Email flood in 3, 2, 1...
They want reporting? They'll get reporting. In TeraTonne loads straight to their email servers like a nuclear-powered kick in the fork.
You want port scans reported? They'll create a script to auto-report that fact via email without any Human intervention at all. For every single port, by every single IP, in six second intervals. Your inbox will get crushed like a bowl of Petunias under an orbitally-dropped Sperm whale.
And it'll be your own damned fault for refusing to listen to reason. You refuse to listen, they'll do *exactly* as you've commanded & use scripts to auto-generate-and-send every single required report. You won't be able to fault them for following the rules, now will you?