back to article The month I worked for DEADHEAD: Yes, that was their job title

I nearly choked when I read the email. "Your eBay auction has ended. Your NFT has sold for $1 million." That's about $0.999999 million more than I thought it was worth, hence the surprise. Oh, and becoming comfortably well off was a bit of a jolt, I suppose. You might be wondering what the NFT was. Why? Does it matter? It's …

  1. KittenHuffer Silver badge
    Unhappy

    I have to ask ....

    .... is that all Vulture Central is doing to celebrate this most important day of the year?

    I've searched the other stories and I've either missed this year's story ... or there isn't one!

    1. H in The Hague Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: I have to ask ....

      I assumed this was it:

      https://www.theregister.com/2022/04/01/japanese_love_robots/

      Though some commentards are suggesting it's a genuine thing.

      Anyway, soon it will be time for -->

      A good weekend to all.

      1. Outski Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: I have to ask ....

        Yeah, the LOBOT (real thing) sling (joke?) was attributed to Team Register, which is normally the giveaway

        I'll join you, cheers! ---->

    2. A. Coatsworth
      Unhappy

      Re: I have to ask ....

      Every year fewer and fewer sites celebrate April's fools, or so it seems.

      And those that do, put less and less effort on it[1]. Not sure if the suits are afraid to be sued, or to offend anyone, or just plainly humorless, but the trend is undeniable.

      [1]Don't take this as a dis to today's SFTWS?. It was top quality as usual, but it's kind of sad it is the only article in the site on the topic.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: I have to ask ....

        Everything you could put out as an April Fool story is already true.

      2. ThatOne Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: I have to ask ....

        > fewer and fewer sites celebrate April's fools

        Problem is today's April's fools are liable to sue for discrimination: It's socially unacceptable to make fun of credulity-challenged fellow citizens, and you risk to be likened to those who consider women as self-propelled sextoys and people of non-Caucasian origin as non-humans. I mean, there is only right and wrong, if you're not with us you're against us, and nuances are for art students. Never forget: All discriminations are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

        So, say no to barbaric, non-inclusive April's Fool.

        1. Terry 6 Silver badge

          Re: I have to ask ....

          Also, April Fool jokes are meant to happen in the morning. So fine for morning TV/Newspapers. A bit silly on the internets where they might be read at a different time, or likely a different day.

        2. ThatOne Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: I have to ask ....

          > 2 thumbs down

          Somebody didn't get sarcasm? You should know me by now, everything I say is meant sarcastically...

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I have to ask ....

        Good Riddance, its a fad that wore out its welcome about several decades if not centuries ago. Ditto workplace "pranksters" hint pranks aren't even funny or appropriate beyond the first years of primary/elementary school. Nothing worse than a workplace with some "comedian" or other who thinks its "hilarious" to sabotage stuff or disrupt your life under the heading of "prank", grow up, act like an adult and if you want to play pranks then find likeminded and equally immature people to bounce them off of.....

        Let the rest of us get on with our (already stressful enough) lives without your immature meddling

        1. My-Handle Silver badge

          Re: I have to ask ....

          I can see why you posted anonymously.

          An office prank that doesn't get in the way (too much) can do a lot to relieve stress from all concerned. On the other hand, repeated pranks that severely inconvenience from someone who considers themselves a great joker can add significant stress to a work environment and can, at worst, become a form of bullying.

          I'm not against practical jokes in general, but they do have their place. I've both played a few and been the victim of a few in my time.

    3. 2+2=5 Silver badge

      Re: I have to ask ....

      > .... is that all Vulture Central is doing to celebrate this most important day of the year?

      We have this discussion every year: everything that Dabbsy puts out is made up, apart from April Fools Day when it's something that really happened.

      In this case Red Dwarf fans will know it's true because Dabbsy used to be a script consultant on Red Dwarf and he gave Rob Grant & Doug Naylor the idea for Kryten's "deh-heeeed" speech-impediment when relating this very tale to them over a breakfast meeting.

