Now from my perspective, sitting in a pub (bar) in the suburbs of London, there is just (right now) 54 minutes before the apparent zombie apocalypse happens! Could anyone on the left side of the pond, who survives this please post in an hour or so, just to show what a load of abject BS this is? Unless of course you are fleeing a horde of zombies, in which case it is perfectly understandable why your post might be delayed somewhat!
FEMA to test emergency alert system US-wide today
A short time from now America's Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA, will kick off a nation-wide test of its emergency alert system (EAS), so don't be surprised if your cellphone or TV starts buzzing at 1420 ET (1120 PT). Do be surprised, however, if those around you begin transforming into mindless zombies from 5G …
COMMENTS
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 18:41 GMT jake
Zombie here, in N. California.
Clearly the test worked, my fingers are falling off as I type.
Looking forward to the tens of thousands of disease-ridden sheeple descending on the local hospital. I'm hungry, and the picking should be easy.
Lest anyone not understand, the above is sarcasm, and laughing at the conspiracy whack jobs.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 18:59 GMT doublelayer
We were considering using this alert to trigger the secret mind control chips we installed, but we decided not to because they've been acting up. Some of the chips appear to have caused some glitches and made people start saying that they got them in vaccinations, but in reality we already implanted them years before and we've just been waiting until the communication systems were good enough to fully make use of them. At least the screaming about vaccines cleverly hides where the chips really came from, but it's still not great if our mind control conspiracy results in lunatics instead of pliable slaves. Also, we decided to broadcast an activation signal with the firmware update that fixes this in a way that doesn't cause phones to start shrieking. I don't know who decided that people should get a warning when the control starts up, but give us some credit, we shut that idea down fast. We're competent evil overlords, after all.
To any sarcasm-deficient readers, this was all completely true; I really do have mind control chips in everybody, vaccinated or not. Don't make me use it. Insert evil laughter here.
To any non-sarcasm-deficient readers, let's all do this. It gets boring having to state the obvious.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 19:47 GMT David 132
The best comment on this I saw was on Reddit, and was along the lines of “several of my cow-orkers believe the vaccine conspiracy theories, so when the alert goes off, I’m going to clutch in pain at my arm, fall to the floor, then stand straight up and in a blank robotic monotone, praise Joe Biden.”
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 18:45 GMT PRR
Re: Can't turn it off
The alert came through 2 minutes early. (Maybe before some safety-phones were fully hidden from abusers?) --- oh, OK, this was "approximately 2:20 p.m."
> In spite of turning off all government alerts on my iPhone, the test still came through loud and clear.
The fact that there was no setting to 100% disable this alert was knowable (and known) before.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/hidden-phones-national-emergency-alert-test/
Gonna log-off now, got a sudden hunger for brains brain brains
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 19:01 GMT jake
Re: Can't turn it off
"The fact that there was no setting to 100% disable this alert was knowable (and known) before."
My second phone, which usually lives in the Peterbilt, was turned off, but battery fully charged and installed. It did not alert me. I assume I'll have a message waiting for me next time it gets turned on. The house land-line has not made a peep, nor have the various business phones.
Cells are Verizon, house & businesses are AT&T.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 18:54 GMT jake
My only question is WHY?
What the fuck major disaster could possibly occur which would require a national broadcast to EVERYTHING?
This place is kinda large ... some 340 million people spread out over 3.8 million square miles (9.2km²).
Even an all-out attack from one of the other nuclear powers, or an Everest sized asteroid about to hit Earth head-on wouldn't require such a hair-brained broadcast. I mean, seriously, why bother freaking out the sheep for the last few minutes of their lives? Makes no sense.
"We have to be seen doing something! This is something, so obviously we must do it!" ... it's just fucking useless politicians wasting money as always.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 20:00 GMT doublelayer
Re: My only question is WHY?
The only logical thing is a nuclear strike, where an announcement as soon as the attack is predicted, which is still a matter of minutes, would allow some people to get to a safer location. Of course, a lot of those would not actually go there and would start panicking, but that's theoretically a benefit. However, this national test isn't that different from testing in multiple regions one after another. A smaller region getting a local emergency report covers more situations, and if they're testing it, they could just do it all at once.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 21:03 GMT katrinab
Re: My only question is WHY?
When they dropped nukes on the Nevada desert, anyone living in an inhabited area who wasn't manufacturing photographic film was mostly fine, at least in the immediate aftermath.
