back to article Musk floats idea of boat mod for Cybertruck

Never mind that it is years late, hampered by production problems, and still not on the actual horizon: Elon Musk wants to turn the Cybertruck into a boat. As seen in this short video clip shared on Monday, Tesla's veep of vehicle engineering Lars Moravy told former TV talk show host and car connoisseur Jay Leno that making …

  1. aerogems Silver badge
    Windows

    Soon... Like a fully autonomous Tesla car soon, I'm sure.

    1. Oliver Mayes

      That can also burrow its own hyperloop tunnels and transport passengers to Mars by 2035.

  2. Dan 55 Silver badge

    He's certainly scraping the bottom of the snake-oil barrel, but I guess this nonsense will be enough to relieve a few more idiots of their money.

    1. sarusa Silver badge
      Devil

      scraping the bottom

      The bottom is also where these Teslas will be ending up. Well, that's a feature, not a bug, swear!

      1. aerogems Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: scraping the bottom

        At least once the water hits the lithium in the batteries they should be in for quite the fireworks display.

        1. Lurko

          Re: scraping the bottom

          Not quite the the fireworks display you might hope, judging by the unplanned experiment somebody did with their Model S. Do a search on tesla fire underwater, and you'll find the video.

          1. LogicGate Silver badge

            Re: scraping the bottom

            Submersion in salt water is a qualified method of LIon battery de-energizing in preparation of disposal / recycling.

            Keep things ventilated though, because electrolysis may take place.

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: scraping the bottom

              Although not as serious a risk, reversing any car or truck down a slipway to launch your boat or watercraft is going to cause problems in the medium to long term anyway. That salt water gets inside places you can't hose down, assuming the drivers knows enough to even care and pretty much every launch I've seen happen that way, the car or truck invariably ends up at least part way into the water and the driver rarely if ever bothers to hose down with fresh water.

              1. sarusa Silver badge

                Re: scraping the bottom

                And from what we've seen of Elmo's Sports Futility Vehicle, if you tried to launch a boat with it the whole thing would slide down the ramp into the water, with boat and trailer.

      2. trindflo Bronze badge

        Re: scraping the bottom

        Really. You'd think with all his money he could afford something better to put in his pipe.

        A fully electric vehicle in salt water. Can't think of anything that might go wrong there: Sinking of the Conception

        Interesting that the initial cause of that disaster was attributed to lithium batteries, but by the time the bureaucrats completed their reports it was all human error and the batteries officially had nothing to do with it. Yes, the crew was negligent...which is why they didn't notice that the batteries had caught fire.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re: few more idiots of their money

      Don't you mean cult members?

      SKUM and his ilk are the modern Snake Oil Salesmen of yesteryear. There are enough fools to buy his... sorry pay his company good money to rent a vehicle that Tesla can brick at will. You never own it free and clear.

      While I own an EV, I'll never rent a Tesla unless I have it written in Musk's blood that it will never be bricked. mind you... he'll probably try to weasel out of it . nothing is ever his fault just like his boss Trumpo.

  3. Snowy Silver badge
    Joke

    A little

    early for April :)

  4. Raphael

    Clarkson, Hammond and May did cross the Channel in a ute with an outboard attached.

    1. Sora2566 Bronze badge

      I'm pretty sure each of those three knows more about making cars than Musk does, three times over. Probably more about boats too.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        ...and considering Jay Lenos obsession with cars, I can just imagine what was going on inside his head when the claim of making a cybertruck waterborne was put to him. I've seen him talking about cars and he seems to know a thing or two about them. I've not seen the show, but I wonder how he managed to keep a straight face :-)

    2. IGotOut Silver badge

      And how many times did they sink?

      1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

        Just the once...

  5. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
    Coat

    Cyber LandMaster

    https://s1.cdn.autoevolution.com/images-webp/news-gallery-860x/the-landmaster-12-wheel-amphibious-articulated-rig-hollywoods-most-functional-prop-thumbnail_6.jpg.webp

  6. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    Reminds me of the Dutton Reef and the Dutton Surf. The difference being they've both been available for years and they work.