      (The "DEADHEAD" bit was the only bit that stuck, in case you're wondering!)

      [Icon: transparency icon]

  2. Terry 6 Silver badge

    Sadly, there is a serious point in there.

    Anyone who's had to work for, or even with, a someone who's been put in charge of something they completely fail to understand, by a higher boss who doesn't even understand what it is that sub-boss needed to understand will know the pain and misery this can cause. For starters said sub-boss will not realise they have to facilitate some action or other, or worse, be afraid to do so, so nothing gets done. At least, as with Dabbsy's story, until a shadow system starts working and things like file access get done despite, rather than because of the right authority being (not) given.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "until a shadow system starts working and things like file access get done despite, rather than because of the right authority being (not) given"

      It's not impossible that something like this might underlie the current NSA story.

    2. Warm Braw Silver badge

      I once worked for an organisation that had two of these types in fierce competition to have the largest department. My most significant achievement was filling in every letter "o" in the previous day's (pre-free-sheet) Evening Standard. It's surprising how quickly the money palls in those circumstances.

    3. ShadowSystems Silver badge

      At Terry 6...

      "... until a shadow system starts working..."

      I object. That might involve having to wear pants!

      *Hisses like a scalded cat & runs away before you can put me in trousers*

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sometimes...

      You put some one in charge that knows nothing just so that they don't look too deeply into questions asked... and would not be able to ask the right questions or understand the answer even if they accidentally asked the right one...

      My last place put the head of HR in charge of IT. They could just about use email, browser, word, excel.

      Head of HR then filled in cyber essentials not really understanding the questions... result was a pass because they did not consider anything other then the windows pc's and laptops in the front office.... completely ignoring the servers, developers and the huge Linux and Unix network of machines.

      Mind you at my current place we are seriously considering giving a similar set of forms to someone that has little background in IT because we think we are overthinking the questions and potential answers ...

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Sometimes...

        The question to ask - as innocently as possible - is "What are the corporate and personal consequences of making an erroneous declaration, however unintentional?".

    5. This post has been deleted by its author

  3. chivo243 Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Love the BOFH reference...

    Nobody veered into that zone, I noticed: if a minion had to walk across the space, they'd sort of swerve around the gap to avoid stepping into it. "I assumed it had been mined."

    Maybe you and Simon can do a mashup?

    Now where is the BOFH for the week?? Especially today!

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    And even stranger things have happened and are happening .....

    Deadheads rule, Dabbsy :-) ....... although the reign of this particular one was very short lived ........ https://www.wired.com/2007/11/new-uk-master-s/

    Too radical a departure from Ye Olde Traditional Home Guard Crowd methinks for the appointment to last is one generous interpretation for the short nature of the time in office.

    1. Version 1.0 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: And even stranger things have happened and are happening .....

      Alistair, Really Super Educated Human Organiser Laughing Everywhere ... and that's a great story!

    2. Semtex451

      Re: And even stranger things have happened and are happening .....

      @ AMFM1 - I'd say he had a deserved 'right to be forgotten'

    3. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

      Re: And even stranger things have happened and are happening .....

      Clowns are great! They are so funny, so _visible_, and so indicative of disfunction higher up the management chain. Coal mines have canaries, national defenses have sirens, political parties have (uhm) partisans, and companies have clowns.

      Except for self-employed / startup / CEO clowns, all clowns have hiring managers. If you have the same hiring manager as that clown over there, it's time to start worrying.

    4. chivo243 Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: And even stranger things have happened and are happening .....

      Ya gotta see how the other half lives! Everybody has to spend one lifetime following "The Dead" on tour!

      Damn, I miss it from time to time...

      Tramp because I gave him a Miracle! Glad we had lawn seats!

