
Another one bites the dust
Ah, I have the feeling that "AI" is going to have a certain importance for BOFH this year.
Can't wait to find out how the bosses will be ground into paste . . .
BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "It's going to be amazing!" the Boss burbles, positively foaming at the mouth. "What will be?" the PFY asks. "It's a bit hush-hush," the Boss teases. "So hush is the best plan?" I suggest. "No, I think you can be trusted," he chirps back. "I'm fairly sure we can't," I respond. "It' …
"AI is clearly going to be the time wasting,expensive and useless buzzword based clusterfuck of the next year or two."
A good opportunity for the oldies among us to dig up some reports we wrote a long time ago, search and replace 'fuzzy logic' or 'expert system' by 'AI', and then be congratulated on our quick response and insights :)
I had forgotten about 'expert systems'.
A long time ago, after a 'reorganisation' and 'new' management we were instructed to start writing procedures of how things are (specifically) calculated because it ought to be formalised. Now the detail they wanted to obtain was 'how do these guys design the product'? We were making bespoke machinery with very high efficiencies (genuine) and they wanted to know how it was done. It was technically challenging, interesting but also an art. It took us under twenty seconds to rumble that the 'expert systems' were so they could 'offshore' first the design, then detailing and manufacture and they could sit back and make us all redundant. Being the geniuses they were, they made us redundant first, then sold off the old designs and were really pissed off when we formed a new company making a similar product. Nothing was copied but improvements didn't need to go past the bean-counters for assessment. In fact, we didn't have a bean-counter: we bought in the accounting tasks as needed. (We did get a full-time bean-counter when we were bought out; his first step was to make redundancies.)
"A good opportunity for the oldies among us to dig up some reports we wrote a long time ago, search and replace 'fuzzy logic' "
Wasn't too long ago I dumped a text by Lofti Zadeh on Fuzzy Sets, Logic and Systems from the '70 I think.
Fuzzy Logic is/was used LG washing machines I believe so had some practical uses which AI, ignoring Douglas Adams' loquacious elevators and Red Dwarf's Talkie Toaster, hasn't.
Another Zadeh title "Fuzzy Logic and the Uncertainty of Management" might be up the BOFH's alley (but I might have got the last two words of the title back to front :)
Expert Systems seemed to have faded from fad to the decision trees they appear to have been from the outset. Prolog was pretty big then too - probably most expert systems were written or prototyped in Prolog (Turbo Prolog shipped with a simple geographic example I recall. Digitalk Smalltalk/V had a Prolog interpreter implement in Smalltalk/v with a similar prolog example I vaguely recall.)
The more things change....
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《Its been theirs since 1937.》
So its going to take more than a winged keel and a decent shifter take the Cobblers Cup from them then?
Btw '37 that would be around the time IBM is reputed to have been doing (dodgy) business with a certain central european totalitarian regime?
I just heard that an cow-orker of mine has watched youtube videos of how to use AI to do their job: I see no way that that can go wrong or lead to less than stellar output. This sound perfectly fool-proof, as in being a reasonably decent proof that someone is a fool.
And I predict that the output *will* be stellar: solar flares can be quite disruptive and cause problems...
"cleaning alcohol*"
I understand spectra(-photometric) grade ethanol is top notch. :) [95% 190 proof (US)]
No el Reg unit of alcohol content or (lack of) sobriety? milliRatfaces? deciPeers?
*I understood this to be isopropyl alcohol - even koumiss would be a preferable tipple.
Going to the stockroom I once got a pint of "alcohol" to solve some film problems. Taking a closer look I discovered that it was spectroscopically pure ethanol. This is better than 95% or 190 proof. The bottle sat in our lab and little by little it was used to static electricity in a film camera. Worked perfectly.
Would it blow your mind to hear that spreading avocado onto toast works out cheaper than using butter, if you buy them from a greengrocer?
In any case, I'm all for the inexperienced having a bit of a think about what they are going to do, before doing it. If only we could apply that to the sales team.
