back to article Elon Musk to step down as Twitter CEO: Help us pick his replacement

Elon Musk has made good on his promise to abide by the results of a Twitter poll that asked whether he should quit as CEO of the microblogging service – and delivered a resounding “YES” vote. The site’s owner made the medium the message by announcing his decision with a tweet. I will resign as CEO as soon as I find someone …

  1. grndkntrl

    Ughhh...

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E32fJhCWEAAn481.jpg:orig

    1. ssharwood

      Re: Ughhh...

      Which is why we asked for other suggestions. C'mon!

      1. Mark 85

        Re: Ughhh...

        Which is why we asked for other suggestions. C'mon!

        We had best decide quickly as Musk resigned as Twatter CEO this morning.

    2. Steve Button Silver badge

      Re: Ughhh...

      "Vladimir Putin - Just about runs Twitter already"

      Erm, no.

      We now know it's the FBI, the CIA and the Pentagon that run Twitter (well, used to) and Russia has very little influence.

      Do keep up.

      1. Spanners Silver badge
        Alien

        Re: Ughhh...

        Musk says that the FBI and other dodgy organisations used to have a big say in what was pulled.

        Who do I (dis)trust the most Musk or US spooks? It's a hard question!

        Russia certainly used to have a much more obvious contribution the the unwanted junk tweets I got. They may just be doing it better now. Are they behind the increase in fairly toxic right wingers?

        1. Steve Button Silver badge

          Re: Ughhh...

          "Musk says..."

          Nah, Musk is just retweeting what several (4 so far) journalists have said.

          So, it's not a case of do you trust Musk or the FBI. And you are right, that's a hard question. It's a question of do you trust those 4 journalists, who are quoting sources (from within Twitter) pretty extensively. This is a pretty big scoop for them, and would be career ending if they had just made it all up (and why would they!?).

          I think this is as big as Watergate and as bad as the McCarthy trials, it's just that we're in the middle of it right now and most people have not realised how bad it is. Also, most of the media are pretty much ignoring it, which means many people will pretty much ignore THEM going forward, as they are becoming irrelevant.

          1. Ace2 Silver badge

            Re: Ughhh...

            You, sir, are either a fool or a deliberate liar.

            https://www.techdirt.com/2022/12/20/no-the-fbi-is-not-paying-twitter-to-censor/

            1. Steve Button Silver badge

              Re: Ughhh...

              I must be a fool then. I guess that Hunter Biden laptop, which had details of his business dealings with that Ukrainian oil company are just a fever dream that I had. And Zuckerberg even admitted that the FBI came to him and warned him about it. (although not directly, but gave enough of a hint that they knew exactly what to censor as soon as it came in)

              That article, while interesting, is basically making the argument that the FBI we're just making suggestions. As any member of the public would do. So, you think Twitter are going to treat a "suggestion" from the FBI in the same way that they would any other member of the public? What would YOU do if they FBI came to you with "suggestions"? Would you treat it in the same way as if some random stranger asked the same thing?

              And we've got to ask ourselves what exactly was Hunter Biden doing working as a consultant for a Ukrainian oil company, and getting paid quite handsomely for? Did he have oil sector experience? Experience of running large companies? So, what exactly were they paying for? Was it influence on his father, the Vice President of the USA?

              So, I'm thinking your Techdirt story us just another "nothingburger" by the dem friendly press. It doesn't offer any particular take-down of The Twitter Files, just another attempt to play it down, to get people to look the other way.

              I guess the CIA and the FBI have never been caught doing very naughty things in past decades, or if they have they have probably cleaned up their act now.

              1. kat_bg

                Re: Ughhh...

                Unlike friendly sources like FoxNews, Newsmax or Infowars?

              2. veti Silver badge

                Re: Ughhh...

                Oh, please.

                Look, Hunter Biden is a consultant. Whether he's any good at it or not, I don't know. But he's also the son of a prominent politician, and I wouldn't be the least surprised if he leveraged that fact to get some better gigs than would otherwise have come his way.

                I know I would, in his place. Compare, for instance, Harry and Meghan. Or every living member of the Trump family, including Donald J.

                Do we see constant demands to rummage through the contents of all their laptops? No, because it's a blatantly unreasonable demand in itself.

                Yet we keep hearing this refrain "Hunter Biden's laptop", presumably an effort to repeat the success of "Hillary's emails" at implanting some minor distraction at the heart of a campaign as if it were one of the biggest issues facing the country. It's not. Just give it a rest.

                1. jake Silver badge

                  Re: Ughhh...

                  "Just give it a rest."

                  They can't. It's all they've got.

                  If you really want 'em to shut up, ask 'em about the chain of custody. Or lack thereof.

                  The Biden laptop is a non-issue, and always has been, simply because of the lack of a clear chain of custody. It is not admissible as evidence in any court in the US. Won't stop the anti-American folks in charge of the next Congress from wasting the next two years trying to prove otherwise, though.

                  1. Finegancjt

                    Re: Ughhh...

                    Head in sand seldom sees the light.

                    “Chain of custody” risk is obliterated with emails, as sender & receiver BOTH generally log or journal all communication, unless Hunter was emailing himself in a drunk or drugged stupor…which is where you may be to reject such evidence out of hand.

                2. Trigun

                  Re: Ughhh...

                  I tend to agree with some of what you say, but it *may* point to political corruption and so it should be examined in a fair, non-partisan, non-histrionic and transparent way. It also has to be mentioned that it's not like these kind of events are the bag of just one side: Any ideology or poltiical party can have such a scandal.

                  The only thing for me which is alarming is the media's reaction and the deep politicalisation (and resulting polarisation) surrounding it. You can't mention the bl**dy thing without people assuming that you're on one side of US politics or the other and then watching them go thermonuclear.

