back to article Crypto biz Wintermute loses $160m in cyber-heist, tells us not to stress out

Cryptocurrency market maker Wintermute says $160 million in digital assets have been stolen from it in a cyber-heist, though it assures customers that everything's fine. CEO Evgeny Gaevoy admitted on Twitter that Wintermute was suffering from an "ongoing hack" affecting its decentralized finance (DeFi) operations, while its …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yay !!!

    "The other Tessier-Ashpool AIs are surely disappointed"

    Sub-headings are back on song or so I thought ..... until [jaw drop] 'Tessier-Ashpool' is real !!!

    Wintermute has a 'Big ego' or we need to be very very worried ... (suprised that someone like 'Elon' did not get there first !!!)

    [Meanwhile in a shed in Japan ..... Ono-sendai is being created !!!]


    1. PerlyKing

      Re: Yay !!!

      +1 for the subhead!

      Time to dig out my copy of "Neuromancer" :-)

      1. that one in the corner Silver badge

        Re: Yay !!!

        Why would you ever have unplugged your copy of "Neuromancer" from its socket in your neck?

        Now, "Mozart in Mirrorshades" I'd understand unplugging (and stamping on, with extreme prejudice).

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Casually wiped half of their reserve liquidity in one go, but don't panic

    As since they didn't clarify what happened or how they plan to fix it, you have no reason to expect the same thing to happen with the other half in a couple of days right? This, in addition to the buy high/sell low timing of having to convert shitcoins into liquid stablecoins at the current market rates.

    My 0.25 Dogecoin is on an insider stealing the coin, but not having a mixer lined up beforehand. Just because I relish the idea that there is a Cohen Brothers movie playing out where our erstwile thief(I'm envisioning Brad Pitt from burn after reading, with the same look on his face when the closet door gets opened up) panics as they realize their wallet was outed the same day as the heist. No sweat little bro, it's only the whole internet watching ya. Run rabbit!

    That or it's a slightly better thought out Mt Gox style job, and they are giving themselves a public cover to convert more assets into a format that's worth buggering off with.

    On a more generous note, the Devs might dip into their own wallets to fund a generous loan to the parent company, ensuring a healthy bonus in interest and fees in a time where exchange funds are down along with cryptocurrency prices across the board. Expect interest rates that would make a payday loan company blush.

    Ongoing crime indeed.

  3. ecofeco Silver badge

    And nothing was learned

    Hey Rocky, watch me a bitcoin out of my arse!

    But that trick never works!



    Gee, guess I don't my own strength.

  4. iron Silver badge

    > cyber criminals "are increasingly exploiting vulnerabilities in DeFi platforms to steal cryptocurrency, causing investors to lose money."

    Vulnerabilities are easy to exploit when you wrote them into the system.

  5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "with twice over that amount in equity left."

    Is the last word in that phrase as reassuring as they intended?

  6. Plest Silver badge

    Crypto Bros please remind me the #1 reason you love it?

    Oh yes, it's unregulated and you control your own markets, OK, you have at it. Now remind me, how much do you crypto-twats get back if the currency/market goes tits up? Oh yeah, you get to choose, you can have "sweet FA", "bugger all" or "sod all"!

    I'll keep may money in an old style bank 'cos if they lose my money for any reason the Gov has a guarantee in place that I get my money back, up to a certain amount.

  7. Potemkine! Silver badge

    "There will be a disruption in our services today and potentially for next few days and will get back to normal after,"

    Just the time to find a comfortable country to hide in, with no extradition law.

    == Bring us Dabbsy back! ==

  8. Johnb89

    Won't they think of the children?

    Where the whole entire point of crypto is to lure suckers (sorry, investors) to put real money into tokens/coins/NFTs/made-up-things, DON'T THEY REALISE that publicity like this damages that mission?

    Try harder, crypto bros. Try harder.

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