back to article Moscow makes a mess on the Moon as Luna 25 probe misses orbit, lands with a thud

Russia’s rushed attempt to land a probe on the Moon has failed. News that the mission was in trouble came on Saturday when national space agency Роскосмос (Roscosmos) used its Telegram account to reveal that the Luna 25 probe was instructed to enter its pre-landing orbit, but an emergency occurred, and the maneuver was not a …

  1. stiine Silver badge

    Well, darn. So much for Battlebots: On the moon!

  2. Mark 85

    In space, no one can hear you go "thud".

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Or, a corollary:

      If a spacecraft crash-lands on the moon, does it make a sound?

      (and an M-theory discussion about observation and reality was born)

      1. jmch Silver badge
        Devil

        "If a spacecraft crash-lands on the moon, does it make a sound?"

        Yes, but only the Indians can hear it....

        ... no, not those Indians, the other ones.....

      2. T. F. M. Reader
        Boffin

        If a spacecraft crash-lands on the moon, does it make a sound?

        Yes, it does. Not through the non-existent atmosphere though, but nothing prevents acoustic waves from propagating through the moon itself.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          just have to listen to the correct 'phones

          being geophones, not microphones.

          After a nine day trip it probably landed with an authoritative thud, but I'm not sure who is listening at the moment. Keep an ear to the ground and all that.

          1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
            Headmaster

            Re: just have to listen to the correct 'phones

            being geophones, not microphones.

            Selenophones, Shirley?

    2. trindflo Silver badge

      In space, no one can hear you go "thud"

      IIRC the tremors from crash landing something on the moon last for a long time. No atmosphere ==> no sound, but a whole lotta shakin' going on.

  3. Sora2566 Silver badge

    Wonder what all those guys who were screaming about "Sanctions don't work! Russia is going to the moon!" think now?

    1. ghp

      'T was probably a ukranian drone that intercepted Lunar XXV. Of course, the ukranians won't admit this.

      1. b0llchit Silver badge

        Space lasers. Always space lasers.

        1. veti Silver badge

          Don't be ridiculous, there's no sharks on the Moon.

          It's trebuchets.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            It could be argued as a successful test of a kinetic bombardment...

          2. Charlie Clark Silver badge
            Coat

            Didn't you know that, along with mosquitoes, the Ukrainians have been genetically modifying sharks. Presumably so that they can work on the moon…

            Mine's the one with "A History of Tractors in Ukrainian" in the pocekt.

          3. CountCadaver Silver badge

            Nah it was a collaboration between Mr Spoon and the Clangers

        2. Dagg Silver badge

          Space lasers

          The Sharks are not on the moon they are fricking Space Sharks in orbit.

    2. prh99

      We didn't have to sanction them for this result, as a good chunk of the money for the program probably ended up in some official's pocket, and they cut corners to make up for the short fall.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
        Coat

        Well it certainly was a short fall !

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Not as short as they wanted.

          1. Richard 12 Silver badge

            Nah, they wanted a longer fall.

            They got a very short, very fast fall, which promoted the craft from "lander" to "regolith penetrator".

            I do wonder whether the Indian government will publish the photos. I believe Chadrayaan 2 has the best cameras ever put in lunar orbit, so they should eventually get some very interesting images.

    3. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      While I think sanctions are working, I don't think this failure is evidence of it. Russia has been losing well educated engineers for years: Putin has never really cared about science so there's no money in it and fewer people study it. They're technology has hardly moved on from Soviet stuff which is why, for example, they're importing drones from Iran.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        While the high social standing of scientists in the UK coupled with generous public funding meant that the Great British Mars probe was an outstanding success - and we did it without sanctions

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. gecho

    Move Fast and Break Things

    1. Atomic Duetto

      Move fast and brake!

  5. Gene Cash Silver badge
    FAIL

    "rushed attempt"?

    Luna 24 was in 1976. Luna 25 started development in the 1990s. That's not quite what I would call a rush job. Well, except maybe if you're Capita.

    In the early 2000s it was supposed to be part of the Japanese Lunar-A mission. In 2007, it was supposed to be the lander for the Indian Luna-Resource mission. It was also supposed to be vaguely part of the ExoMars program.

    In 2021, they found out the laser doppler velocity & range system didn't work with the integrated guidance.