              3. ScottK

                Re: Ughhh...

                https://mobile.twitter.com/BrentTerhune/status/1600273638892134405/mediaviewer

                1. Rafael #872397
                  Happy

                  Re: Ughhh...

                  Out of curiosity and boredom, I clicked on this link to see what it was. Twitter started to ask me questions about my (old, seldom used) account, then sent me an e-mail with an alert about whatever.

                  I decided that I wasn't that curious, and realized (again) that I don't really care about most of the information on Twitter and just came back to El Reg.

                  I guess I just don't see the value of it as a medium for communication.

              4. Not That Andrew

                Re: Ughhh...

                The huge problem with that laptop is even if it was Hunter Bidens at some stage, its passed through so many hands with their own agenda that the only material that can be confirmed to is that which matches stuff previously hacked from his email account. Which anyone could have put on there.

                Why did Guiliani wait so long before handing it over to the FBI? What happened during the period he allegedly lost it? Why would Hunter Biden hand his laptop over to a hole in the wall computer repair shop on the other side of the country without leaving any contact details? The story has more holes than a BTR-D that's been used as target practice by a A-10.

                1. jake Silver badge

                  Re: Ughhh...

                  As I said ... all that needs to be said is the reality that the chain of custody is so tainted that not even Trump's failed lawyer (the dis-barred Giuliani) could get any traction out of it. It's not a thing to anybody but the terminally brain-washed trumpephiles.

              5. D-Coder

                Re: Ughhh...

                THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK

        2. Martin-73 Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: Ughhh...

          No, Elon's responsible for the right wing toxic brigade

        3. Trigun

          Re: Ughhh...

          "Are they behind the increase in fairly toxic right wingers?"

          We can add those people to the existing toxic left wingers. The lesson is that people of all sides can be toxic and the definition of toxic itself is somewhat subjective.

  2. Winkypop Silver badge
    Devil

    That Ye guy

    Or maybe Herschel Walker!

    1. Lon24
      Joke

      Re: That Ye guy

      No mate. These people are not engineers. They can't cut code. They can't understand coders.

      There is only one man fit for the role with unquestionable experience and know-how to create a better Twitter. I don't speak lightly - he was identified by no less than a leading right wing columnist. I give you [drum-roll]

      The one and only JOHN MASTODON.

      [His credentials can be found here: https://boingboing.net/2022/12/18/]

    2. Rafael #872397
      Joke

      Re: That Ye guy

      Obligatory Tom the Dancing Bug: https://www.gocomics.com/tomthedancingbug/2022/12/09

  3. Lil Endian Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Clean Up In Aisle 3!

    I must be disconnected from reality!

    Reading through the article, seeing the approaching poll, I was lured into thinking of possible candidates. When I saw the first suggestion my dentures were across the room before I could help myself!

    Simon! You *&!~*^£#!!

    Thank you sir! Season's best wishes!

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Clean Up In Aisle 3!

      A great article (survey?), sometimes, El Reg of old rears its head

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Clean Up In Aisle 3!

      "When I saw the first suggestion my dentures were across the room before I could help myself!"

      Same here :-|

      (Not, not a proper "smiley" since it looks awful with no teeth in)

      I am also rather flabbergasted by the poll results so far. El Reg claims that it's readership is primarily North American these days, hence their change in house style. The poll results seem to indicate that either not be true or BoJo has cracked the US market in his search for fame.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Clean Up In Aisle 3!

        "I am also rather flabbergasted by the poll results so far."

        It's obviously taking the piss ... but us Yanks have already been bitten by the Trump arsewipes once. Nobody wants to see that happen again, even in jest. BoJo is the next candidate on the idiocy scale.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Clean Up In Aisle 3!

          Bojo would do a better job than Musk has done and that really is saying something. I wish Musk would just stick to what he is good at. Rockets/Cars

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Clean Up In Aisle 3!

            "I wish Musk would just stick to what he is good at."

            What would that be? I've seen no evidence of anything but luck to date ...

            "Rockets"

            US Government (CIA/NSA?) front. Musk is not really in charge, he just thinks he is.

            "Cars"

            Bought, not built. Seems to have run it's course.

  4. sanmigueelbeer
    Coat

    I nominate ...

    I nominate the following:

    Léo Apotheker

    Meg Whitman

    Ginni Rometty

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I nominate ...

      Make 'em co-CEO's for bonus fun.

      (Just make sure the floor drain in the office is clear)

    2. Lil Endian Silver badge
      Coat

      Léo Apotheker

      I assume he's too busy providing pharmaceuticals to keep Clarence cross-eyed...

    3. keithpeter Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: I nominate ...

      I'm going for the obvious candidate: Matt Hancock

      1. Mr Dogshit

        Re: I nominate ...

        You mean "TV's Matt Hancock"

        1. Hubert Cumberdale Silver badge

          Re: I nominate ...

          (he also spelt "Handcock" wrong)

    4. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: I nominate ...

      Hey! Why did you leave out Carly Fiorina?

      1. Fred Goldstein

        Re: I nominate ...

        Good choice. Carly's a real expert at running companies into the ground. With an ego almost enough to match Elon's.

      2. Richard Crossley
        Mushroom

        Re: I nominate ...

        Dido Harding.

        Hardly an an IT issue she hasn't been involved in

    5. spold Silver badge

      Re: I nominate ...

      I believe Orville the duck, and Emu are still looking for new gigs. I'm sure they could learn to tweet, and they wouldn't mind Elon's hand up 'em pulling the strings.

  5. Phil E Succour

    Bring on the good Baroness

    I think Dido Harding has the sort of track record that Elon is looking for, particularly with technology companies…

    https://www.campaignlive.co.uk/article/talk-talk-boss-dido-hardings-utter-ignorance-lesson-us/1370062?src_site=marketingmagazine

    1. Lil Endian Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Bring on the good Baroness

      I had to use all of my resolve to not suggest The Dildo, thanks for being there for me!

