back to article We'd pay good money to see... oh dear, Elon Musk 'needs an MRI scan'

Unreliable billionaire Elon Musk appears adamant that his cage fight with rival social media mogul Mark Zuckerberg will actually go ahead. Yet buried within the replies of a Twitter... sorry, "𝕏" thread, the notorious flake hid another get-out clause. Talking up what he called "immersive video" features on the really not …

  1. eswan

    Does that hold true for ex-twitter employees?

    "If you were unfairly treated by your employer due to posting or liking something on this platform, we will fund your legal bill. No limit. Please let us know."

    https://www.businessinsider.com/twitter-staff-slam-elon-musk-did-you-bother-to-learn-2022-11

    "...After the engineer appeared to question Musk's technical competence, Musk called the engineer out on Twitter."

    "Musk later responded that Frohnhoefer had been "fired," but deleted the tweet a few hours later. The Daily Beast reported that Frohnhoefer was still active on the company's Slack for several hours after Musk had said he fired him. Later on Monday night, the engineer said on Twitter that he had been locked out of his work computer."

    1. b0llchit Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Does that hold true for ex-twitter employees?

      Of course not! Telling you any story gets my name pop-up in the media. I am the ultimate media whore. There is only me, me, me, meeeee! The world is about me!

      Sincerely, His Royal Majesty, ruler of X-marks-the-spot-to-bury-me, Musk.

  2. Malcolm Weir

    If you were unfairly trreated...

    Careful parsing of the "offer":

    "If you were unfairly treated by your employer due to posting or liking something on this platform, we will fund your legal bill. No limit. Please let us know."

    ... will reveal a pair of sizable loopholes: what if you were _fairly_ treated by your employer due to posting (etc)? And what if you were 'unfairly' treated by your employer for being an ass, which was coincidentally correlated with your posting habits?

    (There's also a smaller loophole: the promise is to 'fund' your legal bill. If that the same as paying it? And note there's no indication of the timeline: perhaps you have to fight your fight, win or lose, and eventually, once the (full) legal bill is known, Elmo's Gang will step in...?

    1. Roj Blake Silver badge

      Re: If you were unfairly trreated...

      It would be the court who decides whether or not you were treated fairly.

      Musky isn't offering to pay anything until after the court says the dismissal was unfair - and if they do decide that was the case, your former employer would foot the bill anyway.

      So either way, he doesn't have to pay.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        Not that he would pay anyway . . .

      2. Malcolm Weir

        Re: If you were unfairly trreated...

        Unless you agreed to binding arbitration (like most of Twitter's X employees, reading the X both ways), in which case there is no court to decide anything!

        But those sorts of proceedings are usually subjecting to non-disclosure agreements, so no indication of fairness is likely to come from them...

        Still, I wonder where you're getting this whacky idea that the offer from Elmo that a judicial proceeding would determine, for the purposes of this "funding" promise, anything??

    2. DS999 Silver badge

      Trump promised to pay the legal bills of his supporters

      Back in 2016, if they "roughed up" anti Trumpers at his rallies.

      Then when he called the mob to try to help him overturn the election in 2021 he got over 1000 of them (and counting) arrested, and all he has done is say that's unfair and saying he will pardon them if he's president again. But despite all the money he's collecting from suckers supporters and spending on legal fees for himself and legal fees for people who he wants to keep silent and not testify against him ($40 million in the first half of this year alone!) he hasn't helped out a single one of the Jan 6th rioters.

      Musk's promise is likely worth exactly as much as Trump's.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This all poses a very interesting question. What if a lizard was the size of a human? What strength and speed would it have?

    The only reference I have for this is https://www.speedofanimals.com/animals/six_lined_race_runner

    162mph. I think we know who would win.

    1. Ace2 Silver badge

      Would you rather be in a fight with a single duck the size of a horse, or twelve horses the size of ducks?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Depends if the ducks had a dick the size of a horses. Screw that.

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "Would you rather be in a fight with a single duck the size of a horse, or twelve horses the size of ducks?"

        Hmmm, twelve tiny little horses with teeny tiny hooves to kick with or a huge duck with a honking great big beak at the front. Decisions, decisions.

