back to article Beneath Microsoft's Surface event, AI spreads everywhere

Microsoft on Thursday further co-opted its GitHub subsidiary's Copilot brand and heralded the arrival of its own Microsoft Copilot as "your everyday AI companion." Borrowing Sirius Cybernetics Corporation's robot tagline, "Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With," perhaps would have been too much of an intellectual property risk …

  1. bofh1961

    Smoke and mirrors

    Until AI achieves sentience it's just another bunch of algorithms. Right now it can't drive a car. It can't tell fact from fiction. It can't write anything original. It can't reliably recognise a face. It's just the latest buzzword being used to hoodwink people into buying stuff...

    1. that one in the corner Silver badge

      Re: Smoke and mirrors

      > Until AI achieves sentience it's just another bunch of algorithms

      Hate to break it to you, but even if it does achieve sentience, it will still be just another bunch of algorithms. So long as it runs on hardware, it is all just algorithms, right down to the microcode.

      PS

      Whether or not you wish to take that as some meaningful statement about what sentience is or "proof" that AI can never be sentient (or, conversely, that it can be, but...) is entirely up to you: you can pick and choose your own philosophy and even your own sophistry.

      But like, religion and politics, a gentlebeing never discusses philosophy of AI in public or over the dinner table.

      1. that one in the corner Silver badge

        Re: Smoke and mirrors

        Having said that...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Forget "general" and put sentience aside for a moment

        It's not intelligent. It's got memory and learning capabilities chained to a giant pile of dice to roll.

        People outside the marketing department need to stop supporting and repeating all this AI crap until there are some of the essential features of intelligence. Not even arm wavy "GENERAL" AI, just some basic animal level intelligence.

        This fake AI is a another bad marketing term to sell defective shit that can't live up to the hype. Unless they get slapped down, this will be like the NFT craze that just crashed. That lasted a decade. We have barely shaken the shit off out shoes from the IoT craze and "Smart" everything which just means a bad version of whatever you have that will stop working when the wifi burps, but with extra spyware and a built in ad server.

        Screw these idiots and the snake oil they are trying to sell.

        (I hold back my vitriol for those making useful tools that actually do something, GANs are not going away anytime soon, they just aren't intelligent.)

    2. hoola Silver badge

      Re: Smoke and mirrors

      Just like search and so on

      All this "AI" predictive search and completion is utter bollocks

      You start typing the suggest have absolutely sod all relevance to what you put in. Even with s specific phrase it is suggesting utter shite to complete it.

      Just turn all this crap off and save all the memory, cpu and electricity,

    3. Sarev

      Re: Smoke and mirrors

      * Can't drive a car - that seems to be 50% of people on the roads today

      * Can't tell fact from fiction - US polls indicate that's more than 50% of the population

      * Can't write anything original - anyone seen any good films recently?

      * Can't reliably recognise a face - we all know that feeling...

      Joking aside, if you stop going off on one about whether AI is true intelligence or not, the bottom line is that it's already providing some bloody useful tools, which can be used and/or abused. As with most technological advances: you can run, but you can't hide (forever).

  2. that one in the corner Silver badge

    allow Copilot to interrogate shoppers

    Basing its enquiries on the most common forms of questions posed to shoppers that it finds in its training set, whilst trying to influence people to shop responsibly:

    Only the earrings and not the full set? Do you WANT people to think you're cheap?

    Brynylon and socks with sandals? Are you TRYING to give me a heart attack?

    Oh, Lordy, what did we say about carbs? Mmm mmm mmmmmmmm, you did NOT just put that in your basket!

    If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: allow Copilot to interrogate shoppers

      I spotted one Red Dwarf reference there and one Pink Floyd. Have one of these ->

    2. LessWileyCoyote

      Re: allow Copilot to interrogate shoppers

      I truthfully read the original statement as "allow Copilot to *irritate* shoppers..."

      1. keith_w

        Re: allow Copilot to interrogate shoppers

        influence, irritate. Same thing.

  3. TheMaskedMan Silver badge

    "Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With,"

    I thought that was Inflatable Ingrid:) just wait until she gets the copilot makeover!

    Is there going to be some way to turn this bobbins off? If not, I can feel a return to Linux as my main desktop OS looming.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A non-systemd version based on KDE

      is nearly indistinguishable by 9 out of 10 housewives from a dead crab.

      1. TheMaskedMan Silver badge

        Re: A non-systemd version based on KDE

        "is nearly indistinguishable by 9 out of 10 housewives from a dead crab."