      I had the thought of suggesting (I'm reckoning) her protégé, Michelle Donelan - Online Safety Bill: nonsense and wasting tax revenue. If only sensible replacements for positions such as hers could be found... [enter stage left] Father Dougal McGuire!

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Bring on the good Baroness

      If we are looking at the Lords Temporal, why not Baroness Mone? After running the Ultimo lingerie brand, she knows a thing or two about support.

      [What PPE scandal? Guards!]

      1. Lil Endian Silver badge

        Re: Bring on the good Baroness

        Last Christmas, I gave my girlfriend a gift card for Ultimo, online - not happy. I think we had crossed underwires.

        1. MiguelC Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Bring on the good Baroness

          Did she give it away the very next day?

          1. Lil Endian Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Bring on the good Baroness

            Miguel! I thought you were someone to rely on!

    3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Bring on the good Baroness

      If she is unavailable, Mr Blobby

    4. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

      Re: Bring on the good Baroness

      Only concern with Dido Harding is that with Twitter worth a nominal $40bn, I'm not sure she could work with such a limited budget.

  6. First Light

    How could you

    forget Liz Truss, the obvious choice! She's not that busy and has such tremendously good judgement!

    There's also:

    That fantastic businessman and epitome of good sense, Mike Lindell (MyPillow)!

    Jair Bolsonaro - he's available, and rightwing enough for our Elon!

    Any one of the Kardashians, pick 'n mix. They're becoming a bit passé these days so it would be good for their brand(s).

    1. SW10

      Re: How could you

      The 44-day prime minister certainly fits the brand: makes fantastical, evidence-free and ill-thought statements without regard for the consequences

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: How could you

      It. Has. To be. Liz!

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: How could you

        I knooooow!

        1. Mr Dogshit

          Re: How could you

          Liz Truss killed the queen.

          That. is. a. disgrace.

          1. katrinab Silver badge
            Angel

            Re: How could you

            It is the one promise she actually delivered on though.

    3. David Austin

      Re: How could you

      The parallels between Liz and Musk in their management styles, consensus building, and short-sighted policies has been astounding this year.

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: How could you

        This tells us a lot about just how successful sociopaths (both seem to exhibit some aspects and possibly even narcissistic, though BoJo and Trumpy are better examples) can be because they're prepared to fight harder than anyone else for personal advancement.

        Anyway, does anyone really care anymore? Just like with the FIFA Bribery World Cup™, I'm bored now.

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: How could you

        "The parallels between Liz and Musk in their management styles, consensus building, and short-sighted policies has been astounding this year."

        Musk seems to be keeping his distance from Amber Heard these days. Might there be an open for Liz in Musks boudoir?

        (Try not imagine any offspring they may produce!)

        1. David Austin

          Re: How could you

          Well That's a mental image burned into my retinas I did not need.

    4. breakfast Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: How could you

      Nothing like a Truss to really raise the roof.

      1. Lil Endian Silver badge

        Re: How could you

        Certainly did nothing for that hernia.

    5. Tom66

      Re: How could you

      She also completed being PM in record time. So surely she'd finish being CEO of Twitter pretty quickly too, enough time to jump onto the next rung of her remarkable career as a captain of sinking ships.

      1. Roland6 Silver badge

        Re: How could you

        >her remarkable career as a captain of sinking ships.

        I perceive her career as being one of taking on floating ships and turning them into sinking ships...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: How could you

          Or just fake ships ... where is Chris Grayling ?

          Apparently previously worked in th television and film industry ... a perfect match

    6. PhilipN Silver badge

      Re: How could you

      Because a Prime Minister continuing in office gets my vote and there are 2 good reasons why this has to be Giorgia Meloni

    7. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How could you

      Jair Bolsonaro - he's available, and rightwing enough for our Elon!

      Too busy crying and hiding in shame.

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How could you

      It's a shame John McAfee is dead, he would have been perfect!

  7. T. F. M. Reader
    Coat

    Won't fly

    It is obvious that Twitter future CEO cannot possibly be one of those. You didn't consult HR, did you? Just how privileged all these heterosexual white males (mostly - see Holmes, Elizabeth) are? This will certainly cause a twitstorm if the procedure is disclosed in Twitter Files!

    No, no, the perfect candidate is Sam Brinton. Gender-fluid, US administration experience, an expert on nuclear waste disposal (what is Twitter if not nuclear waste or something equally toxic and dangerous?), and a proven record of no morals or scruples even when picking up other people's luggage at airports is concerned. Likely explainable by lifelong lack of privilege, of course. And - how could I forget! - foolishness!

    Ouch. Just noticed[*] that the above link is from NY Post. Here is a version that can even be tweeted.

    [*] You don't really think that I needed to look the name up and NY Post was the first on Google, do you?

    1. ssharwood
      Facepalm

      Re: Won't fly

      I did worry our list is a bit stale, male, and pale. Thanks for the suggestion.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Won't fly

      You shouldn't judge them too harshly for luggage 'theft'. They may have dysphoria and something that can help enormously is sharing personal items recently used by someone of the non dysphoric cis gender. This might include clothing (especially undergarments), sanitary products and bedding. The smells, textures and the sense of the energy of another sex is an absolute balm for dysphoria in some.

      If they don't have access to an individual of the desired sex, they may resort to what society terms 'theft' but if we could destigmatise this behaviour it would result in less gender fluid and trans individuals being criminalised for something they can't control. Given the chance I think most cis people wouldn't mind sharing their personal items before they're returned. It could even be incentivised with free laundering. The only crime Sam really committed was living in an intolerant time.

      1. Tom66

        Re: Won't fly

        This is a parody, right?

