Vote now on who should take the lead in Musk: The Movie

A biopic of Elon Musk is in the works, with Walter Isaacson's authorized biography of the controversial figure serving as the source. But who should step into Musk's shoes? Only The Register readership can advise. We had to check the date on the Variety article a few times to make sure that the announcement of a Musk biopic at …

[DJV]

Donald Trump!

Just look at the similarities:

Has the right physique for cage fights (well, I expect he probably thinks so).

Had a similar privileged upbringing.

Frittered most of his money away on bad business ideas (but claims they were all successes).

Enjoys being sued by lots of people.

And is also a great actor (what do you mean, he's not acting?)

[Neil Barnes]

You missed one...

Danny De Vito in his 'Taxi' days...

[Sudosu]

Re: You missed one...

I was thinking Charlie Sheen.

[Denny.Colt]

Re: You missed one...

I was thinking Nicholas Cage

[b0llchit]

Himself as Himself

There is only one Ego big enough to fit his Ego. Therefore, His Muskness will be played by His Muskness himself. The film will be featured containing all footage not part of the film script, filling ten hours of rants, insults and falsehoods depicting His Muskness in the Light of His Muskness Himself in all True Colours.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: Himself as Himself

And shades of Austin Powers in Goldmember!

I'd love to see Musk trying to act, even himself. Probably the closest thing to Tommy Wiseau from The Room if he isn't available to do it!

[Jedit]

"I'd love to see Musk trying to act, even himself"

Go watch Iron Man 2 then - Musk cameos as himself.

For myself, I'm making a write-in nomination for Ezra Miller.

[HeIsNoOne]

Re: "I'd love to see Musk trying to act, even himself"

Also has a cameo as himself in an episode of The Big Bang Theory

[heyrick]

Re: "I'd love to see Musk trying to act, even himself"

"Musk cameos as himself."

He does? Whoa, it must have been severely underwhelming as I have no recollection of him.

[Jedit]

Re: "I'd love to see Musk trying to act, even himself"

He's the guy slobbering on Tony Stark's knob in the restaurant. Of course that was 14 years, at least one divorce and lots of fascist ego-tripping ago, so he looked like a vaguely normal human being instead of a half-melted waxwork.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Himself as Himself

Actually Mike Myers isn't the worst choice ...

[Andy Non]

El Reg's suggestion

of Donald Duck seems fitting. I can just imagine his squawking tantrum rages.

[Lurko]

Re: El Reg's suggestion

You're entirely right, and dammit, I frittered my vote on Mike Myers.

Please, please Regmeisters, can I change my vote?

[heyrick]

Re: El Reg's suggestion

I went for Nic Cage because nobody does batshit crazy freak outs quite like Cage.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: El Reg's suggestion

I dunno, does Musky suffer permanently from piles, and use chili infused Preparation H to treat them? That's the only explanation for Nic's eternal look of pained discomfort.

[Nick Ryan]

Donald Duck? How about Scrooge McDuck?

Although Donald Duck's habit of going incandescent with rage, spitting and frothing at the bill are pretty apt.

[Anonymous Coward]

Scrooge McDuck????

Wouldn't Glumgold be more appropriate? Scrooge McDuck (at least the Tennent version) is quite a likable and capable character...

[aerogems]

Scroogle is more miserly than curmudgeonly. He's not a bad person, he's just cheap.

[Elongated Muskrat]

I'd go with Cyril Sneer, for those of a certain age.

[Nick Ryan]

Good call - that would definitely work.

[Anonymous Coward]

Joaquin Phoenix

Joacquin Phoenix, with his experience of playing mentally unhinged clowns ("The Joker") and monumentally egotistical rulers of the world ("Napoleon") should have the chops to try take on Musk.

[RockBurner]

Re: Joaquin Phoenix

Seconded, first actor I thought of when reading the article.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Joaquin Phoenix

And JP has got that sinister, complex bad guy vibe down to a tee (Commodus in Gladiator as well as Joker and Napoleon).

[Steve Button]

Re: Joaquin Phoenix

Don't forget "Commodus" in Gladiator. Also a mentally unhinged egotistical ruler of the world.

[A. Coatsworth]

Re: Joaquin Phoenix

Nah, way too dignified. It would be giving too much credit to the source material, to use such a good actor. Same goes for Christoph Waltz.

Rob Schneider would be closer to the cringe-worthiness mark needed.

[Ace2]

Re: Joaquin Phoenix

Ooh, I was all-in on Nic Cage but Rob Schneider is perhaps the perfect choice…

[Fr. Ted Crilly]

May I humbly offer up...

Ben Stiller, he's irritating enough straight off the bat....

[Khaptain]

Whoever wrote this article

It would be much funnier if the El Reg author of the article played the role.. Since we all know how much the San Francisco staff absolutely loves E. Musk.

[Sorry that handle is already taken.]

