One of the best for a while - I must remember the QR code trick next time senior manglement suggest a survey.
BOFH: A security issue, you say? Activate code tangerine
BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "Someone keeps submitting an unfit response," the Boss sniffles in response to a question I wish I'd never asked about his feedback survey. "Really?" the PFY says. "How?" "Mostly they paste that Lorem Ipsum stuff and then on the last question they attach a picture of crudely drawn male …
COMMENTS
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Sunday 24th September 2023 00:55 GMT M.V. Lipvig
Re: Wonderful episode once again!
It would be better to borrow from an earlier BOFH. Put in an alarm clock with some curly wires attached, and insert a metallic cutout that has some curly script on it. When they find all this, they'll need to search for the rest of the bomb using a pair of <SCHWACK!!!> rubber gloves.
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Friday 22nd September 2023 10:00 GMT stiine
Re: Wonderful episode once again!
If you didn't think of that when they first announced x-ray machines at airports, you need to delete your account, turn in your badge, and stand next to the window.
When they started putting x-ray machines in airports, I had the idea to sell mylar sheets with rude words done in alumininium paint that you could put in your suitcase. And then two seconds later I thought that cute phrases would be more profitable. A second after that I thought that philsophical questions like "What would you have done if this was a bomb?" would be even better.
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Friday 22nd September 2023 10:06 GMT Prst. V.Jeltz
Re: Wonderful episode once again!
These days you'll be locked up for even thinking about writing "What would you have done if this was a bomb?" in metal , let alone doing it! apparently.
... or maybe those hysterical scare stories in the Daily Mail about people being refused access because picture of gun on T-shirt were exaggerated.
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Tuesday 26th September 2023 15:42 GMT ITMA
Re: Wonderful episode once again!
Some years ago, back when the IRA were active in the UK, I was working for a printer manufacturer and had a visit to the Lloyds building in central London to support one of our sales "execs" - that's the building with all the plumbing on the outside.
We did get some funny looks from building security carrying in printer toner which came in foot long "tubes" sealed in silver metalic plastic - a range of printers where toner and drum were seperate.
Probably didn't help saying (in a bad Irish accent) "Can you pass the semtex"....
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Friday 22nd September 2023 09:53 GMT Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward
CODE TANGERINE
>>"NO NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF! All I needed was the words SECURITY ISSUE. We can do anything we like if it's a security issue. We can isolate someone in a darkened lift between floors for several hours if there's a threat to human safety!"<<
When I read that, I just knew somebody's going to be stuck in a lift...
...and yup.
>>>>> off for a good one whilst the Bosse is sodding himselfe in ye stucke lifte. (and perchance empty out ye olde biscotti machinne).
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Friday 22nd September 2023 15:59 GMT crosenblum
BOFH has been going on 25 years....
Thank you Simon and BOFH, and PFY for making our fridays better and more tolerable.
I know that it is less than easy to put in that effort every week, then every other week.
I know someday this will be gone, but til then my Cattle Prod is raised in salute to you!
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Monday 25th September 2023 08:19 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: BOFH has been going on 25 years....
If found those posts stored as text files on an AIX server that was installed in 1993.
Happily, I was hired at the same time to help with the process of getting everyone to switch to the new system, and finding those files became my guiding principle.
No, I wasn't supposed to have access to the admin menu on that server, or at all, really. I was just supposed to set up the PCs with the correct networking stuff.
Who even adds stuff like that to an 'administrative menu system'?
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Friday 22nd September 2023 16:32 GMT Persona
Anonymous Survey
We had one of those. My suspicions were first aroused when I got a reminder informing me that I hadn't done the anonymous survey.
The confirmation was hearing the head of IT phoning a minion about one of the answers they had given.
Never trust a survey that purports to be anonymous.
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Monday 25th September 2023 06:11 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Anonymous Survey
That is supposedly what they do. And as you point out it breaks anonymity. Same as when there is compulsory questions about age and gender. But of course I trust you to group the data before you send it to my boss. Of course I trust you on this, it says here in the Employee Handbook that must...
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Tuesday 26th September 2023 18:14 GMT NickHolland
Re: Anonymous Survey
long time ago at a sh*t-hole job, they sent out an "anonymous survey" for all employees.
The company owned a (failing) anonymous survey company...and they hired themselves to do our "anonymous survey".
My boss said he wasn't going to fill it out, because he didn't trust 'em.
I pointed out that while they did nothing to earn our trust, there were only three people in the company with access to the servers that would be able to pull out the logs and make sense of them to trace 'em back to a particular person -- and he and I were two of them (and #3 was not going to cause problems for us).
Personally, I fill 'em out, honestly and truthfully. If I can't back up something I'm saying, then I don't say it. If they try to turn it against me, so be it. But if no one says what is wrong, it won't get fixed.
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Friday 22nd September 2023 20:32 GMT The Oncoming Scorn
& Our Survey Said
So we had an annoymous* employment engagement\moral survey at RACAL (It's been 28 years).
They forbade two departing employees** who were going the next day from taking it.
I wasnt very popular when I mentioned that despite all assurances of anonymity, our team consisted of eight people (Who all held a universal dislike of our micro-managing & full of his own self importance manager) it would hardly be anonymous it would be obvious as to which team the employees were on & the focus of our total loathing*** by the size of our small team.
*Pun intended.
**Funny how virtually every single tech there applied for the role - Which actually was commented on at the interview.
***He got himself on a half day management course at Plymouth & so he was scheduled to leave 45 mins before lunch, but every week he would leave 10 - 15 minutes earlier to visit his side piece to the point where he was gone by 8.05 (He also used to slip off for about 2 - 3 hours to be with her while on nights). We of course said nothing elsewhere, keeping it our team's knowing secret.
Alas the week came that I was off ill & the deputy manager popped down to ask about something of him around 8.45, my colleagues answered truthfully "Hmmm I think Andy's gone to his course in Plymouth, as he's usually gone by now." Manager turned a funny shade of red & summoned him for a "chat" (Pre-cellphone boom, possibly by ringing his wife at home (Ohhh dear) or at the college for his arrival) the next day.
Fortunately during that week off work related illness I applied for a couple of jobs & got myself two job interviews for the following week, one resulted in a job offer. I later heard he'd gone to Swindon to distance himself from the lady concerned.
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Saturday 23rd September 2023 03:54 GMT Blackjack
As someone who knows how much elevator maintenance costs, the BOFH and PFY better hide their tracks well or the accounting apartment may decide they are both "too old" and need replacing.
Also the janitor is getting tired of cleaning the elevators of certain organic fluids, if he wanted that kind of job he would be working at a gas station or a public school.
So you know "someone" could wax the floor and leave the door open to certain room full of certain chemicals then pull the fire alarm...