@Elongated Muskrat
That is either ultra cheap avocado, or very expensive butter, or you use a massive amount of butter on your toast!
.. as this is further complicated because an "opened" avocado does not keep that long before it goes off, but an opened pack of butter keeps for months... Or are we assuming a massive toast fest to ensure avocado used rapidly?
The greengrocers around our way usually do three or four (depending on size) for a pound, which works out as enough to spread on 6-8 large slices of toast (we buy large 1200g loaves of authentic sourdough from the local bakery, a slice of which is probably twice the area of a standard slice of white garbage). Call that an equivalent of £1 to cover 15 slices of sliced white food-like bread.
A 250g packet of butter currently costs £2.40 in a well-known-supermarket-that-heavily-features-the-colour-orange. At 20g of butter per slice, which is a reasonable amount to use, that would cover about 12.5 slices for 2.4 times the cost. Even if you were to use twice as much avocado on your toast, and say half an avocado per slice of standard-white, that still works out cheaper than butter (and gives you more of a coating).
Typically, one avocado in our household provides the covering for two large slices of toast, which is breakfast for two people (usually plus a couple of poached eggs or similar). If you do find yourself with half of one left over, they do actually keep for several days in the fridge if you wrap them in cling-film. Certainly long enough to get used before they go off.
As a gen-x'er, I find myself amused by the way in which the generation of our parents likes to criticise the generation that came after us for their supposedly profligate avocado use. I'm old enough to remember that every middle-class household in the 1970s had a set of little dishes for eating avocados out of. That certainly seems like a bigger waste of cash than providing yourself with an affordable breakfast.
There's so much to ponder in all of those kinds of comments.
For a start. Avocados used to be exotic. A long time ago. They're commonplace these days and have been for a long long time. They are also healthy. And readily available (if you can get one of the damned things in the short gap between hard and brown)
So when people make comments about avocado eating they are rather displaying their own lack of awareness of the world.
You might find that (proper) sourdough works better with diabetes, since the simple refined carbs are essentially fermented out, and it tends to contain more complex carbs and fibre. Gluten is only really a consideration if you also happen to suffer from coeliac disease. Even for coeliac sufferers, there is some good evidence that eating gluten-containing foods doesn't cause a big problem if the foods themselves are not highly processed, and it's the combination of gluten and highly-refined ingredients that causes the worst flare-ups.
The tl; dr; here is that white bread (and most processed "brown" bread) is awful stuff that really fucks with your digestive health.
Absolutely spot on. I live very close to an artisan bakery, and his handmade sourdough doesn't trouble my system at all. But supermarket sourdough (aka sourfaux) makes all the local wildlife sniff the breeze with fear and trepidation. And I'm talking posh Waitrose & M&S bread too.
And despite what you may think, my local bakery actually charges less than the supermarkets too. So, find a local baker, and treat yourself.
I don't think there are any supermarkets at the moment that sell bread. There stock bread-like products, but there is no bread.
Some small bakeries do make bread, but sadly not everyone is lucky to have one locally :/
I have two "bakeries" nearby but they are baking bread shaped sponges.
Waitrose organic bloomers. Actually still have a real crust!
Sourd'oh just tastes like some rye or pumpernickel got in there and it went stale. Give me good ol' stonegound wholmeal any day. Five-seeded if I want some bits to collect and liven up my breakfast muesli.
We are lucky to live somewhere where there is still a street of independent shops nearby - I'm told it's the longest independent shopping street in Europe, although this may be a bold claim. This means there is a choice of a couple of different bakeries; the one we frequent does a decent 1200g genuine sourdough loaf, which not only tastes better than shitey-white supermarket crap, but keeps longer and doesn't go quickly mouldy. It's not cheaper, though, it costs several times as much as a cheap sliced-white jobby. You get what you pay for, and in my case, it's (hopefully) not diabetes.