  7. Gene Cash Silver badge

    Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

    Study by car loan giant LendingTree:

    https://www.lendingtree.com/insurance/brand-incidents-study/

    1. Geoff Campbell Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

      "Accidents per 1,000 drivers"? What a pointless measure. Collisions per million miles driven is the only metric that counts, and that's *way* lower for Tesla than the average:

      https://www.tesla.com/en_gb/VehicleSafetyReport

      GJC

      1. simonlb Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

        Collisions per million miles driven is the only metric that counts

        But who was actually doing the driving? The owners or Autopilot?

        1. Geoff Campbell Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

          If you took even the most cursory look at the link I posted, you would see that both cases are way better than the average, and that Autopilot is way better than meatsack drivers. Although one could argue that Autopilot is used more on highways than back roads, which in most countries is a lower-collision environment.

          GJC

      2. Ian Johnston Silver badge

        Re: Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

        If you are an insurance company, "accidents per driver per year" is what counts. How far they drive between accidents is irrelevant.

        1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
          Holmes

          Re: Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

          "accidents per driver per year" is what counts.

          That and the cost and time to repair. As Tesla will not sell us (or anyone) parts then it takes ages to get your Muskmobile repaired because they are so busy. That all adds to the costs that the insurance company has to bear. If your Toyota gets pranged, you can go to almost any bodyshop and get it repaired. Saves time and lowers the costs to the car driver.

          With the advent of these mega castings, more and more small crashes will result in a write off. Yes, they may save Tesla a few $$$ in production but the repairability sucks. Castings are almost impossible to repair unlike bits of sheet metal. They call that progress?

          1. Geoff Campbell Silver badge
            Boffin

            Re: Tesla Parts

            That's a complete myth.

            I do pretty much all the work on my Teslas, and getting hold of parts is trivially easy. Teslas are in fact very good for repairability, with all workshop manuals, wiring diagrams, connectors lists, and parts lists freely available online direct from Tesla, so I can just get the part number, go to my favoured third party garage, and ask them to order for me. I could also order direct from Tesla, but I like to give business to smaller companies, not least because they will know if there's a good third party equivalent available for stuff like suspension or brakes.

            As for repairing "bits of sheet metal", if your crush structure bends, you do not under any circumstances repair it, it *has* to be replaced. At that point, it matters not at all if it is bent steel or cast aluminium.

            GJC

            1. Geoff Campbell Silver badge
              WTF?

              Re: Tesla Parts

              Interesting that someone felt the need to downvote that without commenting. Fucking cowards.

              If you doubt me, take a look at https://service.tesla.com. You need to create an account, but it's all free.

              GJC

    2. MachDiamond Silver badge

      Re: Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

      "Study by car loan giant LendingTree:"

      Big heavy trucks have the problem of inertia and less visibility than a passenger car which may contribute to RAM owners bashing their way through life.

      The drink driving and BMW pairing doesn't surprise me in the least.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: Tesla Drivers Have the Highest Crash Rate of Any Brand

        Bad drivers have a tendency to choose big heavy vehicles "because they're safer" - this isn't conjecture, I've asked owners of Chelsea tractors why they have such vehicles in an urban environment and this is almost always the answer(*)

        It's not helped by the USA's import-tariff ("Chicken Tax" puts a 25% import tax on vans/light trucks built outside the USA) and safety/emissions(heavy vehicles have fewer regulations on safety, MPG and emissions, so are more profitable for makers) driven love affair with light trucks/vans/suvs

        (*) Traffic calming measures mostly exist to protect children walking to school from vehicles containing children being driven to school

  8. Howard Sway Silver badge

    The vehicle almost floats

    All aboard the twitanic!

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: The vehicle almost floats

      Submariners call their vessels "boats" - given the weight of the Cyber Truck, "boat" may well be the apt term

    2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: The vehicle almost floats

      "All aboard the Twatanic!"

      FTFY!

    3. Christoph

      Re: The vehicle almost floats

      Hey, with just a tiny bit of reinforcement he could take it down to have a look at the Titanic.

    4. Michael Hoffmann Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: The vehicle almost floats

      Great, another narcissistic billionaire with a submersible... deja vu, all over again!

  9. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C Silver badge

    flying car FFS

    we wants us a flying car.