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: Won't fly

          If in doubt it's the new OpenI GPT. Hm, how about that for CEO?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Won't fly

        Truly hilarious!

    3. Jemma

      Re: Won't fly

      And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we in the LGBT community refer to as a truckyvestite. And that got into a government department dealing with glowy nuclear stuff?

      Can you imagine twatter under its command - the twink'ari...

      Can we run votes on all the social media sites, to remove them from existence with immediate effect.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Lil Endian Silver badge

        Re: Won't fly

        truckyvestite

        A hairy Kentuckian driving a Peterbilt while wearing a boob tube? *shivers*

  8. trindflo Bronze badge
    Devil

    Min Aung Hlaing

    Min Aung Hlaing

    I hear he runs a really tight ship.

  9. DS999 Silver badge

    He was reportedly already looking for a CEO for the past month

    The poll was just to make himself look good "see I went along with the results of the poll" if he loses, or "the people really want me to stay CEO, but I have other companies to run" if he wins. It was all about stroking his ego, nothing more.

    The question is, who the hell that is competent would want that CEO job knowing that Musk will be constantly second guessing and going behind your back leaving you to defend the company to the press?

    If he doesn't care about qualifications then sure, pay me a couple million bucks salary and I'll let him make me look like a fool for a year until he gets decides he needs more self aggrandizement and fires me publicly on Twitter. I'll walk away with millions more in a golden parachute and be fine with it! I'd treat it like I'm playing a part in a movie, and have a front row seat to Twitter's demise - even have a hand in it if I'm lucky!

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: He was reportedly already looking for a CEO for the past month

      Twitter was barely profitable before Musk. With $13B of debt it cannot be profitable at current interest rates.

      There are caveats with working for Elon. Start with payment in advance. Next watch out for the consent decrees. Twitter has avoided some consequences of past actions by promising to play nice in future. There are regular forms to file with the courts that state Twitter is complying with the agreements. Signing a provably false statement on one of those forms equals "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200". Finally, after you get fired Elon's lawyers will blame you and demand you pay damages. Proving your innocence will be expensive. On top of that there are still truck loads of Elon fans ready to turn up on your doorstep if he makes some baseless accusation against you.

      I think the actual required qualifications are promptly terminal cancer and no friends or family that Elon can strike back at.

    2. steviebuk Silver badge

      Re: He was reportedly already looking for a CEO for the past month

      True. Its clear the investors have told him to find someone else to run it or they'll pull their money. And the poll was to make him look good.

      It will be a shit job. It will be for show only, Elon will still be running it all from the side, they'll just be a puppet CEO. It will be someone who's willing to take a hit for cash, knowing full well he'll throw them under the bus at some point. He'll hit them with an NDA so they can never mention this after he fires them.

      He truely is a cunt.

      1. Robert Grant

        Re: He was reportedly already looking for a CEO for the past month

        Currently one made of straw, though.

  10. Mitoo Bobsworth

    The obvious choice

    I nominate a McDonalds cheeseburger. It's cheap, it'll outlast any of the aforementioned candidates, it's more popular & stable than Musk and you won't hear a peep out of it online.

    1. Andy 68

      Re: The obvious choice

      I hear there's a lettuce that's looking for a new role

    2. TeeCee Gold badge
      WTF?

      Re: The obvious choice

      So, in other words, you're nominating Mayor McCheese?

    3. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: The obvious choice

      > I nominate a McDonalds cheeseburger.

      Wouldn't Burger King be better as telling Big Whoppers is part of the job...

      1. steviebuk Silver badge

        Re: The obvious choice

        Opened the Christmas Crackers early?

    4. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: The obvious choice – Spam

      it'll outlast any of the aforementioned candidates

      If you want long lasting, I nominate a can of Spam. Singularly appropriate for Twitter.

  11. Phil E Succour

    “After that, I will just run the software & servers teams."

    Given the number of staff he’s ejected and departments he’s abolished, is there anything left other than the software and servers teams? Sounds like the new CEO won’t have too many things on their plate.

    1. hittitezombie

      Re: “After that, I will just run the software & servers teams."

      Getting the blame, instead of Musk is one of the job descriptions.

    2. Blank Reg

      Re: “After that, I will just run the software & servers teams."

      And he'll be just as incompetent running the software and servers teams

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: “After that, I will just run the software & servers teams."

        Arguably even more, surely? Presumably there are actual technical duties involved with the "software and servers teams", and Elom is even less qualified to run them than he is at directing corporate policy and strategy.

        Unless of course it's "run" as in "... into the ground", then he's definitely got experience with it.

    3. steviesteveo

      Re: “After that, I will just run the software & servers teams."

      I found that quite interesting. We all know that software and servers is just a corner of what makes up a tech company but you suddenly wonder if he thinks it's a really clever way of saying he'll really be running everything

  12. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Mr Broadus Jr.

    https://twitter.com/SnoopDogg/status/1604656918844256257

    This is going to be like the year that all of Hollywood ran for Governor of California and we ended up with Arnold Schwarzenegger. (That didn't go badly and I don't know how)

    1. keithpeter Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: Mr Broadus Jr.

      @Mr McMurtrie

      That didn't go badly and I don't know how

      I got the impression from over here (UK) that Schwarzenegger listened to feedback, was able to see what worked and what didn't and changed his policies.

      Could be wrong, happy to be enlightened.

    2. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: Mr Broadus Jr.

      That's not hard to explain, Schwarzenegger isn't a complete moron and has the integrity to acknowledge and listen to people who know better than him.

      1. JimboSmith Silver badge

        Re: Mr Broadus Jr.

        Actually some friends who live in the Eureka state tell me he wasn’t too bad as Governor. Since leaving office he went up in their estimation further after his videos on the 6th January riots and the Russian war in Ukraine…….And that’s from two dyed in the wool democrats.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Mr Broadus Jr.

