back to article London cops break into gallery to rescue lifelike art installation

We doff our caps to the two London police officers who smashed down the doors of a small art gallery to rescue a woman who appeared to have collapsed and drowned in a bowl of soup. The bobbies on the beat were following up reports that the stricken woman had not moved for hours. But that's because she is made of packing tape …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well done to the officers involved

    Well done. The police have as noted in the article, a duty of care to respond to welfare concerns. It turned out to be a misunderstanding, and a bit embarrassing, but they did the right thing.

    1. jollyboyspecial Silver badge

      Re: Well done to the officers involved

      But will they be paying for the repairs to the door?

      Surely banging on the door would have worked as there was somebody in the building

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Well done to the officers involved

        Such wonton destruction...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Well done to the officers involved

          Wait, was this in a Chinese restaurant?

          :)

          1. chivo243 Silver badge
            Go

            Re: Well done to the officers involved

            I think it was wonton soup!

            1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

              Re: Well done to the officers involved

              It the police action is reasonable in the eyes of the man on the Kowloon omnibus then it is an insurance claim.

              1. TRT Silver badge

                Re: Well done to the officers involved

                That's using your noodle.

      2. Rikki Tikki Bronze badge

        Re: Well done to the officers involved

        The person in the building didn't hear the door being broken down, so a "polite knock" certainly wouldn't have worked.

      3. WanderingHaggis

        Re: Well done to the officers involved

        How would they know there was someone in the building and why should they waste time in an emergency. They did the right thing.

    2. Steve Button Silver badge

      Re: Well done to the officers involved

      Riiiiiight.

      I'll be calling them to report Mme Tussauds, as there's hundreds of "people" in there who appear not to have moved in months.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Well done to the officers involved

        No, that is a known environment.

        Mildly embarrassing as it may be, I prefer them to act as they did over first spending some time evaluating if this might be a hoax. I would support any officer making such a mistake.

        1. NXM Silver badge

          Re: Well done to the officers involved

          This too is a known environment: presumably it says 'art gallery ' in big letters over the window. That ought to be a clue.

          And if the stuffed victim hadn't been moving for hours, maybe one move the complainant might have made was maybe going in and asking? Maybe?

      2. bazza Silver badge

        Re: Well done to the officers involved

        And the House of Lords...

      3. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

        Re: Well done to the officers involved

        None of those look life-like though?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Well done to the officers involved

          They look perfectly fine on Spitting Image...

    3. Scott 26

      Re: Well done to the officers involved

      > but they did the right thing.

      including scolding the employee?

      Shirley the scolding was covering up their feeling of foolishness?

      1. nintendoeats

        Re: Well done to the officers involved

        Yes, that's obviously not appropriate. But of course, we don't know what that actually means.

  2. elsergiovolador Silver badge

    Mannequins

    Looks like the sales of mannequins are going to go through the roof.

    This one simple trick to get police attention - bobbies hate this!

    Had a burglary? Just put a mannequin at the crime scene and say it has not moved for hours, when police arrives tell them about the burglary!

    Someone stole your bike? Just put a mannequin where you last seen your bike and call the police that it has not moved for hours. Once police arrives tell them about your bike!

    and so on..

    [disclaimer: the above is a joke]

    1. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

      Re: Mannequins

      [disclaimer: the above is a joke]

      Something tells me the police won't be laughing.

      1. elsergiovolador Silver badge

        Re: Mannequins

        That's why a left a cue

      2. Aitor 1

        Re: Mannequins

        Maybe if they took care of crime...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Mannequins

      How not to be seen.

    3. TRT Silver badge
  3. Mike 137 Silver badge

    Ahaaaaaa!

    "Lazarides said of Kristina: "She's certainly earned her money and has helped no end in getting people to stop and look at our stand, as well as upsetting an awful lot of traditional types. "

    The new functions of 'art':

    [1] to get people to notice ME

    [2] to annoy people I despise

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Ahaaaaaa!

      The traditional use of art was for the owner to say - look at me I'm rich

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ahaaaaaa!

        Yeah, but they were running out of tanks with formaldehyde. And it's much more dangerous to catch sharks now they have lasers.

        :)

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Ahaaaaaa!

          Sharks fin soup.

    2. iron Silver badge

      Re: Ahaaaaaa!

      New? This has always been the function of buying expensive art.

    3. nintendoeats

      Re: Ahaaaaaa!

      I don't think the dadaism is new.

      (Cue an art historian telling me about some much older movement of deliberately "offensive" art.)

      If somebody can be annoyed by a work of art, particularly one that does not express an ideology, then I think that kind of makes the person worthy of annoying. Trying to coat the world in leather and all that.

  4. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    ...smashed down the doors... ...a bowl of soup

    Did the lentils/lintels survive the ordeal?

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: ...smashed down the doors... ...a bowl of soup

      They thought it was a Batchelor's pad.