    It's almost like he don't not never read el reg at all

    1. mirachu

      Re: flying car FFS

      Flying DeLorean please, Cybertruck is ugly.

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: flying car FFS

      we wants us a flying car.

      He already did one. It just overshot a bit.

    3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: flying car FFS

      Flying Tesla prototype?

      https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HwVPFcdBW-M

  10. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Facepalm

    007 Lotus Esprit?

    Whatever became of the example from the film he purchased and said he will get actually working as a submersible?

    1. Strahd Ivarius Silver badge

      Re: 007 Lotus Esprit?

      the tricky part is to have the submersible emerge again...

      1. Michael Strorm Silver badge

        Lotus Esprit Elmo Challenge

        Yeah, but if he was a supporting character in a Bond film, the Lotus would slowly emerge from the water... with Musk slumped over the wheel and very dead, having been offed by some henchman of the *real* Big Bad to whom he'd outlived his usefulness.

  11. trevorde Silver badge

    Will fly (if driven off a cliff)

  12. Rikki Tikki

    7,000 lbs?

    Please, some of us don't understand these strange terms. Can we have this in Reg standard units - or failing that in SI units.

    1. Dostoevsky

      Re: 7,000 lbs?

      It means "don't deadlift it."

    2. IGotOut Silver badge

      Re: 7,000 lbs?

      It's roughly 55 Taylor Swifts.

      1. Ian Johnston Silver badge

        Re: 7,000 lbs?

        Or 78 without the lipstick.

    3. aerogems Silver badge

      Re: 7,000 lbs?

      So it would be...

      364.9808 Adult Badgers

      3.5661 Great White Sharks

      2.1169 Skateboarding Rhinoceri

      0.0706 Australian Trams

      0.0059 LINQ Hotel Recycling

    4. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: 7,000 lbs?

      7000lbs is 3182kg.

      Class B on a UK driving license is up to 3500kg maximum authorised mass. If that 7000lbs is kerb weight then there would only be 318kg available for people and cargo before into getting to C classes. Ordinary driving licenses can include some class C's but a medical certificate may be required depending on age and issue date. Maximum authorised mass is set by the manufacturer. Driving without passengers or cargo does not move the vehicle into class B. A 318kg limit would be a bad restriction on a big expensive truck.

      1. Screepy

        Re: 7,000 lbs?

        This is true but I don't think the cybertruck is coming to the UK or Europe as far as I've read.

        US licenses are a bit more relaxed on the weight limits.

        I believe it changes from state to state but 10,000 lbs (4,545 kg) seems to be quite a common limit over there. So that would give users about 1,000kg to play with.

        Hopefully one of our US readers can give us a better idea of the allowed weight limits on standard licenses..

        1. Dan 55 Silver badge

          Re: 7,000 lbs?

          It's not only the weight, it's not coming to the UK or EU because there's no cumple zone and it might as well have a giant razor blade attached to the front.

        2. renniks

          Re: 7,000 lbs?

          Not a Yank, but all you have to do apparently is call it a 'camper' and you can drive something upto just shy of 12 tons...

          https://www.campanda.com/magazine/rv-special-drivers-license-requirements/

          That place is a nuthouse

        3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: 7,000 lbs?

          "So that would give users about 1,000kg to play with."

          So, driver only or maybe room for one small passenger?

      2. EvilDrSmith Silver badge

        Re: 7,000 lbs?

        So a quick check of the cybertruck website (and apologies in advance for not using approved Reg units).

        95" wide by 223.7" long = 2.4m by 5.9m, which gives a rough plan area of 14.2m2

        empty weight of 3.2t displaces 3.2m3 of water (1m3 of water = 1 tonne), so it sits about 0.22m in the water (if it doesn't leak) (and ignoring tires and wheels, and any other appendages)

        Payload is given as 2500lbs, so that pushes it to a draft of about 0.3m

        Ground clearance is 17.5", height is 70.5", so overall height of body = 53" = 1.35m. (Not a simple cuboid shape, but sufficiently so over the lower body that would be below the waterline for a simple w*l*h calculation)

        So in theory, if it doesn't leak (big if), it should be possible to make the thing float.

