BOFH: It's Friday, it's time to RTFM BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "Just wanting to know if you've got the answers to the RFIs on our RFP – as we need them ASAP," the Boss says, practicing his acronyms. "The RFIs for the RFP?" the PFY says. "You never said you needed them PDQ. I emailed the vendor for clarification but they were either AFK or AWOL so I …
From what I gathered, there was a parting of the ways a month or so ago.
But you can still get your fix at his site - https://autosaveisforwimps.substack.com/
I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments though, the weekend preparation isn't the same without our fix of something for it.
Bring him back!
"But you can still get your fix at his site - https://autosaveisforwimps.substack.com/ "
And having been over there a couple weeks back, it looked like there may be a post every few weeks or even months. But since he's no longer submitting to El Reg, he seems to be doing exactly the same style on a weekly basis now. Actually more so in terms of style. The double entendres are back, which seemed to be lacking ion recent El Reg submissions.
He also explains in the comments on this weeks article why and what went on with El Reg, ie not much.
Straight from the horse's mouth for those who want to know, and may agree to disagree and suggest a wrong is easily righted in the light of the evidence that there is definitely a greater unknown good out there fully appreciative of the greater alternative AI and IT side for El Reg to uncover and cover.
SFTW started out as a little bit of fun thought up by my friend Bob Dormon who was in charge of reviews and weekend features at The Reg at the time; we had previously been freelance colleagues at MacUser magazine. That it lasted a decade surprised nobody more than me. The Reg felt it was time to move on. There's nothing sinister about that. I don't think it was a fabulously well-read column: very few readers shared it on social media (many thanks to the handful that did on a regular basis!), and I imagine it was difficult to sell ad space on it. .... Alistair Dabbs https://autosaveisforwimps.substack.com/p/she-was-so-many-things-to-so-many/comments
shares on social media seem like a super tone deaf way of measuring engagement on a site like El Reg that seems to attract a rather "anti-social (media)" crowd. Looking at the comments in the Regs own comment system seems like a much more accurate metric and in that regard in terms of reader engagement I think SFTWS was one of the top columns after the BOFH.
El Reg seems to have lost it's irreverent, rebellious touch over the years and it feels like it's trying to walk the straight and narrow of being just another tech publication. Which imho makes it lose all added value as that makes it just yet another tech publication.
Seems like ElReg may have too many PHBs.
Whats going on guys? We're a loyal readership but we seem to find out about personnel changes by the grapevine rather than by editorials. Sort your selves out or I need to update my favourites.
And how about an editorial? A broadsheet daily has one . .
I notice also . . . hmmmm . . . . how to express this.
So the branding used to be "The Register - Biting the Hand that feeds IT". I can't see the Biting the hand bit anyomore. Whats going on PHBs in ElReg world. Have you sold out?
Have you sold out?
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Sure, that makes sense. The North Koreans still use a date system based on the birth of Kim Il Sung.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juche_calendar
"years were counted from the date a new sovereign accessed his throne"
That was certainly how a lot of legal documents were dated so you need to know on what date in the year the accession fell. An entire published volume of the Wakefield Manorial Rolls has a classic off-by-one error, presumably by misinterpreting that.
> uses M to mean thousand. It is MMXXII after all.
Yes, and US electronics schematics used M=1000 all through the 1930s; WE and a couple music-amplifier companies well into the 1950s. Some of that gear is well beloved in Hi-Fi or guitar-amp crowds. Post-1950 eyes look at those plans and the first reaction is "That's all wrong!"
Back in the Day, at least in West Pondia, 1 mfd was a microfarad, 1 mmfd was a picofarad (pronounced "mickey-mike"). The unit of conductance was the mho. Tuning dials were calibrated in kilocycles and megacycles. And schematics had wires hopping over each other so as not to look connected.
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Be careful - you're comparing units and multipliers there.
Kelvin is a unit, but kilo is a multiplier (1000x).
In SI units, 1000K could be written as 1kK for example - although I admit that does look weird.
"Kilo" in common parlance is shorthand for kilogram (as in "a kilo of spuds" for example) - kilo is the multiplier but gram is the unit.
k is something of an oddity overall though, as it doesn't have a fractional equivalent (such as m being x1/1000th and M being x1000 for example) to require the case distinction.
I remember a friend who worked at a university telling me about a memo that went round banning people from introducing their wives as "my wife" at faculty "do's" because "my" implies "ownership".
Presumably this met with approval from the kind of person who routinely refers to their female spouse as 'the wife'.
Several decades ago, I went to work at a US military contractor. One of their documents was an acronym decoder which contained, I kid you not,
"ACRONYM - Abbreviated Coded Rendition Of Name Yielding Meaning."
I have never been able to delete that twaddle from memory.