  6. captain veg Silver badge

    he/she

    This deadhead persons, that for some unaccountable reason you refer to using plural pronouns, was its job title written on a sticker affixed to its Cadillac?

    -A.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: he/she

      Don? Is that you, shilling your crappy songs from the 80's?

      Yes, my leather coat with the "shoulders"...

      1. captain veg Silver badge

        Re: he/she

        Don't look back, you can never look back.

        -A.

    2. Hero Protagonist
      Headmaster

      Re: he/she

      The singular “they” has been used for hundreds of years. To quote another song co-written by Mr. Henley: “Get over it!”

      1. captain veg Silver badge

        Re: he/she

        Am that right?

        -A.

        1. captain veg Silver badge

          Re: he/she

          Well, are it?

          -A.

  7. captain veg Silver badge

    junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

    Is this the latest culinary disaster zone posing as cultural expropriation from the people that previously brought us 'French "Tacos"'?

    Putain!

    -A.

    1. Alistair Dabbs Silver badge

      Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

      I've yet to try Poutine, and admittedly only first heard of it last year. The joke, in case anyone didn't get it, is that Putin is spelt (as well as pronounced) 'Poutine' in French.

      Poutine House claims to serve a vegetarian option but I don't trust them. We were once served a 'vegetarian paella' which turned out to be regular paella but the server picking out the prawns and chicken from our plates.

      1. Irony Deficient Silver badge

        Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

        Having partaken of poutine many times, my view is that its cheese component is key. Does Poutine House use Cheddar curds, as is done in la belle province ?

        If the dish being vegetarian is non-negotiable for you and/or your better half (I take it that you’re fine with consuming milk products such as cheese), then the only way to be sure is to nuke it from orbit prepare a serving at home, to ensure that the chips aren’t cooked in animal fat and the gravy contains no unwanted ingredients.

        1. gerdesj Silver badge

          Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

          "Does Poutine House use Cheddar curds, as is done in la belle province ?"

          I live about 20 miles south of Cheddar Gorge.

          I've yet to indulge in a Canadian interpretation of Cheddar cheese but I hope it is rather better than some of their southern neighbour's efforts. I've been offered "American, Swiss or Cheddar" several times which seems to translate into "Yellow, white or slightly odd flavoured rubber". That said, I've also tasted cheese from those lands that are absolutely magnificent.

          1. David Roberts

            Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

            Way back in time before we ditched the Commonwealth to cosy up to Europe the shelves in the supermarkets were full of New Zealand and Canadian cheddar.

            OK as block cheddars go.

            Don't recall seeing any for a decade or so, though.

      2. captain veg Silver badge

        Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

        At least they didn't assume that you'd be OK with the prawns (not that there should ever be any in something described as Paella). I used to have to explain more often than not that no, vegetarians don't eat fish, and no, that doesn't make me vegan.

        -A.

      3. TheProf
        Facepalm

        Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

        Oh that's the joke.

        Putin. I did wonder.

        (Slaps Jean Luc Picard like forehead and promises to pay more attention in class. Also promises to try harder when doing the Thursday quiz on the Guardian website.)

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

        I did try it at Disney World Florida - so now idea how authentict it is. They also served fish 'n' chips in the English section, wrapped in fake newspaper. I have never had fish and chips in newspaper and I'm 40+ years old

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

          "I have never had fish and chips in newspaper and I'm 40+ years old"

          Kids today!

          1. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

            I, mid-sixties, can just about remember this. And even then they were wrapping the fish in grease proof paper first. (Possibly the chips too?).

            1. captain veg Silver badge

              Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

              I'm close to my sixties, and I don't remember it ever being anything other than an aphorism. Just in practical terms, wrapping anything hot and oily in newsprint is going to to result in the hot and oily thing getting covered in ink. Ink which is made principally out of old engine oil and soot. So carcinogenic.

              Something resembling cartridge paper, yes. I suppose it's quite like newsprint, just without the actual print. Or news.