        Of course, the shape of the vehicle looks like it would encourage a bow wave to form, flow over the cab and into the load bed, which would simultaneously drive the vehicle nose down (as the water flows over) and further into the water, and destroying any buoyancy created by the load bed.

        Plus you need good seals everywhere.

        And if it starts to leak, and thus to sink, you then have water pressure holding the doors shut, so getting out might be a tad tricky.

        I don't think I'd take one for a swim.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: 7,000 lbs?

          The best part is, I bet there's a lot of (structural!) aluminium and/or magnesium alloy bits underneath just begging to be used as sacrificial anodes to protect the "nice" stainless body panels from corrosion the second the unholy abomination touches salt water.

      3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: 7,000 lbs?

        would only be 318kg available for people and cargo before into getting to C classes

        I have C1 on my drivers license - I think that, when I took my test (1982, passed first time..) it was something that got added automatically.

    5. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: 7,000 lbs?

      When looking at measures of mass and thus weight, the numbers aren't useful as to the user. What the user needs to know is on which *category* of weight the object falls into:

      1 - I could carry it all day

      2 - I can lug it for a bit

      3 - I can just about yoick it into the car

      5 - I can just about get the bugger to shift across the floor when I shove it

      6 - It's not going anywhere (without a long lever and a sufficiently immovable object to use as a fulcrum, such as a forklift truck)

      7,000 lbs is so far into category 6 that it doesn't matter fo me

      1. doublelayer Silver badge

        Re: 7,000 lbs?

        I'm interested to see how many cars you can find in any category except 6. There may be a few things in 5 which can be shoved, but I'd like to see a category 2 car. Oh, and was there supposed to be a 4 there? You might need a new category system when user-carried is not part of the plans, replaced by user-carrying.

        1. iron Silver badge

          Re: 7,000 lbs?

          I had a category 2 car when I was a kid, of course it was pedal powered. ;)

          A 2CV might count if you had two people.

    6. Allonymous Coward

      Re: 7,000 lbs?

      It’s one Musk Ego.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Briefly used as a boat

    When he first posted this nonsense to Xwitter at the end of September last year, the best response was from the Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources:

    'Our derelict vessel crews are begging you to understand that anything that “serves briefly as a boat” should not be used as a boat.'

    https://twitter.com/waDNR/status/1575541070427193350

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Briefly used as a boat

      I'd like to think that he'd take one for a demo sail. He hasn't personally demonstrated the brain/computer interface one of his other outfits is working on so I don't suppose he'll try this either. Pity.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Briefly used as a boat

        It's apparently really good at killing monkeys.

      2. My-Handle

        Re: Briefly used as a boat

        He failed one of the innate prerequisits for a brain / computer interface.

      3. cyberdemon Silver badge
        Gimp

        Re: Briefly used as a boat

        In the same way as the iPhone that can "briefly charge wirelessly in a microwave oven"

  14. TheMaskedMan Silver badge

    I'm sure it could be done. I mean, humans have been making things float, then watching them sink - sometimes from the inside - for thousands of years. But WHY would you want to do this? If there were any serious need for such a vehicle, surely the major manufacturers would have been knocking them out for years?

    Still, I can't fault his Muskiness for his imagination in coming up with these motions. When he gets round to imagining the helicopter version, I might be tempted:)

    1. IGotOut Silver badge

      I come up with every time I go out on a bender, the difference is I don't have a few £billion to chuck around and see what sticks.

    2. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: Why

      This is not a matter of addressing a popular use case but taking advantage of an opportunity. A normal car is a structural frame to spread support from the wheels to light bodywork. A boat is structural hull with a frame to distribute the mass of large components.

      The original plan for cybertruck was structural bodywork. Back when it was just a concept the idea of making it dual use as a boat was floated because the structure more strongly resembled a boat than normal cars do. Manufacturability has twisted the original plan but the boat option has apparently survived.

      Tesla has had difficulty getting doors to fit properly. The factory for cybertruck has problems with precision manufacture - partly because stainless steel is a difficult material and partly because structural bodywork is less forgiving.

      Talking about a cyberboat now is just a distraction from other bad news: Mass production is easily two or three years away. (I only doubled what Musk said - feel free to add a few more years).

