Surgically separated five percent?
Boasting? Or just five percent of your one percent?
Later in life, my father used to make bizarre claims of Russian ancestry, which I put down to his Alzheimer's at the time. My dad was ethnically Jewish, while my mother was a sweary Scot with a strong and long family line in an embarrassingly proud clan. Enough to be reaching for a "Waving Away The Midges" emoji on Slack. But …
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"He's hung like a bear!!"
It's possible. I have the baculum of a 200 lb adult American black bear, from California. It is just under 5 inches long. Polar bears, at ~1100 lb typically run just under 7.5 inches.
 It's legal, a gift from a tribe here in Northern California when I got married.
Given that a "simple" paternity test costs €74, the fact that a DNA history test costs less is, to me, rather laughable, but let us pass on that detail.
What is hilarious (from the outside), is police including a swab-packing working in a list of suspects.
Well, it must have been a lot less fun for her the day the cops showed up convinced that she was a serial killer.
Somebody should make a TV film out of that.
Similar episode: fingerprints from a set of costume gloves originally molded from the company owner's hands. Owner is found not guilty after they find other evidence.
Follow-up episode (probably a season or two later): said owner commits a major crime himself (murder, most likely) thinking that, due to the prior mix-up, he would get away with it. (Spoiler alert: he did not.)
The reason the paternity test costs more is simple, it has the "Baby Tax" applied. i.e. any product, no matter how distantly related, but which can be marketed as having anything to do with babies or young children has an immediate price increase of at least 100%, probably more.
As such, if the "paternity" test, which obviously relates to children and babies, was used for something like "adult sibling" testing, then that cost would be probably not much more then €20...
Yes I do have small Children, No I'm not bitter about always having to pay the Baby tax, why do you ask?
*Hands you an extra large tankard & clinks rims in commisseration*
Back when my kid was still in nappies & I was buying baby food for him, I checked the ingredients label on a jar of Gerber banana pudding. I thought they looked familiar so I went to the aisle where the store kept the pre-made snack packs for school lunches & grabbed a container of a different brand of banana pudding.
Sure enough the differences were in the amounts of each ingredient, as in $IngredientX was listed after $IngredientY, but the over all list was the same. Same ingredients, same content weight, just different packaging & price.
Where the school lunch snack package was a six pack for around $2USD, the Gerber baby food was a single jar for the same price.
I put the jar back, bought the snack pack, & fed that to my son instead.
Did the tyke notice? Yes, but only in that he seemed to enjoy creating even bigger messes with the non-Gerber stuff. *Sigh*
I hate the baby tax. It's enough to make you not want to have any more of them just so you can afford to retire sometime in your current lifespan. =-j
Seeing mention of "Gerber" always brings back the memory of a friend who entered a slogan competition found next to his daily crossword puzzle in the newspaper many years ago. He was invited to complete the sentence "I use Gerber Baby Foods because....", and duly sent off his entry.
He later received a reply from Gerber stating "Thanks for your entry. You will understand that it cannot be accepted as a winner, but the office staff would like to express how much entertainment it gave us in the office."
"I use Gerber Baby Foods because there's a shade to match every carpet."
"I hate the baby tax. It's enough to make you not want to have any more of them just so you can afford to retire sometime in your current lifespan. =-j"
In some parts of the world, "investing" in more babies is how you can afford to retire. If they are successful, they'll keep daddy in the style he'd like to become accustomed to :-)
Contract manufacturing at work!
My company manufactured and sold own-branded Paracetamol tablets.
The thing is, all Paracetamol BP tablets (unless they're Paracetamol with caffeine, or Paracetamol with Avocado extract, or Paracetamol with a hint of citrus and sprinkles*) are exactly the same. They have to be. It's the 'BP' part.
One time at a corporate event, we were asked for ideas to improve sales.
I pointed out that a lot of people bought Paracetamol, and since the generic items could be bought for as little as 16p a pack (and we manufactured them), reducing our (then) price of 80p per branded pack would improve sales of our own brand.
I was told by a senior manager that we supplied a 'premium product'.
I said: 'but how can it be a 'premium product' when it is - by Law - exactly the same as the generic ones? I got chewed out for arguing.