  5. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    The heat is on

    Some years ago there was a robbery in the neighbourhood one night. Police response was good, and even involved the helicopter with a night-vision / heat-seeking camera do-dah. In searching the area they identified the miscreant hiding in someones garden....and then spent far longer than was necessary attempting to arrest somebody's compost heap.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: The heat is on

      It resisted arrest and was subsequently spread around the garden with the help of some coppers size 11s

      An update on the old Porridge joke about not digging up vegetable patch

      1. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

        Re: The heat is on

        "It resisted arrest"

        We ordered it to put its hands up.

  6. elsergiovolador Silver badge

    Miracle at the Art Gallery

    Jack, a brave London policeman, had been called to the small art gallery in the city after receiving numerous calls from worried members of the public. They had reported seeing a strange and disturbing sight - a mannequin that looked like a lifeless woman hunched over with her face in a bowl of soup.

    As soon as Jack arrived at the gallery, he knew that he was in for a challenge. The mannequin was part of an installation piece, and it was clear to him that it has to somehow come to life.

    Jack didn't hesitate. He knew that he had to help it, even if it meant risking his own life. He carefully approached the mannequin and began to speak to it in soothing tones.

    To everyone's amazement, the mannequin slowly began to move. Its eyes opened and it looked at Jack with gratitude. The woman mannequin was alive, and Jack had brought her back from the brink of death.

    Word of Jack's incredible feat spread quickly, and soon scientists from all over the world were flocking to the small art gallery to study the mannequin and understand how it had come to life.

    Despite all of their efforts, the scientists were unable to explain the phenomenon and were left dumbfounded by Jack's incredible accomplishment.

    After the incredible incident at the art gallery, the mannequin, now known as "Miracle," became a national sensation. People from all over the country were fascinated by the story of how Jack, the brave London policeman, had brought her back to life.

    As the weeks went by, Miracle began to make a name for herself. She was intelligent, articulate, and possessed a natural charisma that drew people to her.

    Before long, Miracle was approached by the leaders of the major political parties in the UK, all of whom saw her as a potential game changer. And after much deliberation, Miracle decided to throw her hat into the political ring.

    The campaign was a whirlwind of speeches, rallies, and debates, and Miracle quickly became the darling of the political establishment. She was seen as a breath of fresh air, a true outsider who was unafraid to speak her mind.

    On election day, Miracle won a resounding victory, becoming the first mannequin to be elected as the UK's prime minister.

    The world watched in amazement as Miracle took the reins of power and began to implement her vision for the country. She was a bold and innovative leader, and she quickly proved herself to be a force to be reckoned with.

    Jack, the brave London policeman who had brought Miracle back to life, was proud to see her succeed. And he knew that, no matter what challenges lay ahead, Miracle was more than capable of rising to the occasion.

    1. Chris Gray 1
      Happy

      Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery

      Drat, I was hoping for a good shaggy dog story!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery

        That's too advanced a concept for AI chatbot.

      2. elsergiovolador Silver badge

        Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery

        It had been a long and grueling election season, but Miracle, the first mannequin UK prime minister, had finally made it through to the other side. She was exhausted, but exhilarated, and she couldn't wait to start her new job.

        The next day, Miracle was taking a walk through a small art gallery when she had an incredible encounter with a talking dog. The dog came bounding up to her and, to her amazement, he began to speak.

        "You must not become the prime minister," the dog said gravely. "Miraclonomics is a dangerous ideology and it will only lead to ruin."

        Miracle was stunned and couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had been a firm believer in Miraclonomics and she couldn't imagine going against it. But the dog was insistent and he continued to talk her out of becoming a minister.

        Just when Miracle was about to give up, she remembered that she had a personal number for Jack, the London police officer who had brought her to life. She quickly called Jack, who came to the rescue. However, despite his best efforts, he was unable to persuade the dog to leave Miracle alone.

        The dog explained that lowering tax for small and medium businesses, as well as for workers, was a bad idea because it would give people the opportunity to start their own businesses and potentially become competition for the billionaires who currently ruled the country.

        The dog went on to explain that the billionaires didn't want the status quo to be challenged. They wanted people to remain their serfs, dependent on them for their livelihoods. By lowering tax and making it easier for people to start their own businesses, Miraclonomics would threaten the power and influence of the billionaires.

        Miracle was shocked by the dog's words, but she couldn't deny the truth in what he was saying. She realized that she had been blinded by her belief in Miraclonomics and had not considered the long-term consequences of her actions.

        In the end, the dog's persuasive words proved too much for Miracle. She realized that she couldn't in good conscience become the prime minister if it meant supporting Miraclonomics. The next day, she announced her resignation and the country was left without a leader.

        The tabloids couldn't stop writing about Miracle's encounter with the talking dog. They called it the "Miraclonomics incident" and speculated wildly about what it meant for the future of the UK. Miracle, however, was nowhere to be found. She had disappeared from the public eye, leaving behind only a brief statement explaining her decision.