              -A.

              1. Terry 6 Silver badge

                Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

                When I was a kid the chipshop would have a pile of newspaper on the counter, cut into single pages (broadsheet in those days, I think). I can't remember if they were ever used direct to chip. The image I have in my head is that they were interleaved with the greaseproof, ready for use, by the time the shop was open.

          2. Is It Me

            Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

            I am in my 40s and only remember one place that did it in newspaper, and that was somewhere on the Gower Peninsula in Wales.

            They must have had a contact at a printing press as the newspaper pages were never complete, often missing photos or whole articles.

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

            I do remember them being wrapped in white paper though. Nowadays it's bags and polystyrene boxes, which have been known to melt a bit....

            1. Mark #255

              Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

              Our local chippy uses white paper (newspaper-style, but unprinted), with a single sheet of greaseproof paper under the battered fish to stop it sticking.

              Mind you, this is Yorkshire, so you can expect fish'n'chips to be wrapped correctly

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: junk-food punnet of chips and gravy with cheese

      The description and list of available choices somehow put me in mind of the Monty Python spam sketch :-)

  8. Potemkine! Silver badge

    As said Bakunin

    Three elements or, if you like, three fundamental principles constitute the essential conditions of all human development, collective or individual, in history: (1) human animality; (2) thought; and (3) rebellion

  9. ColinPa Silver badge

    I'm pretending to be very busy

    I had to visit a customer. The technical team were great. They had an idiot for a manager. He had been an excellent technician responsible for cabling.

    The offices had glass walls, (some were opaque). The boss did not realise that the wall behind him acted as a mirror, and we could see that he spent a lot of time playing Ma-jong on his computer.

    We presented to him, (and his peers), and his only comment was to ask us to change the header page, as the colours were wrong, and there was a typo.

    This was a classic example of The Peter principle (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle)

    "which observes that people in a hierarchy tend to rise to "a level of respective incompetence": employees are promoted based on their success in previous jobs until they reach a level at which they are no longer competent, as skills in one job do not necessarily translate to another.["

    1. Andy the ex-Brit

      Re: I'm pretending to be very busy

      You soon learn to always have a typo for them to find and tell you to fix. Otherwise, they'll have to come up with another suggestion, and it may be a lot of work and/or physically impossible.

  10. MiguelC Silver badge

    About that Poutine place...

    They should do a promo to get their business running again. I know! They could offer a free Corona with each Poutine!

    1. captain veg Silver badge

      Re: About that Poutine place...

      Like the glowing Russian troops recently evacuated from Chernobyl, that kind of corona?

      -A.

    2. herman Silver badge

      Re: About that Poutine place...

      Or they could team with the Pu King Palace across the road for Chicken Chow Mein Poutine.

  11. Mellipop

    What about the Dyson Face-hoover

    I could not believe that was serious.

    I even thought they got the date wrong to put us off, it was that stupid.

  12. Ididntbringacoat

    Furses! Coiled Again!

    DAMN! And here I was all fired up to spin up an NFT. What ever that is.

    1. HildyJ Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Furses! Coiled Again!

      Just send me a bitcoin and I'll send you my lesson for making money off NFTs.

      1. My-Handle Silver badge

        Re: Furses! Coiled Again!

        I think you just did.

  13. frabbledeklatter

    Job Titles

    Having spent most of my career in hardware diagnostics, system kernels, and such "close to the metal" software, my colleagues at one employer christened me "Lord Parity, Last Count of Register". That was on the outside of my cubicle in lieu of my name for another thirty years at several different employers.

  14. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C

    I'm disappointed

    Nobody has spotted that the oldest person working for the startup had the job title "Director of App Development". aka "DAD".

    for shame on you all.

    <wanders off mumbling about kids these days>...

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: I'm disappointed

      What makes you think we didn't?