From memory, Paracetamol BP tablets consist of 500mg of Paracetamol, pre-gelled starch, and a bit of lubricant for the compressing process. I think the total weight of each tablet is around 600 or 650mg. You can't make that 'premium' unless you're ripping people off.
* I made those up.
Well, we can always introduce a premium "slow release"!1 Or a "quick release"!2 And a "super quick release"!3 Or a "multi release"!4 And what about differentiated for only those very specific indications where this formulation is claimed to work best!5 You know, ranging from headaches to menstrual pains specifically?!6 In their own dedicated package!7 In varying package size amounts for user convenience!8 In a quick and easy application!9
1-9 Data on file
I was "kindly" given one of these DNA-testing kits for a Christmas present some time back - costing roughly the same amount as the paternity test you linked.
I'm not keen on the idea of having my DNA on someone's database for their ultimate commercial exploitation, but you can't easily put that on a thank-you note so I submitted a sample. Registering online I was bombarded with options to "upgrade" the service at enormous additional cost to include searches for
unwanted additionallost relatives and estimations of my likelihood of dying from myriad gruesome diseases, all of which I declined.
About 6 months later - fortunately it wasn't a paternity test - I was told the results were ready. Not particularly eagerly, I logged on to find out that ... I'm British. No further detail. Which I could have found out by looking in my passport which, coincidentally, cost around the same amount.
The genius of these "service" providers is that they're getting people to pay for the privilege of guilting their friends and relatives into providing free DNA samples for their commercial medical ambitions, generating more income from up-selling information that in retrospect people might find they would have preferred not to have known and offering almost nothing of value for the headline cost.
I couldn't write "You wasted your money, you wanker" on the thank you card, so I promised to submit a sample.
I just didn't say I would submit a sample of *MY* DNA. So I picked up my furry overlord, scratched her until she started purring, & swabbed her tongue.
The Ancestry.com results came back & gave me "my" DNA results. I was rather amused to discover I had Persian (Purrsian?) ancestry.
*Hands you a pint & clinks rims in toast*
Here's to fekkin' with their heads! =-D
Given that a "simple" paternity test costs €74, the fact that a DNA history test costs less is, to me, rather laughable
The paternity testing is basically "Could be and that applies to x% of the populations" or "Couldn't be" so, yes, fairly simple but if need be the lab would have to be prepared to stand over its results in court. It might also have to offer counselling. x should now be a lot smaller than when we used to do this with a selection of immune reactions and blood enzymes.
The ancestry type test is based on whatever percentage of the genome they managed to analyse. This is less than complete which explains why siblings, even identical twins, can end up with different "ancestries". It's then compared with the geographical areas most closely associated with various bits of the subset actually analysed. But a moment's thought will show that if people in N Europe can show up with various percentages of "Mediterranean" or whatever there isn't a clear cut Mediterranean genotype. "Mediterranean", "Baltic", "Celtic" or whatever are ill-defined results of human settlement and migration over thousands of years. There's also the issue of what percentage of the subject's genome is part of the geographical variation - the 98% gorilla isn't going to do so.
I suppose it's a good bit better than Madame Xavier with a crystal ball, a pendulum and a shrewd understanding of facial features and colouring can manage but on the whole I think the paternity test is better value for money, especially if they keep the results more confidential than the "ancestry" labs might be wont to do.
"Mediterranean", "Baltic", "Celtic" or whatever are ill-defined results of human settlement and migration over thousands of years."
Brother in Law did one. Interestingly, it did pick up on the approximately correct %age of North American Native Peoples which we know of through the family history research my wife has done. Ditto on both the French and Italian ancestry we know about, ie added together as "Mediterranean".
How "simple" is that paternity test though?
To start with, let's talk about the sex chromosome, starting with the Y chromosome, which is pretty much conserved father to son (but not daughter, obviously). This will tell you the male family line, but how many individual DNA markers is it looking at on that chromosome? For a decent reliability, I'd expect it to be a fair number. After all, if you're only looking at one or two points on the Y chromosome, you could reasonably expect a large amount of the male population in an area to share those markers.
For daughters' you're talking about one two X chromosomes, passed from the father from their mother's line. Again, this is largely conserved down the maternal line, so isn't very diagnostic.
