predilection for lounging around in old cycle lycra gear. This used to confuse the staff, who could not work out whether he was allowed to be there, or whether he was an eccentric billionaire)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 5 *

      5* hotels in Edinburgh! Do you work for Oracle on the Edinburgh Uni project! hahahahaha

    2. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: 5 *

      What a ludicrous company policy and waste of money!

      and pain in the ass for the reasons hammarbtyp noted.

      Its because of thinking like that that "business class" exists to pump out more co2 per person and charge businesses 10x the normal seat price.

    3. Anonymous IV
      Thumb Down

      Re: 5 *

      > Five-star hotels in Edinburgh

      You are the notorious Fred Goodwin, and I claim his former knighthood...

      1. TchmilFan

        Re: 5 *

        I often think about "Chalky White" and wonder how many people would still know wtf I'm talking about.

    4. tiggity Silver badge

      Re: 5 *

      Travel kettle & taking some instant coffee and/or teabags, & a travel safe cup* solves the no facilities in your room option.

      *If you need milk, can usually rely on high end hotel room minibar & grab a pint from a local shop (if really paranoid a few places sell the mini milk "creamers" that many hotels use, but get them in advance as not that easy to find in mainstream shops as they used to be e.g. used to be able to get them in local Morrisons years back but they have not sold them for ages now, generally need a cash & carry place these days)

      1. jmch Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: 5 *

        " high end hotel room minibar"

        Some of the places I've been to though, are remarkably stingy for a supposed 5 (or 4) star, including having minibars with only exactly enough space for the items they put in, with an automatic detector for anything moving, so even if you picked up a bottle and put it right back you would get charged for it.

      2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: 5 *

        I always travel with teabags, sugar, a proper mug & most importantly a small steam brush for removing creases out of clothes it also doubles up as a very handy kettle.

      3. PB90210 Silver badge

        Re: 5 *

        Nescafé and Kenco do 2-in-1 (no sugar) and 3-in-1 sachets that just need a source of hot water

        If you are regularly on the road they can be a godsend

        (and they don't come with the disgusting foaming agent of the 'cappuccino' versions)

    5. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

      Re: 5 *

      Theres 1 star place in Roysthe you could try....

      Hot and cold running rats, next to the M90 and smelled like it was downwind of the local dump (although I suspect that was the smell coming from the dockyard or... mildew... hopefully mildew)

      <,curses every single MOD accountant who complained about expenses and made staff stay in cheap shit holes they'd never consider for themselves....

      1. mechgru2

        Re: 5 *

        I remember that hotel! I used to go to the chippie down the road for a fish supper. Yes, they did deep fried Mars bars and sold single ciggies to kids.

        Scarier than the rats was the safety briefing at the dockyard, but it was covered by the Official Secrets act, so I can't say any more.

        1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

          Re: 5 *

          the safety briefing at the dockyard

          One of my former workplace proximity associates now lives and works near to AWE Aldermaston. Close enough to get leaflets about what to do in the event of a 'leak'. (Not much you can do in the event of a sudden unplanned disassembly of the site, of course.). Anyway, he read the rules regarding homes and workplaces, and they are required to stay indoors with all external doors and windows closed and ventilation and air-conditioning turned off, plus enough food for everyone for 48 hours. Well, company building H&S people had no idea, so he has threatened not to go into work until they claim compliance.

          I don't think he's met any celebrities there though.

      2. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

        Re: 5 *

        "made staff stay in cheap shit holes they'd never consider for themselves"

        It's only the total of all line expenditures that has to meet the line budget. Fewer stars for your stay means more stars for theirs. It's good to be the king accountant.

    6. Grogan Silver badge

      Re: 5 *

      I hate hotel life... it's really chintzy, you pay through the nose for every little thing and everybody has their hand out. Open that little bar fridge and you're responsible for every grossly overpriced item. The last time I stated at a Radisson there was a bottle of water in the room. There was a tag over the neck that said it was your "complementary" bottle of water, but if you open it, your room will be billed $4.50. The trick is how complementary is spelled.

      I've been to fancier hotels that my family has paid for and the atmosphere made me feel disgusted. I'm just not that kind of guy.

      No, I'd rather stay at a crappy motel where I can at least do whatever the fuck I want.

      1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

        Re: 5 *

        one of my regrets is that when I was travelling around the country I did not take photographs of the view from my hotel bedroom wherever I stayed. I would have an excellent selection of car parks, air-conditioning units, bin stores, central light wells that clearly had not been cleaned in decades, the odd central bus station and tyres very occasional tree. When you are there on business, only staying one night and not likely ever to return you get the worst room in the place.