        Although, as others have pointed out, power/energy doesn't scale linearly with physical size. That horse sized duck would almost certainly be a tad slow off the mark and definitely not be able to fly.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Oh, a man's best friend is his duck. If a burglar breaks in, he'll chase him back, with a spine-chilling "QUACK!". For you can get a very nasty suck, if you mess around with a duck.

        2. that one in the corner Silver badge

          With the word wrap on this screen (and postprandial doziness) misread that last line as

          > That horse sized duck fly.

          Now wondering what a duckfly is and whether a horse-sized one is worse that a duck-sized horsefly.

          And yet that still makes more sense than the actual topic of the article!

    2. doublelayer Silver badge

      That site appears to take an animal's running speed and multiply it by the ratio between its height and a human's to get a faster one. This doesn't make very much sense to me as a method. I suggest instead that we look at the speed of lizards that are already that size. Monitor lizards which are in the 60-90 kg range can move at about 20 km/h, although not for long periods as they usually use that to ambush something nearby.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        This is no place for scientific methods.

    3. phuzz Silver badge

      Well, a croc is probably bigger than a human, but they can hit maybe 20mph. They don't run very far, but that probably doesn't help much if you're standing too close...

  4. Alien Doctor 1.1

    I don't (do) want to piss...

    off any antisocial media users, but who gives a flying? The best result, once his muskiness has overcome his cowardice (sorry, injuries) is for the two to kill each other and therefore provide the Rest of the World with at least some respite from their inane commentary.

    I really couldn't care less (see leftpondians, that's how you utilize that statement) what happens. What would make it interesting is if Ellison and Satya were in the ring with the other two at the same time.)

    1. HereIAmJH Silver badge

      Re: I don't (do) want to piss...

      I really couldn't care less (see leftpondians, that's how you utilize that statement)

      I could care less, but then I'd have to expend effort to ignore these Twitter Trainwreck articles.

    2. Groo The Wanderer

      Re: I don't (do) want to piss...

      Yeah, but the King Egos think the world revolves around them and their pissing matches.

  5. trevorde Silver badge

    Musk paying for something?

    Yeah, right! He's not paying rent on his headquarters, so what makes anyone think he'll pay for someone's legal fees?

    1. doublelayer Silver badge

      Re: Musk paying for something?

      The same people who believe both that Musk is a genius fighting for some unspecified rights and also think that some treatment was related to their online postings and unfair, when in reality it's unlikely to be related to posts and, if it was, they were probably pretty bad.

  6. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    The next excuse

    "My mum says I have to visit Aunty Vera that day"

  7. Howard Sway Silver badge

    hurt his back sumo wrestling on his bday years ago and has been in chronic pain since

    If he's been in chronic pain for years, why the hell did he agree to a fight? How come the pain wasn't a problem then but is now?

    He should either show up, or admit he's chickening out, weaselly excuses just look pathetic after all the pretend tough-guy bullshit.

    And if he turns up and claims he's forgotten his PE kit, he should be made to do the fight in his underpants.

    1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge
      Stop

      Re: hurt his back sumo wrestling on his bday years ago and has been in chronic pain since

      With his wealth, if he's been in "chronic pain" he'd be paying for ops to fix it pronto. Ask anyone who's genuinely had chronic pain.

      1. Cris E

        Re: hurt his back sumo wrestling on his bday years ago and has been in chronic pain since

        Well maybe he gets his health care through his new employer, Twitter/X, and the plan is so poor he can't get anything treated?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's not about the pain (except when it is)

      He seems to be semi-obsessed with humiliation, though that would hardly be first case of a humiliation fetish in the valley.

      That said pain alone won't keep you from fighting, but his doctors may not want him getting his neck snapped by someone with 30 years of repressed nerd rage if there is an actual underlying condition.

      It's also possible the MRI will show what is wrong with his brain, but let's no hold our breath. When he announces he's going to hide under the bed from the scary tech ceo he was trolling none of us will be surprised.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It's not about the pain (except when it is)

        "It's also possible the MRI will show what is wrong with his brain"

        They are going to MRI his arse?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It's not about the pain (except when it is)

        "It's also possible the MRI will show what is wrong with his brain"

        They've had that MRI to pieces and still can't figure out why nothing was showing up

    3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: hurt his back sumo wrestling on his bday years ago and has been in chronic pain since

      I very, very much doubt it was proper Sumo wrestling - those guys (despite the size of some of them) are actually very fit..

