BOFH: Just because we've had record revenues doesn't mean you get a Xmas bonus BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns NOW IS THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT! Yes, it's Christmas Bonus time once again and the cupboard is most certainly bare – not because the company is doing appallingly, but because the directors of the company have decided that they want the bonus money to be given to the less-well-off in …
A bit heavy handed of the BOFH - redolent more of a Lubyanka Square basement than his trademark gently assisted flight from the nearest window down to the carpark. The times we live in I suppose.
The whole board (minus one recently deceased) voluntarily incarcerating itself doesn't seem credible until you mentally substitute members of the UK government (current and recent) for the board and then the ill considered and unseemly rush to the basement is all too believable although in this imagined case the house bricks would likely have more takers.
A bit heavy handed of the BOFH - redolent more of a Lubyanka Square basement than his trademark gently assisted flight from the nearest window down to the carpark.
A bit heavy handed? I don't think so. Inviting them to look out the window from the top floor might be heavy but also works.
Our C-Suite completely missed the fact that once we became not US head quartered, we would be basically shut down for 4 months while we set up the necessary NSA IT requirements.
Our bonus is based on targets defined before the takeover became finalised and so we have no way of achieving them in only 2/3rd of the time. I'm sure they will still get their bonuses though!
As usual the workers suffer for C-Suite errors, but the C-Suite take credit for workers achievements/
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That would be treason! A better way would be to hide the documents onsite, let it be known that the documents are missing, then let the C suiters know what it will cost for the documents to be found behind a filing cabinet instead of, say, in their car, in a briefcase, in a folder marked "For Vlad's Eyes Only."
I worked for a company making high end aerospace stuff, the company (part of a multi-national) came up with a pay agreement for us plebs that involved getting a christmas bonus if the profit figures were achieved... nowt wrong so far, the margin was 6% profit on our 20million+ turnover.
Needless to say, we scrimped and slaved, got the jobs done on time, under budget and everything else one does when we can see month on month we're making 7% profit .. yay
December came round and the the beancounters announced that they'll have to check the figures over the financial year which ment a 4 month delay to our xmas bonus (seriously not happy plebs at this point)
April comes round..... and the beancounters come back with "sorry... only made 5% this year no bonus." The boss is not happy while us plebs are reaching for the pitchforks and burning brands.
And the breakdown of the figures is published showing that an item that had run at 4% of turnover for the past 4 years, suddenly rose to 6% of turnover... just enough to avoid paying the bonuses.
One strike vote later (and the boss was like "aww dont go on strike guys, I lost 2K in bonus too..... I'll have to stand in front of the board and explain why you're strike and why I failed to stop you all going out the main door while taking these pre-printed on the company printer picket signs I had made up 30 mins ago"
A senior member of the board was despatched to meet us and was swiftly brought around to our way of thinking(although a basement room with a vent valve was not involved.... the vote was close though)
and he returned to head office to give the beancounters a slap and thus xmas joy resounded through the factory(although it was May by this point)
The problem with canning the bean counters is that you really need access to some specialist food production equipment, or some 55 gallon drums and a printer that can do very large labels.
On the plus side, you can sell the tinned mystery meat for pig food to top up the bonus.
Sounds similar to a bonus I nearly had some years ago.
You get a bonus if you meet your finantial targets. My devision met its targets. The UK business as a whole met its targets. The European side of the business met its targets. The merkins didn't, so nobody got a bonus.
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