          As a Californian, and most definitely NOT a Republican, yes. Da Governator did a pretty good job. Quite a bit better than most.

  13. jake Silver badge

    Obvious answer.

    Ronald Reagan, that wild and wasky guy, always on the leading edge. Would make an excellent leader for the world's twits. A total rebel without a clue.

    Yes, I know, he's dead. Your point? He couldn't do any worse than the existing Boss, now could he?

    1. Phil E Succour

      Re: Obvious answer.

      If Elon's willing to consider candidates from the afterlife, then surely John McAfee must be on the shortlist.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Obvious answer.

        Nah. John would steal all of Elon's pot.

    2. chivo243 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Obvious answer.

      If we're waltzing down presidential memory lane... Nixon for the Win!! He's not a Crook!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Obvious answer.

        I read that in the voice of Billy West in Futurama: "Nnnixxxon for the Winnn!! Brlrlrlhrlhr! Awooooo!"

    3. Blank Reg

      Re: Obvious answer.

      Well if the candidate doesn't need to be alive then maybe they don't need to be real either, so I nominate Obi-wan. He'll come in handy when the Feds come knocking

      These are not the consent decree violations you're looking for

    4. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Obvious answer.

      Reagan will need a trusted assistant - Bonzo

      1. WolfFan

        Re: Obvious answer.

        Bonzo has painted himself orange and will be in a Federal prison shortly.

      2. jake Silver badge

        Re: Obvious answer.

        I was thinking Joe "Tailgunner" McCarthy.

        "Twitter is infested with Commentards. I have here in my hand a list of 205—a list of names that were made known to Saint Elon as being members of the Commentardariat and who nevertheless are still working and shaping policy here at Twitter."

        Or maybe J Edgar Hoover ... that fetching little black dress would help pacify at least some of the crowd.

      3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: Obvious answer.

        Bedtime for Bonzo will be easy as he can avail of the beds in the office.

  14. Rikki Tikki

    Simon, you must have forgotten Scott Morrison. Not only would he volunteer to do the job, he'd be able to take on all the other management roles as well (at least in his own mind).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Scotty from marketing. Time to re-watch honest government ads

  15. Danny 14

    I think me

    1. im cheap, just give me a few million a year. I will even take dollars so thats a saving.

    2. I hate twitter. I will gladly run it into the ground for you.

    3. Fuck people who disagree with you. amirite?

    4. Abolish HR so 3. doesnt get problematic. I dont think you thought of that cost saving measure.

    5. I will happily clean up crap and kowtow to your whims.

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: I think me

      I repeat my previous offer. I'll do it for $1m/week, and I'll turn the business around in a month.

      If I fail, fire me.

      What's to lose?

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: I think me

        You want the job, therefore you aren't qualified.

  16. Vikingforties
    Facepalm

    Nadine Dorries? Time on her hands these days and she really appeared to be in command of her brief at the UK department of Digital, Culture, Media & Sports.

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      I'm sure she would be interested if Mush throws in some free ostrich anus dinners...

    2. Herring`
    3. s. pam Silver badge
      Alert

      You forgot to add

      Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng = guaranteed to fsck Twitter to doom and an early demise ;-)

    4. JimboSmith Silver badge

      Nadine “is Twitter in receipt of public money” Dorries? Somebody sent me a video they’d edited together of her appearances at the select committee whilst in the role. It was amongst others a combination of the don’t know how C4 is funded……

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve63pA573ZA

      And her getting it right at another session only to have the committee remind her it was them who told her this. Can’t find the video of that appearance though.

  17. Totally not a Cylon
    Facepalm

    Clarkson?

    How could this list not include Jeremy?

    Totally not afraid to be controversial, known to punch people on live TV.....

    Loves provoking people as well......

    Perfect for CEO of Twitter.

    1. Steve Button Silver badge

      Re: Clarkson?

      If I were a pedantic person I would point out that the incident was during filming, not on live TV.

      But thumbs up anyway, as I think he would be an excellent choice.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Clarkson?

        He also punched Piers Morgan at an awards show. Sadly I don't think it was filmed though. But does prove he's not all bad...

        1. JimboSmith Silver badge

          Re: Clarkson?

          Piers Morgan now there’s a thought. A revolting thought that makes me feel sick but a thought none the less. He has to do the job in the USA and burn his UK passport whilst there so he can’t come back.

  18. msknight

    I nominate...

    Zippy and Bungle.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: I nominate...

      What about poor George?

      But if we're going for someone to be Elon's puppet, I suggest a joint CEO-ship between Statler and Waldorf.

  19. BackToTheFuture

    Brit to take over from Musk as Twitter CEO - may split role across Tesla and Starlink

    I hear the Musk Rat has already found his replacement, after a brief search trying to identify the closest match for stupidity and emotional intelligence.

    Congratulations, Mr Blobby.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1pJ4dluj0U

    Cancelling my new Mastodon account immediately.

  20. Big_Boomer Silver badge

    Ye

    I can't believe you all missed the obvious candidate. Ye is so obviously magnificent and wonderous and so full of himself that Ye could do anything Ye set Ye's mind(?) to. Oh wait, isn't Ye banned from Twatter for being a twat? Perhaps Ye would be the ideal candidate simply BECAUSE he is banned from posting?

    I have to agree with some of the commentards on here that there is a certain joy (schadenfreude) to be had from watching the demise of Twatter. I take back my previous comments about too many Musky articles on El Reg. Bring 'em on! It's like watching an episode of Destroyed in Seconds only it's gonna take months/years.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The captain of the Titanic.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      In that context I'd say whoever directed the orchestra on the deck would be an even better choice..

    2. My-Handle

      Just as it starts sinking.

