back to article Fake vibrating teeth could make great hearing aids

Prosthetic teeth turn out to be effective carriers of vibrations, making them suitable as potential hearing aids. In a research paper titled "The sensitivity of bone conduction for dental implants," published earlier this month in The Journal of the Acoustical Society of America, eggheads at Tongji University in Shanghai …

  1. b0llchit Silver badge

    (s)tone deaf

    Wait, wait, hear us out

    Yes, we will hear you out and it is already done. No sound waves recorded. It must be the computer's fault.

    But seriously, a new system not requiring invasive surgery is not approved because, well, it is not invasive enough. Only the invasive medical procedures are reimbursed. That is how the system works. The system is not for improving procedures but to make old style procedures profitable. Talking about being deaf...

    1. zuckzuckgo Silver badge

      Re: (s)tone deaf

      And besides, root access is a real pain.

    2. An_Old_Dog Silver badge

      Re: (s)tone deaf

      Remember the "Bone Fone"? It was a radio receiver which you wore like a scarf with both ends draped over your chest. It used bone conduction to transmit the audio to you.

      (Icon for stereotypical hearing-aid user ...)

    3. Cederic Silver badge

      Re: (s)tone deaf

      That's ok, the rest of the world can explore and look to adopt this instead.

      Plus of course those of us that just buy our own hearing aids. They're cheaper than a car and get used far more often.

    4. Sampler

      Re: (s)tone deaf

      Wonder how long before chess grand masters start having shiny new teeth...

      Beats a pain in the ass..

  2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    I wonder if people who are fitted with these...

    ...would like to listen to drill music.

    Will they say they hate oh hate all that percussion?

    No? How about a bit of John Williams?

    1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

      Re: I wonder if people who are fitted with these...

      I get the pun. But that so should have been the theme to Jaws...

  3. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    My vibrating teeth

    I remember standing in front of the pile of speakers in Coventry while the Floyd were playing Interstellar Overdrive and feeling everything vibrate ... it was an entertaining ride home on the motorbike because my balance had been affected! But everything went fine and I ran out the next day to buy the album, not any more teeth.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My vibrating teeth

      Reminds me of the time when I worked for a well-known aerospace company and was walking across the end of the site runway when a (now-withdrawn) supersonic passenger aircraft took off. I was able to look straight into for engine exhausts from just far enough away to stand upright but feel the sound. I suspect that, if I'd had false teeth, they would have rattled; my ears were ringing for a while but no lasting impairment (routine hearing checks for works medicals in later jobs).

  4. bazza Silver badge

    Radio Teeth

    There are stories that, back when radio transmitters were big and powerful, people with fillings of just the right shape who got close to them would start hearing the radio channel (the conductive filling forming a non-linear junction with the rest of the tooth, demodulating the AM signal, causing the tooth to vibrate to the audio signal). A long-dead relative of mine experienced this, and thought nothing of it until she realised the car had no radio fitted.

    Should be possible to do this properly in the modern era!

    1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

      Re: Radio Teeth

      "Should be possible to do this properly in the modern era!"

      I see what you did there.

      1. bazza Silver badge

        Re: Radio Teeth

        Autocorrect kept on putting it back to ear, the stupid ruddy thing. I had to sweat to get it right. Probably just given someone an idea for a product name...

    2. aregross

      Re: Radio Teeth

      I remember an episode of Gilligan's Island like that.

      Hi Fi Gilligan

  5. that one in the corner Silver badge

    No doubt fitted with Bluetooth - Munch on that.

    Visions of the car stereo offering to pair with your teeth or the horror of being bluejacked or rickrolled, knowing you can't even keep it out with hands over the ears!

    Know we understand the true meaning behind Munch's The Scream, begging the viewer to help with the aid of some pliers.

  6. zuckzuckgo Silver badge

    Will it connect to my phone? I hope the tooth literally blue. Then at least the name will finally make sense.

    1. mecmec

      Yes it will. I have a BAHA implant. The processor has integrated bluetooth.

  7. AdmFubar

    Oh what will the porn industry think of next.....

    and now this

    1. bazza Silver badge

      Has anyone dared click this link yet? Is doing so going to be a matter of extreme regret?

      1. dc_m

        Re: IBM Engineer...

        No way I'm clicking that at work!

      2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        It's a Monty Python-style thing.

        Not indispensible.

  8. J.G.Harston Silver badge

    Fake teeth? I think you mean false teeth. And vibrating false teeth, not false vibrating teeth. Word order matters.

  9. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

    I was in a running shop and they had some bone-conductor headphones out for demo. Being a cynical soul, I wasn't expecting much (something like poor quality AM) I was amazed at the sound quality. I can see that these vibrating teeth could be of comparible (or better) quality.

    1. John Robson Silver badge

      And for hearing aids much of what you perceive as quality is just not needed.

      I don't care if they can produce sound over ~5kHz, because I can't hear it anyway (not until it's somewhere well over 100dB).

      How do they get charged? I don't fancy sleeping with a power cable in my mouth.

      1. Spazturtle Silver badge

        I would guess that they don't get charged, it would make more sense for them to be radio or induction powered.

  10. Ididntbringacoat

    A biting comment

    I'll have to chew on that for a while.

    1. Ken Shabby

      Re: A biting comment

      An invention like that could come back and bite them.

      Mine is the one with the apéritif in the pocket.

  11. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

    Perfect for cheating at chess

    Not to mention gaslighting. Tinfoil hats are so yesteryear. Now we need a tinfoil helmet aka Faraday cage.

    1. MiguelC Silver badge

      Re: Perfect for cheating at chess

      Perfect for those disliking anal beads, one would suppose

      1. Trollslayer

        Re: Perfect for cheating at chess

        Is that the sound of experience?

  12. iron Silver badge

    At last! A less intrusive way to beat a chess Grandmaster than a vibrating butt plug!

    (If you don't know what I'm talking about Google Magnus Carlsen, it is a very funny story.)

    1. teebie

      I prefer to just take this at face value and ask no further questions.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He’s a spy!

    He’s smiling.

  14. andy gibson

    From the 80s movie "Real Genius"

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like