While it's not amusing, I think that was put in there as an attempt by whatever person got the task of assembling that list to include something slightly interesting or humorous. The over-acronymization of things somehow manages to make everything sound stupid or unpleasant.
I worked at a company which was very dependent on acronyms without reason. They had at least three acronyms for "when will it be done": ETA, EDA, and ECD, though I wouldn't be surprised that they had more which I either didn't see or have managed to forget. But that wasn't enough, because they also had the acronyms EDD and DFAD ("expected date for date" and "date for a date", because they found saying "When will you know the timeline" too difficult as well. These were just some of the stupidest ones they had, but they had a list of several hundred acronyms on a wiki page just in case you wanted to bore yourself into a coma.
Not only do they multipy, but they can turn on their masters too. I run a monthly report known as the MONARCH report (because it is the One Report To Rule Them All, and I couldn't get away with using MORDOR ;) ).
I named the thing and it had a definite clever meaning, but after ten years even I can't remember what it stands for, only that the MON was short for 'Monthly.'
Of course, it still pays dividends - when we needed some secondary reports, they naturally became known as the Prince of Wales report (PoW), and then the Duke of Cambridge (DoC)... We did draw the line at Princess Beatrice, though!
We were coming up with 'new' acronyms for fun, and I was in a bit of a bad mood due to a major network vendor pushing their new video conferehce equipment - which was no better than what we currently had deployed - so I came up with an acronym for 'completely useless new technology', which is kinda funnier on this side of the Atlantic, just the way 'shag' isn't. (I recall shag carpet being a big thing in the 70s, I often wondered what Brits thought we were doing with it)
Also, nobody stepped on the pressure plate that activates the pneumatic equipment lifter which arguaby could do with some fine tuning given that the initial impulse is enough to send a midsized telco rack into the drop ceiling. For reference, a midsize telco rack weighs about as much as the average boss after lunch.
We have one of those somewhere on our intranet - or used to, haven't seen it in a while... We are a specialist industry, so it kind of makes sense - we may as well be speaking Klingon sometimes as far as outsiders are concerned.
I do recall one time we moved into a new building when the managers running the orientation session proudly decreed than this building was to be an 'acronym free zone', and we were to use the full and proper terms for everything from now on and correct anyone who forgot. I only remember this as I got corrected by one of them in the meeting for saying PPE rather than Personal Protective Equipment at some point.
Reality, of course, mean the edict never survived us all leaving the room ;)
They're obviously ex-employees of Intel.
They're the only company I know of who have to have a (semi-official) dictionary for all the acronyms they insist on using, just so people coming in may have a vague chance of understanding a little.
For example, they insist we (vendor contractors) used only the top level of the MLCP, whereas of course anyone else would just tell you to use the top floor of (multi-level) car park to put park your car...
I'm rather disappointed that the (SIXTY-FIVE PAGE!!!) IBM dictionary even contains a facetious — and different from Horst's version — example expansion of ACRONYM ("A Convenient Reduction Of Nomenclature, Yielding Mnemonic Syllables"), but it doesn't define or acknowledge "backronym".
Oxford Dictionaries "traced the word backronym to a 1983 letter from Meredith G Williams in 'The Washington Post'" (according to The Independent), so it'd almost definitely been making the rounds by 1990.
Our R&D people used to run an acronym database on a spare area of one of their servers that got discovered by those outside of R&D and grew so popular that it eventually got rebuilt as a wiki that allowed anybody in the company to explain terms as well as acronyms.
Unfortunately the bean counters got wind of it and as it had no owners, business case, costings, ISO compliance documentation, etc, it had to be removed from the company intranet.
And manglement still insist on sending out missives referring to KPIs, CoEs and the latest EBITDA, expecting us mere plebs to understand
The problem is in Intel it's almost become a language all of its own.
Reading Simon's article was just like reading a transcript of far too many meetings I've been in with them over the years. The only difference is Simon is quite funny with it...
I need a few of these now to clear the mental palette of that thought ----->
In Unix systems of old there was an app for that : "wtf". On some *nix systems it is still installed by default although it tends to be more like a personnal dic than a shared one. Shared definitions these days seem to be "shared" on platforms such as Sharepoint because they have the uncontestable advantage of not being searchable in any meaningful way which allows every branch (and in many cases, every team) in the same organisation to have different definition for the same term / acronym. Sometimes several per team. We live in a wonderful world.
... of certain meetings that involved a considerable military presence. I quickly discovered that the different service branches love to outdo each other constructing the most obscure and gut-wrenchingly difficult TLAs and ETLAs, creating new ones PDQ when required. Definitely OTT and a complete PITA.
I remember reading about a young officer at his first posting who had written a report chock full of TLAs.
His superior promptly returned it to his desk with the letters "UNA" scrawled across every page.