  22. Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells Silver badge

    I nominate anybody from the right.

    Somebody that is pro-free-speech but also pro-revenge - somebody who is perfectly happy to bang on about free speech with one hand and ban leftists with the other, just for fun.

    Somebody who is going to get the astroturf campaigns such as FBPE off Twitter.

    Please.

    1. Michael Habel

      The Left can't meme, but they can drive away Advertisers. As such I'm not sure Elon can much afford to do that right now. If he has any plans post Twiter.

      1. Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells Silver badge

        So let's all bow down to leftist economic terrorists?

        1. Michael Habel

          No lets not... But, then I'm not the head of Advertising at General Motors either.

  23. TheSirFin

    Lettuce MacLettuceFace.

    I cannot believe that the Outstanding Luttuce who ousted Liz "I cannot believe its not Lettuce" Truss did not get on the list.

    I cannot think of a single better item that could get all the calls right and put the "Software and Server" Tech lead in his place.

    The Lettuce is Dead . Long Live the CEO Lettuce.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lettuce MacLettuceFace.

      TBH, I was waiting for someone to tweet a lettuce when all of this started happening..

      :)

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Paula Vennells

    She seems to have a disconnect with reality, poor moral compass, and time on her hands since resigning from Morrisons and Dunelm.

  25. heyrick Silver badge

    Given his idea of Freedom of Speech is What I Say, I rather suspect he's looking for a way out of being the public face of the shitshow he created. Otherwise the vote would have been, you know, "nudged in the right direction".

    1. Michael Habel

      You mean... That it wasn't?

  26. willyslick

    Needs a strong team of co-CEOs:

    Beavis and Butthead

    or

    Laurel and Hardy

    1. steelpillow Silver badge

      What about the Chuckle Brothers?

      "To me!"

      "To you!"

      "To me!"

      "To..."

      >CRASH!<

  27. steelpillow Silver badge

    Optimus

    Musk's AI robot must surely fit the bill.

    Once it gets the hang of dumb obedience, it can be rolled out across the org - from the top.

    Other candidates I might shortlist, but not yet mentioned, include:

    * Nigel Farage - a Brit whom some Americans have actually met.

    * Dogbert - an experienced manager

    * Catbert - another experienced manager

    * Boston Dynamics Spot - an AI robot Dogbert, what's not to love!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Optimus

      Jacob Rees-Mogg (most Americans will know him as Scrooge)

      Every tweet with be legible, properly punctuated (no Oxford commas), and in neat handwriting... and in triplicate.

      Twitter will interface with the Telegram network (initially semaphore only, but electric telegraph is planned. Delivery by messenger boy)

      Transgressors will be publicly flogged

      1. graeme leggett Silver badge

        Re: Optimus

        I see what you did there.

        1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

          Re: Optimus

          I see, what you, did there.

          FTFY

          1. Danny 14

            Re: Optimus

            I see it, and agree.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

      3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: Optimus

        He's with Musk in wanting the serfs back in the office

    2. Frank Bitterlich

      Re: Optimus

      ... or a broken parking meter. Still a better replacement.

  28. TeeCee Gold badge

    Let's see.

    Thinking about how Elon's running it, I guess we need someone with a firm hand, who slaps down any dissent at first sight and has a knack for making sure that noses are kept to the grindstone at all times.. A big plus would be the ability to get rid of anyone causing trouble permanently, while ensuring that nobody admits to noticing they're gone or talks about them.

    Only one candidate: Fatty Kim. He also has a sideline in rocketry, so something to chat to the boss about by the water cooler as a bonus.

  29. DJV Silver badge

    FTFY

    The one thing he appears to have done well in his time as its owner/CEO is accelerate the pace of feature development.

    The one thing he appears to have done well in his time as its owner/CEO is accelerate the pace of user desertion.

  30. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Hooray!

    I know this post will sit unloved in the moderation queue because I have offended the moderation Soviet, but this poll is a welcome return to El Reg of the past.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hooray!

      Raymond?

      Is that you?

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mike Lynch?

    He does at least fit the culture of deceit..

    1. Furious Reg reader John

      Re: Mike Lynch?

      $11.7B -> Abracadabra -> $2.9B

      Imagine the fun when you start at $44B

  32. Sceptic Tank Silver badge

    Theranos Lady

    I voted for Elizabeth Holmes as she's the only bird on that list. Elon Musk can be the Fail Whale.

  33. Colin Cruikshank

    Gollum, he needs a new precious….

  34. Roger Kynaston

    This is fun

    Others have suggested Thick Lizzie who probably would be my vote as well. However, I think we need a co-chair with Herschel Walker and Jackie Weaver.

    For those on the right side of the pond https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rdzw5cyiMec

  35. Fr. Ted Crilly Silver badge

    well I say Mutley

    Johnson's got it by a neck so far, hooray!

  36. Dr. G. Freeman

    two candidates I thought of

    The heir apparent, his son, Keyboard mash ?

    or maybe because of the discourse on there, the Moderatrix ? (I miss her on here)

  37. hitmouse

    I vote for Iago, Jafar's offsider from Aladdin.

    "Personality. Iago is very stingy and typically allies himself with whoever benefits him the most. He's characterized with a frequent useage of biting sarcasm as well as a sharp wit."

    Having his tweets read in the voice of the late Gilbert Gottfried is a bonus.

  38. inluck
    Thumb Down

    It was a ruse.

    He’s not making good on a promise, it was the plan all along.

    Poor form for The Register, you’re better than this…

  39. breakfast Silver badge
    Alert

    face god and walk backwards into hell

    The only viable candidate to run Twitter is the person who owns the platform in every way that matters: Dril.

    If you aren't familiar with Dril's work, your opinion on Twitter carries no weight.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: face god and walk backwards into hell

      Who?