    Also, because of sanctions, they weren't able to use an Airbus inertial measurement unit weighing about 1.5kg, and they had to switch to a Russian IMU weighing about 10kg, which was slower, needed more power, and was far less accurate. Well, I guess now we know how much slower and less accurate it was!

    Also note that Russia's previous 4 deep space probes have failed. Phobos 1 & 2 in 1988, Mars 96 in 1996, and Fobos-Grunt in 2011.

    Most of this is from Scott Manley's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM8bJsqCLYQ

    1. sarusa Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: "rushed attempt"?

      This is absolutely rushed in the sense that it was mandated just because Pooty Poot has had so many humiliations in the Ukraine war lately and thought maybe they could still be relevant in space (the one thing they have going for them because they're riding on 50 year old legacy), so it got pushed through even though the engineers knew it had almost no chance of working. It was entirely political. 30+ years in planning means worse than nothing if your capability has been plummeting every year because it's a rapacious kleptocracy.

      Unless you have the engineering down and are confident about the components and design, if you just flail about and launch it for purely political reasons it's RUSHED - even it you've been working on it for a hundred years. And Pooty Poot's kleptocracy is no longer capable of doing anything other than destroying nice things, which is what Russia has been best at since Ivan the Terrible (with a very brief blip of 'Okay, they're pretty good at space').

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Putin needs to learn: concentrate on one thing at once

    Start by withdrawing from Ukraine and repairing the damage done there.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Putin needs to learn: concentrate on one thing at once

      Maybe you mean: stop meddling and micromanaging.

  7. Potemkine! Silver badge

    It wasn't a failure, it was a special operation against the Moon, which is full of fascists threatening the Rodina.

    Remember, too, that Russia remains one of just three nations to land a craft on the Moon

    No, it didn't. USSR did.

    1. Francis Boyle

      And as I've pointed out before

      Korolev was Ukranian.

      1. fg_swe Silver badge

        Von Braun

        ...was German. He invented the most important subsystems for large liquid rockets.

    2. werdsmith Silver badge

      I have my fingers cross for a flawless Chandrayaan landing in just a couple of days time.

    3. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
      Joke

      Of course there are fascist on the Moon, especially in the South Pole! And they wouldn't allow a meedling Kommunist[] craft to blow away their secret.

      [1] They've been there since '45, may not even been aware of the fall of the USSR

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Blame the moon penguins

        1. MachDiamond Silver badge

          "Blame the moon penguins"

          It's geese, actually. I have a photo.

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Not at the South Pole! The moon penguins even keep the clangers away

          2. Cuddles

            Just the one goose actually.

      2. Fading
        Coat

        Of course there are Nazis on the moon

        As this documentary (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1034314/) pointed out.......

    4. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Mushroom

      a special operation against the Moon

      A Special Military[Moon] Operation

  8. beardman

    I suggest they start with indoor plumbing in ruzzia before trying to get to the moon. You won't believe how many ruzzians still shit in the hole outside their housing.

    1. lglethal Silver badge
      Facepalm

      And unfortunately those are the same Russians who religiously vote for Putin, because Russia needs a strong man leader for... reasons...

      1. Headley_Grange Silver badge

        Whether or not they vote for Putin doesn't have any relevance to whether or not he stays in power.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        > "Russia needs a strong man leader for... reasons..."

        To protect them against Genghis Khan making a comeback, obviously.

      3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        >And unfortunately those are the same Russians who religiously vote for Putin

        If they had a proper democracy they wouldn't have to force the poorest people to vote for a billionaire demagogue and against their own interests

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

      4. fg_swe Silver badge

        No

        Because Putin brought a much more efficient Mafia than what they already had then. The modern Mafia knows how to feed and clothe the populace, all while building superyachts and consuming Italian cheese. The previous Mafia had them starving.

        He essentially jump-started the seemingly broken soviet system and had some success in wheat production, minerals and coasting on great soviet weapons such as the Mig31.

        Then he made a big mistake and believed his own Propaganda, which says that Russia is on par with NATO. From that followed the Ukraine war.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      USA isn't much further forward (travelling in South Carolina, was like visiting the movie "Deliverance" right down to the people in dungarees or just shorts sitting on the veranda of a run down shack ) , they seem to like voting for no health care.

      unfortunately tory twats (including starmer and wes streeting ) are trying to import the same shit health care from USA.