        Reminds me of the scene in 'The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin'* where he gets his old job back in the same office with the same view: "Yes, I've always had a soft spot for the Gas works and the Marshalling Yards, my only regret is the smog from the asbestos recycling plant does tend to obscure the abattoir, but there you are, you can't have everything."

        *A beloved, but at times rather coarse, British sitcom starring Leonard Rossiter in the title role. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld1EhamrwIM

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Travel

    Not quite that level of luxury, but back in the 1990s we had a small customer in Australia who was having problems with some comms software. Very occasionally, every few weeks, it would lose a message. Since these came from burglar alarm systems he was understandably not happy about even an occasional dropped alert.

    We spent months trying to diagnose it remotely, with no success. A bug? config issue? poor local support team? we had no idea. Eventually, though, the customer snapped and our director came in one Monday morning to a very Australian message: "If I don't see an engineer here by the end of the week, your kit is going in the river". It was decided that bad publicity outweighed the tiny financial loss of losing that small customer, which is why I ended up at the Australian embassy on the Wednesday, queuing for a visa.

    Now, the interesting thing about buying a ticket to Australia at zero notice is that they are not cheap, and economy class almost non-existent. Which is how I ended up with a business-class round-the-world ticket, on BA. Fully flexible, any number of stops, had to return to London with 12 months :-)

    Not much I could do on the outbound leg, after an all-too-brief 2 hour stopover in Bangkok I was collected by the local sales guy at the airport, got a quick shower at my hotel, and was presented booted & suited (and mostly awake) to the customer at 10am Friday. He was so delighted that someone had been sent that he told me to take the weekend to recover and be back 9am Monday, so I had a weekend sightseeing in Melbourne to get over jetlag. Got my first "mid-year Christmas", a very weird experience!

    A week later I'd found the problem (it was a bug), fixed it, and embarked on my return journey via other parts of Australia, NZ, the USA, etc. Managed to visit a few company offices on the way, to justify the occasional night on expenses, but I didn't have much vacation time left by the end. One of my best business trips...

    In fact, the only unhappy person was my boss. The bug? It was in some buffer-handling code, if two messages came in simultaneously (within a few uS) the second was queued in a circular buffer, and one index pointer which should have been an "i" was a "1" (they looked the same on the dot-matrix printers we used in those days). Never a problem unless those 2 messages hit at the same time and a second buffer slot was briefly required. Instead the 2nd message overwrote the 1st. It was in code I'd written... Fortunately my boss was the forgiving type.

  3. Little Mouse

    When I worked for a local authority, there was no chance of luxury overnight accommodation due to it all being funded by the taxpayer.

    To their credit though, they didn't always book the absolute cheapest. Except for once, In Reading. I saw my hotel on the news a month or so later - It turned out there had been a murder there not long before my stay.

    1. muddysteve

      > I saw my hotel on the news a month or so later - It turned out there had been a murder there not long before my stay.

      I once stayed in Taiwan, and someone was shot in my hotel, whilst I was staying there. Fortunately I was out at the time.

      1. PB90210 Silver badge

        In your statement you say "fortunately I was out at the time", sir

        I put it to you, you planned the 'hit' and covered your tracks by pretending to be a computer engineer conveniently brought in to fix an intermittent problem of your own making...

        1. that one in the corner Silver badge

          Please, there are niceties to be observed

          > I put it to you...

          When you make a statement like that, you are *supposed* to start with:

          "You may be wondering why I have had you all gathered here, in this comments section..."

          1. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

            Re: Please, there are niceties to be observed

            ... and you are *supposed* to end with:

            "You are ALL covering your tracks by pretending to be computer engineers."

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Please, there are niceties to be observed

            According to every other ad break...

            "I didn't know you had dandruff"

            1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

              Re: Please, there are niceties to be observed

              I don't.*

              *(I use 'Head and Shoulders'.)

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Please, there are niceties to be observed

                I do*

                *I also use Head & Shoulders. It doesn't work.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        >I once stayed in Taiwan, and someone was shot in my hotel, whilst I was staying there. Fortunately I was out at the time.

        A friend was celebrating her honeymoon in Vegas and staying in the Mandalay Bay hotel on October 1st 2017...

