I love it when a co-conspirator is inducted into total bastardry.
BOFH: Zen and the art of battery replacement
BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "Farewell old girl." >creak< ..... .... ... .. . >CRASH!< … The next day … "And so it, uh, fell out the window?" our claims investigator asks. "Out the window, and onto my assistant's new e-bike." "New?" the claims guy asks, dubiously. "New to him. I believe it was a couple of …
COMMENTS
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Friday 18th August 2023 15:44 GMT Boris the Cockroach
Well the BoFH is an inspiration to us all.
But even I'd have a hard time getting one of the forklifts up the stairs to the meeting room, getting it through the 6'6" by 3' doorway, then driving down the the meeting room table (accidently running over the bean counter on the way) before plummetting it from a window (we're not going to worry about a dodgy catch vs a forklift right? ) on top of the claims assessor and/or his car.(the options put to him earlier was 'Are you refusing our claim or Do you want a new company car)
But please note, while I'd have a hard time... I never said it was impossible........... "Ohhhh George!!! I have another job for you.... "
<<<<off to gain an albi of 'being down the pub'
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Friday 18th August 2023 17:24 GMT stiine
You have no ambition. ANYONE can drive a fork truck into an elevator, press the UP button, followed by the surreptitious chanting of any number of applicable prayers. to the many applicable gods. If getting it through a standard office door is a problem, consider the immediatelly adjacent section of drywall.
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Friday 18th August 2023 18:37 GMT MachDiamond
"But even I'd have a hard time getting one of the forklifts up the stairs to the meeting room,"
There are really small forklifts available that are sometimes used in multi-story buildings. The first time I saw one was in the movie "Head Office" and saw some later in a hotel that had lots of ballrooms on several floors.
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Friday 18th August 2023 19:01 GMT MachDiamond
"We have two great big UPS batteries sitting in the corner "
Are they completely toast? You could always put them on Freecylce, Craigslist or another classified ad site for free (or for just some lunch money) and see if somebody will come and take them away for you. Even Lead can be expensive these days so somebody may find it worthwhile to recover it.
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Sunday 20th August 2023 09:44 GMT Bebu
Talk about walking into (another) defenestration...
《I suppose a more senior investigator might have been told he needed to inspect the halves of the screws that were still in the window frame.》
I imagine the original reason the insurers requiring the external windows to be secured was the unusually large death and injury claims arising from various parties taking an unintended short cut per fenestram to the cark park.
If I were the claims adjuster I would not, for all the tea in China, be leaning over the sheared screw heads beside a window which by definition was now unsecured.
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Friday 18th August 2023 12:20 GMT Vulch
Danger of escalation alert
and 1,000W grid stacked core wound motor on it
Whatever one of those might be, it's 4 times the permitted power for an e-bike unless it's registered with DVLC with all the associated faff needed for a motorbike. Don't want to attract the attention of a head office jobsworth who might deny the claim.
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Friday 18th August 2023 12:29 GMT Ochib
Re: Danger of escalation alert
It’s not illegal to own an e-bike with a power output exceeding 250 Watts, or where the electrical assistance doesn’t cut off at 25kph. However, it is illegal to ride it as you would a standard bike (without it being registered and insured like a moped), on a public highway – this includes both roads and off-road rights of way such as bridleways and byways.
Unregistered and uninsured e-bikes that do not conform to regulations can only be ridden on private land where the public doesn’t have access, with the permission of the landowner.
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Sunday 20th August 2023 10:06 GMT Bebu
Re: Danger of escalation alert
I imagine bicycle with a 2kWh battery even with a fairly porky PFY depressing the accelerator would be projected into the middle of next week. (Much more massive Tesla EVs have ~60-80kWh batteries.) I don't think the 2kWh is for range as riding from Land's End to John o'Groats could only be classed as cruel and unusual punishment.
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Monday 21st August 2023 11:03 GMT Elongated Muskrat
Re: Danger of escalation alert
the associated faff needed for a motorbike
Whilst getting a category A licence might be deemed a "faff," if the power output is below 11KW, you can do so with just a CBT and a provisional license (like pretty much every takeaway delivery rider on a moped). I'm of the opinion that many push-bike riders would do well to have done a CBT course, just so that they have basic road awareness and control of their vehicle, given the number who seem to like to change road position without even looking, let alone signalling their intentions.
The only other "faffy" bit here is the wearing of a helmet. Drop a watermelon from six feet onto a hard surface, and you'll understand why this isn't a faff, it's essential; one of these has saved me from brain damage or death on more than one occasion. Again, I'm of the opinion that those on push-bikes should be made to wear helmets (even if not motorcycle ones, some impact protection is better than none).
Okay, well there's insurance, tax and registration as well, but those cost a lot less on a bike than they do on a car.
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Friday 18th August 2023 13:36 GMT A. Coatsworth
Let's make a deal
- You can choose the shiny new E-bike that is being presented by our lovely PFY, or...
- Or...?
- Or the Mystery Prize that is behind the curtain!
- Mystery Prize! Mystery Prize!
- Ok, go ahead and claim it
- There is only an open window behind the curtain, what gives?
- Correction, a seventh-floor open window
- ‽
- Good night and until next Friday!
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Friday 18th August 2023 13:38 GMT ShortLegs
Lovely
Reminds me of the claims assessors that were [very] occasionally sent out to BAOR. God only knows why, when the box of crystal glass was worth less than the cost of flying two assessors over, return taxis to/from airport, to/from claimant, hotel accommodation and restaurant dining. Ok, so it would probably have been the ninehundred and eleventieth time a box of cut crystal glasses had been dropped, a complete coincidence that everyone used the same department store and thus explaining why everyone, regardless of unit/location had the same set. And wholly immaterial that the box looked more travelled than the Falklands Task Force on its return.
Im sure the assessors knew exactly what went on and used it as an excuse for a jolly every 6 months.
Though the funniest claim was a neighbour whose bike had been stolen... and she couldnt describe it all, whilst her husband gave a wholly convincing description of his "bike"
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Saturday 19th August 2023 09:17 GMT IGotOut
Interestingly
....a claims investigator told me how to get around get clauses for water leaks.
Many insurance companies want cover loss of water, or damage caused trying to find the location of the leak, only damage caused by the leak.
He kindly told me that, if I say had been fitting a new bath panel, dropped it, smashed several of the tiles and hit the water pipe causing the leak, then EVERYTHING was covered. Not just the ceiling below.
Lovely guy.