The other 22 pairs of chromosomes are "mix and match" with bits from both father and mother (not one chromosome from one and one from the other, or you'd be a clone of your siblings). A paternity (or maternity) test involves looking at specific markers which typically have a high level of variation between individuals, which will have two copies (one from the mother, and one from the father), and then matching them (or not) to the suspect sample. Whilst this might only look at a few dozen points in the DNA (markers), this will involve amplifying and analysing at least two (and preferably three) samples - the child's, the suspected parent, and the known parent (to eliminate their DNA, otherwise the statistical confidence of any match are correspondingly lower).
DNA ancestry kits, on the other hand, look at a number of specific points in the genome where genes are typically well conserved, but where there are variations in individual codons that are diagnostic enough to place them within broad populations. They'll typically be looking at dozens to a few hundred markers in every sample. They are only performing the amplification on one sample though.
When I did one of these a few years back, I think it cost around £90, and that was during a sale, so I'd question the assertion that paternity tests are more expensive. I suspect the cost of ancestry tests goes up as the number of markers they look at increases. The "cheap" ones are probably only looking at a handful of markers to give a very broad picture.
"Given that a "simple" paternity test costs €74, the fact that a DNA history test costs less is, to me, rather laughable, but let us pass on that detail."
Nope, I can't pass on it. I have to stick my oar in. A paternity test has legal implications and is done to a higher standard, possibly including "chain of evidence" handling, as compared to a "fun" ancestral check where the margin of error is probably much greater.
I mean, how can we be more like a banana than a bee?
A bee can fly, we cannot. A banana is never straight, so are we. A bee has stripes and a banana has one color, just like us. See, this superficial in depth comparison confirms our stronger relation with the banana than the bee.
Just try and send the item by international mail:
Bees: allowed ( Live creatures, insects and invertebrates )
Bananas: not allowed ( Perishable items (including flowers, fresh fruit, vegetables and frozen or chilled foodstuffs))
Humans: not allowed (although some have succeeded), probably comes under (Live animals and reptiles (including snakes, mice and rodents))
Therefore humans are like bananas: not allowed in international mail.
The figures from DNA tests are talking about how much of the whole genome is the same - this is a common misconception. They look at a relatively small number of very specific points that have a lot of variation amongst populations.
They're not looking at, for example, the highly conserved genes in mitochondria that all eukaryotic life shares, because they wouldn't be diagnostic (and they're looking at nuclear DNA, not mitochondrial DNA anyway, but that's moot).
There are quite a few genes that are concerned with the essential processes of life that are conserved amongst pretty much all complex life. Looking at any of these is not going to be diagnostic in any way, unless you're trying to work out whether you're an invertebrate or a fungus.
"I mean, how can we be more like a banana than a bee?"
Well, bananas and humans are both known for concentrating radioactivity. Bees, not so much.
Bees are also quite cooperative, bananas and humans not so much.
Lettuce/Lettice is a girls name, so most likely it will be mother. Although boys being given girls names at birth isn't unheard of. Eg Evelyn Waugh, Marion Morrison (aka John Wayne), or that well know Boy Named Sue.
Paris, because she's a girl with a boys name. (as in Paris, son of Priam in Troy)
There are always the stats about how much they share with other species :
You kind of forgot the other one we are extremely closely related to. Some times don't even need stats for that...
So adding to that listing of percentages...
USA folk will soon be all too aware of what the Eurovision Song Contest is all about, as for some unfathomable reason they've decided to do their own version.
Being from the UK, I have to admit that I stopped watching it sometime before Terry Wogan stopped being able to do the commentary. I mean, there's literally
Nil No Point.
Thing is that Eurovision, and the Song Contest in particular, were really set up by engineers to encourage innovation and co-operation in broadcasting. Back In The Day getting a TV picture and high quality sound from one corner of Europe to every other corner of Europe was a technical feat, with distance and varying TV systems being just the most obvious of the hurdles to overcome. The singing and the competition aspect were secondary.
And then they solved (mostly) the technical issues by getting rid of analogue systems (boo!) and some people thought it was actually a competition!
Ah yes, pirate radio. The soundtrack to my youth.
But did you know that they are still broadcasting on http://radiocaroline.co.uk and they even have delayed streams to that USA folk can have the breakfast show at breakfast.
Do note that due to politics & infighting, radiocaroline.COM is not affiliated, but with them being pirates what should we expect?