      Rikishi like Hakuho (retired now) did an exercise regeime that would make yer average power lifter whimp out.

  8. A Non e-mouse Silver badge
    FAIL

    If all he's doing to prep is lifting some weights in the office he's doing it all wrong. First off, he needs to be doing some cardio & strength endurance work. Then he needs to learn how to fight. Without those things he's going to get creamed in seconds.

    Fail icon as that's what Elmo is setting himself up for.

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      According to the internet Musk has a purple belt in karate. Zuckerberg exercises effectively, has trained in mixed martial arts and won competitions in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

      A normal person would not get into such a fight. A sensible person would concede before getting injured. Musk pisses and whines like he has signed an irrevocable $44B agreement to buy something that was worth considerably less.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Fair and square

        Zuckerberg exercises effectively, has trained in mixed martial arts and won competitions in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

        Not saying it is relevant, but Putin wins Judo competitions and ALSO wins fair(*) elections.

        (* ...)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "According to the internet Musk has a purple belt in karate"

        But that's just to stop his pants falling down

  9. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Is he wanting crowdfunding for this MRI scan?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      if there is a chance he won't survive it, it may work

  10. DoctorNine

    Give me a Brawndo with my popcorn

    The longer I live, the more certain I am that 'Idiocracy' was written by time travelling aliens....

    1. My-Handle

      Re: Give me a Brawndo with my popcorn

      In Idiocracy, for all that they put a stupid man in charge, he was at least self-aware enough to hire an intelligent man and listen to what he said. Self-awareness isn't exactly Elon's strong point.

  11. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
    Trollface

    Hasbeen in chronic pain for years

    Him munching veterinary-strenght painkillers as if they were Skittles would go a looong way explaining his behavior

    1. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker
      Holmes

      Re: Hasbeen in chronic pain for years

      Painkiller addiction and acting like an asocial jerk, starving for attention? Sounds like straight out of TV's "House" (aka "House, M.D.")

      Icon --> because House solving medical mysteries plus his sidekick Wilson were meant to be like Holmes (and his cocaine) & Watson.

  12. Roger Kynaston

    arsehole moron pretends to fight another arsehole moron

    All in the title.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    “the notorious flake hid another get-out clause”

    buried within the replies of a Twitter... sorry, “X” thread, the notorious flake hid another get-out clause

    It's very disappointing seeing this kind of tabloid fodder being given a platform on your esteemed tech forum.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: “the notorious flake hid another get-out clause”

      This is an English web site taken over by Americans, what did you expect?

  14. Dr. G. Freeman

    What about controlling giant robots to fight instead of themselves ?

    Either using Elon's Neuralink thing, or even just remote control.

    No squishy damage, but we still get a fight.

    1. Lurko

      What, "Robot Wars" on steroids? Nope, Dr Freeman. I'm sure both have the resources and money to build some splendid robots with fabulous weapons, so maybe they could do that as well. But I want to see the two twerps in a cage, hitting each other until one can't hit back, or Musk wimps out.

      Being the sort of armchair brutalist that I am, I'd go further: I'd like to see the cage fight "upped" to Roman gladiatorial rules, with the same weapons and costumes (and outcome). I'd happily recline on my chaise longue, eating grapes and drinking wine in a toga, whilst watching the entertainment, ready to give a thumbs down*. And imagine the money that the TV rights would make.

      * yeah, sticklers for authenticity might complain that's not how it worked, but for this occasion we could go with the inaccurate tradition.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "but for this occasion we could go with the inaccurate tradition."