  40. DrXym

    In other words

    "I will ignore the poll for as long as I like and even if I eventually pick a successor they will be my puppet and I will do all the terrible stupid things that I've always done. Oh and I'll start charging $$$ if you want to participate in my stupid polls in future."

    The sooner Twitter runs out of money, or the loans are called in, the better.

  41. khjohansen
    Trollface

    Rudy Giuliano

    I hear he's open to career suggestions at this time

    P.S. he's Paler, Maler & Staler <gg>

    1. Winkypop Silver badge

      Re: Rudy Giuliano

      Didn’t he get a gig at the Four Seasons Landscaping outfit?

      CEO of compost?

  42. Howard Sway Silver badge

    as soon as I find someone foolish enough to take the job!

    I personally think the shallow candidate pool of disgraced politicians / con artists in the poll is a bit too samey in its groanworthiness.

    Musk is probably tiring of internet polls by now, so my guess is he'll consult his "magic mirror".

    "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the foolishest CEO of all? Amazing! I can see me!"

    He might quickly hire and fire a few CEOs before he follows this magical prediction for appearances sake, but there's no way he'll ever let it appear that someone did a much better job of it than he did.

  43. Michael Habel

    I don't like your choices, so would like to nominate one Albert Arnold Gore, or his mini-me Gretta to the post...

    and, in some small way make the Lefties happy again...

  44. Jedit Silver badge
    Joke

    "the part-time ..."

    "... liquor, tunnelling, space transport, automotive and flame thrower entrepreneur certainly has a lot on his plate!"

    Less than you might think. The last three of those are covered by Tesla alone.

  45. s. pam Silver badge
    Devil

    Beavis and Butthead

    would be a perfect double-ended act. they certainly would make it a laugh ;-) a minute!

  46. Glen Turner 666

    Twitter already has engineers from SpaceX, so why not a CEO too?

    Since Musk always seems to make the worst choice with no consideration of the future, the new Twitter CEO will be Gwynne Shotwell, the Chief Operating Officer of SpaceX. She will do a fine job, just as she has done with SpaceX. Meanwhile, at SpaceX, the only Musk organisation so far untouched by this rolling disaster....

    1. First Light

      Re: Twitter already has engineers from SpaceX, so why not a CEO too?

      I suspect she would be way too smart to take it . . .

  47. Grunchy Silver badge

    Musk will hire a figurehead and still run Twitter

    This is exactly like the 1980s when everybody set up their own BBS. Inevitably several were operated by similar asshole sysops.

    BBSes gave way to “News” groups, which by the way are still active on the internet, and just as spammed out as ever. Then that all gave way to IRC or internet relay chat servers. Which at last gave way to dedicated web sites like Facebook and Twitter.

    Incidentally, Twitter is a much simpler service than any of the BBSes of yore, anybody could duplicate it easily enough.

  48. 2Blockchainz

    Marketer to mugs

    It should be Tim Armstrong, ex-AOL. He was able to find the biggest fool in the room (Verizon), and have them pay exorbitant amounts for a worthless firm.

  49. Bebu Silver badge

    "Send in the clowns....

    "Quick, send in the clowns

    Don't bothеr, they're herе."

    The list of candidates brought Sondheim's lyrics to mind.

    That Scott Morrison was proposed as chief twit I think has merit as he or any of his motley crew would make the current CEO look good. "I don't think, I know."

  50. xyz Silver badge

    Boss baby

    Or even better Staci.

  51. Ace2 Silver badge
    Coat

    Boris, Boris, he’s our man

    If de Pfeffel can’t do it, no one can!

  52. Charlie van Becelaere
    Alien

    How about

    Jodie Whittaker? I hear she's got time on her hands now as well.

    As a bonus, she seems to know about reboots

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Missing the obvious candidates...

    I would suggest any of the following, who all have the power to be a selfish despot:

    Ernst Stavro Blofeld, ably assisted by either "Hello Kitty" or "Grumpy Cat"

    Auric Goldfinger, assisted by Siri or Alexa (to do the translations)

    Francisco Scaramanga, helped by any of Frodo's friends or Warwick Davis/Verne Troyer (depending on availability)

    Max Zorin, with 2nd in command being Natalie Wood (oops !!)

    Dr. No (just so Musk knows that he is no longer the boss)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Missing the obvious candidates...

      "Warwick Davis/Verne Troyer (depending on availability)"

      Verne Troyer is no longer available

  54. Timop

    What about middle east?

    Any random oil prince will do.

  55. tiggity Silver badge

    I nominate a man from mars

    1. WolfFan

      Elon’s already from there.

  56. arachnoid2

    For the win.......

    Sir Alan Sugar

  57. Totally not a Cylon

    Mr Clinton?

    That is Louis Rossman's cat not the former White House inhabitant...

    Though since moving to Texas from NYC Mr Clinton does seem a lot less stressed and more chill.......

  58. aerogems Silver badge
    Coat

    Devin Nunes' Cow

    Not only would ol' Bessy give you milk on the regular, and work for some feed, if she royally screws things up you can turn her into hamburgers!

    But honestly, there are so many "good" choices I can't pick just one. Can we do a ranked choice poll or something?

  59. Ian Johnston Silver badge

    What's that lettuce doing these days?

  60. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    I'm sorry

    but we all know there can be only one

    To run twitter

    El-reg's very own BoFH with his faithful PFY sidekick

    Opps Mr Musk... that 23rd floor window I did report for being loose and unsteady, but we will state it was an accident when you tripped on that bag of corpse grade quick lime, rolled across the floor incidently wrapping yourself in the carpet before plummeting out of the aforementioned window into the back of the company van never to be seen again.

  61. Fabrizio
    Go

    John Carmack

    He surely has some time on his hands as he just quit Meta....

