back to article Microsoft intros clothing line that is absolutely not leftover conference swag

Microsoft is channeling its inner fashionista through an eyewateringly expensive range of clothing it is calling Hardwear, encompassing everything from sweatpants through to caps and t-shirts. Covered in jaunty slogans and imagery celebrating the world of Microsoft (although we're not particularly keen on going around town …

  1. simonlb
    Stop

    Microsoft inspired him to be a designer

    I think it's only fair to say that the Windows UI design team have been taking inspiration over the past decade from the completely bonkers, totally useless and insanely weird designs that are wheeled out during Paris fashion week. Lets just hope this guy knows where the limbs and head are on a normal human being, and whereabouts the zipper needs to be on a pair of trousers.

  2. noisy_typist

    Other designs

    How about a BSOD or the flying windows logo but the window replaced with a chair and the strap line "Management 1.0"

    I once saw a kid with a t-shirt which read "life is too short to safely eject USB" which made me laugh out loud.

  3. Vir_Floridanus

    When it comes to livery, I prefer a simple black and white Tux.

    1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

      Ahhhh

      A penguin suit is indeed a fine choice, though I believe a red fedora would be a step too far.

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      2. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Marty McFly Silver badge
    Gimp

    Display your ignorance!

    Please give money to a multi-billion dollar company for the privilege of wearing their logo on overpriced clothing.

    1. Warm Braw Silver badge

      Re: Display your ignorance!

      I'm sure Microsoft's customers are amongst the least likely to display a herd mentality.

      1. Zippy´s Sausage Factory
        Facepalm

        Re: Display your ignorance!

        Middle managers, however...

        I once had a conversation where someone tried to persuade me that the new version of IE (7, at the time) was much better than the alternatives and he wasn't sure why anyone would use anything else. I asked why it was better and the answer was "because it's Microsoft." As to why that made it better, he really didn't have a different answer, except that they were the biggest software company in the world so everything they did must be better.

    2. IGotOut Silver badge

      Re: Display your ignorance!

      Haven't you pretty much summed up every designer label out there.

      £5 t-shirt + text in royalty free font = £50 resale price.

  5. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    Don't they wear out pretty quickly?

    Watch out for the monthly patches.

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Don't they wear out pretty quickly?

      Imagine walking down the street minding your own business and you suddenly stop in the middle of whatever it was you were doing because your clothes won't move for 10 minutes.

      1. simonlb

        Re: Don't they wear out pretty quickly?

        And then you have take them off and put them back on again.

  6. Mayday Silver badge
    Windows

    Limited to two units

    https://gear.xbox.com/products/cargo-tech-pants

    Damn. Being limited to only spending $300 on this shit is utterly harrowing. At least I can buy a cap for $45 to partially satisfy things.

    1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: At least I can buy a cap for $45 to partially satisfy things.

      Are you saying that cap purchases are capped?

  7. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    Support

    Microsoft underwear?

    Bras and jockstraps with little or no support?

    Victoria'sSatya's Secret

  8. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Coat

    "and there is meaning behind each item in Hardwear."

    And the meaning is... profit!

  9. Mr Dogshit

    Just in time for SysAdmin Day

  10. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    If you've got an appointment in the morning you have to get up early

    Just in case you can't put your clothes on for an hour or so.

    (And having to keep taking your shoes off and putting them on again is real hassle).

  11. Howard Sway Silver badge

    an eyewateringly expensive range of clothing it is calling Hardwear

    If you think this is bad, just wait until they bring out their Softwear range. You'll have to pay a monthly fee to rent it, it'll be full of holes that reveal embarrassing private details, and it'll only come in massively large sizes.

  12. disgruntled yank

    In You Not On You

    This recalls Alien, but I don't suppose they've licensed the image.

    1. F. Frederick Skitty

      Re: In You Not On You

      When I read that slogan I found myself inexplicably humming Throbbing Gristle's classic "Something Came Over Me"...

  13. simonlb
    Trollface

    Do They Come With an EWLA?

    End Wearer License Agreement.

    25 pages of tedious legalese essentially telling you what you can wear and when, and that none of the clothing is warranted for use in a nuclear reactor facility. Also comes with a compatibility chart detailing which items of clothing can be worn together, which ones are only partially compatible, and which will not go together and breach the EUWA.

  14. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    The Trousers...

    They come with belt loops, but when MS became aware that a competitor was supplying belts, they launched a thing called the Microsoft Truss Center and issued a new batch with the loops removed.

  15. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    Microsoft Defender

    brand Condoms

  16. Binraider Silver badge

    Disappointed to not find jazzy Win3.1 wallpaper plastered into bike shorts and leotard?

    Maybe should suggest it to the folks at BlackMilk who did the Tetris legs before a million Chinese copies appeared.

  17. AdmFubar

    And "clippy" pop ups out of the clothing and asks if you need help dressing yourself.

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      If its only clippy that pops out, consider yourself lucky.

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