BOFH: What a beautiful tinfoil hat, Boss!

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns The new Boss is a complete idiot – no surprises there. There's a tractor beam which draws them through the multiverse to our company. This guy, however, may actually be the biggest idiot in the building – and he's up against some fairly stiff competition. Not only has he no IT …

[Hot Diggity]

Blockers

I seem to recall that The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy had a pair of glasses that became opaque at the first sign of danger.

Not conducive to a long life span, but then everything these days seems to be bad for us.

Doh, I have sat on my tinfoil hat and there is a large crease in it. Anyone know if that affects it's ability to block, well, everything?

[John Robson]

Re: Blockers

The crease will have no detriment to the effectiveness of the TFH.

Though I do have a new one to sell you, and this nice bridge...

[steelpillow]

Re: Blockers

"I have sat on my tinfoil hat and there is a large crease in it. Anyone know if that affects it's ability to block, well, everything?"

Definitely. You should bin it immediately, as its refractive wavelength will now be in the danger zone.

Send me a PM and I can sort you a far better-quality replacement at a very reasonable price.

[Fr. Ted Crilly]

Re: Blockers

ahh..

Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses have been designed to help people develop a relaxed attitude to danger. They follow the principle "what you don't know can't hurt you" and turn completely dark and opaque at the first sign of danger. This prevents you from seeing anything that might alarm you. This does, however, mean that you see absolutely nothing, including where you're going.

[b0llchit]

Re: Blockers

You're selling? Three pairs and a truckload, please.

[Blackjack]

Re: Blockers

Like Horse Blinders then? Do they sell with a mount, a leash and a robot jockey that rides you?

[Bebu]

Re: Blockers

《Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses have been designed to help people develop a relaxed attitude to danger. They follow the principle "what you don't know can't hurt you" and turn completely dark and opaque at the first sign of danger. This prevents you from seeing anything that might alarm you. This does, however, mean that you see absolutely nothing, including where you're going.》

Sounds a bit like the clever new Apple VR device. The Zaphod model?

[WonkoTheSane]

Re: Blockers

The Zaphod model is only sold in twin packs. Two heads, you see.

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: Blockers

People around here don't need them, they just merrily walk into the road, assuming that if they don't look for oncoming traffic, it can't hit them.

[Alan Brown]

Re: Blockers

They're probably related to Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Blockers

I may still have a pair of those, somewhere. Even if they weren't black card, they'd probably be solid black these days...

Another excellent tale, Simon. Don't kill them, let them kill themselves.

Thank god its friday, I think I'll click the anonymous button above, and take the day off sick.

[Rich 11]

Re: Blockers

AKA WFH but uncontactable to allow for the necessary eight hours of absolute concentration.

[Thomas Steven 1]

Re: Blockers

I thought they were peril sensitive and absolutely necessary for dealing with the ravenous bugblatter beast of the planet Traal, a creature so stupid that it believes that if you can't see it, it can't see you.

[Jedit]

"the ravenous bugblatter beast"

While Joo-Janta 200 sunglasses would be a possible solution when faced with the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, you would run the risk that due to their size it might not realise that you can't see it. As such, it is recommended that hitch-hikers use the cheaper, simpler and more effective solution of wrapping your towel around your head.

[b0llchit]

Re: Blockers

I raise a SEP Field.

[Zippy´s Sausage Factory]

Re: Blockers

That's not a crease, it's a notch filter! Specially adapted to block the specific range of rays as emitted by ... (opens dictionary at random) .... snakes. I think.

[Rich 11]

Re: Blockers

Or rather ... [Opens correct dictionary at random] ... cybermats.

[Mark 85]

Re: Blockers

Doh, I have sat on my tinfoil hat and there is a large crease in it. Anyone know if that affects it's ability to block, well, everything?

It's not a problem but is now a feature. Acts somewhat similar to a Faraday Cage but differently.

[the Jim bloke]

Re: I have sat on my tinfoil hat and there is a large crease in it

This is an extremely common event, unfortunately most tinfoil hat wearers do not remove their hats before sticking their heads up their ass (American spelling is appropriate)

[steelpillow]

Draws them through the Multiverse

Simon has been reading the Laundry files again....