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why

        "Tesla has had difficulty getting doors to fit properly. The factory for cybertruck has problems with precision manufacture - partly because stainless steel is a difficult material and partly because structural bodywork is less forgiving."

        I must observe that I see shonky panel gaps and lax assembly standards on almost any US designed and built car.

        1. midcapwarrior

          Re: Why

          "I must observe that I see shonky panel gaps and lax assembly standards on almost any US designed and built car."

          As opposed to any British designed and built car.

          1. theOtherJT Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: Why

            Ah see, we solved that by not doing it any more!

            1. Alan Brown Silver badge

              Re: Why

              It may be a surprise but several cars have been designed and built in Britain under non-british names: Eg: Nissan and Toyota. The Primera/Almera/Xtrail were all designed in Sunderland

      2. Michael Strorm Silver badge

        3-in-1 Cybertruck: It's a car! It's a boat! It's a Dead Cat!

        > "Talking about a cyberboat now is just a distraction from other bad news"

        Exactly.

        Not to mention that- I suspect- they also hope it's a more positive way of at least keeping it fresh in peoples' minds.

        The fear being that by the time they're able to finally mass produce them to (barely) acceptable standards circa mid-2026, the Cybertruck will be a "remember that?" from several years back, yesterday's news with the only novelty remaining being "they finally got that working?" and not even rich tech bro manchildren with money to splurge on boys' toys to impress their friends with being interested any more.

    3. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      But WHY would you want to do this? If there were any serious need for such a vehicle, surely the major manufacturers would have been knocking them out for years?

      Easy-

      https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-67755697

      A woman died in floodwaters outside Charleston, South Carolina, and three men in north-eastern states were killed as the storm moved towards Canada.

      Engage Swim mode, and your Tesla will save you, albeit probably briefly but when in Swim mode the fart option blows bubbles to distract you while you sink/get electrocuted/burn/gassed. Then again, if the Swim mode included rapidly inflating external airbags to aid bouyancy, they might also work to protect pedestrians. But I approve of this idea, after all, as the article says-

      Drive it into a lake and, well, it might be more of a hazard to its passengers - something sure to pique the interest of regulators.

      But on the plus side, it keeps the streets safer for pedestrians. Keep death off the streets! Drive on a lake!

      1. imanidiot Silver badge

        The biggest danger in getting swept away in flood waters is generally not so much the water, but all the crap floating in and getting tangled up in the water. Most cars will float for a surprisingly long time if the doors are kept shut, but get swept up in highly turbulent fast flowing water and unless you have a jet-boat capable of going on plane, you're going to get swept away, trapped under some logs and crushed to bits by all the debris getting rammed into you.

        1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

          ...but get swept up in highly turbulent fast flowing water and unless you have a jet-boat capable of going on plane, you're going to get swept away, trapped under some logs and crushed to bits by all the debris getting rammed into you.

          You say that like it's a bad thing? But the Cyberduck will be bulletproof, so no floating or jogging trash will be able to smash the windows! From inside, or out! I guess as an alternative, it could come with a swim kit. So bed full of lead to make sure it's not bouyant, some ex-Soviet tank crew 'rebreathers' they were supposed to use for river crossings, and your Tesla can now just keep on trucking along the river bed.

          1. MachDiamond Silver badge

            "You say that like it's a bad thing? But the Cyberduck will be bulletproof, so no floating or jogging trash will be able to smash the windows! "

            I don't know about "bulletproof", but the roll out event showed is was perfectly safe from tennis balls.

  15. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "A Tesla driver was this month ordered to pay $23,000 in restitution for a crash that killed two people"

    In the US? The judge must have run out of ink before he could write the rest of the zeros.

    1. MachDiamond Silver badge

      "In the US? The judge must have run out of ink before he could write the rest of the zeros."

      That was a criminal trial so there may have been some statutory limits. The civil trial, which should be a slam dunk now, can have all the zeros it wants.

  16. Michael Hoffmann Silver badge
    Joke

    (advance apologies to non-German readers)

    If he could make it fly as well, he could call it the Fliewatüüt!

    1. MiguelC Silver badge
      Go

      "It can be briefly used as a boat", said Space Karen.