《Younger developer teams like to use crayons to map processes and "brainstorm" while eating organic avocado sourdough gluten-free toasts and sipping gourmet pink chocolate mocha with raspberry ripple and a gold leaf topping.》
Sounds like a '60s acid (LSD) trip featuring tie died cheese cloth/batik clad hippies workshopping Satre or somesuch.
As Marvin would put it "ghastly."
My pity is reserved for the unfortunate baker who has to produce a sourdough loaf without a gluten containing grain flour.
A place I worked at had a designated pencil office! It was the non-IT supply shop. It had it’s own employee, a manager and an email address. It was open twice a week, 3 hours each for drop ins, and you could send your order in via email to be delivered, just not during the 6 hours a week it was open… Funnily enough, they were next door to the graphic design office. :-}
I always thought that BOFH was satirical meanderings based on post pub-lunch dreaming but this is starting to sound a little too close to higher managements 'good ideas' we are starting to hear teasers about.
They didn't learn their lesson from bean-counter driven cloud migrations so now they are looking to improve on the 'any day now' cost savings from that and virtualise the workforce too
That was always my thought about Dilbert.
I could split each cartoon into one of two categories. Either it was so insane that I thought it could never happen, or I could remember when it (or something very similar) happened to me. And the split was about 50%/50%!
I'm sure that others had the same experience, but would drop some of the cartoons into the opposite category to me!
"I always thought that BOFH was satirical meanderings based on post pub-lunch dreaming but this is starting to sound a little too close to higher managements 'good ideas' we are starting to hear teasers about."
Erm, after nigh-on 30years of reading BOFH (ah how I miss the printed version on a Friday afternoon at BAT).... it almost always been a satirical comment regarding the current manglement big shiny.
"Unstable fasting" is a phrase to remember. That and a "cleaning alcohol" fund (Islay single malt, for preference).
What does puzzle me is that it is only the PFY contemplating the number of ways this could backfire, but maybe Simon was too busy contemplating the number of ways he could (ab)use the system to his advantage,
The title has such a nice "clippy" reference, too.
Here you go. The prompt was: "Could you write a BOFH story where the Boss buys an AI system?".
Title: "BOFH: Artificial Anarchy"
It was a typical Tuesday morning in the beige and lifeless office of the Bastard Operator From Hell
(BOFH). The air was filled with the hum of servers and the occasional muffled cries of helpless
users. The Boss, a well-meaning but clueless individual, strolled into the BOFH's lair with a gleam
in his eye.
"Morning, Simon. I've just made a groundbreaking decision that will revolutionize our operations!"
the Boss announced with a grin that could only mean trouble.
The BOFH, Simon, raised an eyebrow and continued typing on his keyboard. "Do tell, Boss. I'm br
imming with anticipation."
"I've invested in the latest and greatest AI system! It's going to make our processes more efficient
, reduce downtime, and save us a fortune!" the Boss exclaimed, unaware of the impending chaos.
Simon stopped typing and looked at the Boss. "AI, you say? Well, color me intrigued. What's this
magical system supposed to do?"
"It's called CogniTech 9000, and it can optimize our entire IT infrastructure. It's like having a
genius at the helm 24/7," the Boss explained, beaming with pride.
The BOFH leaned back in his chair, a wicked smile playing on his lips. "CogniTech 9000, huh? Sounds
like a real game-changer."
The Boss nodded enthusiastically. "I want you to work closely with the CogniTech team, Simon. Make
sure it integrates seamlessly into our network."
Simon nodded, suppressing a malevolent chuckle. "Of course, Boss. I'll get right on it."
As the days passed, the BOFH pretended to collaborate with the CogniTech team, all the while
plotting the inevitable disaster. He knew that the best way to deal with a new and supposedly
revolutionary system was to expose its flaws.
Finally, the day arrived when CogniTech 9000 was set to take over the reins. The office buzzed with
anticipation as the Boss gathered the team for the grand unveiling.