        As long as said housewives keep their crabs off my computer I think I'll be ok

        1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge
          Coffee/keyboard

          Re: As long as said housewives keep their crabs off my computer I think I'll be ok

          you forgot this - - >

    2. ovation1357
      Devil

      How does one ever get into the situation of *returning* to Linux?

      I don't understand this as it suggests that you previously used Linux but then went backwards to Windows again.

      Why would anyone do that?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Great!

    So now my outlook rules will need me to write an essay on what I want and misinterpret it. Maybe I’ll stick to 5 clicks and 2 keywords?

    1. TheMaskedMan Silver badge

      Re: Great!

      "Maybe I’ll stick to 5 clicks and 2 keywords?"

      You're just a troublemaker, aren't you?

  5. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    WTF?

    If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

    but just what is the fucking point of this?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

      The point is to sell you more Microsoft services.

      All I want is an off switch. A No Thanks option.

      What also annoys me on this is the power required. It is going to be eating up my electric bill faffing around with my data, reading and collating my data and offering advice I don't want. (See also Clippy).

      Multiple this wasted power by millions of computers - how much CO2 we wasting? What is the cost of this unwanted processing to people?

      I also have a computer full of client data, client docs, and their details. This AI will not know the difference between their stuff and my stuff and will just spout all kinds of confused rubbish at me.

      No thanks. An off switch please.

      1. abend0c4 Silver badge

        Re: If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

        All I want is an off switch

        Sorry, Dave, I'm afraid you can't have that.

        1. navarac Silver badge

          Re: If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

          Of course you can, get off Windows and find a decent Linux Distro (not Ubuntu - Canonical are as bad as Microsoft).

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

            I am certainly starting to mess with Linux more... but somethings it just can't do. Or you have to get far to geeky to solve a simple task. I am actively trying to move due to situations like this.

            It is also hard to get my clients to move, so I need to find the solutions for them as well as me.

          2. ovation1357

            Re: If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

            I beg to differ, Sir.... Canonical are no angels, but they are not even a tiny fraction as bad as Microsoft.

            Perhaps they would become as bad if they got their hands on a monopoly but a bit of unsolicited telemetry and an ill-judged attempt at bundling Amazon ads into their OS pales into insignificance when compared to Microsoft's crimes against technology.

        2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
          Black Helicopters

          Re: Sorry, Dave, I'm afraid you can't have that.

          I predict that there are some secret registry hack or worse, a PowerShell incantation that will disable this only for the next 'Patch Tuesday' event to change the keys. Just to make it hard you know.

          I am just so happy that I gave MS the finger in 2016. They really are fiddling while rome burns.

          I'd love to see the evidence that demonstrates that customers have demanded this [cough][cough] feature.

      2. NoneSuch Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

        "No thanks. An off switch please."

        No such animal in Windows. Asking Microsoft to turn something off they deliberately turned on isn't going to work. Your data is too profitable and they are a corporation that needs more money this year than last year or they get fired.

        I've been shifting over to Linux for the last three years and I'm almost there. Once my gaming is sorted, I'm gone and MS can do whatever the f*** they want without me.

      3. 43300 Silver badge

        Re: If you've seen my posts you'll know I'm not usually moved to crude language

        "The point is to sell you more Microsoft services."

        Exactly! And if they succeed (highly debatable in this case as it's still a solution looking for a problem to solve), the next step will be to introduce a 'premium tier' licence and have some functionality only in that.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's easy to miss under all of the marketing BS right?

      In reality the text processing parts alone are a huge, if incremental, step up from the syntax and grammar checker. The image, video, and sound processing will similarly be used and loved by many, but the news is on all of the awful things people have enthusiastically started using them for.

      If the rest of us don't play catch up, the future will be filled with conservative protofascist hentai furry deepfake influencers selling SCOP and wellness scams. Remember that these things make more of what they ingest, and the morons that are training them are effectively making the models smell their own farts.

  6. original_rwg
    Happy

    Red Dwarf....

    Would you like some toast?

    1. that one in the corner Silver badge

      Re: Red Dwarf....

      No to the toast, just stick to the endless reams of verbiage that are almost but not quite totally unrelated to the task that I'm trying to perform on this computer.

      Ah, so you're a waffle man!

    2. Sudosu Bronze badge

      Re: Red Dwarf....

      Toast being some service that Microsoft would like to sell you.