        (That was the night that Stephen Paddock opened fire from a room on the 32nd floor at a country music festival killing 60 and injuring over 800 including those hurt in the stampede)

    2. Korev Silver badge
      Alien

      On my ex-employer's travel system log in page there was a single hotel in Coventry listed on the login page as being "unsuitable" for company employees and not to book it. We never found out what was so bad about it...

      1. phils

        It was in Coventry?

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Senior staff used it and wouldn't want to have to mingle with employees - or let employees find out who was accompanying them.

    3. Mast1

      Alternative uses for hotels

      Within the past few years two female co-employees went to London and used the company's (contracted out) travel booking system for a hotel.

      Fortunately it was only for a night. It turned out the hotel doubled as a knocking shop. Too late to hunt for an alternative

      They did not venture out of their rooms after 10 pm.

      On their return to base they were strongly urged to file a complaint with our company.

      1. adam 40

        Re: Alternative uses for hotels

        What was the name of the hotel? So I can avoid it.

      2. tiggity Silver badge

        Re: Alternative uses for hotels

        I once had a longer than expected job (all sorts of problems present) in Glasgow, by time I had finished late into the day I had missed last train back, so had to grab hotel raedy to leave the next morning, so went for a hotel near the station.

        The male on reception asked me if I would like "company" sent up to my room*, so hotels with ladies of the night not confined to London.

        * I didn't - have a partner. Assume he was on a kickback from the girls if he got them punters.

        .

        1. Wally Dug

          Re: Alternative uses for hotels

          Glasgow's Red Light district is/was adjacent to the hotel business district, about half a mile from Central Station. My office was here, which did mean we got asked if we wanted a good time if we left the office late at night.

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Alternative uses for hotels

            "If I wanted a good time I wouldn't be here."

          2. A.P. Veening Silver badge

            Re: Alternative uses for hotels

            Glasgow's Red Light district is/was adjacent to the hotel business district, about half a mile from Central Station.

            A lot of business in Amsterdam put their guests in hotel Krasnapolsky (also about half a mile from Central Station), which has its back on the red light district.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Alternative uses for hotels

              A befitting name!

          3. rcxb Silver badge

            Re: Alternative uses for hotels

            we got asked if we wanted a good time

            "You got baseball cards?"

            - Tank Girl (1995)

          4. PB90210 Silver badge

            Re: Alternative uses for hotels

            London's Kings Cross used to have a red light area next to the station

            Now home to Google...

            1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

              Re: Alternative uses for hotels

              They should put up something similar to a Blue Plaque on the building

              1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
                Joke

                Re: Alternative uses for hotels

                A light in the window, perhaps?

                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4G-hjfMR4U

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Alternative uses for hotels

        Once had similar experience in Incheon. The hotel I'd booked suffered flooding, and I had to find something else at short notice. So, by using a website that might be said to claim to be ideal for such last minute bookings, to find a hotel, I did.

        Then, after getting hopelessly lost on the way (it was a short walk from a train station, but only if you went the right way), and enjoying a phone-based check-in system that ate the last the phone credit that trying to use google maps hadn't, I found that ...

        ... the bed was circular, there were mirrors on the walls, a suspicious looking PC in the corner, and a price list on the wall.

        Erk.

        1. Anon

          "a suspicious looking PC in the corner"

          For Internet Rule 35?

    4. ColinPa Silver badge

      being shot at

      A colleague went to Dallas for a conference. He got to his hotel room, opened the window for some fresh air, and unpacked.

      A couple of minutes later a mirror on the wall broke and crashed to the floor, and they found a bullet!

      Someone had driven by and taken a pot shot at the hotel.

      They moved him to one of the rooms on the top floor, and told him not to open the windows

      He showed is the bullet when he got back!

      1. General Purpose

        Re: being shot at

        >and told him not to open the windows

        The windows were bullet-proof? That's ... not entirely reassuring.

        1. keith_w

          Re: being shot at

          I worked at a location in Toronto that over looked highway 401 (4 lanes each way), after a running shootout on the highway, windows got bullet resistant appliques added.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: being shot at

            Worked in an office that had floor-to-ceiling windows that had been covered in a plastic film to make them more shatter resistant (it was the '80s and the IRA were making phone calls to a nearby building)

            One lunchtime there was a BANG as a 'bullet hole' appeared in the window!

            False alarm! The building was being renovated and a scaffolder had dropped a fastener from the roof, it bounced off a plank and had punched the hole in the window!

      2. that one in the corner Silver badge

        Re: being shot at

        > A colleague went to Dallas for a conference. He got to his hotel room, opened the window for

        a better view of the fine architectural details on the book depository just across the street?