  9. Mark 78

    Failure?

    Surely it can't be classed as a failure. That would involve missing the moon entirely. This was just a very very very solid landing.

    "A good landing's any landing you can walk away from; a great landing is one where they can reuse the plane." - Cabin Pressure

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: Failure?

      Lithobraking from lunar orbital speeds does not tend to indicate than any pilot/passengers would have been likely to be able to walk out.

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Failure?

        This was a passenger safety test. A crash test dummy was on board (they borrowed the one from Myth Busters)

        If it did not have 'crumple zones' before, I'm sure it has them now!

        And the whole concept of an inelastic collision and the moon being made of ballistics gel...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Lithobreaking

        That's one that had me chuckling at my desk. What would be the TLA for that?

        LBM? ERB, or ERBM maybe? (extreme regolith breaking maneuver?)

        LithOBReakingOperation (LOBRO) might work.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. dlc.usa

      Attribution and Text Correction

      https://www.newsweek.com/top-20-quotes-chuck-yeager-first-man-break-sound-barrier-1553038

      Number 5: "If you can walk away from a landing, it's a good landing. If you use the airplane the next day, it's an outstanding landing."

      He would know, as a WWII ace shooting down Nazi aircraft over the Channel at the beginning of his stellar career. Sometimes maintenance had a lot to do overnight to make the aircraft reusable.

  10. abend0c4 Silver badge

    According to The Guardian

    Russian scientists have repeatedly complained that the space programme has been weakened by poor managers who are keen for unrealistic vanity space projects, corruption and a decline in the rigour of Russia’s post-Soviet scientific education system.

    Sounds like Russia, too, has had enough of experts.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I normally have a lot of sympathy in cases like this...

    Especially for those who put the work in.

    But, given Russia's current "behaviour", all I can think this time is "LOL".

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: I normally have a lot of sympathy in cases like this...

      Yeah, sort of bitter sweet. Space missions are generally of benefit to all, but we just know Putin pushed this forward to "beat" India and be the first to the South Pole and would have made hay from a successful mission.

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: I normally have a lot of sympathy in cases like this...

        "Space missions are generally of benefit to all, but we just know Putin pushed this forward to "beat" India and be the first to the South Pole and would have made hay from a successful mission."

        Single grandstand missions shouldn't count. What's needed is an entire program with useful goals.

        I'd like to see the national/international programs lay the groundwork for commercial projects to follow behind. If NASA and other national space programs can just rent a room and a workbench from a private entity on/in the moon, doing pure science would get much cheaper.

  12. xyz Silver badge

    I'm going with a 3-0 result....

    For the little green men team. I bet they're still pissed after Nasa did that bomb run a few years back. Imagine the "coincidence" if the Indian and Chinese efforts do the same as the Russian one.

  13. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

    Well that's already a clear sign that this mission was placed squarely under the sign of Brilliant Communist Success Story instead of being careful, taking things easy and just getting there.

    They could have spent 40+ days getting there, slower arrival speed, easier to slow down. But no, Communism slows down for nothing. So they arrived much faster, something went wrong (did the political commissar attached to the project take advantage of the situation to sell off a few minor parts, gasket, switch, modulator ? Nobody will notice, right ?), and the burn destined to slow the craft down ended up sending it directly into the Moon.

    It must be exhausting to live in a country where everything you do must not only be a success, but also something the higher-ups always need to be able to brag about.

    Doing Science in that kind of environment is crazy.

    1. Ken G Silver badge

      Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

      Russia haven't been communist in 30 years.

      1. Elongated Muskrat Silver badge

        Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

        Russia hasn't been communist for about 99 years, since Uncle Joe got in, or possibly 106 years, if you consider that the Bolsheviks weren't exactly borotherly towards other political entities.

        This is why our Left-Pondian cousins are so rabidly anti-socialist, because they think that the USSR calling itself socialist was the same as the USSR being socialist.

        This, plus socialism and communism are not the same thing; a commune doesn't necessarily have to be run as a socialist endeavour, and socialist societal structures do not necessarily have to be organised into communes. That aside, the USSR rapidly dropped the communism aspect around the time of the end of the first world war, and only really made a pretense of socialism by the time all Russia's satellite states were being made to send their resources home to Moscow.

