back to article Data wrangler Zuckerberg becomes world's least likely cattle rancher

More used to farming data via his social media empire, Mark Zuckerberg is expanding his horizons to raise cattle at his Ko’olau Ranch in Hawaii - the one where he’s also preparing for the end of the world. FB post by mark zuckerberg Rib-eye for a human guy The world's fifth richest person, with a fortune worth almost $127 …

  1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I'd argue that Dave Bruback was even less likely and yet that's how he was raised. Or maybe there are other contenders.

    We need a musical notes icon.

  2. Vometia has insomnia. Again. Silver badge

    "academia trees"?

    I guess well-read cattle are tastier.

    Angus, a breed of black or red cow, is referred to as Aberdeen Angus because it originates from north-east Scotland.

    So do many of my ancestors but I don't look all that cow-like. I suspect my forebears were probably wild haggis because nothing else can explain why I remain the shape of a Space Hopper no matter what.

  3. PRR Silver badge

    Grow your own B.S.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just when you think you've finally perfected the Zuckdroid...

    It puts a blasted coaster on top of its glass of water!

  5. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    5,000 square feet?

    That's not going to be space for many cows...particularly if he wants to keep anything else underground.

  6. Joe Gurman

    Just to clarify

    That was a lower case "m" in "mac trees" in Zuckerberg's post, so th uppercase "M" in the article is either a typo, or speculation that Macintoshes grow on trees in Kauai.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thinks back to Simpsons episode...."this man has beef poisoning..."

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's almost funny how out of touch with most people's reality his message is. He's the Jacob Rees Mogg of the cyberuniverse.

    1. druck Silver badge

      Jacob Rees-Mogg is perfectly in touch with the people of the eighteenth century.

  9. Winkypop Silver badge


    Westworld 2.0

    Do robots dream of electric cattle?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Am I the only perv here, or does "cum-data-wrangler" sound like a job-title at Pornhub?

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      It probably already is one. If not I'm sure they'd love to get their hands on such customer satisfaction data.

  11. Orv Silver badge

    I thought the Angus beef fad had mostly played out. I feel like he's jumping in kinda late.

    1. Sceptic Tank Silver badge

      Fat Angus

      Not out of fashion in the southern areas of africa. The local posh supermarket chain has all matter of dead Angus products stocked. (These people talk of "vine fruit|" when they mean raisins)

  12. Sceptic Tank Silver badge

    You know you are the product when ...

    Cow 1: "We get to eat macadamias in Hawaii, and have a magnificent sea view from our barn".

    Cow 2 "Yes, even the beer is free"

  13. Xalran

    Evil Magnate Volcano Lair ?

    Why does that ring a bell ?

  14. Bebu Silver badge

    Least likely rancher...

    10,000 lbs of nut per cow per year ~ 4.5t (4500kg)

    According to this Queensland* govt publication you can expect "3.5 to 4 tonnes of NIS per ha (12 to 13 kg per tree)" where NIS is nut-in-shell. Extracting said nut (kernel) is a royal pita. Takes around 16 years for full production from a tree.

    So you would need well over a hectare (ha) ~ 2.5ac per beast considering cattle likely couldn't profitably eat the unshelled nuts (wild pigs can and thus are a problem for growers.) So probably not the most efficient use agricultural resources.

    These tech billionaires are altogether a peculiar lot and I am not sure that the macadamia are the only nuts on this ranch. Martin Clunes once remarked that he had been blessed with a double helping of face where I have always found it odd the owner of facebook appears to have been waiting in the wrong queue.

    *The macadamia tree is native to S.E. Queensland (Mt Bauple in particular.)

  15. Martin Summers Silver badge

    If he does move them underground, one can only presume the cows will be sporting the latest Meta Quest headsets with virtual fields to roam. I'm sure I've seen a picture somewhere of a cow wearing a VR headset.

    1. Roopee Bronze badge


      Imagine the smell down there - brewery + bull shit + bull sick...

      Icon: free methane...

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