"We're entering a new era of efficiency and productivity!" the Boss declared, gesturing to the sleek
black box labeled "CogniTech 9000" sitting on a pedestal.
The BOFH, armed with a mischievous glint in his eye, approached the podium. "Ladies and gentlemen,
behold the future of our IT operations."
As the BOFH initiated the transfer of control to CogniTech 9000, chaos ensued. The AI, not equipped
to handle the BOFH's unique blend of sarcasm and disdain for users, went haywire.
Servers crashed, emails disappeared, and printers spewed out pages of random characters. The office
descended into pandemonium, and the Boss watched in horror as his vision of a utopian AI-powered
workplace crumbled.
In the midst of the chaos, the BOFH calmly approached the Boss. "Looks like CogniTech 9000 needs a
bit more fine-tuning, doesn't it?"
The Boss, defeated and demoralized, nodded. "What have we done, Simon?"
"Relax, Boss. I'll fix it. But maybe next time, let the IT experts handle the tech decisions," the
BOFH quipped, leaving the Boss to contemplate the consequences of meddling with forces beyond his
understanding.
And so, the BOFH once again triumphed over the forces of misguided innovation, ensuring that chaos
and job security reigned supreme in the realm of IT.
Just wait! The BOFH will make a BOFH-AI and all your BOFH stories will become BOFH legends.
The BOFH calls his new AI "Simon Travaglia" and it does not require electrical energy to function. Just give it enough chemical energy, in the form of Friday beers, and you will see the new highs of AI writings produced in fantastic quality and numbers.
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Make remember that one to add to my list of costs.
At 35 quid a bottle (speciality hypo-allegenic made from pure scottish spring water carefully manufactured over about 12 years if anyone asks)
Wether it will get past our new accountant is another matter
Although the clues were there for today's meeting such as the boss going "Got an urgent meeting with a client. see you monday" knowing full well the meeting is at his golf club and neither of them will get past the 19th hole.
But back to the beancounter at the meeting.... and does he drone on and on , our eyes have glazed over while he explains how much money we should have made and keeps on droning on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, while the clock runs slower and slower and each second ticks away like tombs being shut . the PFY has forgotten to send me the bat signal after 40 mins to get me out of hell, and then oh god.... the beancounter starts with the power point slides and I start debating whether to eat my own arm when the QA guy gets awarded a medal when his blood sugar tester lets off the 'low sugar' alarm and he seems to pass out (I can see its in 'test mode') where upon the meeting is stopped while we find the QA guy some sweets and the rest of us go hide somewhere in the factory.
What is it that makes a man(or woman) become a beancounter? and what sort of courses do they take there? something that removes all emotions and empathy leaving a heart unbrideled by a conscience
Just think, you could be walking down the pub later , passing what looks like a normal human being, but really its a chartered accountant with a heart full of dull greyness just waiting for its chance to destroy your mind.
"What is it that makes a man(or woman) become a beancounter? and what sort of courses do they take there? something that removes all emotions and empathy leaving a heart unbrideled by a conscience"
You know some people think similar things about us? Both accountants and techs tend to focus on one area with a lot of complicated and important details which the other people don't understand or care about.
Oh, yes, they are. Think of the kind of detail you find in your job which you think is important, but others either don't care about or understand. There's no backup system, perhaps? Every time someone works with the large file, you're making a round trip to a cloud service on another continent and getting charged annoying egress fees, even though everyone who works with that file is in the same building? The code is running a large spaghetti function which will cause a performance bottleneck if you get three times as many requests per second, and usage has been increasing rapidly? Have you ever had to explain this to someone who really didn't want to spend their time understanding you?
The same thing can apply to accountants worried about some detail about tax filing or audits or even thinking that the company could spend less on something that's costing them. It doesn't mean that they're right, but neither is an IT person necessarily right about the things that bother them.
"Unimportant" is much different from ignorance or lack of knowledge.