        1. MachDiamond Silver badge

          Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

          "This is why our Left-Pondian cousins are so rabidly anti-socialist, because they think that the USSR calling itself socialist was the same as the USSR being socialist."

          Unfortunately, far too many people in the US can't give a good definition of Communism, Socialism and Capitalism. They'll often combine the first two to suit their argument and fail to distinguish between implementations of the latter.

          1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

            Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

            MachDiamond: Unfortunately, far too many people in the US can't give a good definition of Communism, Socialism and Capitalism.

            "Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite."

            John Kenneth Galbraith* (https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/john_kenneth_galbraith_122383)

            Come to think of it, I would have trouble giving any sort of coherent definitions of those three. I've never read 'Das Capital', 'The Wealth Of Nations' or any serious book explaining 'Socialism'. (I've never read 'Mein Kamppf' either, so I do not properly understand National Socialism, except they killed a lot of people and were generally nasty and interested in stealing wealth, and I'm just lucky my father's family got out in April 1939. Although I did read Nietzsche's 'On the Genealogy of Morals', which is, as far as I can make out (And to quote Shakespeare), 'full of sound and fury, signifying nothing' [Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps on this petty pace, day by day, and all our yesterdays serve only to light a path for fools to dusty Death. Out, Out brief Candle etc.])

            * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Kenneth_Galbraith

            1. Dagg Silver badge

              Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

              I didn't know I was a socialist until I lived in the states and experienced the american medical system.

              1. pomegranate

                Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

                We’re about half-and-half. There’s a lot of room for improvement.

            2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

              Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

              Capitalism is when the military, police, fire, roads, child education and post office are paid for by government

              Socialism is when the military, police, fire, roads, child education, post office and medical care are paid for by government

              Communism is when the military, police, fire, roads, child education, post office, medical care and nursery care are paid for by government

            3. EvilDrSmith

              Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

              "I've never read 'Mein Kamppf' either, so I do not properly understand National Socialism"

              Though if you had read it, you probably still wouldn't; it's not the most...coherent.. of texts.

              1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

                Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

                Though if you had read it, you probably still wouldn't; it's not the most...coherent.. of texts.

                The recent(ish) official German translation is I think worth reading, especially if you want to understand history, and why people who throw around the 'Nutzi' thing tend to get it wrong. The Germans went to great lengths to publish it with a lot of explanatory notes that put it into context. A lot of the neo-nutzi groups end up cherry picking parts of it and distorting it to their own ends. I think it also helps people to understand why nationalism can be a very dangerous idea, especially when it's at the expense of others. Which seems common in politics today, ie the increasing divisiveness and denigration of political opponents.

                But yeh, it's also the diary of a madman, but with a lot less scat than the De Sade version.

              2. Elongated Muskrat Silver badge

                Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

                Now is probably the time to mention an expert piece of trolling in the local Oxfam book shop some years back, where they had placed a copy of Mein Kampf on the shelf next to a biography of Thatcher.

                1. This post has been deleted by its author

                2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

                  Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

                  >placed a copy of Mein Kampf on the shelf next to a biography of Thatcher.

                  Expert trolling would have been to swap the covers

            4. John H Woods

              Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

              Read Wealth of Nations, at least a bit of it.

        2. collinsl Silver badge

          Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

          Putin's regime is based purely on the idea that the state is the biggest gang in town. He operates on the principle of “how much money can I make from this, and how much can my cronies?” (he doesn’t have friends per se). This is why he’s in bed with the organised crime groups in Russia – as long as they don’t embarrass the state or interfere in it’s power he’ll let them run whatever crime rings they like, as long as whenever they are asked to they “render unto Caesar”. In the old days this used to just be a simple donation to a project to fund something (a hospital, an orphanage, a new apartment complex etc) that could then be skimmed from, these days it’s more focused on doing something to help the state instead (hack this country’s electricity grid, remind that person that they shouldn’t interfere with this project (I.E. beat them up), stop using the other border crossing for smuggling as it’s attracting too much heat internationally etc).

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

            >how much money can I make from this, and how much can my cronies?

            Inconceivable, has he not read "The Art if the Deal"?

