back to article BT wins networking contract for UK nuclear site Sellafield

UK telephony outfit British Telecom has won a five-year deal for networking at the Sellafield nuclear site in northwest England. The contract with Sellafield Ltd is worth £32 million ($39 million) and will provide what is described as a "comprehensive" network service to all Sellafield locations (including the UK's largest …

  1. Nifty

    AI in charge of a nuclear device - what could possibly go wrong?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_47mmt5SZY

    1. Vometia has insomnia. Again.

      Re: AI in charge of a nuclear device - what could possibly go wrong?

      Nice reference! I love that film. Didn't end the way I expected though, I thought he'd convinced it. Well he had convinced it, but not quite what he'd intended.

    2. First Light

      Re: AI in charge of a nuclear device - what could possibly go wrong?

      Don't forget The 100's A.L.I.E. whose job was to make life better for humanity. She concluded that since humans were destroying the planet, the only logical remedy was to reduce the number of humans, so she set off nuclear weapons, which started a war that caused annihilation.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: AI in charge of a nuclear device - what could possibly go wrong?

      Who cares about AI being in charge of a nuclear device? BT running the comms at Sellafield is infinitely more scary. At least you can reason with AI. And it is intelligent. Neither of these things are true for BT.

      What could possibly go wrong indeed.

      Thank you for calling the BT emergency radiation leak reporting centre. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. One of our specialised award-winning support team will be with you soon. [hours of shit music and annoying ads for BT Broadband go by.]

      If you're calling about a new leak press #. [hours of shit music and annoying ads for BT Broadband go by.]

      Thank you for calling the BT emergency reporting centre for new radiation leaks. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. One of our specialised award-winning support team will be with you soon. [hours of shit music and annoying ads for BT Broadband go by.]

      If the leak is mainly alpha radiation, press 6829555830, then #. If the leak is mainly beta radiation, press 6829558830, then type #. If the leak is mainly gamma rays, press 6829555833, then #. If it's a mixture, press 682958803, then #. If you don't know, press 0, then *. [hours of shit music and annoying ads for BT Broadband go by.]

      Thank you for calling the dedicated emergency reporting centre for new radiation leaks. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. One of our specialised award-winning support team will be with you soon. [hours of shit music and annoying ads for BT Broadband go by.]

      If you know the atomic number of the main radioisotope causing the leak, type that number on the keypad now, then type *...

      Telephone menu hell continues until Sellafield blows up or irradiates everything within a 200k radius. At which point the call centre droid in Bangalore who eventually switches from doing TalkTalk customer satisfaction surveys (ha!) asks their supervisor why the caller isn't speaking to them.

      1. paul mylotte

        Re: AI in charge of a nuclear device - what could possibly go wrong?

        BT Reply to phone query:

        We promise to answer your question within the half life of any of the above mentioned types of radiation.

    4. NeilPost

      Re: AI in charge of a nuclear device - what could possibly go wrong?

      Before you proceed to abort detonation, please complete the CAPTCHA below.

      I am not a robot

      Click the images below until there are no crosswalks.

  2. Potemkine! Silver badge

    The company's own payday courtesy of Sellafield Ltd will therefore be of comfort to workers complaining about theirs.

    Mr. Speed is teasing, isn't he?

  3. SickNick

    Good job it's a 5 year contract - that seems to be BT's standard response time for any faults.

  4. Tom 7

    BT in charge?

    Having spent 5 days off line talking to script monkeys, 3 sims and two new routers we now had OpenWrt connection working on our BT/EE 4g BB I'm guessing BT finally managed to get into EE management and any similar approach with Sellafield has me getting a plane to an Australian beach looking for Rachel Ward.

  5. Howard Sway Silver badge

    Sellafield Ltd is eyeing a future involving IoT and 5G.

    Yes, why not connect all your equipment involved in the disposal of highly radioactive nuclear waste to the internet? It's not like it would attract the attention of any undesirables is it?

    I went on a school trip to Sellafield back in the mid 1980s. It was just after Edge of Darkness had been on TV. The general air of weirdness as the bus crawled round the huge industrial site crowded with pipelines emitting hissing steam, the loud beeps of radiation monitoring equipment, and a general air of rusty creepiness was especially enhanced by the armed police that boarded the bus before it was allowed onsite, to search for any dangerous threats amongst a group of quite worried looking children.

  6. WolfFan

    Every time I see that pic I’m reminded of

    Gerry Anderson’s puppet shows. In particular, Captain Scarlet and Stingray. Either Anderson was very good at building believable sets or the guys at Sellafield made their stuff look like a 1960s kiddie tv show.

    Wanted: Season 2 of UFO. Sigh. Instead we got Space 1999 and utter shambles. The puppets on Thunderbirds were better actors than the ‘stars’ on Space 1999…

  7. clyde666

    Sellafield? You spelt Windscale wrong.

  8. chriskno

    Close and uneasy

    As the crow flies I live just over 19 miles from Sellafield in Keswick in the World Heritage Lake District National Park. Having battled with BT many times during my career I have avoided them since retiring. Having had some experience with Sellafield professionally and as a concerned neighbour campaigning against underground nuclear waste disposal sites in inappropriate geology, the thought of them teaming up with BT doesn't thrill me at all!

  9. paul mylotte

    BT phone reply:

    We promise to answer your call within the half life of any of the above mentioned sources of radiation.

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