[Joe W]

Re: Draws them through the Multiverse

Joke aside: that series is a great read.

I need --->

[steelpillow]

Re: I need --->

--- to replace that knackered old Sinclair cattle prod with a nice new Steelpillow basilisk gun?

I took one in to work the other day to show the boss. He gave me such a look. talk about stony-faced!

[Vulch]

Re: I need --->

Hmmm, there's probably enough unsecured laptop cameras in Bean Counter Central to run SCORPION STARE. Could make a game of it, each turn you get to pick two cameras, winner is first to three statues?

[steelpillow]

Re: I need --->

Unfortunately, the being in the East European wheel-less van also sells the recruitment software to HR. It features a computational demonology core, carefully crafted to open portals from other dimensions where hairdressers, telephone sanitisers and sports desk receptionists are the dominant life forms. In order to protect its business, reputation and tentacles, it was forced to add a patch which disabled SCORPION STARE across the LAN, hence the need to take in your own airgapped weapon. The fact that one Friday afternoon the PFY installed SCORPION STARE, got drunk on lager and frazzled his onion bhajis, is of course utterly unrelated. I hear the Tate Gallery has a wonderfully realistic stone sculpture of onion bhajis on display these days.

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Draws them through the Multiverse

They're quite good, but I never got over the irony that the author, who coined the phrase 'the problem is people who don't see other people as people' - paraphrased, it's been a while - then decided to write a book where the core concept was that the Holocaust was actually an exercise in death-magic.

[steelpillow]

Re: Draws them through the Multiverse

The Holocaust was hardly a core concept, just fallout from the Nazi-black-magic-revival plot. You know, this is a series based on bringing IT to black magic, nameless universes and supervillains, bad taste allowed.

[phuzz]

Ah, art imitates life.

I was once doing some desktop support at a customer's office (fixing Outlook iirc), and I'd got as far as the desk of one of the PR people who wasn't there at that moment, giving me the opportunity to get my work done without distractions. However, as soon as I tried to use the mouse, I found a problem. Someone had sellotaped a two pence coin to the bottom of the mouse, meaning the optical sensor only worked intermittently. I pulled it off, and got on with my work. As I was finishing up, the user came wandering back to their desk, chatting away on a mobile phone the whole way. I outlined the work I'd done, and mentioned that 'someone' had stuck a coin to the bottom of the mouse. They replied that they had done it "so that the copper would protect me from the harmful electromagnetic radiation".

I looked at them, the mobile phone still up by their ear, the copper-coated steel coin, and just politely suggested that if they were worried about EM radiation, they should probably close their curtains* and walked off, heroically resiting the urge to either laugh in their face or start crying at the state of the world.

Honestly, that level of ignorance would probably come across as 'unrealistic' if Simon included it in a BOfH story.

* After all, the sun produces an enormous amount of harmful UV radiation. It's certainly the most dangerous electromagnetic radiation that most people encounter on a daily basis.

[GlenP]

That reminds me of the covers you could get for mobiles, "To protect you from the harmful effects of radiation!" Of course all that happened was the phone would turn the power up to get a connection.

[Chloe Cresswell]

Someone designed and sold on Amazon a 5G blocker for wifi routers. People bought them, and complained their wifi was crap.. because they had put their router in a faraday cage.

[MiguelC]

Unfortunately, it's not only PR people. My ex-previous boss (if wasn't my boss when I first told this tale, unfortunately he is again), who's a former techie, used to routinely unplug the wi-fi AP over his head because he "didn't want radiation around him like that". I tried reasoning with him but utterly failed, as expected. So I used to just plug it again when he wasn't around. WfH just solved that, thankfully.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Him or you?

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

I once worked with a skeptical scientific-minded techie who told me he didn't want his home wifi router in his bedroom, despite it being the best location in his house for it, because of the EM radiation it emitted causing him to sleep badly. He had me going for quite a while before I realised the EM radiation in question was from the flashing leds.

