back to article BOFH: The new Boss, Aiman, is suspiciously good – for now

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns So I'm sitting in on an interview committee to choose a new Boss. A new Boss from a candidate pool of one. Aiman. One applicant never showed, one called this morning to say she had a better job elsewhere, and the third of the four possibles wanted to negotiate his package by doubling his …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I need a boss like that ...

    At least I'll be able to get the important things done.

    1. Bebu
      Windows

      Re: I need a boss like that ...

      Careful what you wish for!

      This episode is too close to lived experience for my liking. :(

      The Djinn boss - you rub the the brass bottle and poof "your wish is my command" - never Barbara Eden is it?

      Actually the F Anstey novel "The Brass Bottle" (1900) is worth a read and the 1964 movie too in which Eden also appeared (non Djinni role.)

      Inevitable defeat as a consequence gratuitous wish fulfillment seens to be the lesson of both book and movie. :)

      I imagine Simon is going to have his new boss quietly sectioned and strap his boss AI/LLM model onto the boss' home computer and periodically siphon the boss' bank account into his own bofh slush fund account.

      1. claimed Silver badge

        Re: I need a boss like that ...

        I can’t tell if you’re joking, I read this thinking the boss didn’t exist, it’s already an AI and the human interviewed was a stooge - so no home computer either, and salary is already going to the BOFH

        1. Martin an gof Silver badge

          Re: I need a boss like that ...

          I don't recall it ever stating that it was an in-person interview. My take was that it was an AI from the start. Starting with the rather odd spelling of Eamonn.

          M.

          1. claimed Silver badge

            Re: I need a boss like that ...

            Ah, I was thrown off by the “no show”, thinking then that the one candidate actually showed up, but you’re right it was probably a video conference interview - makes even more sense!

          2. Elongated Muskrat Silver badge

            Re: I need a boss like that ...

            Yeah, "AI Man" was a bit of a giveaway in the article's title...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I need a boss like that ...

        "This episode is too close to lived experience for my liking. :("

        While I have encountered some very unusual HR stories, surely 'bring someone else's child into work' day is fiction...

        1. 9Rune5

          Re: I need a boss like that ...

          surely 'bring someone else's child into work' day is fiction...

          Some years ago, a Norwegian politician brought his underage lover along to a dinner with the prime minister. The minor was not a relative.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: I need a boss like that ...

            "The minor was not a relative."

            Does that make the situation better or worse?

          2. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Roger Kynaston
    Go

    But but ...

    How can you defenestrate him with a cattle prod?

    Great episode though.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: But but ...

      No need, he's on the payroll…

      1. stiine Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: But but ...

        He'd probably fit on a modern SD card...

    2. T. F. M. Reader

      Re: But but ...

      Defenestrate? I am pretty sure the software does not run on Windows in the first place.

      1. trindflo Silver badge

        Re: But but ...

        OMG, I'm not porting our software, I'm defenestrating it! I never knew. Thank you.

  3. Aladdin Sane
    Coffee/keyboard

    bring someone else's child into work

    New keyboard please.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: bring someone else's child into work

      I work from home and two of my kids are homeschooled. Our best family-level friends have the kid-candidates, and it would just turn into playtime for all of them, especially in the summer -- outside in the pool (and uninterrupted work for me, or an early log-off for pool time).

  4. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Pint

    Hilarious!

    Apart from passing the time, I do not doubt Aiman's salary (and settlement money) will somehow end up in Simon's Lager fund.

    Aiman as a name was a bit of a giveaway, I must say. Great episode nonetheless, and 'bring someone else's child into work' day is brilliant (as is ordering chairs for all employees with standing desks.

    1. jmch Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Hilarious!

      "Aiman as a name was a bit of a giveaway"

      I find it brilliant. It is both too obvious (making it therefore missable), and also sounding sufficiently ethnic that HR will steer well away from challenging either the name or the person for fear of being discriminatory

      1. Flightmode

        Re: Hilarious!

        My guess was that the other three candidates were genuine, but that Simon had made them pull out by clever mail server admin tricks. Faking two incoming withdrawal emails and two outgoing "the position has been filled" emails and passing the wrong interview address to the third or something.

        1. doublelayer Silver badge

          Re: Hilarious!

          I don't think he needs to do that if he can just submit three fake candidates. Preventing any communication from real people is harder than submitting communication from fake people.

    2. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

      Re: Hilarious!

      I did wonder if was a reference to this guy: https://www.capgemini.com/about-us/management-and-governance/board-of-directors/aiman-ezzat/

  5. Terje

    A nice new BOFH episode was just what I needed today! Surprising though that Simon will not use this to have the "boss" sign for some nice new hardware purchases, looks like a missed opportunity to me!