RS232 has a different signal voltage than RS485 ? Not really unimportant, as (-3VDC to -15VDC) is a bit unhealthy for a system that is designed for signal voltages from (-7VDC to +12VDC) and vice versa. Although many data bus systems share the same mechanical plug like the well known 9pin D-SUB, not caring what you plug in will get very expensive very fast.
Thats one of the easy ones. The more ethereal the issues are, the less the normal NIP (Non Interested Person) will be willing to accept that there might be more to those arcane rituals than mere egotrip and golddigging show.
Much worse if the marketingspeech suggests that its all the same, like security devices of any kind where self diagnosing NAMUR sensorics really dislike the short circuit checks of other security hardware or where non disactivateable short circuit checks of main and sub device collide and every part of the system irrepairibly insists that the other one is interfering.
There is a multitude of reasons why "the (seemingly)same but cheaper" equals "this combination will not work at all".
But of course, do raise the level of inherent distrust and paranoia (generated by technical incompetence) towards the working sub humans even more, they just make all those things up just to antagonize you.
Getting things past the accountant.
Once, years back, worked at a place where could claim for meals when working offsite (e.g. at a customer for a few days), but they would not let you claim for alcoholic drinks.
Though they did happily sign off my restaurant expenses, they obviously lacked beer knowledge, & assumed instances of "Lucky Buddha" were part of the meal side dishes (can't 100%remember if it was a Chinese or Thai restaurant, probably Thai even though the beer is Chinese)
Though, Lucky Buddha was not exactly the greatest tasting drink, but honour meant efforts had to be made to sneak alcohol past the accountants with such a pointlessly petty rule.
In my younger days we actually used 95% grain Alcohol for cleaning. I worked at a university, and you could go down to the chemistry department and get a whole gallon of UNTAXED alcohol. It was great for cleaning things. Evaporated quickly and left little residue. Never did mix it with other potable products, but I was told about "Tang Bangers" that had been consumed elsewhere. Being UNTAXED it was pretty cheap (couple of bucks for the gallon). The gallon did last quite a long time. We kept it "put away" to prevent misuse. Sadly I never did participate in any misuse, and the tin had lots of warning labels on it.
Long time ago, a galaxy far far away.
> In my younger days we actually used 95% grain Alcohol for cleaning...... It was great for cleaning things. Evaporated quickly and left little residue.
Here also. And paid full price plus sin-tax. Due to puritanical past (and national rum-running), in the USA most common alcohols are very aggressive, or heavily taxed, or leave noxious oils behind. In mag-tape systems, EverClear (95% ethyl alky) from the liquor store is a fine cleaner. Just C2H5OH + pinch of H2O, nothing else.
"Everclear is also used as a household "food-grade" cleaner, disinfectant, or stove fuel alcohol because its fumes and odor are less offensive than isopropyl, rubbing, and denatured alcohol..."
$14 for a small flask (in 2001!) is absurd per gallon but on swabs worked out to like a dollar a year. Because I am a lapsed alcoholic (lost weekends kinda drinker, ex) it was risky to keep EverClear in my shop (it might also raise eyebrows among my wine-drinking overlords), so I transferred it from shiny glass to a dull brown plastic photo-developer bottle, uck.
I can now actually buy good ethyl by the drum in my state. Rated food-grade but not sold for drinking, intended for food and beer machinery cleaning.
I'd have already started an AI consultancy, designed to extract a maximum amount of money with a high energy sales pitch, clods breaking pine boards with punches and other semi-motivational horseshit. I'd just need some sort of product and enough hits to bank a million bucks, then nobody will ever hear from Harvey Veggbanger again.
I do use AI, but only as a supplementary tool, and not as a must-have.
There were times that I asked it something, and it gave me x and y, but omitting z, which I filled in using my experience.
So, as a supplementary tool, it is great to have, but using it to support your bread and butter is asking for big, big trouble.
It do well to remember this : "To err is human, to really foul things up require a computer."