back to article Cage match: Zuck finally realizes Elon is full of twit

Mark Zuckerberg isn't shying away from his supposed cage match with Elon Musk, though he wants the world to know it probably isn't going to happen – and it's not his fault. The billionaire pair have been feuding since June over Zuck's then-rumored launch of Twitter competitor Threads, which was unleashed in July. Musk, you may …

  1. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Brilliant

    Broadcast a Tesla FSD failure to get out of fighting. Throw Tesla under the bus (or fire truck) to benefit Musk's ego and ego corporation X.

    1. Strahd Ivarius Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Brilliant

      just wondering, did he get all the permits from the local government?

      or will we see cops chasing him live on TV?

  2. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

    "While I think it is very unlikely, given our size difference, perhaps you are a modern day Bruce Lee and will somehow win," Musk added.

    Whilst size may be an advantage, that is all it is: An advantage. If you have no idea how to fight and are unfit, your smaller, well trained opponent will still cream you.

    1. My-Handle Silver badge

      I trained in Jiu Jitsu while I was at uni (about fifteen years ago). Two black-belt senseis ran the class, one of whom was on the lower end of five feet tall. Funnily enough, when demonstrating new techniques, he usually picked the taller, beefier students to practice on. He was kinda known for making that point - that just because you were bigger didn't mean you were better.

      Aside from the obvious small-man syndrome, he was a pretty decent guy. But you couldn't pay me money to take him on if he was serious.

      1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

        People also think that big muscles mean you're strong. I've seen plenty of skinny people down the gym lift some seriously impressive weights.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fifteen-year-old

    Come on El Reg, cut the snark. We've all been fifteen once, prone to hollow boasts.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Re: Fifteen-year-old

      So, Musk is 15 years old.

      That's what you're saying ?

      Hmm. Yep. It fits.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Middle-aged man finds "420" funny

      I've always found it bizarre and pathetic when I have to remind myself that this person speaking like a wannabe-edgy teenage troll isn't just a grown man, he's a grown man in his fifties, FFS.

      Musk is a prime example of the manchild who never grew up because he never had to.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Never go full twit.

    Never go full twit.

    Purdeys at 20 paces - you could be blind, deaf, have a dicky ticker, a dodgy back, mostly brain dead and as long as their seconds pointed these nutjobs in each other's direction should have the desired effect. LoMF appears to be the x-meister's ailment.

    1. aerogems Silver badge

      Re: Never go full twit.

      There was an old BOFH where Simon says that his method for choosing a vendor is to lock the two finalists in a room. In the room there's two chairs, each with a brick under it. Last vendor rep standing wins the contract. If Twitler wants to claim he needs surgery for a MMA-style fight, just give each of them a brick and lock them in a cage together. Whatever the outcome it should be entertaining.

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: Never go full twit.

        "give each of them a brick and lock them in a cage together."

        And then everybody just walks away leaving the door locked.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Never go full twit.

          And then everybody just walks away leaving the door locked

          .. and forgetting to mention that the room is hermitically sealed..

          1. vekkq

            Re: Never go full twit.

            And then everybody forgets to ever open the door again

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Never go full twit.

          Said it before, I'll say it again- any Musk vs. Zuckerberg fight needs to be set up like Thunderdome, except with one fewer men allowed to leave.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Musk would only stand a chance of winning ..

    .. if it was a match on who could spout the most BS in a minute.

    I'm no fan of either, but I have a feeling there wouldn't be much time for advertising if this match was ever televised.

    The only reason I can see that Zuckerbeg wouldn't pound the big mouth into the ground early in round one would be to keep it entertaining for the audience. There's a rather large difference between wandering into a dojo every so often and being good and fit enough to actively fight in competition.

    Sadly, in this case there are no lawyers that can force him to make good on his BS, it's not Twitter X.

    1. abend0c4

      Re: Musk would only stand a chance of winning ..

      I suspect Musk gave up when he found he had been conned out a large sum of money by his "eejitsu trainer".

      1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

        Re: Musk would only stand a chance of winning ..

        I suspect Musk gave up when he found he had been conned out a large sum of money by his "eejitsu trainer".

        He should have learnt Ecky Thump

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Musk would only stand a chance of winning ..

          He should have learnt Ecky Thump

          Instead of concentrating on "Easy Trump"..

        2. Dave314159ggggdffsdds Silver badge

          Re: Musk would only stand a chance of winning ..

          He learnt Icky All Over instead:

          https://youtu.be/8agnfXz1y4M

      2. Michael Strorm Silver badge

        Re: Musk would only stand a chance of winning ..

        "Fujitsu"

  6. Ian Johnston Silver badge

    Is there anyone involved in any way at all with cage fighting who is not a jerk?

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Pint

      I'm speechless... +1 and one of these -> Well said!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I've never seen the point of fighting inanimate objects anyway.

      No, wait..

      :)

    3. abend0c4

      I'm always reminded of this.

  7. DS999 Silver badge
    FAIL

    He wants to fight in a backyard

    So he can claim it was just "practice" when he gets his ass handed to him!

  8. ChoHag Silver badge
    Coat

    Full of xit, shirly?

    Can't make xit stick?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cage fight .... musk compatible rules only !!!

    Zuck in one cage ..... Musk in another cage ..... we lose the keys to both and walk away !!!

    Job Done .... world slightly safer .... now deal with Putin !!!