      It can be similarly briefly used as a plane.

      So it is the Fliewatüüt

  17. A Non e-mouse Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Protecting electrics from brief water spray isn't too hard.

    Protecting an electric system working at approximately 1,000v and probably carrying a similiar magnitude of current, plus a shed load of lithium from water immersion is going to be a heck of a lot harder.

    Icon for what happens when you get this wrong.

    1. MachDiamond Silver badge

      "Protecting an electric system working at approximately 1,000v and probably carrying a similiar magnitude of current, plus a shed load of lithium from water immersion is going to be a heck of a lot harder."

      Many EV battery packs are a complete bastard to prize open so provided there aren't any unsealed holes, it could do ok. Fresh water isn't all that conductive. If you studied your Scrapheap Challenge properly, The Nerds just left the electric flapping in the current with their diver tow submersible. Longevity could be an issue. Salt water will be a big dose of fun regardless and you just know somebody will try it.

      1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

        And the motor(s)...?

        1. imanidiot Silver badge

          As long as the winding insulation is intact (and most motors don't work well or at all if it isn't) then electric motors are absolutely fine with working submerged. In fact, they love it as it provides excellent cooling.

          1. Ian Johnston Silver badge

            Commutators? Slip rings?

            1. imanidiot Silver badge

              Don't really care in fresh water. At worst you might get aquaplaning of the brushes at some speeds. In salt water you'll lose some performance but the path through the coils should still be a far lower resistance, so you'll likely still get plenty of power out. There's other reasons you might not want to submerge your motors in salt water though (corrosion, corrosion and corrosion being the main 3. Followed shortly by more corrosion)

            2. Alan Brown Silver badge

              Those are old-fashioned concepts which don't exist on teslas

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I work on EV systems (for big boy trucks, not Elon's pet project). Our HV stuff is fully sealed, has to withstand high pressure spray, and immersion of at least 30 minutes in 1m of water (1m above the highest point on the assembly)

      Also, Li-ion batteries have very little metallic lithium in them (if they're working correctly). If water gets inside, electrolysis is a bigger deal since you now have sparks, oxygen, and hydrogen in close proximity.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    “Boat” version to be made from titanium

    The Titanium Tank.

    “Titanik” for short.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: “Boat” version to be made from titanium

      I was going to suggest "Cyberf**k", but that would be more appropriate aimed at Musk himself, most likely from whoever Joe Pesci plays in the tech bro version of Goodfellas or whatever.

  19. xyz Silver badge

    I'm beginning to wonder...

    If he has a pile of his old kids' comics in this toilet that he jacks off to. Can't be long before he comes up with Falcon Heavy module for it as well. It doesn't matter how many whizzbangs he nails to his cybertruck... It's a dog, it looks crap and maybe the best way to sell it is to make it kiddy sized, attach pedals and emit ray gun sounds.

    1. MachDiamond Silver badge

      Re: I'm beginning to wonder...

      "If he has a pile of his old kids' comics in this toilet that he jacks off to."

      Do a search for 1978 Penthouse and Curtis Brubaker.

      1. iron Silver badge

        Re: I'm beginning to wonder...

        Having found the issue you'[re talking about, the first thing you see on page 1 when you open the cover is an advert for... Musk. LOL

        Also that futuristic car is 100% the Cybertruck.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: I'm beginning to wonder...

      It reminds me of something from Mad Max or other films of that ilk. Badly fitting, welded on panels, which Tesla have a reputation for along with that whole post-apocalypse look it has. The preppers are probably drooling over it thinking they can charge it up from a couple of recycled solar panels :-)

  20. Korev Silver badge
    Pint

    > Oh yes, please, get in the sea

    >You know, can't all vehicles briefly act as a boat?

    Mr Vigliarolo is on form today, have a breakfast pint -->

  21. Admiral Grace Hopper

    Fizzzzzzzzzzz!

    If it wasn't for all the lithium and the way it plays nicely with water I am sure that it would make a very good boat anchor.

  22. Ian Johnston Silver badge

    I suspect that future histories of Musk's companies will include the phrase "despite their owner" rather a lot.

