Was this the guy...
Was this the guy they recruited after the last boss left? If so, they definitely got the right person for the job.
""He asked for a bag of barley sugars and then ran headlong into the wall," the PFY sighs."
BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns There's a bit of a panic on at Mission Control. The Boss is almost frantic and the PFY's a little on edge. It seems that the company's insurance auditors are concerned about the amount of money which has been paid out over the past 18 months and want some affidavits from us about the …
What and lose a perfectly credulous boss who they can easily manipulate and is willing to go along with their schemes when it is in his interest also?
Imagine how many interview candidates would have to accidentally leave through the window or open elevator shaft before they found a replacement who is his equal?
No, they are much better off pinning it on a member of the board or better yet HR.
Quote: "...It's not like they're going to search your workplace computer ..."
There's always a simple way out of that........it's called a USB Live Session With Persistence!
All the innocuous stuff is done on the usual "workplace computer"..........
.....everything else is done by booting the "workplace computer" into a USB Live Session.....and saving everything on the USB stick!
.....so much easier to say "OK....search away" .....while keeping the USB stick in your shoe!!!
.....of course, then there's the network traffic.....a bit harder to keep that away from the Security Department.....maybe a MiFi 4G hot spot!!!!
.....then multi-pass encryption......and so on....................
Do you think the BOfH couldn't slip an incriminating USB stick into, for instance, your locked top desk drawer? One with all sorts of compromising and heavily illegal content. It could probably have your fingerprints and DNA on it too.
it's called a USB Live Session With Persistence!
The Boss will have trouble understanding everything in that sentence past 'called', increasing with every word. Never mind the rest of your suggestion, which is on the level of rocket surgery.
"Ok. How the hell did Simon manage to say that while keeping a straight face?"
Because covid and WFH have lead to "workplace accidents" happening at an unusually low rate over the last couple of years and he anticipates a return to normal rates as people return (and subsequently annoy him)?
"Freudian Slap" - nice to know there is a proper term to describe it. I've used it effectively before.
When I started reading this I was envisioning BOFH and PFY having a practice detector for the boss, or getting to the actual detector and making some subtle changes to the electrodes. BZZZT.
Minor nit -- bought -> brought
“Barley sugar” is the same sort of stuff as “bath salts”, not only will the workplace accident theory have an explanation, you will also have a new boss after the drug test…
Mental note: don’t eat the poppy seed cake that was left on your desk every day for the last 3 months. Does not contain opium, but the tests can’t always tell the difference…
What about rigging a script that encrypts the machine if you turn it on and then don't press certain key before using the password? Then it gets called a ransomware attack and everything gets paralized for weeks, including the investigation because the computers have to stay turned off or they will lose all the data!
And no we can't pay, not only is a crime, we do not cooperate with terrorists! Are you mad? Do you want to go to jail?
I've always thought this could be used to protect a phone, only use the fingerprint reader as the trigger. You can be compelled to unlock a phone this way, so it would be effective. Have everything you want protected in one folder, program overwrites that folder a dozen times when triggered.
Surely it's better to have a "false partition"... something with a limited amount of muck, nothing criminal, a few cached pages of tractor websites perhaps, just something that looks genuinely used. There's nothing gets them off your back quicker than if they think they've hit the motherland, but it turns out to be nothing usable really.