      2. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

        "Russia haven't been communist in 30 years."

        Shhh... don't tell Vlad, he might crack

        1. Elongated Muskrat Silver badge

          Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

          Russia hasn't even claimed to be communist since the fall of the Soviet Union (which had blessed few actual soviets in it, and none that weren't basically puppets controlled from Moscow)

    2. Denarius Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

      "t must be exhausting to live in a country where everything you do must not only be a success, but also something the higher-ups always need to be able to brag about."

      you mea its just like a Merkin outsourcery company ?

    3. oldgreyguy

      few minor parts, gasket, switch, modulator ?

      flux capacitors were sold to an unknown movie supply house

      1. chivo243 Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: few minor parts, gasket, switch, modulator ?

        I'm glad one of the ministers also sold off the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, it would have made a heckuva dent in the moon...

      2. Benegesserict Cumbersomberbatch Silver badge

        Re: few minor parts, gasket, switch, modulator ?

        Or Luna 25's flux capacitor worked perfectly, and it launched in 1991.

    4. Lars
      Happy

      Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

      @Pascal Monett

      Kleptocracy is the word you were looking for.

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

        "Kleptocracy is the word you were looking for."

        That's just another word for politicians/political systems.

    5. NXM

      Re: "Luna 25, by contrast, tried to make the trip in nine days"

      Makes me wonder if the rover was replaced by extra fuel to make the trip quicker in order to beat the Indian craft

  14. Headley_Grange Silver badge

    Hmmm

    "Not that there's anything wrong with failing to stick a Moon landing"

    There is when your boss is Putin.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. 42656e4d203239 Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Hmmm

        >>Russian scientist who worked on Putin’s failed moon mission rushed to hospital

        Already? He is 90 so it may be a coincidence...

        Mind you I am a bit surprised that he made it to hospital.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. Headley_Grange Silver badge

            Re: Hmmm

            IBM would have sacked him fifty years ago

            1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

              Re: Hmmm

              Lots of US companies have sacked their most valuable engineers, independent of age.

              1. MachDiamond Silver badge

                Re: Hmmm

                "Lots of US companies have sacked their most valuable engineers, independent of age."

                Having one person more intelligent than an entire HR department is going to cause resentment.

                1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

                  Re: Hmmm

                  Quote

                  "Having one person more intelligent than an entire HR department is going to cause resentment."

                  They did a film about that..... Idiocracy......

          2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

            Re: Hmmm

            Yep, they haven't produced any new engineers of that quality in the last 30 years.

            1. MachDiamond Silver badge

              Re: Hmmm

              "Yep, they haven't produced any new engineers of that quality in the last 30 years."

              It's hard to get freshly minted engineers to dedicate themselves to a field with few opportunities. The Soyuz is a workhorse of a system, but it hasn't evolved much. When you look at the private companies around the world and the big players, they are all working to build new systems and that keeps interest up. If one of the top guys was 90 and those below him were also well marinated, those looking up from below might worry about having any chance of rising through the ranks. Especially so if they aren't from a certain family or don't have a patron to grease the way for them.

              1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

                Re: Hmmm

                Your statement is essentially one of hindsight. 20 years ago there was plenty of opportunity for a Roscosmos to expand in and beyond satellite launch and this could have driven a new generation of engineers as has happened in both India and China but also Japan and South Korea, and eventually even the US. But politics meant that "no one will ever need a rocket more powerful that 640 kBa Proton".

                It's the same in other fields: medicine, software (Yandex, Vkontakte, Telegram are expections), munitions, drive trains, avionics. Even essentials things like oil pumps and gas turbines can't be developed and maintained by Russians.

              2. collinsl Silver badge

                Re: Hmmm

                Russia’s government is like this from end to end – Putin doesn’t like change. He has refused several times to let his top people retire, and there’s very little change below them either.

                Generally, Putin has become bored of being President. Before he started the recent ridiculous war, the theory was that he wanted to become something like “President of the Council of State” so that he could focus on the things he cared about, and could leave the day-to-day management of the kleptocracy to others.

                The problem is that he and his cronies need to retain some level of power and influence when they retire so that they can protect their lifestyles – they still want a car & driver/bodyguard, police protection, a nice pension, their mansions etc, and if they hand over power to the next generation then it could all be taken away from them on a whim if they wanted. So they needed to get Government posts with almost no work and a good benefits package so they could continue to influence things and be protected by Putin.