  7. navarac Silver badge

    Data Guzzler

    Watching this non-"event", I got the distinct impression that Microsoft will have to scrape all of your date (and file content) to allow Cipilot to work. If you haven't moved off of Windows and OneDrive, especially Windows 11 by now, do it before 26th September and the arrival of 23H2. Your privacy is in great danger.

  8. kend1
    Childcatcher

    CoPilot -- the Lego movie

    CoPilot, the offspring of Clippy, has grown up listening to the constant complaints of how their dad was ridiculed 20 years ago. NOW the training begins! <cue chiptune Rocky theme>

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: CoPilot -- the Lego movie

      I see it more like Mr. Roboto or maybe the opposite since Killroy was human...

      The time has come at last - secret secret, I've got a secret

      To throw away this mask - secret secret, I've got a secret

      Now everyone can see - secret secret, I've got a secret

      My true identity...

      I'm Clipp-AI! Clipp-AI! Clipp-AI! Clipp-AI!

  9. LessWileyCoyote

    Adding to the collection

    Thanks to the bemusement (and amusement) of francophones, I already have the pleasure of referring to Chat GPT as "cat, I farted".

    Now I can add CoPilot, to be henceforth known as "your plastic pal who's fun to be with".

    Thus we mock those they set over us.

  10. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Meh

    Sod this for a game of soldiers

    I'm off back to Workbench.

  11. Scotthva5

    Eco friendly?

    How much additional power is the new Clippy going to require and who is going to pay for it? "AI" as it currently stands is not power efficient in the least and producing yet more carbon so I can finish an email 3 fentoseconds faster is not very attractive to me.

  12. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    Microsoft Copulate...

    ...sounds more appropriate.

  13. Paradroid

    Who asked for this?

    We've had similar assistants in desktop OS for years and nobody uses them.

    This is slightly different but will it matter? It'll probably generate dubious content but that can easily be done already by opening a browser window

    Typical Microsoft approach - no vision whatsoever. Throw in the latest crap just to be first, and hope someone likes it.

    What most people want from a desktop OS is pretty simple. Good windowing and task management, high efficiency with great battery life. Seamless updates. Respect user preferences and keep data secure.

    Good news though, Fedora 39 is out next month.

  14. ovation1357
    Thumb Down

    Sounds ghastly!

    It is.... ghastly....

    Personally I have a loathing of machines which try to speak and a very strong aversion to talking to them as well.

    It's alright bad enough with all these voice activated "personal assistants" which misunderstand half your instructions, and sat navs (not forgetting the option of those oh-so-funny novelty/celebrity voices).

    Am I imagining it or didn't they pre-install Cortana for a while, which immediately began "speaking" to you on a fresh install?

    I hate it all - it's truly ghastly and Adams was spot on about Genuine People Personalities! I turn off all voice recognition and speech synthesis on all my devices as I can't stand it.

    I'm not about to start text chatting with GPT either and the last thing I want is for it to be ingesting everything I'm doing and passing comment on it.

    It's ironic that this article quotes Sirius Cybernetics because although Douglas Adams probably wrote about this too early for it to be aimed at Microsoft, I always think immediately of Microsoft every time I hear the name "Sirius Cybernetics" as they're the kind of mindless jerks who should be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

    1. NLCSGRV

      Re: Sounds ghastly!

      I also turn off all voice recognition and artificial speech on all devices. I think Douglas Adams very much had the Microsoft/IBM duo in mind when dreaming up Sirius Cybernetics. He was a big Apple fan, this was back in the time when Apple was decent company with the Woz at the helm. I think he would probably have changed his mind on Apple if he saw what they are now.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No

    Thanks

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Flashing lights and a disco ball

    This is just the beginning. There needs to be an agent running in Windows to put a pretty face on all the back end complexity that is coming. I've been trying to grapple with the complexities and requirements of CoPilot and wait until organizations realize they may have to rearchitect their file systems and security architectures just to ask it a simple question. This is just the "hey, look over here" phase. The decade of work to make this whole thing viable begins soon and it will be dark and very hard work for most organizations. And, it will throw in an occasional ( or more often) completely bat sh*t crazy answer or recommendation. But, hey, think of all that training and consulting revenue.

  17. harmjschoonhoven

    Glad

    to read all about Copilot on ElReg, so I can avoid it as hell.

    1. navarac Silver badge

      Re: Glad

      Fortunately, it is not available everywhere - - yet.

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