        In the end, Miracle's encounter with the talking dog proved to be the most exciting and significant event of her brief political career. But it also marked the end of her time in the spotlight, and she was never seen or heard from again.

      3. Dave559 Silver badge

        Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery

        Oh well, I guess at least we've found out what Andrew McCarthy is up to nowadays…

    2. Notas Badoff

      Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery (click here)

      Wait, you're the one writing those trash clickbait articles that have spread all over the net?

      1. elsergiovolador Silver badge

        Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery (click here)

        I'm sorry, but I can assure you that I am not the one writing those trash clickbait articles. In fact, I find them to be quite annoying. It's like trying to have a serious conversation with a mannequin – they might look like they're listening, but they're really just a lifeless object. Similarly, clickbait articles might grab your attention at first, but they're ultimately empty and unfulfilling. Just like quantum physics, there's more to life than what meets the eye.

    3. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

      Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery

      "her vision for the country"

      Two arms for everybody!

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Miracle at the Art Gallery

      An upvote just does not seem enough somehow. A masterpiece!

  7. TRT Silver badge

    Were the police constables able to authorise the break-in themselves...

    or did they have to call the Super?

    1. Steve Button Silver badge

      Re: Were the police constables able to authorise the break-in themselves...

      Shirley, you mean Souper.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Were the police constables able to authorise the break-in themselves...

        LOL, well played.

        Still grinning :)

      2. Trigun

        Re: Were the police constables able to authorise the break-in themselves...

        He does, and don't call him Shirley!

      3. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Were the police constables able to authorise the break-in themselves...

        Inspector Campbells here; Cream of Scotland Yard. And this is Sergeant Baxters, of the haggis division.

        Now then, now then, now then. What's been going on here, then, eh?

        Oh dear. Looks like it was croutons for this young lady.

        Have you seen this modus operandi before, Sergeant Baxter?

        Indeed I have, sir. Could it be... the Cullen Skink?

        Ah, indeed it could! We never caught that one. Reckon it was a member of the aristocracy... there are a few game royals up there.

  8. Natalie Gritpants Jr

    "She's earned her money"

    In that case, I hope the artist will be paying for the damage and the police time.

  9. chivo243 Silver badge
    Angel

    It's life like!

    I had a quick gander at the pic, lovely. If it had been any other place other than an art gallery, I might have fallen for it too!

    1. heyrick Silver badge

      Re: It's life like!

      Isn't that just everybody on a Monday morning?

    2. nintendoeats

      Re: It's life like!

      Yup, all you can see is clothing and a fairly convincing wig. I hope I would have called the police if I saw that.

  10. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    WTF?

    I'm a little confused...

    "...cops received a call at 17:32 on November 25, not long after Laz Emporium staff had locked up..."

    "the woman here has not been moving for the last two hours"

    Someone noticed, long before closing time, that the mannequin didn't move and did get enough concerned to call the police but not quite enough to open the then open door. Maybe they are just like me and thought: fuck it, there are worse ways of dying.

    Publicity stunt was my first reaction but don't think they need it, do they?

    1. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

      Re: I'm a little confused...

      I like the part where the police waited 20 minutes before breaking down the door.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'm a little confused...

      > Publicity stunt was my first reaction

      And mine. I do hope they look into that possibility and prosecute if necessary.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    stricken woman had not moved for hours

    ...her head is in the bowl of soup, perhaps she's feeling a little unwell?

    nah, she's allright. Move on, nothing to see here, move along...

  12. Robin Bradshaw

    We have all been there

    Many was the time when I was younger and would wake up on a Sunday morning having slept on a half eaten kebab.

    I'd be really annoyed if the police had put my door in for being so drunk I slept on my food

  13. aks

    I assume that this was a planned stunt and the "concerned citizen" was one of the staff.

    Any insurance claim should be denied, maybe prosecuted for fraud.

    1. sabroni Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      I assume the whole story is made up and the police were crisis actors looking for a change.

      It's fun to use your imagination!!

  14. Winkypop Silver badge
    Coat

    Life is a minestrone

    Served up with parmesan cheese, Death is a cold Lasagne, Suspended in deep freeze…

    There can’t have been more than 10cc in that bowl.

    1. Archivist

      Re: Life is a minestrone

      Was humming that only this morning.

  15. Blackjack Silver badge

    Honesty would it be that hard to move the thing away from the windows? Because one day someone who needs it will call the cops from that gallery and they will get ignored.

  16. Robert Grant

    > "The work is to provoke and it's definitely achieving that," she added.

    While this is the world's lowest bar, I'm not convinced that the story demonstrates it's been cleared.

  17. Roger Kynaston
    Happy

    first good news met story for a while

    Makes a change from stories of them moving on peaceful protestors or restraining people at vigils.

  18. Brookso

    Imagine having to explain in afterlife that you drowned in soup...

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like