[WonkoTheSane]

FYI - Asus now make routers with a button to turn off all the LEDs on the built-in manglement website

[My-Handle]

Only way to reason with people like that is to swap out the original router with a new "EM-Shielded" unit (actually just a box with flashing LEDs in it). Either he'll believe you and leave the blinkenbox running, or he won't and he'll turn it off. Either way, it won't affect the original unit that you tactfully installed somewhere else out of sight, but the fact that the nearest apparent box to him is safe will reassure him.

[Marshalltown]

Heh!

It happens way too often, and sadly we sometimes even step in to thwart evolution. I had a boss who continually reminded us that he could not see stereoscopically - though he did have two eyes, even though one didn't track as well as the other. But, he drove, he played baseball, he didn't regularly have trouble picking things up or putting them down. One day we were working the field, the real field, hot dry, California grass land, all gold and full of foxtails and other irritating things that get stuck in your socks, shade every 300 yards (meters) or so. We were walking along the edge of a bluff or cliff, over about a 40-foot (12 meter plus a bit) drop to a very rocky, dry, stream channel. I asked him, "you play baseball?" "Yes." "You even hit the ball with the bat?" "Yes" "Boss, you must have depth perception." "I don't! I can't see the sausage!" "Huh?"

He holds his hands up, index fingertips pressed together. "I can't see the sausage!" He is looking at his fingertips touching each other. "Boss? Leave your fingers right there. Now look at me." He looked past his fingertips and his mouth dropped open. He was stunned to discover that he could see "the sausage" illusion that most of us take for granted So excited, he almost backed over the cliff edge. I had to grab his shirt to stop him. I still apologize to Darwin occasionally.

[Coastal cutie]

A classic episode

Thank heavens I had put my tea down before I spilt it all over the keyboard laughing out loud - but was the desk anywhere near a window......

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: A classic episode

No, this was the spikey-cornered desk, not the teflon-topped one that slants away from you.

[SVD_NL]

Re: A classic episode

"MEng with honors in defenestration" creased me.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Re: A classic episode

Absolutely. Sheer genius. I assume the PFY's final thesis was on database normalisation warnings.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: A classic episode

The PFY seems to have done quite a bit of field work, so I think his diploma came from a more reputable institution.

[Bebu]

Re: A classic episode

《The PFY seems to have done quite a bit of field work, so I think his diploma came from a more reputable institution.》

Plenty of 'on the job' training in the noble and ancient art of defenestration.

The awarding institution wasn't a campervan in Hradčany Castle (Prague) car park?

[Anonymous Coward]

ECO DECT

Once upon a time, we had a homeopathic doctor's office* in need of wireless handsets. Some of you have probably figured out the conundrum already...

It wasn't so much the doctors having an issue with it, they just had a lot of patients that did.

Good thing one of the brands we were selling at the time had a feature called "ECO DECT". Basically it's just sensible power management, not much more than that. (Stops transmitting when standby, automatic gain adjustment based on distance to the base station, etc.).

Our luck? They also market it as "low radiation handsets". We grabbed the trusty label printer and plastered the thing with ECO and "low radiation" markings.

We haven't received a single complaint from them!

*Actual doctors, surprisingly. Even more surprising, they seemed to be pretty encouraging about getting actual treatment if they reckoned healing crystals wouldn't do the trick...

[Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese]

Re: ECO DECT

"low radiation" markings? I would have thought that in the context of homeopathy that any level of radiation - even the memory of radiation - would be a problem

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: ECO DECT

They were located on a somewhat busy street surrounded by apartments, so i guess the "hyper sensitive" types wouldn't visit without their tinfoil hats either way, if they even visited.

More the "phone mast bad" kinds of people i reckon.

[Tim 11]

Re: ECO DECT

low radiation is the worst - the less of it there is, the stronger the effect

[steelpillow]

Re: ECO DECT

Most health fruitloops seek to "stimulate the body's powers to heal itself" or similar. Oddly enough, real doctors refer to this as the placebo effect and it is one of the most potent medicines in their little black bag. Psychologists are apt to call it "a positive attitude". Even more remarkably, telling the patient it is just a bit of psychology, with no direct physical effect, does not noticeably dampen the effect.

A judicious mix of clinical treatment and such friutloopery really can work wonders.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: ECO DECT

Oh for sure. They also made a point to avoid the term "alternative medicine", preferring "supplementary medicine" among others. (translation doesn't mean the exact same thing but you get the point).