  23. Ochib

    Rule 32. Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water.

    1. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker
      Pint

      Have this for the 70 Maxims reference -->

  24. imanidiot Silver badge

    Endemic Tesla problems

    "the Cyber Truck, which has suffered from quality control issues."

    This is by now an endemic Tesla problem. Their quality control is shit. I've STILL yet to see a Tesla with all straight and even panel line (to the eye, no need to break out the micrometer like the Japanse brands do). New vehicles seem to be hit or miss. Most are fine, some spend the first year of their life in and out of Tesla service centers for various ailments/DOAs that simply shouldn't have existed in a brand new vehicle leaving the factory. Quality of internal trim is also... not great. To the level I would expect of a Dacia or a Skoda or something, not a car as expensive as a Tesla.

    All of this really has me wondering whether or not it might be time to just fire the entire production and factory engineering team and start fresh. But then I remember that that Tesla has always refused to listen to industry experts and claimed it could do everything better, faster and cheaper than the companies that have been making cars for decades and cost optimized their production lines to the last hay-penny. Then it all makes sense.

    Some of Tesla's engineering (specifically drivetrain and battery) is impressive. Musk is the sort that seems to forget just how important factory and production engineering is to actually get mass produced products off the line correctly and on time.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Endemic Tesla problems

      "Quality of internal trim is also... not great. To the level I would expect of a Dacia or a Skoda or something, not a car as expensive as a Tesla."

      Can't speak for a Dacia, and its antecedence doesn't bode well, but I've owned a couple of Skodas for over six years each, and they have extremely good build quality inside and out.

    2. Ian Johnston Silver badge

      Re: Endemic Tesla problems

      As someone said, a £50,000 Tesla isn't a £50,000 car. It's a £25,000 car wrapped around a £25,000 battery.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Endemic Tesla problems

      "Musk is the sort that seems to forget just how important factory and production engineering is to actually get mass produced products off the line correctly and on time."

      Considering the punishment a Falcon 9 1st stage goes through on take off, flight and landing, it make one wonder if the SpaceX engineers could teach the Tesla engineers a thing or two about machining and welding :-)

      1. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: Endemic Tesla problems

        Unlikely. Mass manufacture of automotive bodies is a dark art in engineering all unto itself and it's unlikely the skills and techniques of low volume, high cost (comparatively) of a rocket booster translates well or at all to automotive manufacture.

  25. Mike 137 Silver badge

    "You know, can't all vehicles briefly act as a boat?"

    This one, supposedly, for up to 100m. Presumably, it sinks after that like any other ordinary car.

    But quite apart from that, as far as I'm aware both high voltage batteries and electric motors dislike getting immersed in water.

    Oh and by the way, what's the intended drive mechanism. Road wheels don't work well in water unless there's solid ground beneath to make contact with, and if that's present this sounds like just another fording-capable car (see Land Rover).

    Musk is clearly a wizard at finance and self promotion, but, for all his pretensions, certainly not an engineer, just a paymaster of engineers. But barmy concepts aren't necessarily deliverable, even by good well funded engineers.

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      Re: "You know, can't all vehicles briefly act as a boat?"

      This one, supposedly, for up to 100m. Presumably, it sinks after that like any other ordinary car.

      It doesn't specify horizontal or vertical. This may be due to Tesla not really knowing how well the improved door seals will hold out given variability in fit. Once that's done, we might get a better idea of it's crush depth as well.

      1. Lurko

        Re: "You know, can't all vehicles briefly act as a boat?"

        "we might get a better idea of it's crush depth as well."

        We need this checking properly. Strap Musk in, hoof the CT off a ship over the Puerto Rico trench, and then have the Navy listen for the sound of a can being crushed as the CT descends 8.6 km to the seabed. I know there's slightly deeper bits of ocean, but Puerto Rico is quite handy for travel from the US.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "You know, can't all vehicles briefly act as a boat?"

      > Musk is clearly a wizard at finance and self promotion, but, for all his pretensions, certainly not an engineer, just a paymaster of engineers.

      Ironically, more Edison than Tesla.

      1. doublelayer Silver badge

        Re: "You know, can't all vehicles briefly act as a boat?"