Perplexed, the young officer asked what UNA stood for.
"Use No Abbreviations", came the reply!
I went to primary school with the original Australian Milky Bar kid. And yes the Milky Bars were on him, at least for a few weeks (a perk of the job).
Then there is the place names affectation, such as Budapesht(Budapest) , Firenze(Florence), Roma, but people give you funny look when you pronounce German place names properly - Humburg not Haamberg.
I always have to spell the village where I live out phonetically, because no two people, even the Welsh locals, pronounce it the same.
Lima Lima Yankee November Charlie Lima Yankee Sierra.
Pronunciation is impossible for an Englishman, sounds like I'm clearing my throat.
Technically if you say the individual letters, it's an initialism. It's only an acronym if the letters are pronounced as a word. So BOFH is an acronym as you say Bof(silent H), but PFY is an initialism as you say P.F.Y.
My favourite acronyms are SNAFU and FUBAR. Both have military origins but are still used widely today by us dinosaurs. I don't mind acronyms when they are "natural" but when the Marketing dept. gets involved they manage to create some real monsters, although to be fair most of those are backronyms.
... but when the Marketing dept. gets involved ...
Ah, yes ...
Marketing and their marketing droids, those utterly despicable abortions of nature.
But we must bear in mind they are not autonomous.
They are paid to throw all this crap at the company wall and the real problem is that most of it actually sticks.
If the company wall were to be clean and shiny (as it should be), the marketing crap thrown at it by marketing would not stick and they would be put out the door for being stupid.
But as the wall is not clean and shiny, the crap sticks, layer upon layer upon layer.
I know it is Friday (and we do not have Dabbs' column* to read) but I'm sure most of you get the idea/drift/metaphor.
O.
* Just where is Dabbs?
Almost certainly a folk etymology, as are most claims of acronymic origin for words that've been around a while, cf. 'Fornication Under Consent of King' (Hey, we have one of those again now!). Acronyms have only been in any usage at all for about a century and a half, and only common for about a century, probably since about WW II. But people keep trying to make them up to explain random words that are much, much older than that.
Either a corruption of brother, a modification of bud, or a borrowing from Pennsylvania German Bub or Southern German Bub (as was spoken in various communities in America before the early 20th century), ultimately thought to be derived from Proto-Germanic *bō- (“close [male] relation”) and thus cognate to English boy and babe.
On the etymological side, Bube is German for “knave, jack” (the French-suited playing card) and “boy” (in southern Germany, Austria, and Switzerland), and the earliest citation for this US-origin “bub” in the OED is from 1839 — it is likely a shortening of “bubby”, from the same time period, meaning “boy”, which suggests descent from Bube.
There are a few obsolete “bub” nouns as well — the earliest came from 16th century Scotland, meaning “storm, blast”.
Bub
Stands for ‘Barely Useful Body.’ Sometimes used in a derogatory manner, but sometimes used to describe someone who’s been injured or physically unable to perform 100 percent. Either way, it hurts the ego.
https://www.wearethemighty.com/popular/navy-sailor-insults/
Similar to "berk" in English.
Quite a common and mild insult to call someone, unless you actually know where it comes from (clue - it's Cockney rhyming slang, full length is Berkshire hunt so you can guess what it actually refers to...).
Not an acronym I know, but always raises a knowing smile when I hear it used.
There's a long list of words deemed "unparliamentary language", and which would incur the wrath of the Speaker if used in the chamber of the House of Commons.
For some reason, calling someone "a berk" does not qualify.
I assume that referring to "a bark" would have caused the origin to be better known.
No, it's been pretty clear that it's been the same one since he started in 1997. For one thing, whenever he leaves, it's unusual and causes problems until he's brought back (which the BOFH forces every time). For another thing, he often reminisces with the BOFH about stuff that happened decades ago. For example, they talk frequently about their robot wars, which occurred in 2010, so he's been the same one since then. Finally, if the PFY keeps getting replaced, the new one always seems to still be named Steven.
Sure, they've fought many times before, and the PFY did once try to kill the BOFH, but all was forgiven after quite a lot of retribution. We hear when the BOFH kills someone, and he's never mentioned doing that to the PFY or suggesting that he's had a different one before.
Has it really been that long? I remember starting to read El Reg about 2001 and BOFH around the same time.
So assuming it's the same PFY that entire time, and assuming that the PFY started either straight from sixth form, or more likely university. He'd likely have been in the 18-22 age range in 1997.
So he'd be between 43 and 47 now.... a middle aged codger with greying hair and a hankering for pine kitchens
I checked, and I was wrong. It's actually been longer. The PFY was first introduced in 1996, and it was only the third episode that year, so he's now 26 years into his career.
Yep, if you go back to the beginning he really was a PFY at the start.