I fully support this, as long as it doesn't interfere with regular treatment.

I do have an issue with snake oil salespeople "curing" cancer with saline solutions and dilute plant extracts, telling people to stay away from hospitals at all costs...

Don't even get me started on the "plant-based is better" bs. You know how many plants out there can kill you?!?!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: ECO DECT

In that context I am an indirect vegetarian. I only eat animals that eat plants.

[parlei]

Re: ECO DECT

"I only eat animals that eat plants."

Not much fish in your diet then?

[jmch]

Re: ECO DECT

"Not much fish in your diet then?"

Many fish eat kelp and other seaweed, though not sure if they are 100% vegetarian

[steelpillow]

Re: ECO DECT

<ghost-of-jacques-cousteau>Kelp is not a plant it is an algal growth.</ducks and runs for cover>

[parlei]

Re: ECO DECT

There are fish that are primarily herbivores, but most fish we eat are carnivores

[Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese]

Re: ECO DECT

In that context I am an indirect vegetarian. I only eat animals that eat plants.

That makes me consider reverse vegetarianism - only eat plants that eat animals....grilled Triffid with Venus Flytrap garnish for dinner

[MiguelC]

Re: ECO DECT

All plants eat animals, even if indirectly through organic decomposition.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: ECO DECT

Respiration from animals (and plants) provides plenty of CO2 for photosynthesis.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: ECO DECT

Plants expirate oxygen, not CO2. Plants eat CO2. Plants use sunlight to break the O2 off the C, then snack on the C.

[MJB7]

Re: ECO DECT

> Plants expirate oxygen, not CO2.

Plants expire CO2 at night.

[Kobus Botes]

Re: "Plants expirate oxygen, not CO2. Plants eat CO2"

Ermmmm... no, not exactly.

Most plants produce oxygen during the day when they use radiation from the sun to photosynthesize CO2. At night, however, they breathe oxygen and emit CO2 (which is why hospitals remove plants and flowers from sick wards at night. Not sure if it made an appreciable difference, though).

Plants may be the ultimate protector against red, green and blue radiation, gobbling it all up during the day, hence protecting sensitive humans from its harmful effects! ;-)

[dlc.usa]

Re: ECO DECT

"In that context I am an indirect vegetarian. I only eat animals that eat plants."

To the waitress: "There's been some mistake. You've confused my food with my food's food." --Ron Swanson

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: ECO DECT

No pork or chicken then?

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: ECO DECT

"Don't even get me started on the "plant-based is better" bs. You know how many plants out there can kill you?!?!"

There's a few examples here

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Re: ECO DECT

The phrase "homeopathic doctor" reminds me of a paper I once wrote for Annals of Improbable Research on a quantum mechanical interpretation of homeopathy, arguing it might work as long as you never look. The doctor must therefore never see his patient again. A pre-print is here.

[Allan George Dyer]

Re: ECO DECT

Is a "homeopathic doctor" actually a jug of highly-diluted bathwater from a doctor?

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Re: ECO DECT

Shaken, not stirred, of course!

[jmch]

Re: ECO DECT

"Actual doctors, surprisingly"

Maybe not so surprising. The best doctors know that the human body can heal itself from a variety of ailments if the brain believes it, or even if the brain gets subconscious cues that their doctor believes it. If that were not the case, medical tests would not need a placebo group as well as a control group, nor would they need to be 'double blind' as to who is in which group. Doctors who have been practicing for a long time know that because of the above, a good bedside manner and a reassuring word can heal a variety of ailments*.

Good doctors also know about gut health and MRSA, and don't prescribe antibiotics like candies.

*not very serious ones, but I think a solid majority of vague "my <body part> aches" ailments could fit into this category.

[DJV]

Re: homeopathic doctor

I'll just leave this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGIbOGu8q0

[Jemma]

Won't probably be back on here. Cancer has spread a in hospital trying to keep flies off. GNU ROSIE.

[Primus Secundus Tertius]

Disposal unit

"There's a tractor beam which draws them through the multiverse to our company."

I thought BOFHCO was a disposal unit for the people the agencies don't want on their books.