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: being shot at

        Please, tell us his name wasn't Kennedy.

    5. Stephen Wilkinson

      When I worked for a local authority, on the few trips away on training courses I did, they invariably cheap skated on the overnight accommodation. On one four day course in London, the first night was a Travelodge 5 minutes walk from the training centre, the other two nights were in a really grotty hotel an hour and two different tube lines from the venue. I think they saved about £50 by doing that.

      That wasn't the only time that happened to me, but funnily enough, when management went away, they always got good hotels.

      1. Wally Dug

        Nearest Hotel

        On a trip to the US, I chose a hotel via Google Maps that looked as if it was within walking distance of the office I was being sent to. The office manager who was helping me was perfectly happy with that, but came back rather sheepishly to tell me it was denied by the Powers That Be as there was a hotel $20 cheaper about an hour away and they wouldn't let her book it for me.

        Fortunately, she agreed with me and argued my case by saying that, while that hotel may be cheaper by $20, I would either need a hired car or taxi journeys and that would cost more than $20 a day. I wasn't popular, but got my hotel which was a pleasant 15 minute walk from the office.

        1. MiguelC Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Nearest Hotel

          There was a time when I used to travel to a London suburb more frequently than I'd wished (from abroad).

          The first few trips I got booked on a 5 * hotel that was 5 minutes walking distance from the offices where I'd do my stuff.

          Then management changed rules and mandated max 4 * hotels

          The closest one to the venue made mandatory using taxi services, the extra cost of those travels far outweighing the price difference on the hotel stay. And it also meant I was less than happy to make those trips from there on...

        2. SCP

          Re: Nearest Hotel

          Sadly these sort of rules, with no exceptions for your alternative actually being cheaper and more sensible, are often flowed down from the customer accountancy rules or embedded in contracts. Either that or the fondnest of accountants for playing accountancy "games" with different budgetting lines.

          It is probably not helped by tabloid press making hay with "5* luxury at tax-payers expense" type headlines.

    6. juice

      > I saw my hotel on the news a month or so later - It turned out there had been a murder there not long before my stay.

      A family member has worked in various sales/management roles in manufacturing, and as a result spent a lot of time zooming to various bits of the world where said manufacturing occurs. Sometimes, they've gotten to go to somewhere nice, such as Singapore. Other times, not so much!

      One particular story they related was about somewhere in the rustbelt, USA, where they stayed with a couple of colleagues.

      As I recall, when they got together in the morning, it turned out that one person had slept fine. But the second person had heard someone trying their door-handle. And then the third person noted that they'd heard someone trying to open their window in the middle of the night. And they were staying on the third floor...

      Another time, they're fairly convinced that when asked for restaurant recommendations, the receptionist deliberately directed them to a particularly rough area; while walking there, a police car pulled up and insisted on taking them to somewhere with a far lower risk of getting shot!

      1. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

        Conspiracy theorist

        " the receptionist deliberately directed them to a particularly rough area"

        Maybe it was the receptionist trying the door and the window earlier.

  4. wolfetone Silver badge

    "I had no idea where it was she was going but I was completely dazzled by the most incredibly beautiful person I'd ever met," Terry told On Call.

    I hate Terry.

  5. Yorick Hunt Silver badge
    Unhappy

    I can commiserate with Matty.

    Needed to go interstate to resolve a major issue at a branch office and it just so happened that the marketing director's best friend from business school ran the most luxurious hotel in the area - so I got to stay in said hotel's most luxurious suite.

    Sadly, with the amount of work involved and the tight schedule, I barely had time for much more than sleep in the suite - though I did manage to set aside an hour to spend in the six-person jacuzzi (where was Halle Berry then?!).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I can commiserate with Matty.

      I remember a mandatory sales kick-off event where everyone was required to share a room with a colleague, since there weren't enough hotels in the seaside town to cope otherwise. Not something I much like doing, but when my enforced roomie & I checked-in I discovered that we had a very nice two-room suite.

      I only discovered later that he was having a secretive long-distance relationship with the marketing manager who had organised the event, and she'd arranged the hotel reservation so they could get a room together (it must have worked out, they've been married for many years). First time I've benefited from someone else's sexual shenanigans...

    2. jfm

      Re: I can commiserate with Matty.

