Re: “turn off features that you aren't using”?
You could get an iPhone.
I could but I have more sense than money...
The fake IP address is really proxying stuff through Apple. I'd rather not.
Also none of what you said helps if your SMS client or other chat app downloads links given in SMS messages just to render a title and a postage-sized stamp web page.
Apart from possibly "lockdown" mode (I don't know) but that sounds like "Oh crap, we've just realised that a whole bunch of stuff we've done for ages is wrong, how do we get rid of it? I know, put it all under one toggle setting and let the user decide. That way it's not our fault any more."