[the Jim bloke]

Re: Disposal unit

I think its more an application of the 2nd law of thermodynamics, if you manage to dispose of the idiots you have, they will be replaced by other idiots until an equilibrium is achieved, and the faster and more thoroughly you get rid of them, the worse and more egregious they will turn up.

[AlanSh]

One of the best so far

Simon,

You've excelled yourself today. Wonderful. Have one of these ------>

Alan

[Charlie Clark]

Quirks for jerks

I've no problem with sensible requests for ergonomy: desk at a comfortable height, good keyboard, good screen at a reasonable distance, countoured mouse or trackpad, etc. And I limit my own screen time in the evening because it does, to me at least, seem to affect my ability to get to sleep. I'm sure you can all add your own items to the list: don't cost much and make everybody's life just a bit easier.

Then there are the numpties who want the convenience of wireless but without the waves; the standing desk and the bouncy ball to sit on… who in my experience are useless at what they're supposed to be doing. It's as if they parlay these needs at the interview stage into an impression of competence. If we're really unlucky we have to share a room with them. That's when Workplace Accidents and How to Engineer them comes in handy. Or so I'm told.

bzzt…

[jmch]

Re: Quirks for jerks

"...the standing desk and the bouncy ball to sit on..."

No standing desk, but I do have a bouncy ball to sit on at my home office. Does wonders for my back!

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Quirks for jerks

I was once interviewed by someone who had one of those strange semi-kneeling seats that are supposed to be good for the back. It set his eye level about a foot lower than normal and was on castors and he kept zipping it around the room. Very disorienting.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: Quirks for jerks

Those chairs are great for the living room but terrible for desks: you can feel the muscles around the pelvis relaxing as it has they're stretched.

At a desk you really just need something that stimulates muscle use, eg. a slightly unstable position which will encourage your body to move constantly and thus reduce muscle cramp. This is also the theory behind the bouncy balls or standing desks. The key is there: either or but not both. Those from the Midvale School for the Gifted (The Far Side) will generally ask for both…

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: Quirks for jerks

Gawd I remember those being sold in the 80's at trade shows.

Crap I'm old - Icon.

[Vincent van Gopher]

Re: Quirks for jerks

I'm sitting on one now. For me it works as it keeps my gut 'open', I have less of a bend than sitting in a normal chair. I suffer from Crohn's Disease and rather than being bent over a desk I sit more upright and am much more comfortable for it. My 'back' chair, 'backless' chair, kneeling chair, whatever you want to call it has been with me since the mid-eighties, adjust it right and you barely know you've been sitting down all day. They take a while to get to used to but once you're accustom to it they're great.

[Sam not the Viking]

Re: Quirks for jerks

I used one of those chairs when I had 'a bad back'..... Physiotherapist said to try it. I was very sceptical. At work, I felt I was being laughed at. It took some getting used to but my back got better and I bought one for home as well. Expensive, as I had to change the floor covering from carpet to something tougher.

One of the other ways to relieve pain ----->

[Richard Pennington 1]

Re: Quirks for jerks

I once had a H&S team come round with a pile of forms to fill in about ergonomics. They were worried about some of the shorter members of staff (principally the ladies) not being able to reach the floor with their feet while sitting on their chairs, and getting their monitors arranged so that they were at the correct viewing angle. They supplied boxes to go under the tables so that the shorter staffers' feet could rest on a solid surface.

I am over six feet tall. They didn't take kindly to my suggestions of [1] balancing the monitor on a pile of books to get it up to a sensible height, and [2] digging a hole in the floor for my feet.

[Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward]

And here I was thinking that either the BOFH or PFY had a hand in selling off these tinfoil hat tat off to gullible people like this Bossly Unit...

There's good money in there.

[BebopWeBop]

I am sure

He can be sold on the health benefits of an open window.

[TRT]

Re: I am sure

Fresh air... will keep you fit and healthy for the rest of your life. No matter how short that might be.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: I am sure

Only if he lives long enough to get near the window.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: I am sure

Or, in Russia on free-diving from sealed ones…

[Nick Ryan]

Re: I am sure

I'm not an aeronautical engineer, but I suspect that the problem was that the plane ceased to be sealed. About the same time that its wings, major engine components and other parts that are probably also quite important, ceased to be attached.