      I had a similar experience. I (then sysadmin) was travelling with my Windows support guy, Q, to our offices in Johannesburg and Pretoria. Halfway between was a very nice hotel whose executive chef was a friend of Q's. The hotel was empty (it was the off season) so we were comped our rooms for the night, and ate well with the chef and staff.

      It made up for a previous trip where the office had booked my travel and accommodation. I caught the first flight out of Durban, picked up a hire car in Pretoria and drove straight to the office. After a hard day's work I found my hotel, checked in, and asked where to find the bar. "This is an Islamic hotel, sir".

      Now picture the traditional hotel breakfast buffet but entirely untroubled by pig… My breakfast before a drive to Johannesburg was toast, an egg, fishfingers, and chicken curry.

  6. Howard Sway Silver badge

    Halle Berry? big deal!

    I once stood at the check in at Manchester airport behind Gail from Coronation Street (Helen Worth) when on a business trip. I then went to the ersatz "Rovers Return" bar they have there for a pint before my flight, but sadly she didn't put in an appearance.

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

      Take your pick...

      I see your Gail, and raise you (now Dame) Julie Walters on an EasyJet flight back from Italy to Gatwick a few years back.

      Even had a quick chat, as she took the seat in the waiting area beside me that had been nicely warmed up by my laptop bag just prior.

      And I'm pleased to say she's as nice in person as she seems on-screen, and has a genuinely wonderful smile.

      With travelling so much over the years for work, it's always a nice diversion to spot someone famous in the airport (other examples being Barry McGuigan eating breakfast at Gatwick Garfunkels, Paul Daniels at Heathrow, Louise Jameson on another Easyjet flight). Jule W was the fave though of them all.

      And once on holiday I did actually briefly cross paths with Halle Berry too. Was walking down the sidewalk in LA, when a couple of burly minders (brick walls in suits and shades) came out of a building as a limo pulled up to the kerb. As we got closer Ms Berry came out of the building and breezed over and into the limo.

      She was quite nice looking, but wouldn't put her near the top of the all-time list.

    2. ShortLegs

      Re: Helen Worth? I decked Dominik Diamond

      Manhy many many moons gao, at the exhibitors after-party for the EMAP Computer Show at the NEC (1993) I decked Domink Diamond: he elbowed me going to tbe bar whilst sneering "out of my way, peasant". Then he came between me and mhy pint. Fatal mistake. I dropped him.

      Got a cheer for that :)

      1. QuiteEvilGraham

        Re: Helen Worth? I decked Dominik Diamond

        Some years ago, I was returning from London on the Caledonian sleeper. One of the great pleasures in life is watching London disappear behind you from the vantage of the lounge car, so I'm sitting with a beer and fall into conversation with a chap who finds a space at the same table. After a while, having listened to him for a bit, I felt compelled to point out that he sounded exactly like one of the voice-over artists on a daft program a few years back, "Badly Dubbed Porn". He's "Well, actually...". It was Lewis MacLeod, latterly of many other voice-over gigs, such as Radio 4's Dead ringers.

        A lovely man, and I was well entertained over two bottles of Prosecco obtained from the galley (I did buy one of them).

    3. jonathan keith

      Re: Halle Berry? big deal!

      I attended a Dubai cocktail party with the entire cast of Are You Being Served.*

      *I was six, far more interested in the Lego, and Dubai at the time was breeze-block buildings alongside a road through open desert.

      1. M.V. Lipvig Silver badge

        Re: Halle Berry? big deal!

        One of my favorites. Got the entire series, and the follow-on series Are You Being Served Again.

        1. Paul Herber Silver badge

          Re: Halle Berry? big deal!

          Was it free?

      2. xyz123 Silver badge

        Re: Halle Berry? big deal!

        Buys cocktails for the cast......Get this inside you..you'll love it.

        Are you supposed to swallow anything given to you as a gift by the public? etc

      3. Golgafrinch

        Re: Halle Berry? big deal!

        You just reminded me of my all-time favourite scene from Are You Being Served: "Would you tell his Majesty to walk this way?" "That would be more than my job is worth!"

    4. xyz123 Silver badge

      Re: Halle Berry? big deal!

      Helen Worth gets really angry if she looks sad and you say "keep your chin up". Friend did this once when he met her....she was furious.

  7. UCAP Silver badge

    Japan trips

    In the late 90's I was doing work for a satellite communications company (no long defunct) that was building a new SATCOM system with handheld terminals. Common enough these days, but at the time it would have been state of the art. The prime contractor for the ground segment was a certain well-known Japanese company, which meant I had to go over to Japan for meetings a few times of year. Because the company I was working for tended to really splash the cash, we normally stayed in a top 5-star hotel in Yokohama. However one trip the hotel was not available - unfortunately the Japanese Imperial Royal Family was staying and had booked up the entire place!