        Yeah, why not, you already broke about three other traditions before you reached that thumbs down bit :-)

        Only Senators wore togas and the were so long and heavy it took one or two people to dress you and even then, you'd be hard pressed to lay down on your "chaise longue" and/or get back up. The reason you see statues or images of Senators in togas with the arm raised and bet 90deg is because that's holding the toga in place. Pretty much all you can do while wearing one is stroll around doing nothing except talking :-) It's a far far cry from the Animal House bed-sheet toga party :-)

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Only Senators wore togas and the were so long and heavy it took one or two people to dress you

          Not entirely true - any free Roman citizen was entitled to wear a toga - although, in practice, only the equestrian and senatorial ranks could afford to wear them since they required cleaning after use - Rome had a rule banning carts during the day in the early Imperial days which meant lots of donkeys, mules and horses carrying goods around. Lots of those means lots of mess. Even though Rome had public slaves whose job it was to keep clean the streets, in practice that meant usually only the high-status areas were kept clean to any great degree.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toga

          Side-note that may interest only me - the equestrian and senatorial ranks were directly related to your wealth - to be either required that you hit a threshold. An Equestrian required 100,000 denarii-worth of property (not just cash) and a senator required 250,000 denarii-worth of property. They (senators) were also forbidden to directly involve themselves in commerce and were expected to fund their lifesyle with income from farms and property. Of course, a lot of them made a lot of money on the side from freedmen who were in their patronage..

          Both had to be conferred the title by the emperor once they hit the property value threshold. Or, more likely, once they'd bribed one of the emperors various freedmen who managed that side of things for the emperor..

      2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        with the same weapons and costumes (and outcome)

        Yeah - but what combination? Retarius vs Thracian? Cestus vs Myrmillo?

        And, unlike most gladiator bouts [1], do we want this one to be to the death?

        [1] Almost all of the ones that used criminals were to the death but the ones involving professional gladiators rarely were - they were expensive to train and equip so the lanista involved wouldn't want his expensive resource to be wasted.

        1. Strahd Ivarius Silver badge
          Devil

          Christians against lions

    2. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Crash and burn

      Which one of them is Achilles (Market) and which one Alexander (Confederation)?

  15. DS999 Silver badge

    The weasel is weaseling out

    To no one's surprise.

    I hope when he makes his weaseling official that The Register gives him a permanent nickname in all future articles referencing him to commemorate his cowardice.

  16. Winkypop Silver badge
    Devil

    Sorry, Elon can’t come out to play today

    He’s busy hiding under his bed.

  17. Matthew "The Worst Writer on the Internet" Saroff

    Musk is not a notorious flake, he's a notorious fake.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      True. The "notorious Flakes" are the ones made in the Egyptian factory that are too crumbly to survive either the transport or the insertion into the ice cream cone :-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Yeah, no point in letting the bath overflow if the whole thing is just going to crumble and pop the bubbles. And you mustn't let your gecko eat the bits, it is bad for them.

  18. Michael Hoffmann Silver badge
    Meh

    Weird coincidence

    Having literally just (4 weeks ago) having experienced the unbelievably excruciating pain of a protruded disk pressing on spinal nerves, having to live off opiates and finally having surgery, but possibly having to live with nerve damage in my right arm for the rest of my life........ I almost feel sympathy with Elon. At least I most certainly empathise.

  19. big_D Silver badge
    Trollface

    Missing option...

    The option in the poll for "who gives a toss" was missing.

    1. My-Handle

      Re: Missing option...

      Also, the options "No" and "I hope so" can both be true.

  20. Guy Geens
    Happy

    And then there is this

    Elon Musk's Chinese double is in training should he be asked to fight Mark Zuckerberg

    https://www.indy100.com/viral/eon-musk-chinese-double-zuckerberg

  21. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    An old expression

    About forty years ago, I heard the expression "checkup from the neck up", as in "They need a checkup from the neck up" used of persons doing reckless things, e.g. selling fake gold chains to persons possibly armed and dangerous. I don't suppose it's current now, I don't know whether it really was then.

  22. phuzz Silver badge

    I've not been paying much attention to this whole cage thing. The idea is we're going to chuck Musk and Zuck into a cage and then throw away the key, right?

  23. Bebu
    Windows

    Domitian invited?

    I believe he was keen on lions which would make cats meat of these two clowns in the arena but unless famished felines can be fussy about what they eat.

    As always with this pair Sondheim's "Send in the Clowns" from his "A Little Night Music" would be appropriate perhaps slightly modified.

    "Send in the Lions.

    Never mind, see how they tear."

  24. hittitezombie

    That's the lamest excuse for a drug addiction I've seen

    The "context" is that Musk "hurt his back sumo wrestling on his bday years ago and has been in chronic pain since."

    Yeah, right.

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