I am less certain that nobody suffered long-term effects, but an alert system isn't going to make any difference to that.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 23:11 GMT jake
Re: My only question is WHY?
"When they dropped nukes on the Nevada desert"
There weren't a lot of nukes dropped on the Nevada desert. None, to be precise. All were buried, on tethered balloons, or on towers. One was a missile fired at altitude, and designed specifically not to directly affect the ground.
Yes, there were long term after effects due to fallout from the testing.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 23:56 GMT doublelayer
Re: My only question is WHY?
When they tested nukes, they were kind of hoping for that, which is why they did it in the desert or islands that weren't quite far enough away from islands on which other people were living. If someone fired nukes, they would be hoping for the opposite and would design for that, which is where an alert would have a greater benefit.
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Thursday 5th October 2023 13:30 GMT katrinab
Re: My only question is WHY?
My point is:
If they drop a nuke on Manhattan, then yes, lots of people in New York will have a very bad day. But people in for example Boston or Philadelphia will notice it in much the same way that they found out about 9/11, not from explosion noises or rubble falling around them or things like that. Or maybe their internet won't work if it is routed though New York, and they will notice something wrong but not know immediately what it is.
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Thursday 5th October 2023 21:09 GMT doublelayer
Re: My only question is WHY?
True, but if someone fires a nuke at Manhattan, they probably don't plan to stop with that one. People in other cities might want to get to somewhere safe just in case another one is heading for, well not them because that's probably too late, but someone kind of near them. In an incoming attack, most people will be unable to figure out exactly where each weapon is designed to detonate, and even if they do all the calculations to get that data, there's little benefit in trying to quickly separate messages for each target rather than telling everyone that you might want to be in a safe place right now and if no nuke shows up near you in the next couple hours, that's great. If we get a full-scale nuclear war, the nukes won't be fired one by one. Tactical nuclear attack is a different story and would require different early warning systems. Let's just agree not to do either.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 20:17 GMT Dan 55
Re: My only question is WHY?
What the fuck major disaster could possibly occur which would require a national broadcast to EVERYTHING?
In case of in case of alien invasion, Will Smith would have got out of bed and kicked alien butt earlier if he had a phone with emergency alerts.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 20:57 GMT DS999
Re: My only question is WHY?
It is an outgrowth of EAS, which was originally created for national defense warnings like the USSR launching nukes, has been used on broadcast TV for decades to send out weather alerts, and was later expanded to cable TV set tops.
If everyone had carried something with them that could have been alerted in the 50s or 60s when they first had the idea for EAS it would be something we're used to by now. I agree it is rather silly to warn us a nuclear strike, it isn't like there is time to get away or if the attack is big enough that there would be anywhere to get away to. But this was an idea from the "duck and cover" days!
I hope there are good controls on it so a president doesn't have unilateral power to decide when it is used. Imagine if Trump had sent out a message on Jan. 6 declaring a national emergency and calling on citizens everywhere to show up with guns to take over their state and local governments based on the big lie of voting fraud? I'm sure Trump supporters can imagine equally dire scenarios where Biden misuses the power.
I have to think it is possible to limit it geographically which could have its uses, but I don't see any realistic scenario where you'd need to send a message to the entire US.
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Thursday 5th October 2023 00:05 GMT doublelayer
Re: My only question is WHY?
"I agree it is rather silly to warn us a nuclear strike, it isn't like there is time to get away or if the attack is big enough that there would be anywhere to get away to. But this was an idea from the "duck and cover" days!"
It's not that silly. If a nuclear weapon detonates close to you, nothing you can do will save you from it. However, even in a large nuclear war, there are lots of places where nuclear weapons are not going to be targeted, leaving people to deal with the consequences of weapons that went off far enough away that they aren't vaporized but close enough that they still have immediate problems from it. Those people can, in fact, get into a sheltered location where it is less likely that they will suffer the most dangerous effects the weapon has at the outer range of its effectiveness. Once they're there, they can also be alerted to stay inside for a while to let the initial levels of radiation decay. If they're unlucky and most of them would be, they're probably still going to take more radiation than we'd prefer when they leave, but if they went out immediately, they'd take an order of magnitude more. That's a lot of people who could theoretically be much better off if they have a few minutes of warning. Of course, it relies on people having somewhere to go when the warning sounds and being in the right frame of mind to go there rather than scream or try to go outside to find someone else, but that's on the citizens.
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Thursday 5th October 2023 00:54 GMT jake
Re: My only question is WHY?