    On another trip, we returned to Tokyo airport in plenty of time for our return flight, only to find that the flight was cancelled due to the aircraft having broken one of its engines (a new engine was being flown out, but not until the next day). We where offered seats on the next flight, but that was 4 hours away. The manager in charge of the trip basically said "that is not acceptable" and stormed off; 30 minutes late he was back with a beam smile and clutching tickets for an alternative flight with another airline that left only a few minutes after our original flight, Unfortunately, business class was full, so we where forced to fly First Class.

  8. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
    Coat

    Before I read the article ..

    I've read the title. The only association I have with Halle Berry and I.T. is the hacker job interview she gave in the movie "Swordfish" . I can only assume that is not why the correspondent "told her where to go"

  9. Lazlo Woodbine Silver badge

    Reminds me of the time my employer at the time switched from an ERP written by a local company with local tech support to, mmm... Oracle.

    Naturally the whole thing went tits up immediately, and seeing as the business couldn't stop work as we supplied several large supermarkets, we had to fix the problems whilst the warehouse was still operating.

    During the fortnight it took to get everything working I was put up in the best hotel in town, with a wonderful 4-room suite which I used for less than 4 hours a night.

    I told my boss the Travelodge was closer and cheaper, but he told me he wouldn't have any of his staff staying there...

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      You sorted out an Oracle problem in a fortnight, even if it did take 20 hour days? Birmingham council and Edinburgh University want to speak to you right now.

      1. Lazlo Woodbine Silver badge

        To be fair, it was only doing one job, not running a council.

        The tasks required to fix it were mundane, and wouldn't have been needed if the owner had listed to his senior staff and delayed the switchover by a week.

        Still, I got to spend 4 hours a night in a comfy bed and accrued a shitload of overtime :)

  10. Bebu
    Windows

    Lucky Terry

    I had to google (duck-gg) Halle Berry - I must get out more - but have to agree with our pseudonymous Terry (who once wrote a book about a so-hot-right-then programming language.)

    Must have been around 2000-4, I am guessing, and putting my poker chips on C# which might put Andrew Troelsen in the frame. :)

    Not sure whether this is high tech Where's Wally or Goonish Casting Crustaceans.

  11. Tim 49

    six-person jacuzz -> murky sex-pond

    1. Wally Dug
      Thumb Down

      FTFY:

      six-person jacuzz -> murky sex-pond

      six-person jacuzz -> mucky pond scum*

      *(and things resistant to all known antibiotics. So I've been told, ahem.)

  12. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Golly

    On my long-ago work travels, the most famous hotel must have been the Palmer House, once and maybe still the best hotel in Chicago, and only a few blocks from the customer site. I remember it chiefly for two things: cheap-looking blankets; next to the Gideons Bible, the memoir Be My Guest by Conrad Hilton, nth-great grandfather of Paris Hilton (who was not then famous). I assume that Grandpa Hilton's ghostwriter let GH's voice come through, and will say that he sounded much more interesting than his descendant, if still an odd duck.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Golly

      SWMBO once booked our hotel for a Chicago vacation through one of the discount websites that doesn't tell you the actual hotel until you complete your booking (Priceline, maybe?). I hadn't heard of Palmer House before that, so I was extremely apprehensive about what we'd find. When I found the place and saw that the lobby was one floor up from street level, I was anticipating something similar to Elwood's apartment from The Blues Brothers.

      That was a very pleasant surprise.

      1. Ozumo

        Re: Golly

        Did you get me my cheese whiz, boy?

  13. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge
    Unhappy

    No particular business hotel sticks in my mind as having been particularly opulent, but the worst one definitely does.

    The whole place was a rather down-at-heel establishment in a rather down-at-heel neighbourhood. My room was pretty ropey, not at all clean, and featured a patio door type thing which opened into a back alley but couldn't be locked. Fortunately that opened inwards so I decided to move the bedside cabinet in front of it to stop it opening. That was when I discovered the previous occupant's stash of drugs underneath the cabinet.

    After a fitful night's sleep punctuated by the sound of police sirens, I went for what laughingly passed for breakfast. There was no dining room available, so I ended up in a store cupboard, sitting at a table next to a pallet of toilet rolls, umpteen industrial-size bottles of cleaning fluids and, I seem to remember, a dog.