[chivo243]

Another new boss!

How many new bosses must we re-train before we get one that lasts? The answer my friend is blowing in the wind!

[A. Coatsworth]

Re: Another new boss!

The answer is 42, isn't it?

_{Don't know why this BOFH ended up so Hitchhikery but I am not complaining}

[doublelayer]

Re: Another new boss!

Whenever they get a boss who understands them and works to help them, one of three things happen:

1. The boss decides to move somewhere else to become a BOFH-style person themselves in their own fiefdom. This is the best scenario for the boss, because being the BOFH's friend often works well if you're careful.

2. The boss's BOFH training is not as strong as expected and the boss degrades back into a normal boss. This is a risky option which can lead from firing to death.

3. The boss decides to try taking over the company and pushing out the BOFH. This is almost invariably fatal.

[Boris the Cockroach]

I knew my keyboard was doomed

from the second I read this bit

"The new Boss is a complete idiot "

Seems to remind me of a previous life where they'd go through general managers like they were going out of fashion, one always struck me as 'not enhanced in the thinking department'

Especially when he demanded to know how I knew his pay package was 35K, a company car, a 6% profit related bonus and an expense account to cover out of pocket expenses when visiting customers etc

"ohhhh I cant name my sources, very bad , Boris is bad , but not that bad"

Closely followed by his inquiring with personnel/other manglers/ senior staff whether I had 'friends' in high places prepared to leak information.

Followed by being dragged into his office on pain of something or other

"Cant name my sources, not without immunity.. signed by you"

One letter extracted.... with signing

"My source is......... is..... You're not going to like it .... is............ You're really not going to like it.................is.............. The daily telegraph"

"WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well your job was advertised in there at 35K + car, the 6% bonus is company wide, everyone claims out of pocket expenses here ..... and we're not all knuckle dragging sun readers "

Such a wonderful mangler....... shame he only lasted another 2 months before getting fired (Please note I had nothing to with it)

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: I knew my keyboard was doomed

"ohhhh I cant name my sources, very bad , Boris is bad , but not that bad"

Why did I just read that in Tim Choate's* Zathrus voice.

* Crap I diodnt realise he'd died too at 49, fate loves killing B5 cast early.

[Boris the Cockroach]

Re: I knew my keyboard was doomed

Upvote for someone getting the reference

[WonkoTheSane]

Re: I knew my keyboard was doomed

The guy JMS found to replace him in the new "Babylon 5: The Road Home" animation is a good successor.

[My-Handle]

Re: I knew my keyboard was doomed

One department I once worked for had 4 different managers within a 2 year period. Me and a colleague used to joke that it was like the "Defense Against The Dark Arts" teacher position.

The first ran afoul of office politics (a newly installed nitwit above him decided to throw his weight around and fire somebody to show his authority - said nitwit didn't last much longer himself). The second lasted about nine months before the pressure did her in and she left of her own accord (in all fairness to her, she never really wanted nor was qualified for the role - she was pushed into it and tried to make the best of it). The third guy also lasted about nine months before running headlong into a mix of the two above scenarios (office politics plus pressure).

The fourth was the biggest nitwit of the lot - didn't know a single thing about technology. She was a really nice person despite this, and I learned rather a lot about how to handle a daft manager (mostly by presenting her with whatever decision I wanted her to reach, and by providing her with the tools and information she needed to keep other people off my back). She either didn't realise or didn't care - I made sure I made the both of us look good, and she made sure I was able to.

[Chloe Cresswell]

Salt lamps

Ah yes, the thing tying up a USB port on a desktop machine... No I don't have any clients with them, why do you ask...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Salt lamps

We have one, given to us as a gift. Don't believe a bit about the "healing effects", but it's quite lovely, and made an excellent LARP prop. One of these days I'll figure out how to make it slowly increase and decrease in brightness, like the "crystal" is flickering a bit.

