back to article Mummy and Daddy Musk think Elon's cage fight against Zuck is a terrible idea

How many CEOs in their 50s require their parents to step in when they're being a little shit? We don't recall Mary Maxwell Gates piping up when Microsoft was being accused of monopolizing the PC operating market in the early '90s, though she was probably thinking, "That's my boy." Twitter, Tesla and SpaceX boss Elon Musk is a …

  1. aerogems Silver badge

    To quote David Spade's character from the movie PCU: It doesn't matter who wins because they're both losers.

    That said, I'm still looking forward to watching Twitler get zucked.

    1. Orv Silver badge

      I don't care who wins as long as they go the distance. I'd be rooting for maximum carnage.

      1. Bebu Silver badge
        Big Brother

        I'd be rooting for maximum carnage.

        Hand grenades (Mills bombs) at 20 paces?

        Put this pair of lunatics in a deepish muddy hole with 600mm (2') water and mud and let them lay into each other with entrenching tools.

        Something with which the survivor to can bore his guest ever after much as Mitford's Montadore if recall correctly. With a bit of luck we might be blessed by both fools drowning in their own stupidity and a quantum of filthy water.

        1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

          Re: I'd be rooting for maximum carnage.

          Oh yes please, use knives.

    2. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

      Zuck will destroy Musk. There's no universe in which Musk stands a frikking chance of victory. He can't bluster and stutter his way through a fight. he can't roll is eyes up through the top of is head while he struggles to riff out some BS. He's not operating in real time. That said, after Zuck lands the first blow, and reality dawns, people are gonna feel sorry for the walrus.

      1. SonofRojBlake

        I am emphatically NOT a Musk fanboy.

        Look at the stats:

        Musk is over six feet tall. Zuck is five seven.

        Musk weighs pushing ninety kg. Zuck weighs more like seventy.

        What this means is Zuck might be able to get his weight down to lightweight from superlightweight if he needed to, while Musk would be trying to get DOWN to super middleweight from light heavyweight.

        More clearly, they are AT LEAST FOUR weight divisions apart, possibly more.

        Anyone who's done anything like a "real" combat sport knows that height, weight and strength are more important than skill. Combat sports have weight divisions for a reason.

        The concept isn't quite as ludicrous as the fight scene in Mission Impossible: Can't Remember Which One It Was where Henry Cavill (1.85m, 95kg) had to act like he was having trouble fighting Tom Cruise (1.7m. 77kg) - but it's close. If someone's six inches taller than you and 17kg heavier, you'd better be Connor McGregor and they'd better be Ricky Gervais.

  2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I blame the parents.

    1. LogicGate Silver badge

      Naaah.. they are both fully capable of being assholes all by themselves.

      ..Although I continue to suspect that in the case of musk, it may be a medical condition..

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        I don't think I'd want a case of musk. It would probably be both vinegary, bitter and corked. Quite undrinkable.

      2. Orv Silver badge

        No matter what Martin Shkrelli's lawyers say, being an asshole is not a medical condition.

        1. LogicGate Silver badge


          but the ups of visionary space entrepeneur followed by the downs of bitter twitter troll could be interpreted as untreated bipolar disorder by someone with absolutely no medical degree.

          1. Orv Silver badge

            Re: Street signs

            No medical degree and no experience with what people who have bipolar are actually like.

        2. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

          not a medical condition

          I am sure it could be cured with arsenic tablets.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Far as I'm concerned, the only outcome I'd consider a "win" would be for both of them to lose, preferably by taking each other out.

    Set it up like Thunderdome, but with one fewer men allowed to leave.

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge taking each other out.

      I'd consider it a win if both of them lay down flat exhausted from throwing weak, harmless punches at each other.

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Who rules Twittertown?

  4. Plest Silver badge

    You couldn't make this sort of thing up!

    Yep, it's going to be just like that Friends episode "The One with the Ultimate Fighting Champion", where that billionaire tech dickhead gets his arse handed to him on a plate, except here we'll see two of them get their arses kicked!

    With any luck both of them will end up with broken limbs and some form of short term concussion, do the world a favour.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: You couldn't make this sort of thing up!

      "short term concussion"

      Why the pessimism?

    2. SonofRojBlake

      Re: You couldn't make this sort of thing up!

      I'm still slightly boggled by the fact that that dickhead was Jon Favreau. Director of Iron Man. Happy Hogan. Creator of the Mandalorian. That guy.

  5. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

    We all know it'll never happen

    Musk is a professional troll. He'll say whatever gets headlines, but it'll never happen.

    Still someone (undoubtedly Musk) will come out of this looking like an idiot, so it's a win/win.

  6. Helcat Bronze badge

    I think they should fight. Pit fight. Or cage fight. Mad Max style. You never know: It might just knock some sense into both of them.

    1. LogicGate Silver badge

      Mud-wrestling while wearing Borat-style mankinis.. The meme-material would be bountiful!

      1. UCAP Silver badge

        Thanks for putting that image in my head, now I'm going to have to bleach my brain.

  7. Howard Sway Silver badge

    it would break all pay-per-view records

    Don't think it's quite there yet. To break the records, I'd recommend putting them in a cage with 2 open ends, swinging on a rope above a pool of hungry piranhas. Possibly with a saw advancing slowly towards the rope.

    1. Korev Silver badge

      Re: it would break all pay-per-view records

      Not forgetting the sharks with frickin' laser beams...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Audience Participation

    Bill Hicks had it right:

    "Give these guys chain saws! Let them fuck each other up good. It’s not violent enough. Let these fuckin’ morons kill each other in that God Damn pit!