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Fawlty Towers?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's nice to hear Premier Inn (ha!) have upped their game.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm sure upgrades aren't given out randomly.

    I got upgraded for a one night stay after a long flight into a distant timezone. I'm pretty sure they knew all I would do in the expensive suite is fall into bed and sleep.

  15. d3vy

    Well, once I got to stay in Lymdale apartments in stoke while on a contract... so, yeah, beat that.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Which is how he met Halle Berry."

    Which was nice.

  17. TchmilFan

    Tomorrow's World

    I wouldn't call this "on call", but it kind of fits.

    In a previous life, used to work for Canon and they employed Peter Macann (from BBC's "Tomorrow's World" and the Virgin Atlantic Challenger reports) to front the launch of the LBP-8III laser printer at Shepperton Studios. As part of the deal, he was given a Canon PC - yes, a *Canon* PC - probably a 486, can't recall, and a shiny new laser printer.

    Anyhoo, one winter's evening, I was sent to his cottage in leafy Buckinghamshire to set it all up. DOS, Wordperfect etc

    Great guy, super house and we had a lovely stew for dinner, which was nice. I was a little disillusioned that the "Tomorrow's World" man wasn't great with computers but it was a minor disappointment and I'm sure he got better at it.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Tomorrow's World

      " LBP-8III laser printer" The first laser printer bought for our office. Might have just been LBP, or maybe LBP-II. Looking at the pics, not a III. Our only came with 128k RAM, so one had to be very careful on how man graphic images were in a page or it would run out of memory.

      "Canon PC - yes, a *Canon* PC" Never heard of them. Until just a day or so ago when I watched a retro computing thingy on YouTube about a Canon PC. Coincidence that you also mention one too? Or guerilla marketing by Canon in preparation for a re-launch?

  18. Steve Kerr

    Working out in Romania a long time back for a number of months, used a hotel that was used by film companies, so got to meet a bunch of actors (i don't know who is who so don't remember who!) and film crew.

    Been in some expensive hotels in stockholm, well, everything is expensive really!

    Funniest was a hotel in Guernsey where every room has its own colour co-ordinated style from the bed linen to the walls and paintings, the bed was high enough up that you could either roll out of bed into a standing position or get into bed without bending your knees or falling onto it! Seems it was the place to go for the restaurant and bar. Anyway, one of my colleagues had to stay there once and when he went to check in they said "Are you sure you're at the right hotel?" - That was hilarious when he told me the story!

  19. Caver_Dave Silver badge

    Formula 1

    I used to work in Formula 1 in the 1990's and supplied timing gear to all the teams bar one. The drivers used to come to me an ask all sorts of analysis questions based on the times. I never once asked one of them for an autograph, which was probably a mistake. I do have a slide of me that was taken by Nigel Mansell, and a pre-written publicity photo that Tiff Needell stuffed in my hand at a show once, and I got on television a few times for the F1 and for charity works.

    But conversely, 3 times I have people walk up to me and ask if I am Tom Cruise when I have been out with my family. This has caused them much hilarity, especially as I am about a foot taller than him!

    Worst hotel: little place near the Magny Cours circuit in France, run by a mad German ex motorcycle racer, who walked around the restaurant with a Baseball bat shouting "mange, mange!" I didn't dare complain that the bed looked as though a Sheep had slept in it!

    Best hotel: A grand hotel overlooking the Opera house in Lviv, Ukraine. At breakfast a large gentleman motioned if he could sit at the same table as I was already at. I said "Yes, but I only speak English", to which he answered "I only speak American" in a Southern Drawl. Turned out he was riding his Harley around Europe for the summer and stopping in the top hotels that would place his bike in safe keeping.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Formula 1

      "Worst hotel: little place near the Magny Cours circuit in France, run by a mad German ex motorcycle racer, who walked around the restaurant with a Baseball bat shouting "mange, mange!" I didn't dare complain that the bed looked as though a Sheep had slept in it!"

      Why did I just get a mental image of Basil Fawlty and hear "don't mention the war!"

  20. StargateSg7 Bronze badge

    Waaaaaaay back in the day when still doing sysadmin work, i was sent to our northern British Columbia, Canada data centre site when it was still a set of 40 foot containers in a remote well forested backwater that was a 4 hour drive away from civilization via 4x4 Jeep offroader.

    It was winter and -42 Celcius and my "hotel room" was a canvas Hot Tent with a wood stove and a massive cot with multiple king size thick plush blankets as my sleeping arrangement.