  62. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sadly he’s passed, but…

    The first person that came to mind was John McAfee.

  63. Snowy Silver badge
    Joke

    It has to be

    Musk brother by another mother none other than Boris, he was born for the job.

  64. Pirate Dave Silver badge
    Pirate

    This sucks. I'm not out of popcorn yet, and Twitter is no where near the smoldering corpse phase.

    Where's the carnage? The multiple failures on Wall Street as all the dominoes fall? The bailout by the US Government? I paid good money to watch this failure and hate to be shortchanged by Musk bailing out now. The captain must go down with his ship, but the ship's got to earnestly start sinking first. So far it's only been hurt feelings, drama, and waffling on accounts being banned/unbanned/banned/unbanned. That's just a normal day on the Internet. Where's the video of $44,000,000,000 irretrievably going up in smoke?

  65. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What about Harvey Weinstein?

    Being in prison already and all, he doesn’t have to worry about getting arrested.

  66. Binraider Silver badge

    Why do I have images of Deputy Chief Judge Fish?

  67. Gwaptiva

    a bit late to this party but

    I think we would be amiss if we didn't nominate a tub of lard

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: a bit late to this party but

      It was rather remiss of you not to notice that something was amiss with your sentence.

  68. Alexander Giochalas

    I propose our PM, Kyriakos Mitsotakis (Greece)

    I think he is the best for the job:

    * has the gigantic ego (but unfortunately lacks the IQ/intelligence)

    * thinks he owns everything and can do whatever he likes with it all

    * successfully brought Greece in position 108 globally for freedom of the press issues

    * has a proven record of not standing even mildly "uncomfortable" questions from journalists

    * has a proven record (family tradition, following his father) of eavesdropping on everyone's communications, no matter the medium

    * is expert on the blame (the others) game

    * he is a master of the highest level in using QAnon-style arguments, un-truths, and aphorisms against the opponent of the moment

  69. Trigun

    Elon Musk (like him or hate him) has just purchased Twitter for an enourmous amount of money - waaaay more than it's worth, imo.

    As such, he's still going to be mostly in control and after paying such an amount, one can argue that should be the case. So you could argue "why bother?".

    Beyond the pressure from investors from his other companies, this will hopefully give a buffer so that there is less knee jerk/arbitrary-seeming decision-making which can be Elon Musk's style.

    A style which, it has to be noted, has got him to where he is. However, social media/forums/etc really need calm, measured policy-making and a measure of pursuasion, not stick.

    As such, having someone sit between Elon Musk and policy might be a good thing, depending on the individual, as they will need a backbone and be able to tell truth to power.

    They pay should be nice though.

  70. Mr Larrington
    Pirate

    If they’re in it for the long term…

    … then the obvious choice has to be Keith Richards, no?

  71. Charles Bu
    Holmes

    Snoop dooooooogg!

    Everyone's favourite dogg asked everyone if he should run Twitter. The answer.....

    81% were in favour.

    It doesn't much more conclusive than that.

    https://www.newsweek.com/snoop-dogg-voted-run-twitter-after-elon-musk-told-step-down-poll-1768331

  72. Detective Emil

    As a latecomer, thre's only one thing left I can say …

    To summarise: it is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarise the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarise the summary of the summary: people are a problem. — Douglas Adams

  73. Scott 53

    Put Twitter out of its misery quickly

    Liz Truss is the ideal candidate for that.

  74. Plest Silver badge
    Happy

    Jack Ma - He's looking for a reason to get out of China now he's no longer China's golden boy

    Changpeng Zhao - Binance crypto CEO - he's about to be out of a job

    Sam Bankman-Fried - he might be out on remand for a while and needs something to do

  75. Finegancjt

    Kamala Harris: obviously for Chief Twit

    Like border czar role,

    Kamala promises never to go near it,

    & wouldn't touch it w/10 ft pole!

    Nobody thinks she would blow it too.

    They had to put her somewhere,

    So they could make Hillary VPOTUS

    Just Before Joe removed or steps down.

  76. Jason Hindle

    They’ve got big problems

    <downvoteBait>Oddly enough, Musk might have been the best man for the job.</downvoteBait> If, that is, he had the bandwidth and could perhaps keep his impulses under control. What a spectacularly flawed man! Listening to them airing technical dirty laundry in public, Twitter starts to look like a version 1 product, and any fule no that version 1 is mostly people just trying to get stuff to work any way they can. Getting that under control takes someone who can absorb the technical side and then make coherent decisions. Musk can at least be that man.

    Getting the politics of the business under control and the advertisers back on board is another matter. On top of that, you’ve got the problem that most of the best engineers have probably gone. The sackings were very indiscriminate and that is a tragedy. A business the size of Twitter is always going to have plenty of passengers and I suspect it’s down to HR not being competent enough to have a list of those ready to go. Edit: Oh, and the passengers would have been first to sign that pledge. Anything to keep the gravy train on track.

    With all that in mind… Gates, if he were ten years younger and not busy saving the world. Or perhaps a pointy haired CEO and an iron CTO. That would be Torvalds, if were not running the world already. Busy man. Trust me, Torvalds is looking down on us has a plan for all of us.

    Perhaps saving Twitter should fall to a brain trust of industry luminaries?

  77. Xink5692

    How about Xi Jinping since his response to Covid is so superior

  78. DrAndyHill

    We're fucked

    So Johnson is the new CEO, twitter is fucked just like Britain!

  79. Disk0
    Megaphone

    Kanye

    Would let you finish but can not stand by idle without empathically impressing upon the auduence that Kovfefe was like, the greatest tweet of all time.

  80. Disk0
    Go

    Nigel Farage. Julian Assange. Kevin Spacey. Ellen Pau. Sarah Palin. Jill Stein. There is no shortage of high-profile nincompoops. He could have a new ceo every week.

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