Microsoft intros clothing line that is absolutely not leftover conference swag

Microsoft is channeling its inner fashionista through an eyewateringly expensive range of clothing it is calling Hardwear, encompassing everything from sweatpants through to caps and t-shirts. Covered in jaunty slogans and imagery celebrating the world of Microsoft (although we're not particularly keen on going around town …

[simonlb]

Microsoft inspired him to be a designer

I think it's only fair to say that the Windows UI design team have been taking inspiration over the past decade from the completely bonkers, totally useless and insanely weird designs that are wheeled out during Paris fashion week. Lets just hope this guy knows where the limbs and head are on a normal human being, and whereabouts the zipper needs to be on a pair of trousers.

[noisy_typist]

Other designs

How about a BSOD or the flying windows logo but the window replaced with a chair and the strap line "Management 1.0"

I once saw a kid with a t-shirt which read "life is too short to safely eject USB" which made me laugh out loud.

[Sgt_Oddball]

Ahhhh

A penguin suit is indeed a fine choice, though I believe a red fedora would be a step too far.

[Marty McFly]

Display your ignorance!

Please give money to a multi-billion dollar company for the privilege of wearing their logo on overpriced clothing.

[Warm Braw]

Re: Display your ignorance!

I'm sure Microsoft's customers are amongst the least likely to display a herd mentality.

[Zippy´s Sausage Factory]

Re: Display your ignorance!

Middle managers, however...

I once had a conversation where someone tried to persuade me that the new version of IE (7, at the time) was much better than the alternatives and he wasn't sure why anyone would use anything else. I asked why it was better and the answer was "because it's Microsoft." As to why that made it better, he really didn't have a different answer, except that they were the biggest software company in the world so everything they did must be better.

[IGotOut]

Re: Display your ignorance!

Haven't you pretty much summed up every designer label out there.

£5 t-shirt + text in royalty free font = £50 resale price.

[Ken Moorhouse]

Don't they wear out pretty quickly?

Watch out for the monthly patches.

[Dan 55]

Re: Don't they wear out pretty quickly?

Imagine walking down the street minding your own business and you suddenly stop in the middle of whatever it was you were doing because your clothes won't move for 10 minutes.

[simonlb]

Re: Don't they wear out pretty quickly?

And then you have take them off and put them back on again.

[Mayday]

Limited to two units

https://gear.xbox.com/products/cargo-tech-pants

Damn. Being limited to only spending $300 on this shit is utterly harrowing. At least I can buy a cap for $45 to partially satisfy things.

[Ken Moorhouse]

Re: At least I can buy a cap for $45 to partially satisfy things.

Are you saying that cap purchases are capped?

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Support

Microsoft underwear?

Bras and jockstraps with little or no support?

Victoria'sSatya's Secret

[Neil Barnes]

"and there is meaning behind each item in Hardwear."

And the meaning is... profit!

[Mr Dogshit]

Just in time for SysAdmin Day

[Ken Moorhouse]

If you've got an appointment in the morning you have to get up early

Just in case you can't put your clothes on for an hour or so.

(And having to keep taking your shoes off and putting them on again is real hassle).

[Howard Sway]

an eyewateringly expensive range of clothing it is calling Hardwear

If you think this is bad, just wait until they bring out their Softwear range. You'll have to pay a monthly fee to rent it, it'll be full of holes that reveal embarrassing private details, and it'll only come in massively large sizes.

[disgruntled yank]

In You Not On You

This recalls Alien, but I don't suppose they've licensed the image.

[F. Frederick Skitty]

Re: In You Not On You

When I read that slogan I found myself inexplicably humming Throbbing Gristle's classic "Something Came Over Me"...

[simonlb]

Do They Come With an EWLA?

End Wearer License Agreement.

25 pages of tedious legalese essentially telling you what you can wear and when, and that none of the clothing is warranted for use in a nuclear reactor facility. Also comes with a compatibility chart detailing which items of clothing can be worn together, which ones are only partially compatible, and which will not go together and breach the EUWA.

[Ken Moorhouse]

The Trousers...

They come with belt loops, but when MS became aware that a competitor was supplying belts, they launched a thing called the Microsoft Truss Center and issued a new batch with the loops removed.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Microsoft Defender

brand Condoms

[Anonymous Coward]

Disappointed to not find jazzy Win3.1 wallpaper plastered into bike shorts and leotard?

Maybe should suggest it to the folks at BlackMilk who did the Tetris legs before a million Chinese copies appeared.

[AdmFubar]

And "clippy" pop ups out of the clothing and asks if you need help dressing yourself.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

If its only clippy that pops out, consider yourself lucky.