    Give them chain saws… I want to see a fuckin railway spike go through their eyeballs.

    How about this? give everyone in the audience a pistol. There you fuckers, [blam][blam] See who comes out alive [blam] "

  9. xyz Silver badge

    Handbags at dawn

    Can't think of anything else to type... although the mud wrestling in mankinis noted above is a must for any event like this.

  10. DS999 Silver badge

    From the moment this fight was supposedly a reality

    I said that Musk would make some sort of excuse to back out. He's too busy, or Tesla's board nixed it as he's "too important" to the business, something like that. I must admit I didn't think "Mommy and Daddy told me not to" wasn't an excuse I thought he'd use, but maybe?

    I just think Musk believes because he's bigger that he'll easily win, but once he talks to a few people who will clue him in about what someone smaller and faster with martial arts training is likely to do to a fat[*] slob with zero muscle tone he'll be looking for a way to back out.

    [*] reportedly he's been using those diabetic drugs like Wegovy that cause weight loss and has dropped 30 pounds, but that's not going to help his utter lack of physical fitness due to being solely an indoor cat.

    1. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: From the moment this fight was supposedly a reality

      I was going to say, even with martial arts training I doubt someone looking like this has any chance against someone who atleast on first glance appears far fitter and muscular (not to mention also atleast somewhat trained in martial arts). He'd not only have to drop serious weight, he'd have to seriously hit the gym to have any chance. And even then, in MMA style fights the smaller guy might be at an advantage.

  11. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker

    Follow the money

    "...these guys would raise hundreds of millions of dollars for charity."

    Now, I don't know these two's track record of charitable giving -- and I don't care to research either of them -- but I have two predictions:

    1. The "charity" in question is a winner-take-all purse.

    2. Charities might indeed receive "hundreds of millions" but there will *also* be a sizeable purse.

    Either way, I just don't see these two duking it out for free, no matter the smack-talk.

    --> Mine's the one with the bills from the mailbox in the pocket in lieu of a fat wallet.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Follow the money

      You beat me to it - I suspect what charities will pick up from this will be the absolute minimum they think they'll get away with to call it 'for charity'.

      Both are *way* to keen on money to let much of that escape.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It should only go ahead if both of them are armed with some deadly weapon with a sufficient blast radius to destroy the ring.

  13. that one in the corner Silver badge

    Get Musk to schedule the fight

    When has he ever hit one of his own announced timescales?

    "By the end of 2023 you will be able to buy a ticket for this match!"

    "We expect to be able to land not one, but two, tickets by third quarter 2026"

    "It will be financially irresponsible not to own one of the tickets in 2036"


    "Speak up! Tickets? Fight? We did that last Thursday, didn't we? Who are you?"

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I'm surprised that Zuckerberg didn't insist on a VR match in Metaland, to which Musk would agree because, ouch. Although, they may still do that, the current exchange just being to generate publicity.

  15. Robert Moore

    Two words.

    Giant robots.

    They need to have this fight using giant robots. MechWarrior style. Two Billionaires duking it out requires giant robots, otherwise, what is the point?

  16. Claverhouse Silver badge

    Elon's Mummy

    He cares too much.

    That's the word on the street.

  17. Sleep deprived

    With children like these

    Won't someone think of the parents?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: With children like these

      Thinking all the parents are feckless for not using condoms

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Two colonies on Mars

    Limited weapons.

    Loser loses.

    Winner gets abandoned.

    We all win.

  19. PhilipN Silver badge


    Yeah, right. That's what all fight promoters say.

  20. CowHorseFrog

    > We don't recall Mary Maxwell Gates piping up when Microsoft was being accused of monopolizing the PC operating market in the early '90s,

    Go check why Melanie Gates divorced Bill. Heres a clue Bill was friends with the same guy that Prince Andrew was friends with....then again people like Bill are born arseholes, they dont care about doing the right thing they only worry about getting in real trouble with the law.

  21. CowHorseFrog

    What about fight in the Kremlin with the winner taking on Putin live on TV for the world.

    1. My-Handle Silver badge

      The only way Putin would take on anyone was if he was guaranteed to win, and look good doing it. By any means necessary. Any challenger would be at a rather high risk of 'accidentally' ingesting some kind of sedative (at best), or being given a pep talk by the KGB for a few days in an underground bunker somewhere. You know, just to properly prepare them for the fight.

  22. disgruntled yank Silver badge


    Could we expand this to include the professional wrestling notion of a tag team? If judo enters into it, then we could pair one of the contestants with Vladimir Putin. I just don't know who would make the fourth contestant--a recent US president made at least one cameo appearance at a WWE match, but I don't think he's in fighting trim.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: WWE

      Maybe not, but then, neither is Musk.

      Both would be very good to see!

  23. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

    Not everyone

    everybody would want to see it

    I certainly wouldn't. Not because it's infantile and tasteless, but because this sort of thing is excruciatingly boring. I wouldn't watch it if I were the one being paid.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I’m a Twitter junkie and the site has been down for me for hours. “Rate limit exceeded”. Over the last couple of days, several I follow have been ‘jailed’ for ‘spam’ while unlikely to have done any of the sorts. And now Twitter has shutdown non-signed in access to tweets? I think shutting down data centers may have not been well thought out.

  25. abufrejoval

    Please let Putin join and have them bash their brains in all together

    there are probably a few more names to add to the list, but I believe the world would be better off, if none of them came out fit to continue.

    Probably more eco than a joint one-way to Mars...

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