Re: Whoever wrote this article

Hmm, they must have their heads screwed on the right way around in that part of SF

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Whoever wrote this article

I'm pretty sure a British reporter wrote this one

[Khaptain]

Re: Whoever wrote this article

"I'm pretty sure a British reporter wrote this one"

Surprising as the rhetoric has much the same bias as is typical of the SF office..

[doublerot13]

The whale

What about that fat bloke in The Whale?

[My-Handle]

Re: The whale

Why would you inflict that on Brendan Frasier?

[doublerot13]

Re: The whale

> Why would you inflict that on Brendan Frasier?

You're right. Sorry.

[Quotes]

Ugly bags of water

AI generated CGI

[Benegesserict Cumbersomberbatch]

Re: Ugly bags of water

AI generated CGI of the poo emoji.

[Rikki Tikki]

My first thought was the late, great, Benny Hill. Would have to be AI generated, of course.

Just imagining the closing credits to "Yackety Sax".

[Howard Sway]

The whole AI resurrected Carry On team would be even better. Carry On Don't Lose Your Investment, starring Sid James as Elon Musk, Barbara Windsor as Grimes, Kenneth Williams as Jack Dorsey and Charles Hawtrey as Mark Zuckerberg in the cage match scene.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Isnt That A Better Cast & Title

For SBF?

Icon - "Cor blimey, wheres me bit tokens gorn" /Sid James

[gv]

London's finest thespian

There's only one man for the job: Steven Toast, last seen in Tinseltown.

[Locky]

Donald Duck?

Shirley his uncle Scrooge would be more fitting, he already has the swimming pool full of cash

[Jellied Eel]

I don't get it

Surely it should be Brie Larson? Smash the patriachy, bring the cheese! Female tech billionaires are grossly under represented since Elizabeth Holmes, so it only seems right and fair.

[lglethal]

Nic Cage for the win...

I had to go with Nic Cage. When it comes to doing batshit crazy, is there anyone better in the industry?

(But this was a seriously hard choice, there are so many good options!)

[MisterHappy]

Kevin Durand

The Paul Bettany movie "Legion" was on Film 4 last night & when Gabriel kicked open the door to the diner I thought "Oh crap, it's Elon Musk!"

[trevorde]

Only one choice, really

Steven Seagal - so that he kicks Zuck's @55 in the cage fight

[Sorry that handle is already taken.]

Re: Only one choice, really

I don't know about that... Steve's in his 70s and unlike Space Karen, Zuck has actually been training.

[aerogems]

Re: Only one choice, really

I think he's too busy using his tongue to check Putin for rectal polyps these days.

Why not go with Van Damme? Sure his accent is French, but like the average American movie-goer is going to know the difference between that and a South African accent.

[heyrick]

Re: Only one choice, really

"Sure his accent is French, but like the average American movie-goer is going to know the difference between that and a South African accent."

You owe me a new keyboard. And monitor. And wall paint. And mug.

This is surely my favourite comment of the year.

[Doug 3]

a vote for Lewis Black

I was thinking Lewis Black would make a quite amusing Elon.

[JoeCool]

Kevin Spacey

A reprise of his character from "Swimming with Sharks".

[Tubz]

I voted for Nick, only because Gary Busey was not listed, this is not acceptable !!

[aerogems]

Mr. Bean

What about the guy who played Mr. Bean? Especially if he's largely mute like Mr. Bean. The guy who played Pee-Wee Herman is dead, otherwise that'd be another good choice.

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: Mr. Bean

I think Rowan Atkinson would rise above this one, don't you, Baldrick?

[b1k3rdude]

No one, because WTF needs to watch a movie about this f**king imbecile!

[aerogems]

This, of course, is the correct answer, but it seems the movie is going to be made regardless.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Philosophically, if a movie is made but nobody watches it ....

[aerogems]

A bear shits in the woods?

[jake]

I have horses. I have absolutely zero interest in seeing a movie about the narcissistic twat.

[John Brown (no body)]

I agree because I have a cat![*] :-)

* No, not a white fluffy one.

[Vincent van Gopher]

AI Musk

AI Musk 'deepfake' ready to go courtesy of ScaredKetchup. Perfect and brilliant!

https://youtu.be/Mq8KT9hR0DE?si=SLRFU59tuZbsqQR-&t=72

[aerogems]

Mel Gibson

Another thought: Mel Gibson. He's a racist and antisemitic asshole just like Twitler.

[Vincent van Gopher]

Re: Mel Gibson

I see the phantom Musk lover has been along again and downvoted a lot (every?) comment that isn't kind to Musky - there're some strange people in this world that can't see through other's (Musk's, Trump's, etc.) bullshit. Sad.

[aerogems]

Re: Mel Gibson

It's an honest day's work. Maybe Twitler's budget has shrunk so they don't get paid enough to actually post a bunch of the bullshit they used to.

[Dr. G. Freeman]

I remember a couple of months back a poster promoting this, it had Terrence Howard as Musk.

Think that was a good choice.

