back to article Software rollout failure led to Devon & Cornwall cops recording zero crime for 3 months

It is a sleepy corner of the United Kingdom, but even the southwest peninsula is likely not a place where there is no crime whatsoever for a whole quarter. Well, maybe it is a crime-free paradise, and maybe it isn't, because a failure in the implementation of a new computer system has meant Devon & Cornwall Police registered …

  1. terry 1
    Thumb Up

    Crimes are committed every day in Cornwall...

    Our neighbours across the border insist on putting jam on the scones before the cream. Outrageous behaviour

  2. Sir Sham Cad

    internationally tried and tested platform

    "It worked alright in a different country with different rules, processes and completely different upstream systems so it'll be fine here"

    That sounds like a very familiar Procurement rationale.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: internationally tried and tested platform

      But it's OK because we took their working system and had lots of consultants customise it for us until it no longer worked

  3. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Devon & Cornwall Police Software Purchases and Digital Transformation Initiatives

    Devon & Cornwall Police Software Purchases and Digital Transformation Initiatives

  4. TimMaher Silver badge
    Windows

    Where be old blackbird to?

    Just saying.

    Anybody actually test this stuff?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    W&I

    They're all out the back, drinking cider, discussing butter.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Westminster

    The crime detection systems in Westminster have been out of service for a decade now.

  7. Howard Sway Silver badge

    Home Office statement

    "Congratulations to Devon & Cornwall Police for completely eliminating crime in their area for the last 3 months. A team will soon be visiting them to learn how we can apply their approach across the whole country, and ensure that the whole country is completely crime-free by the end of this year."

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Home Office statement

      Can't blame the zero crime figures on Joe Penhale this time.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Home Office statement

      and ensure that the whole country is completely crime-free by the end of this year."

      Of course, this will involve a one off charge of a few billion in redundancy payments next year, but that will, over the following years result in a large budget surplice allowing for many more work-place "events" with free wine and birthday cakes in Westminster.

  8. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    If you regard such things as "not unusual" then that's what they'll become after going through a phase of "not unacceptable".

  9. Yet Another Hierachial Anonynmous Coward

    Unable to Upload data/stats?

    Have they never heard of Excel? It's very good for passing data and statistics between non-communicating systems.

    Might need a human at each end, but I'm sure the civil service have plenty of those.

    1. Ball boy Silver badge

      Re: Unable to Upload data/stats?

      Nice idea but Excel isn't the tool to use. It has column limits that's famously tripped-up civil servant wonks attempting to use it to move data. See https://www.theregister.com/2020/10/05/excel_england_coronavirus_contact_error/ for details of one such cock-up. Sure, it's a million now - but if the civil service can't deal with that, I dread to think what a Police Constable would make of Excel; most of them seem to struggle with concepts more advanced than a clockwork watch.

      1. ShortLegs

        Re: Unable to Upload data/stats?

        "I dread to think what a Police Constable would make of Excel; most of them seem to struggle with concepts more advanced than a clockwork watch."

        Really? What a stupid comment to make.

      2. veti Silver badge

        Re: Unable to Upload data/stats?

        So don't give the job to "a police constable", give it to a rookie data analyst. Or a highly skilled one if that's all you can find.

        The police force employs many more people than just rozzers.

    2. rafff

      Re: Unable to Upload data/stats?

      Wot abaht Excel, indeed!

      Or even pencil and paper: completely immune to power failures etc.

    3. jmch Silver badge

      Re: Unable to Upload data/stats?

      Maybe not Excel to use, but is it that the system is so trash that police couldn't enter reports / keep records, or that the reporting part that sent data to ONS didn't work (ie they could data in but not out)? The wording of the report seems to suggest the latter, meaning the stats should be in there somewhere as soon as someone works out how to dig them out

  10. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    Devon and Cornwall

    police responded

    "We report local crime for local people, theres nothing for you outsiders here"

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Devon and Cornwall

      "We report local crime for local people, theres nothing for you Grockles & Emmets here"

      FTFY No charge - Have a Icon.

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Devon and Cornwall

        theres nothing for you Grockles & Emmets here

        [Sucks teeth]..

        You know, you'll be in trouble in both Devon and Cornwall for using their words in the same sentance..

        (My wife has an ancestor who, to his very great shame, was exiled to Cornwall from Devon for posessing sheep that weren't strictly his.. just as well that this was post-Oz-transportation otherwise she'd have the societal handicap of being Australian. The whole family is now tainted in both counties. In Cornwall as a jonny-come-lately incomer and in Devon as someone who willingly went to Cornwall)

  11. xyz Silver badge

    Cluedo and Clueless

    Constable_Savage account in the AD with no write permission on the table or sp.

    My guess, so bang to rights.

  12. ColinPa Silver badge

    Running in parallel

    Ive worked with many customers who ran two systems in parallel. You syphon off the data from the old system to the new system as it comes in... Everyday you compare the reports, and check they match. You do not go live until the data matches. It is slow - but better than debugging the live system.

    1. Mike 137 Silver badge

      Re: Running in parallel

      "better than debugging the live system

      Anything at all is better than debugging a live system. One of my sidelines is research instrumentation control. In that context, debugging live systems can actually be damned dangerous (it can injure people or cause things to catch fire).

    2. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

      Re: Running in parallel

      "Everyday you compare the reports, and check they match."

      The reason they didn't do it your way is because they wanted the numbers from the new system to be _better_.

  13. TDog

    Income Tax

    I wonder if HMRC would accept this as a valid defence for a failure to keep tax records for 6 months?

  14. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Boffin

    Not so fast!

    It was a deliberate ploy to lull the crims into a false sense of security and all pile into the area. They were then going to round them all up and export them to Rwanda

    ... or sommatt

  15. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    round them all up and export them to Rwanda

    ... or sommatt

    More likely Somerset. Or, if the budget stretches that far, Wiltshire.

    All frozen northern wastes for the Peninsula types (like wot I married)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    lets not forget this is the same police force that gave shotguns back to someone (recently convicted of assault and with mental health issues) who later went on the rampage in Plymouth and killed several people. The same force that took over a year to renew my shotgun cert. they really re a shambles of a force

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