    1. Coastal cutie

      Give it time, Aiman has only been there a few days......

      1. PRR Silver badge

        > Aiman has only been there a few days......

        Where?

      2. Toni the terrible

        Well if this guy's name was spelt Ariman he would fit in with a BOFH easily...

    2. tezboyes

      I suspect that the new Boss may start ordering its own hardware upgrades...

  6. crosenblum

    Points out that Bosses are AI

    In that sense that most are void of any content or anything beyond bodies uttering air.

    I think AI is the latest version number for Vaporware, but what is that version number anyhow?

    Our mental cattle prods are charging, with usb-c no less.

  7. bemusedHorseman
    Trollface

    Esperanto? That's for rookies

    Aiman should have suggested the company learn Finnish instead. "Modern computing society rests on the back of a single Finn", and all that. Plus it's a fun language to swear in, surely a benefit for Simon. Perkele!

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Esperanto? That's for rookies

      Unua Teknikisto Rimmer malkonsentus kun vi

      1. Shalghar Bronze badge

        Re: Esperanto? That's for rookies

        Esperanto is the official galactic unions language in the "stainless steel rat"/James Bolivar diGriz series from Harrison.

        The intriguing thing about this artificial language is a very simple, non mutating grammar and for non-esperantians its astonishingly readable in textform. I came across a text in esperanto in a german textbook in primary school/"grundschule", third term and could understand quite a lot of the text. Later coincidental contacts with texts in esperanto were a similar experience.

        1. An_Old_Dog Silver badge

          Esperanto and Non-Mutating Grammar

          Esperanto is simple and straightfoward, and will stay so, until it becomes widely-spoken. Then, like all other widely-spoken human languages, it will mutate, because people always have, and probably will continue to, mutate their spoken languages. Homonyms will be created, intentional mis-spellings will gain currency, linguistic puns will be made, and marketers will do their corruptive bit (the latest trend is the omission of vowels in company and trade names; locally, I've seen "Hyphn", "NBRHD", etc.).

          1. bemusedHorseman

            Re: Esperanto and Non-Mutating Grammar

            Yup. Even languages that have official academies that dictate What Is and What Cannot Be (French, and to a lesser extent Castillian Spanish), dialects will always happen (Quebecois French, every Spanish that isn't Spain Spanish). ...In fact, you could argue the reason Esperanto hasn't taken off (besides its lack of intrinsically-bound identity and culture besides "look at me learning this language"), is because of the stiff-upper-lip approach to following Da Rules™. It's a noble idea, creating a language that can be anyone's second language regardless of their first language... but until there's a critical mass of people for whom Esperanto is their birth language, it'll always remain a niche.

            1. Shalghar Bronze badge

              Re: Esperanto and Non-Mutating Grammar

              As there are already other made up languages around, at least it might survive along romulan, klingonese and the tolkien-novel related gibberish.

              But its still the only artificial language i know that gives fast access to basic understanding, pretty well designed as it seems to me.

      2. Cheshire Cat
        Go

        Re: Esperanto? That's for rookies

        Voku la halan pordiston, estas rano en mia bideto!

    2. Jonathan Richards 1 Silver badge

      Re: Esperanto? That's for rookies

      If we're alluding to one Linus Torvalds, I think I'm right in saying that his native tongue is Swedish, and he speaks Finnish fluently, but as a second language. Further reading

      1. bemusedHorseman

        Re: Esperanto? That's for rookies

        Well, he definitely swears in suomi when he sees bad pull requests on the LKML.

        Semi-related fun fact: Lithuanian is one of the few languages to not have expletives as a general language feature. If you're in Lietuva and you need to curse, mówisz po polsku, kurwa!

  8. Il Midga di Macaroni

    About time HR copped a serving

    The bean counters deserve everything the BOFH has given them over the last 30 years, but HR are nearly as obnoxious to the right-thinking and deserve the wrath of the BOFH too. And using their own touchy feely rules against them is pure style.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      Re: About time HR copped a serving

      HR should get a razzing all the time... keep them off balance! They do it to us enough...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: About time HR copped a serving

        I have worked at one company that had a genuinely wonderful HR manager. She even stood up to the finance director when he asked her to do something illegal (he was desperate to cover up some dubious decisions he'd made by getting another director fired). It ended up with the finance director being frogmarched off the premises. The HR manager was then in the sights of some of the other directors with dodgy things to hide, such as giving contracts to mates that they then never delivered on. Things got quite nasty, but taking on a competent HR manager is not a good idea - she stuck it out until she had enough evidence to easily win a constructive dismissal case and net thousands in compensation. Since the company was a part public financed one and the press got wind of what was going on (I was involved in the whistleblowing) quite a few directors left to "seek opportunities elsewhere". My own director, who had given one contract with no sound business case to her lover and another to her close friend, had to agree to a period of not being able to work as a company director.