From memory, the nephew of the Director or somesuch.
Original expectation being that he wouldn't last very long. But the BOFH was forced into recognising a kindred soul who with a little mentoring could be a useful second!
sounds like a ....
backronym
/ˈbakrənɪm/
noun
an acronym deliberately formed from a phrase whose initial letters spell out a particular word or words, either to create a memorable name or as a fanciful explanation of a word's origin.
"Biodiversity Serving Our Nation, or BISON (a backronym if ever there was one)"
amazing how many acronyns a re coincidentally cool sounding words,
Like RAID , which in some circles has changed its definition from inexpensive to independent.
Like RAID , which in some circles has changed its definition from inexpensive to independent.
Yeah, that one's transition always bemused me... if the damn disks are in an array then they are no longer independent.
I suspect the manufacturers of disks had some impact on the perversion of RAID to RAID. :)
Indeed, although around here it's usually said as planning rather than preparation.
I have even taken to referring to a "spot of PPP" at home, for the piss-poor performance (or sometimes planning if it's something that hasn't been thought through properly) part of it.
And my better half has also taken it up as an occasional exasperated mantra when things go wrong.
Some trends in the military would shorten that to P6, like C2 means Command & Control.
That said, my memory has mostly wiped that time to prevent injury, but I vaguely recall they had acronyms composed out of acronyms so initially you were two level decoding before youir brain just decided to use it as a noun instead to save CPU time and headaches ;)
Years ago, I was in a managers meeting, 20 or so of us minions, sector manager, area manager, auditors plus our CEO showing his face. Usual farce. Then some smart Alec started complaining about the TLA's and FLA's that were coming down from HO without explanation. Much nodding of heads and general grunts of agreement from the top table. Much later that night when we were trying to drink the entertainment fund dry, the CEO came over and quietly asked what TLA's and FLA's were. He was informed Three and Four letter acronyms. Thoughtful look, point taken and for once, acted upon.
fact that I didnt even need to think about about most of those and killed another keyboard with a fit of laughter that made my throat sore hence I need the TCP
Although the boss did ask what the cause of merriment was before he started with.
"Our estemed* prod engineer is leaving next week...."
"And?"
"I would like you to take over some of his duties as your PFY seems to think you are getting too old to go crawling around the machining cells"
"Uh huh.... what duties?"
"Only sitting in on the scheduling meeting on a thursday so you cant come to my office monday morning, throw the schedule on my desk and say "what the *^^( is this &*%*&*?""
So.... it seems my PFY has not only stabbed me in the back , but also given me another meeting to goto and trying to deprive me of monday morning fun..... only 6 months in and I've trained her so well....
*thats what he thinks, everyone else thinks the guy is not as good as the boss thinks...
Years ago our corporate overlords had a habit of making every little thing into an acronym. I was due to present my latest engineering tool to an internal, international symposium (via webex) and I'd not bothered coming up with a name for it since the main task, as we all know, is getting the bloody thing to work.
Anyway, knowing their penchant for acronyms I titled my presentation Sound Hemisphere Integration Technique for Calculating Radiated Acoustic Pressure.
Turn that into an acronym you b----rds.
My employer makes large machines and their engines, and at one point tried to get everyone to start using what they called "mnemonics" for every data channel recorded during testing. On the one hand, it made sense so that you could search the data, you don't want one group calling it "engine speed" and another "tacho", or something. The implementation, though, was terrible, with chained together things that were sort of mnemonics, but the collection was not. We'd end up looking at lists of channels named "ZZTPMM", "GREMTS", "ILPFHI" and "EDNDST".
Example: ENTCPA1
EN - it's an engine
T - it's a turbocharger
T - it's the compressor side
P - it's a pressure
A - it's air pressure
1 - it's the number 1 turbo
There you go, number one turbo compressor outlet pressure. Now go find your engine speed channel at ENNCF.
The rebellion was strong. These channel names are still out there, but they're buried deep in a nerd layer between the data acquisition software and the analysis/reporting.
Many years ago, when "cloud" was a new and not too familiar buzzword, my employer at the time** decided to create a consultancy service offering to help customers decide when/if/whether to move to cloud. It was known internally as the Cloud Opportunity Workshop [or Workbook depending on who you spoke to].
I was asked to run up a quick prototype tool to record the observations and automate some of it and so I created one in a few days using Ruby on Rails [again up and coming / trendy at the time -- don't blame me I was assured it was a demo that wouldn't be used in production!! ho-ho!].
I named it the "Planning and Assessment Toolkit".
It actually reached the proofreading stage of the marketing flyer before the potential acronym was spotted. I thought that COWPAT was a reasonable name for the marketing spiel of the time.
** I've since moved on and then retired -- the employer in question was bought up and absorbed.
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