[Mike 137]

Question

If myopic means short sighted, does biopic mean seeing double?

[DJO]

Why live action?

Hand the whole thing to the Spitting Image production team, they already have at least one Musk puppet and they have the most suitable theme tune imaginable with "I never met a nice South African".

[cookieMonster]

Boris, yer only man

Seriously, Boris would be brilliant in this

[Toni the terrible]

Re: Boris, yer only man

Boris is not so competant that he could play him self, let alone Musk

[Anonymous Coward]

Tedious snark ..

“They would need to portray deep themes such as absence of humanity.”

Xitter under Musk is the last truly free speech zone, not under the control of the state security apparatus.

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: Tedious snark ..

[philip_j_fry_not_sure.gif]

Not sure if serious or sarcastic here...

[JoeCool]

Re: Tedious snark ..

On the one hand he uses Xitter.

On the other there's the subject.

I went with downvote.

[Michael Wojcik]

Re: Tedious snark ..

Poe's Law is strong with this one.

[Vincent van Gopher]

Re: Tedious snark ..

"free speech zone" - of course it is, unless you're criticizing Musk, Trump or any other narcissistic, dangerous loonies.

[JoeCool]

Re: Tedious snark ..

Well it's close race between xitter and truthsocial I guess

[Robert D Bank]

Re: Tedious snark ..

The last free speech zone is whatever Israel decides

[Surreal Estate]

Some great options, but I'd suggest Rainn Wilson. Maniacal absurdity assured.

[Elongated Muskrat]

Suella Braverman's looking for a job

Why not be an equal opportunities employer? Arseholes come in all genders and skin colours, after all.

[Ball boy]

I see your Mike Myers...

...and raise you Peter Sellers.

Who could forget his socially inept Clouseau or - even better - the very unhinged Dr. Strangelove.

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: I see your Mike Myers...

The only problem there, of course, is that he's much more dead than the person he would be playing. On the outside at any rate.

[Matthew "The Worst Writer on the Internet" Saroff]

Laverne Cox

Having Elon Musk played by a trans black actress will make him lose his mind.

It triggers two of his most prominent bigotries.

[aerogems]

Re: Laverne Cox

They happen to be Jewish as well, for the Twitler bigotry hat trick?

But honestly, we could probably just get a bunch of home videos of babies crying and stitch those together for an hour and a half to get the basic idea of Twitler's life.

[Matthew "The Worst Writer on the Internet" Saroff]

Re: Laverne Cox

Not a Jew, she just dates Jewish boys. Says that, "I’d like to think of myself as the nation’s premiere black transgender shiksa."

[But seriously]

Re: Laverne Cox

And your intelligent point is ...?

[Boris the Cockroach]

How about

Christopher Walken.

The right amount of smarts, evilness and stupidity for the role.

[PJ Von Pootmachen]

Musk: The Pedo, er...Motion Picture

An elderly, bitter and very, VERY poor Elon (as portrayed by the illustrious William Shatner) looks back on his life with regret. Younger Musk to be entirely portrayed by AI - A Dickensian tale on a life well wasted (Because....BLUNTS!!!!) aka "A Sale of Two Titties". G-d f*** us all, everyone!!!

[Old-dog]

Matt Damon

[jake]

Terry Kiser

Who else could drag a dead joke of a one-trick pony around for the length of a movie?

Might even get a sequel out of him.

_{In other news, who really cares? Nobody with a brain will be interested in watching it ...}

[DS999]

ChatGPT should play him

Because it sounds stoned or brain damaged half the time also.

[samsepiol]

Neil Breen

Call 911. How could you have done this? I cannot believe you've not suggested Neil Breen.

I can't help you out of this one.

[diodesign]

Re: Neil Breen

First rule of Neil Breen club is, don't talk about Neil Breen.

C.

[jake]

Re: Neil Breen

Who?

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: Neil Breen

or Wallace Breen (with the only "problem" that he's fictional)

[But seriously]

Envious?

Good to see that the West Coast of America continues to carry the torch for enlightened, intelligent conversation.

Envy is not an attractive trait, even in hipster non-intelligentsia morons, who think they are brighter or better than the (arguably) wealthiest man in the world, who also happens to be well read.

Keep it up - I am sure you are making some people laugh.

(And before you write/say that it's all in good humour, it would not be if you were on the receiving end).

[Toni the terrible]

Re: Envious?

Who is envious of Musk, his money perhaps but not him. And as for the post script I gather Mr Musk has long forgotten that himself.

[Anomalous Custard]

Re: Envious?

Being wealthy does not make you bright or better than anyone else

Being well read does not make you intelligent

[YakkingUdon]

Jack Gleeson AKA Joffrey Baratheon

Unforgettable and unforgiven

[Stjohn Roe]

Andy Serkis in full golem cgi.

[Mr Army]

If anybody wants a serious answer rather than the suggestions offered by this piss take Kevin Durand would fit the role perfectly.

[hoverboy]

Adam Sandler.