  15. Denarius Silver badge

    art copies real life

    had a consultancy job installing hardware like this once. No onsite infrastructure, no contacts for infrastructure. So often found shadow networks are only way to get real work done. Its who you know. Always be polite to security guards and techs. One day you may need their good graces

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: art copies real life

      Always be polite to security guards and techs

      I've said this here before, but my personal mantra is that, but also include secretaries as well.

      Those three are the holy trinity, if you get on good terms with them then you can get anything done anywhere. Managers may think they run the place, but almost always it's the secretaries that run the managers...

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: art copies real life

        In education it's the schoolkeeper and the secretary. With them anything can be done, without them on your side you're screwed. School meals staff and break time TAs are pretty useful too if you're doing tech support. At least if you want to make sure the kids are kept safely away.

      2. PerlyKing

        Re: art copies real life

        In the places where I've worked recently none of the lowly Managers have had secretaries (or even PAs). You'd have to be Head of Something or Other to qualify for human help.

  16. Stork Silver badge

    The Grateful Dead

    Dabbsy, you missed the chance to link to a performance by the Grateful Dead; their fans are/were known as deadheads.

  17. Norman Nescio Silver badge

    Putin/Poutine

    It's a jolly good thing that Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin's last name (native IPA:/ˈputʲɪn/) is pronounced by the French as IPA /pu.tin/ and not IPA:/py.tɛ̃/ . I suspect he would not be amused.

    (I discovered this when a Belgian friend told me how Tintin's name was pronounced in Belgium (IPA: /tɛ̃.tɛ̃/ . I naturally thought the -tin ending in Vladimir Putin's name would be pronounced in the same way. Alas, it was not.)

    1. captain veg Silver badge

      Re: Putin/Poutine

      Apologies for repeating myself, but,

      Putain!

      -A.

  18. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    I know who DEADHEAD is....

    Clearly it's that start of the metoric rise to the giddy heights of power of ...............DIDO HARDING!!

    The giveaway clue is "Being dim and over-promoted with stupid job titles is definitely the foundation of a successful and profitable career."

    1. Terry 6 Silver badge

      Re: I know who DEADHEAD is....

      To be fair, it's not that easy,. Being married to a millionaire and/or having attended Eton are essential qualifications for most of the top jobs.

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: I know who DEADHEAD is....

      You'd need much more data to distinguish her from the numerous others who are dim and over-promoted with stupid job titles. It covers most of HMG give are take the fact that their job titles are traditional.

  19. CuChulainn Silver badge

    And This Is Precisely Why...

    ...I have stopped going in any takeaway where there is someone with a blue nylon tea crate strapped on their back hanging around inside or out.

    Because you'll be waiting around for ten times longer than usual to get anything thanks to the 'delivery dudes on bikes'.

    McDonalds' food is not exactly hot when you get it straight from the grill in the first place. And a Big Mac has a tendency to fall apart if subjected to any sort of movement, including picking it up (actually, it's capable of that even if left alone). Fries are good for five minutes, then they need a dose of Viagra to harden them up. So God knows what it must all be like when it's been on a five mile journey involving annoying a lot of motorists and pedestrians to get to you.

    Mind you, I also have a tendency to avoid takeaways where there is a queue of more than one person (and if it's KFC, even that guarantees a minimum 20 minute wait).

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: And This Is Precisely Why...

      I must admit up front that I rarely use "fast food" takeaways these days. Back in the early days of being on the road, I used MacDonalds a couple of times a week until one day I realised that this new fangled "fast food" is often not very fast at all. A traditional fish'n'chip shop, although not called "fast food" is invariably quicker than than MacDs. I get the feeling "fast food" was a US marketing term invented by the likes of MacD's/BK/KFC, possibly because to them it was a new concept, while here in the UK we've had that sort of thing for many, many years without needing to label it as such.

  20. David1234
    Devil

    There is no reason for the same parties to endlessly discuss the same substantive material in the same forums.

    1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

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