        I don't know, Tesla was pretty good at taking something that someone else invented, making a modification to it, and getting the credit while the actual inventor who achieved it first was relegated to a "who is that". Then again, although almost all of his accomplishments were derivative rather than revolutionary, he was making them through his own knowledge and effort, so Musk still doesn't get that far.

    3. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: "You know, can't all vehicles briefly act as a boat?"

      The one thing you DON'T want when fording is bouyancy...

  26. s. pam Silver badge
    Megaphone

    Musky Boy's boat anchor

    Firstly it is likely deadly to pedestrians with its wedge-like front end, and secondly undersea it'll be a great boat anchor due to the incredible weight of the beast.

  27. Omnipresent Bronze badge

    excellent idea

    I suggest shooting it into the sun for your next trick.

    1. ArguablyShrugs

      Re: excellent idea

      Too much delta‑V needed – you need around 30 km/s to launch things straight into the Sun, excepting some fancy planetary flyby assists or long burns de‑orbit a few AU out there. Plus there is always the danger of Sun burping in disgust, and you don't really want any Solar burps of THAT magnitude...

      Much easier to just fling it out of the Solar System altogether, although once it crashes into the first peaceful Vulcan vessel, "winning the argument" with it the Musk way, you might have an interstellar war at your hands...

      Best, throw it into the Jupiter. Let's see how much crush‑proof it really is ;-)

  28. Bebu Silver badge
    Windows

    Cyberduck(ing)

    Given the thing weighs over 3t and sort of doesn't float why surrender to the inevitable and sink it properly so you could drive it along the bottom of the lake. I take it the batteries don't need oxygen to work so if Musk stops the blighters catching fire underwater (or in car parks) and provided air for the driver and passenger the cyberduck would be good to go once he got rid of any unneeded buoyancy.

    Not really new some Darwin locals drove an electric vehicle (converted Toyota Landcruiser) across the bottom of Darwin Harbour https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-30/nt-world-record-darwin-underwater-drive/102665924

    As you might imagine not a lot of entertainment in the Top End - hunting, fishing, drinking (the M/F ratio is low so not a lot of opportunity for wenching.)

    1. Strahd Ivarius Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Cyberduck(ing)

      Did the locals win any local award?

      1. James O'Shea

        Re: Cyberduck(ing)

        one can only hope.

  29. Charlie Clark Silver badge
    Stop

    Bait & Switch

    I suspect the whole thing is an attempt to stop people who've ordered one from cancelling their orders and thus making cashflow even more difficult. Talk up the product to keep the suckers attention. What will the next wheeze be? That, with a small modification or add-on, it can fly?

    1. MachDiamond Silver badge

      Re: Bait & Switch

      "I suspect the whole thing is an attempt to stop people who've ordered one from cancelling their orders and thus making cashflow even more difficult."

      Once you place an order, you have to give Tesla a non-refundable deposit as opposed to the $100 refundable reservation fee that just holds your place in line to place an order. Reservation and Deposit gets used interchangeably a lot, but they are very different for legal reasons.

  30. Groo The Wanderer Silver badge

    Ooh, goody, so soon I can start calling it the Cyber-Tanic as well as the Cyber-Edsel! :)

  31. gnasher729 Silver badge

    There’s a video online showing a “cybertruck” going up an incline and failing. It’s a bit uphill, and there’s a bit of snow, but looks harmless enough.

    I’m sure a cybertruck can easily drive into a 100 metre wide lake. I’m not so confident that it can get out on the other side.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lovely subtle mockery via the front page thumbnail

    Even in thumbnail form, that composite of a Cybertruck crossing the ocean you used is so hilariously- and intentionally?- unconvincing that it couldn't have more perfectly reduced Musk's latest nonsense to the level of (man-)childish silliness it deserves to be treated as.

  33. Matthew "The Worst Writer on the Internet" Saroff
    Trollface

    Apartheid Era Emerald Heir Pedo Guy™ Has Become Homer Simpson from "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"

    You know, the one where Homer designs a car, and only Bart likes it.

    https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Oh_Brother,_Where_Art_Thou%3F

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cybertruck?

    I wouldn’t be seen dead-in-the-water in one.

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