    :)

    1. MachDiamond Silver badge

      Re: Cage fight .... musk compatible rules only !!!

      "Zuck in one cage ..... Musk in another cage ..... we lose the keys to both and walk away !!!"

      And there was much rejoicing.

  10. aerogems Silver badge

    Finally?

    Who didn't see this for what it was from the moment it was proposed? A 50-something man-baby crying for attention.

    On account of being someone who can fire people on the spot, and that meaning they will generally back down when confronted by him, Twitler has (very incorrectly) conflated that with being an alpha male. However, when he made the mistake of challenging someone who doesn't give two fucks who Twitler is because he's the boss of his own little empire, Twitler quickly arrived at found out status.

    As much as I would enjoy watching Twitler get his ass beat like the redheaded stepchild of an abusive alcoholic, I guess I'll just have to settle for his self-own and subsequent public humiliation.

    1. Richard 12 Silver badge

      Re: Finally?

      Incomplete, unstable, missing significant important elements and (if you're lucky) only capable of doing a tightly controlled limited demo?

      Yeah, he's an Alpha male.

  11. theOtherJT

    I just want to see...

    ...at least one of them get punched in the mouth. I don't even really care which.

    Actually, come to think of it - the best possible outcome here is going to be something along the lines of "OH GOD HERE COMES LARRY ELLISON WITH A STEEL CHAIR!"

    1. aerogems Silver badge

      Re: I just want to see...

      If it somehow ended with all three of them being incapacitated, that would be a good day.

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: I just want to see...

        "If it somehow ended with all three of them being incapacitated, that would be a good day."

        Oh stop it, you're giving me a chubby.

    2. Montreal Sean

      Re: I just want to see...

      Steel chairs are Ballmer's specialty.

  12. Stu 18

    They shouldn't stop at an MRI

    Full psych work up might be helpful. Still you need self awareness, insight and willingness to make a change. Perhaps a padded room would be best.

  13. Zola
    Mushroom

    Shame - I'd just started warming to the idea

    I must admit, at first I thought the idea of two CEOs fighting in a cage was incredibly unseemly and totally unnecessary. And in many ways, it still is.

    However, everytime Musk opens his mouth to spout yet more BS it's made me realise that watching someone (anyone) BATTER THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM until he begs for it to end, live on TV/internet and recorded for posterity, would actually be quite wonderful.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Shame - I'd just started warming to the idea

      Plan for this to be done repeatedly.

      He doesn't strike me as a fast learner when it comes to his particular proclivities.

  14. lglethal Silver badge
    Trollface

    "If we get lucky and Zuck … actually answers the door, the fight is on!"

    So Elon admits it will be pure luck if the FSD works and gets him to Zuck's house... Nice to know he has confidence in his product..

    I dont know why, but I'm having a mental image of the car pulling up at the wrong house, him rocking up to the door spouting his usual bollocks, and the door opens and a Mr Burns like character opens the doors, listens to Elon for a minute and then simply says "Release the Hounds". Followed by a shot of a not very fit Elon trying to run down the driveway to the waiting Tesla with Hounds biting his ass...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      There are some people on Youtube who could turn that into a short clip - could be worth it :)

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Hounds biting his ass...

      I wouldn't let my dogs near him, let alone potentially injesting the blood of someone with an interesting relationship with illegal recreational drug use.

  15. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    FAIL

    Pathetic

    Musk is killing his reputation faster than he is ruining himself.

    1. Dr Dan Holdsworth
      FAIL

      Re: Pathetic

      Musk has a reputation as being a man who ran a reasonably good tech company into the ground in record time. He furthermore has form for being mercurial, impulsive and greatly disinclined towards rational cogitation.

      Remind me again about what this good reputation of his is at risk again please?

      Whilst you're at it, tell me where I can rent time on the microscope you are using to view the admirable bits of Mr Musk.

      1. eldel

        Re: Pathetic

        To be fair - he did manage to get Gwynne Shotwell to run SpaceX. Granted it was probably anomalous but it was a good move.

  16. hittitezombie

    We definitely live in the Stupid Timeline.

  17. TheFifth

    Sucker punch

    Musk strikes me as the kinda guy who would turn up at Zuck's house, wait to be invited in and then sucker punch him as soon as he turns his back. All whilst streaming live on Xitter and claiming he'd 'won'.

    1. My-Handle Silver badge

      Re: Sucker punch

      I'd pay to see that.

      Just so I could see the sequel where Zuckerberg (or his security) beat the crap out of Musk in "self defence", then get him arrested for assault.

  18. Joe Gurman

    How?

    Because nothing shields you from the reality of having to deal with other people like being filthy rich.

  19. TangoDelta72
    Joke

    Maybe they'll kiss? (No Paris icon).

  20. RobDog

    Fighting????? Like in a playground???

    Like 8 years olds?

    Pathetic. You’re grown men. Offering someone out to the grassy bank (as it was outside my school) for a scrap is pathetic and juvenile. A but like Zuckerberg himself really.

    And I have to be honest, all the baying and hooting and hollering about making excuses etc (yeah so it’s Elon Musk so he’s never going to win a popularity contest around here) itself is ridiculous and juvenile, like cage fighting itself, somehow trying to legitimise the act of knocking another person senseless.

    Go ahead and smash that downvote button. Watch me not care.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The same day Sangiuliano spoke to that newspaper, Zuckerberg posted on Threads

    ...but nobody read it. Tree in an empty forest and all that.

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