[Chloe Cresswell]

Re: Salt lamps

I have no issue with them as a stand alone thing, but having seen a number of machines have the USB ports damaged (normally by blowing the USB protection ploy fuse..) by them, and fans, and other junk that people plug into the PC's usb ports... I keep throwing cheap USB PSUs at people so they can plug them into that, instead of a PC.

[Tron]

OMG, a water cooler?

Do you know how many microplastics live in those? More every day as they reproduce in hot weather.

Microplastic filters are available on my ebay store if you want to see Christmas. Made of antigenic plastic, they are positronically charged to prevent microplastics passing through. Thank me when you wake up alive on Christmas morning.

[Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward]

Re: OMG, a water cooler?

Also known as Sea-Monkeys?

[Kev99]

This week's edition proves my personal adage: Never underestimate the stupidity of the human animal.

[Terry 6]

I remember well...

It's a good few years, even decades ago, that the in thing was screens on the front of CRT monitors to protect office staff from the harmful rays. These were supposed to protect us from something or other that was bad in some way or other. They just made the screens harder to see.

The policy was never officially rescinded, just that after a short while the screens either got removed because they were annoying, or fell off because they were crap.

[eldel]

Re: I remember well...

I used those a couple of times when I had a CRT screen that would catch sunlight (or other bright light source) - it really cut down on the reflections. Of course - a decent matt glass screen would do the same.

[Dog11]

Re: I remember well...

We had one secretary who complained about radiation from her computer. Thing was, she'd break out in a rash on the underside of her forearms. My theory was that it had something to do with the static charge that collected on the CRT faceplate, or perhaps the dust attracted by it. We got one of the filters that was conductive glass with a ground wire, and it seemed to help (at least she stopped complaining).

[H in The Hague]

Re: I remember well...

"My theory was that it had something to do with the static charge that collected on the CRT faceplate, or perhaps the dust attracted by it."

That takes me back around five decades, when the monochrome CRT monitors on the very first computers at secondary school seemed to have a similar effect on my face (rash/redness/dryness). Also figured it had to with static electricity, didn't have a screen to try out, and this was in the era when teenage boys wouldn't dream of applying moisturiser to their face :).

[Alistair]

Re: I remember well...

Thing was, she'd break out in a rash on the underside of her forearms

Used those damn sterile wipes on the arms of her chair ever day did she?

[Bebu]

Tin foil?

Even if tin foil protected the brain from the various malign influences which disturbs these drongos the foil with which they would be wrapping their empty crania is almost certainly aluminium (Al) not tin (Sn.)

I would expect tin with atomic wt ~119 should stop more "harmful rays" than aluminium ~27. I should buy some tin futures ;)

Suggest they are at risk from contracting Alzheimers from the aluminium foil - although no great tragedy there as they would only be going from disturbed and deluded to demented ;)

[steelpillow]

Re: Tin foil?

The best radiation-stoppers are the densest metals. Lead is good, depleted uranium even better. The best surface coating is silver. So there you have it, my depleted-uranium hat, externally plated in ultra-pure silver to ensure optimal blocking, while leaving the inner surface free to allow close proximity and maximal effect for the beneficial blocking by the uranium. The uranium is depleted* in special high-purity centrifuges maintained throughout inside specially-built Faraday cages and a pure oxygen atmosphere. The sliver is nicked from my Hi-Fi speaker cables, even I cannot beat their bullshit. Yours for only $666, tailored to your head size!

*Extracted waste available by agreement. Send me a PM. No Nigerian bankers or Microsoft support staff.

[Terry 6]

Re: Tin foil?

Nope.

Has to be actual tin foil. Otherwise the magic won't work.

[Anonymous Coward]

They walk among us

Home router radiation shields are a thing: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Router-Shield-Protection-Radiation-Emission/dp/B0895NKKSN

And the first review is only two stars because...

"Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 4 January 2023

Verified Purchase

Stopped 95% of radiation/harmful waves but unfortunately it did stop the Wifi signal from leaving the cover."

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: They walk among us

Clearly the sort of person who has heard that WiFi routers give off "harmful" EM radiation, but the WiFi signal itself must be some other "safe" kind of signal 'cos WiFi itself is useful and so can't be harmful.

See icon ----------------->

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: They walk among us

worth looking at the reviews now though, the trolls have been around!