                Of course now no one is going anywhere until the war is over.

                1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
                  Joke

                  Re: Hmmm

                  This is one of the main benefits of democracy - leaders can retire in reasonable safety when they go out of favour. Provided they haven't been too criminal they will have some protection (as the next lot will want to 'retire' in safety in a few decades too). I mean look at some of the UK's 'retired' politicians: Tony Blair for all his good works will be remembered chiefly for going to war in Iraq, (Baron) William 'Matrix Churchill' Waldegrave sold arms to Iraq (see Tony Blair above) contrary to the guidelines provided to parliament and would have allowed the Matrix Churchill directors to be prosecuted until they said they'd spill the beans on him and the UK's Secret Intelligence Service (aka MI6) giving them permission. Various Home Secretaries have been found to have acted 'unlawfully' while in office, but faced no penalties. Chris Grayling was a disaster at both Transport and Justice Departments but unaccountably walks free to this day (when is his political memoir coming out, should be a barrel of laughs?).

                  The problem is that when you set the precedent of imprisoning, assaulting or killing your opponents, eventually you realise that whoever takes over from you is likely to follow your example, so you have to hang on to power for as long as you can when any sensible person would have said 'enough's enough' and buggered off to the country dacha and raised chickens and cherries. Of course! That's it! Putin doesn't want to invade Ukraine, he just wants it as his retirement smallholding! Now I understand.

    2. The other JJ

      Re: Hmmm

      "Once the rockets are up, Who cares where they come down? That's not my department..."

      Oops! Sorry, wrong rocket scientist.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Hmmm

        See how hard it is to run a rocket program without fascists !

        There is a hilarious-if-true story about Roscosmos raising it's own "Uranus" battalion to fight in Ukraine (as all state owned companies are required o)

        Unfortunately many of their staff are from the USSR days and are >60. They all have top secret clearance, having developed the USSR's ICBM program. They immediately got captured and are hopefully now all in a Motel 6 outside Langley writing their memoirs

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Hmmm

          Unlikely, anyway weren't the engines for soviet ICBMs built in Ukraine?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Hmmm

            The engines of an ICBM aren't generally the bits you care about keeping secret. By the time the recipient of your special gift delivery service sees them coming over the horizon the engines are pretty much finished.

            The navigation, control, re-entry sheilding on the other hand are of interest to the other interested parties.

  15. Ball boy Silver badge

    Western press: "Russian space probe crashes attempting moon landing"

    Russian State media: "Glorious scientists first to firmly place explorer module on moon's south pole"

    FIFY ;)

  16. Fursty Ferret

    Oh no! Anyway...

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      I Wonder If It Will Be Friends With Me?

      OH.. No! Not Again!

  17. RyokuMas
    Coat

    Linguistic gymnastics...

    "switched to an off-design orbit and ceased to exist as a result of a collision with the lunar surface." - sounds like it was lifted from Elon's phrasebook.

    ... I think we should go with the Dr Suess version: "R.U.D. with a thud"...

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brake, brake, brake!

    Break

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Space is hard, after all."

    So is the moon.

  21. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. spold Silver badge

    Luna one minute Ruina next minute. Wascosmos.

  23. Jedit Silver badge

    "ceased to exist as a result of a collision with the lunar surface"

    That may be a machine translation, but it may also just be a polite euphemism. It definitely has the air of the time when my flight boarding was delayed and the pilot informed us that a German pilot had "landed his Dornier while attempting to take off". By which he meant "fucked his take-off and the runway crew are now sweeping up bits of his wingtips" without using a certain five letter word beginning with C in an airport.

    1. Killfalcon

      Re: "ceased to exist as a result of a collision with the lunar surface"

      I mean, it hit at over a kilometer per second, it's pretty fair to say it's ceased existing.

      At those sorts of speeds, in the literal the blink of an eye, it's travelled a hundred yards or so.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: "ceased to exist as a result of a collision with the lunar surface"

        Advanced lithobraking manoeuvre performed successfully - 100x faster than design goals

  24. Sceptic Tank Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Fly me to the moon

    There's some footage of the landing over here

    1. Graham Cobb

      Re: Fly me to the moon

      Is there some reason that link is indirected through google? It is disappointing enough when an ElReg poster doesn't remove the Youtube tracking from links - but to include Google tracking as well???