    I stayed two weeks in -40 temps setting up a Unix (not Linux!) server farm used for financial processing. Power was VERY CHEAP and it had a big fibre optic line connection which is why it was put where it was!

    While very cold outside, the Hot Tent was indeed hot all night long and i had the best sleep ever due to no noise other than the wind in the trees. On clear nights you could see the entire plane of tne Milky Way galaxy in all its glory due to no light pollution.

    We also got to eat massive BBQ Steaks, pork chops, salmon and goose meals with big shots of excellent French Cognac every day that was expertly made by the camp cook. It was nice, if a bit cold! Can't really complain.

    The only famous person we saw in those years was a big oil hedge fund manager who had one of the first custom modded 6x6 Ford F350 Crew Cab offroad trucks with onboard satellite comms for his forays to inspect the new data centre location. He fit the description and demeanor of J.R. Ewing aka Dallas TV show lead character! A cowboy hatted Texan in the middle of northern Canada driving a 6x6 truck on a remote forest service road was a sight to see!

    I miss those days!

    V

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "big shots of excellent French Cognac every day that was expertly made by the camp cook."

      It's always nice when the cook has his own still :-)

      Sourcing the grapes might have been a challenge though :-)

  21. eldel

    In the last century I was doing a short notice customer call in Stockholm. In February. Customer had arranged the hotel, I got in at about 9pm. Dining room had closed and I'm not a fan of hotel food anyway so I went out to look for a pizza or something. Clearly I wasn't going to hang around in those temps and once round the block, even having failed to locate any food, was enough.

    Next morning I'm on site and some of the locals, who I knew quite well, were asking me if I'd been out the previous evening. When I said yes they were asking me if I'd seen anything interesting and seemed disappointed when I answered in the negative. Apparently I'd walked around the red light district. Either the local "suppliers" aren't venturing out in those conditions or I really really don't pay attention to my surroundings when it's food I'm looking for.

    Probably both.

  22. Richard Pennington 1

    Corporate hotel bookings

    Years ago, I used to work for a large firm well away from the red end of the spectrum. We had a client in Bradford, and I was required to use the corporate facilities for the hotel booking - which resulted in a 4* hotel booking in the middle of Leeds.

    Since this was being charged straight to the customer (with the usual markup), I suggested that this was over the top for my modest requirements, and the customer might find it cheaper to do the hotel booking themselves - and a Travelodge wold be about the right level for me.

    The next time I went there, the customer made the hotel booking, and I stayed in the Travelodge in Bradford at about half the rate of the Leeds hotel.

    I was happy, and the customer was happy.

  23. 45RPM Silver badge

    Not the lap of luxury but a definite WTF moment. Back when I was a spotty yoof, freshly stamped out of uni with a degree and no idea what I wanted to do with it, I got a job doing tech support for a supplier to the print industry. As such, they had a stand at a big print expo - and I was dragged along to demo the latest, hottest, in printing and scanning technology (and along with it, Apple’s new hotness - the 9600, and Microsoft’s new NT4 (because whilst Apple was where the editing software ran, their OS of the time wasn’t reliable enough for serving or ripping - but I digress))

    3M were nearby and they had a very cunning plan for getting punters onto their stand. They were running a free bar. And, just to be really sure, the bar maids were all glamour models. Game, set and match you’d think - no one wanted to see my boring demo. Except…

    On my lunch break I got chatting to one of them and she asked me what I was doing. I told her - and she wondered if it might be possible for me to scan her portfolio and burn it to CD. Well that would be more interesting than photos of Whitby. I cleared it with my boss - and the next day, my demo was a lot spicier. 3M served the beer, and the punters came over to the stand where I was working where the big screens (well, big-ish - small by todays standards - they were all CRTs) were showing full nudity, and from all of the women working the 3M stand, who’d decided that they wanted theirs on CD too.

    As a token of thanks, I was invited back to one of the models hotel room for drinks. But no, I didn’t take her up on the kind offer. It might have been the start of a beautiful relationship, but I don’t think my girlfriend would have been best pleased. And, similarly, I didn’t keep any of the scans for myself. Mind you, I didn’t keep any of the scans of Whitby either.

  24. xyz123 Silver badge

    Laptops/phones are now waterproof PRECISELY so people can use them in the company-paid jacuzzi. Thats the sole and only reason Samsung/Apple etc improved the phones water-resistance.

    JUST for the hotel pools.....

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