Growing up as I did, in South Palo Alto during the Cold War, I wasn't afraid of The Bomb ... Living about 4 miles from Moffett Field, I knew that we probably wouldn't even survive long enough to register the flash ... As my Dad put it,"We won't even need to worry about fallout because we'll be the fallout".
So basically, when humans finally are stupid enough to launch another[0] nuclear war (and people being people, it's probably inevitable), the trick is to move to one of two places iwell in advance: The back of beyond, or Ground Zero. In the first, hopefully you've found a place where the Jet Stream & miscellaneous eddy currents will conspire to keep the fallout away from your "victory" garden[1]. In the second, you are the fallout, and won't give a shit.
Frankly, I'm more worried about a large earthquake hitting us.
[0] Yes, another one. The first was rather one-sided, but it existed nonetheless.
[1] Some victory ...
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Thursday 5th October 2023 15:34 GMT CrazyOldCatMan
Re: My only question is WHY?
leaving people to deal with the consequences of weapons that went off far enough away
If you ever want to get thoroughly depressed, read Neville Shute's book "On the beach". Set in the aftermath of a full-scale nuclear war as people in Australia her the foreign radio stations shut down one by one as the radiation comes closer and closer.
It's a book where it's futile to expect a happy ending.
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Thursday 5th October 2023 18:55 GMT Joe 59
Re: My only question is WHY?
If there is a threat of imminent war, either via ICBM, bombers, land invasion or other means, the alert goes out giving the citizens a few minutes' warning and instructions, that's enough time to save millions of lives. If it's an inbound missile threat, if you are miles from a fireball, or in direct line of sight of the fireball, or can make it to shelter fast enough if you are closer, there's a good chance you can survive without injury.
Obviously, that's not what it has been used for, so far, this system has been used tens of thousands of times since the start of the first one, alerting on everything from wildfire, flood and earthquake warnings to riot/civil unrest and other events. It's an indispensable part of any nation's communication system.
You place little value in it, but millions of other people do, and if an emergency ever does strike your area, you will benefit from the advanced notice no matter your opinion of the system.
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Thursday 5th October 2023 21:26 GMT jake
Re: My only question is WHY?
I believe a more realistic version would be something like "the alert goes out giving the citizens a few minutes' warning so they can bend over and kiss their ass goodbye ... or possibly enough time to panic and have a heart attack or stroke (at least the bad guys won't get 'em!)."
But time to possibly survive? From a cold stop? No fucking way. That would be about 5 minutes from sub-launched weapons[0]. Regardless of which "side" of the war you are on.
Note that I place a value on limited, geographically specific warnings from local, state and federal agencies. But a nation-wide warning? That is completely useless. There is absolutely nothing that would warrant such a broadcast. It is a useless concept, and does nothing but waste taxpayer money to feed politician's egos.
As for the "millions that do", consider that millions voted for Trump. People are easily led astray.
[0] Most experts agree that SLBMs are roughly 10 minutes away from striking their targets. It would take at least half that to detect the threat, and then decide what to do, and then act upon it.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 19:29 GMT JimboSmith
On a bus after the second lockdown and there were two ladies, (if you think of the Les Dawson 'Cissie and Ada' you're not far off) who are having a natter. One of them starts talking about the microchips in the vaccines (which they have not had) and the other nodding or making appropriate supportive noises. I turned round for they were directly behind me and said I don't normally interrupt other people's conversations but in this case I feel I must. How big do you think these microchips are that they fit down a hypodermic syringe? So one of them Googles a hypodermic syringe and discovers they are under half a millimeter thick. As I pointed out that's the width of the entire needle and not the inner bit where these microchips are supposed to be flowing into the body.
I then asked how microscopic microchips were supposed to be powered, or do they have a battery onboard, which would increase the size still further? By now Cissie has clearly heard enough and says that it's all bunkum, Ada is still clinging to a shred of belief in the conspiracy. So I ask how a microchip is supposed to affect human behaviour the technology for which was still very much in the infancy stages if not the embryonic. Ada says that her very reliable friend told her it was true and now she realises that this friend might not be so reliable after all.
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Wednesday 4th October 2023 23:16 GMT MatthewSt
Cover up...
When we asked FEMA for comment on the matter its response was succinct: "The posts you're citing are false," the agency told us.
I know obviously you have to ask, but
A) If it was a cover up would they turn round and say "yeah you got us, prepare for brainwashing"
B) How many people would lose their excrement if the person responding had a sense of humour and replied "yeah you got us, prepare for brainwashing"