      The sane link is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNLZntSdyKE

      1. VicMortimer Silver badge

        Re: Fly me to the moon

        You know Youtube is Google, right? You're not gonna miss any tracking by going directly.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    field day for the Ukrainians

    in memes and otherwise, like 'successfully crashed', etc...

    t.me/ragnarockkyiv/56638

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      Re: field day for the Ukrainians

      field day for the Ukrainians

      in memes and otherwise, like 'successful

      ... Drone exhibition and conference?

      But I digress. Russia could probably have spun this as a successful test of it's new hypersonic anti-lunar missile. Not exactly a world-first given other impactors have hit targets well away from Earth. But also one of those sad things for Ukraine. It used to have the Yuzhnoye Design Bureau, then Pivdenne Design Office in Dnipro, which is now probably rubble. That was originally set up and run by Mikhail Yangel to mass produce ICBMs, but also helped produce the Zenit launcher. Which was probably why Russia took a very dim view of Zelensky announcing at a Munich security conference that they were going to develop their own nukes given Ukraine's previous experience with flying them.

      But it also seems to have been one of those industries like Antonov that suffered post-independence. Russia could afford to keep funding NPO Energomash and make engines the US couldn't and folded a lot into it's URSC and Roscosmos.. Which is also why sanctions aren't working as well as hoped, ie under the USSR, key industries were farmed out to client states, post-collapse, those were brought back inside Russia. But Roscosmos operates on a budget of around $2bn, NASA, $25bn. It must cost a lot of overhead to distribute pork.

  26. big col

    In next week's Who me we have a story by Vlad who was working on the Russian luner program.....

  27. Mr. V. Meldrew
    Devil

    What a shame....

    Well well, a nasty accident, caused by a nasty dictatorship.

    One day Ukraine will land on the moon and like other civil society place their flag on the surface for the world to see and marvel at ingenuity without costing lives.

  28. Eclectic Man Silver badge

    Not Putin's Day

    On top of a slight navigational hiccup for the Moon Lander, one of Russia's supersonic aircraft was 'damaged' recently:

    "A flagship Russian long-range bomber has been destroyed in a Ukrainian drone strike, according to reports.

    Images posted on social media and analysed by BBC Verify show a Tupolev Tu-22 on fire at Soltsy-2 airbase, south of St Petersburg.

    Moscow said that a drone was hit by small-arms fire but managed to "damage" a plane. Ukraine has not commented.

    The Tu-22 can travel at twice the speed of sound and has been used extensively by Russia to attack cities in Ukraine."

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66573842

  29. pomegranate

    As a Sci-Fi fan

    This gives me no joy.

  30. LordZot
    Mushroom

    Obligatory joke

    In Soviet Russia, moon lands you!

  31. TJ1
    Joke

    BIRCS?

    Reading this I thought that it puts India ahead of Russia in space capability. Naturally that led to re-ordering Russia's importance in the world:

    BRICS -> BIRCS

    Note: not sure how Brazil got to be first but it must be something to do with Carnaval

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  32. Sanguma

    Crashing good landing, eh what, old chap?

    I'm actually not surprised. Russia once had the second most powerful army in the world; now it has the second most powerful army in Ukraine.

    1. M.V. Lipvig Silver badge

      Re: Crashing good landing, eh what, old chap?

      Ouch.

  33. ocelot

    I have to feel sorry for the engineers

    Despite the high level aims of the mission being mixed with politics as usual, I have to feel some sympathy for the ordinary engineers and scientists who lost their hardware, after so many years.

    And I can so easily imagine Boeing in its current state managing exactly the same end result through messing up.

  34. Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward Silver badge

    1. Will Putin be puttin' in the boot?

    2. Get the team from Garage54, maybe they will be able to cobble a working lunar rover together from leftover Lada parts.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Try something easier next time - landing a private jet at Moscow

    without it blowing up

  36. M.V. Lipvig Silver badge

    Роскосмос

    Pock mark? Quite a lot of Rooskie stuff seems to go splat these days.

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