    2. Toni the terrible

      Re: About time HR copped a serving

      HR persons are call damned to Heck

  9. Thomas Gray

    That made oi laff

    "Bring someone else's child into work day" made me laugh far more than it had any right to do.

    1. ShortLegs

      Re: That made oi laff

      Your comapny /hasn't/ adopted such a thing yet?

  10. Blackjack Silver badge

    ["BUT WHY?" the PFY snaps.

    "Well, it passes the time."]

    "And until that happens guess who is getting most of his pay? I did need a replacement gaming rig... and the killer Roombas needed upgrades... and I was out of beer money."

    "Got the fancy beer then?"

    "Is on tne fancy mini fridge that I stole and hid on the server room... I think during the pandemic? It has COVID beware stickers so it may have been during the pandemic when it would have been quite easy to steal it."

    1. Trygve Henriksen

      Some fridges...

      fits into a 19" rack... Then grab the front bezels of some old DELL servers and stick them to the front.

      As those bezels are full of holes and gaps and general lack of design, grab a stack of old Hot-plug disks, cut the end with the locking arm off, connect wires to the LEDs in that piece and stick them to the door before placing the bezels.

      For extra points, fit pressure transducers to the shelves and use an arduino to display the number of lagers on each shelf as a RED LED among the Green ones.

      Yes, you can use a RPi to connect it to the network and show it all on a fancy website, but what's the fun in that?

      1. Martin an gof Silver badge

        Re: Some fridges...

        I had a boss once who nearly bought a a rack mount fridge but couldn't work out which bits of his rack-mount HiFi to remove from our broadcast-chain racks to make space. Personally I'd have kept the nice CD player and amplifier and lost the satellite crate; no-one deserved the Chart Show every week.

        M.

  11. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    A whole new 'learning' experience for the entire company. I like it. I like it a lot!

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "bring someone else's kids to work day"

    Oh I nearly choked laughing at that

  13. TekGuruNull

    Totally OT question

    I've seen "bog standard" used in a context of meaning "the usual." I've also seen it used in a way that clearly suggests it meaning "sh*te." Is it used in both ways or am I missing something?

    Thanks,

    Confused Yank

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: Totally OT question

      I think "vanilla" might be a fair translation. I've never heard it used to mean "actively bad" but your basic, entry-level thingy is never very good, so there is scope for confusion on that point.

    2. Jonathan Richards 1 Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: Totally OT question

      I think that the closest USian phrase would be "garden variety". That is, perfectly ordinary, normal, run-of-the-mill, plain... you get the picture. It doesn't usually mean sub-standard or shoddy. Now, shoddy is an interesting word, originally it was

      Sorry, Nurse says I have to stop now.

      1. M.V. Lipvig Silver badge

        Re: Totally OT question

        Shoddy is an in-use USian term. The Britspeak term that might confuse a USian that means the same is shonky, but we here on the far side of the pond know shoddy when we see it. Your assumption that garden variety is the same as bog standard is correct though.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Totally OT question

          Unless you come from the Spen valley part of the textile industry specialising in using recycled woollen fibres - not necessarily from old clothes, but also from waste generated within the textile and tailoring industries. It had the reputation of being hard-wearing but down-market.

          1. F. Frederick Skitty Silver badge

            Re: Totally OT question

            It wasn't hard wearing, just cheap. The word "shoddy" came to wider use as meaning "of low quality" when a politician made a speech about it in parliament and ripped a piece of shoddy cloth in half to show it's lack of durability.

      2. TekGuruNull

        Re: Totally OT question

        I see. I see. I get the picture.

        Seriously, "garden variety" makes it very clear. I think perhaps part of my confusion was a coincidence. Bog standard and bog roll.

  14. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    New icon needed

    For dropping your mobile in the toilet at work while hiding from your boss. damnit made me laugh so much they also managed to find me and drag me off to a meeting....

    Luckily , for all my bad behaviour and cynical attitude I'm pretty much un-fireable... unlike our new production engineer who was a bit out of his depth.... And no the PFY did not push him into the plating tank either (it was very tempting though....... )

  15. pip25
    Happy

    The name had me completely fooled

    Yes, I am duly ashamed of myself.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: The name had me completely fooled

      Your new job in HR awaits... :-p

  16. xyz123 Silver badge

    I now want to solve technical disagreements with a dance off!

    1. An_Old_Dog Silver badge

      Dance-Offs

      I suspect most nerds (including myself) dance more-poorly than management-types. Let's not put ourselves unnessisarily at a disadvantage in technical disputes.

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