"USA folk will soon be all too aware of what the Eurovision Song Contest is all about, as for some unfathomable reason they've decided to do their own version."
OMG! From the outset, you just know it'll be a DEM/REP rivalry fest!! If anyone thinks the European political voting is a mess, just wait until this show starts up LOL.
Fake votes! Dead people voting! Re-count!!! (says Nellie the elephant)
People from the British Isles and from western Europe share some common history
The Scandinavian peoples have a long history of invading or settling in the British Isles - the Anglo-Saxons (Angles, Saxons & Jutes) settled after the Romans left in the 5th century, notoriously the Vikings had a penchant for invasion from the 9th Century onwards, followed even more famously by the Normans in 1066 (who were Vikings granted lands in present day Normandy by the Franks in return for leaving them alone - think 'Norse Man' for the derivation.)
Vikings from eastern Scandinavia tended to head east rather than west - the Rus Vikings (literally 'the rowers') gave their name to the home country of certain Slavic Terror Bastard who seems to be in the news a lot at the moment for some reason.
What you are looking for is the Rurik dynasty.
The Varangians, was the name given by Eastern Romans to Vikings, mostly Swedes. Between the 9th and 11th centuries, Varangians ruled the medieval state of Kievan Rus', settled among many territories of modern Belarus, Russia and Ukraine, and....
IIRC the geographical indications are associated with the location of people who with similar DNA who have also been sampled. This immediately introduces bias because the survey is not geographically uniform and the bias is probably greater than the margin of error.
Anyway, it's Friday and I can't believe I've taken time off drinking to think about statistics. Kippas!
I have a set of cousins whom are fraternal twins. Their father is related to me, their mother is not. That entire family did the Ancestry.com geneology thing (and were the givers of the DNA test in my post to Warm Braw).
It was a bit odd when the results came back & claimed that the twins, whom we're completely sure have the exact same parents given that they are, you know, *twins*, were of different genelogical family trees. One twin (the boy) was supposedly of African descent, the other (his sister) of East Indian. Yet their parents correctly came back as NorthEastern European.
O.o? *Shakes head as if to clear water from the ears* o.O? WTF?
It's "results" like that which made me glad I didn't submit my own DNA for testing, they probably would have tried to claim I came from Elbonian ancestors or some other bollocks. =-/
and spent a lot of his time tracing his family line back the the 13thC (probably Norman) and my mums back far enough to discover some sheep stealing which pleased him far to much. He also devote a huge amount of time to the Geneology of the British people and alas died before he finished a rather comprehensive book covering blood groups, place names and a huge amount of historical facts thrown in. I've got the text but not the associated maps and pictures to go with it.
What I can say is its very likely the author does have Finish ancestry - they were part of the Vikings invasion, and introduced not only their genes but ones they imported from all over Europe, Turkey and North Africa. Its also worth remembering the Normans were in fact Vikings who settled Normandy and it seems it was only when they came to the UK that they decided to try and avoid breeding with the locals for a couple of hundred years or so and establish the poisonous class system which still infests the place.
You must be kidding, I am sure you know that more or less every country was able to get rid of the class system but the British. And that, no doubt, is your own fault as you have created a political system so perfect to preserve it. World leading in that respect indeed. A two party system kept in place with fptp for ever.
No, I think you can, for once, take the credit yourself without blushing.
And then you claim the Vikings tried to avoid breeding with the locals, but what you clearly have omitted is that the local girls did not.
Learn about the "British Burned the Danes on Saint Brice's Day in a Church" from this very academic and straightforward narrative. Having a bath once a week was lethal in England.
I don't think anything has much changed, is not the goal of Brexit also to preserve the British cunt from any contact with a foreign penis.
Michael Moore made an interesting program "Where to Invade Next" where he looks at different European countries including Norway and how they treat prisoners in a very humane way.
Norwegian Prison - Michael Moore
But in an introduction he ponders about how that bloodthirsty Viking has changed like this, but I am fully convinced the Nordics were more democratic and decent than Britain more than a thousand years ago, like today.
I have used this icon as I am a very polite Nordic and I think you should have used it too if for other reasons.
Gotta love the tale of the DNA swabs and the factory worker. Police work at it's finest, and only at a cost of how much over how many years?
I guess even the police can be subject to following fads and the ever popular "silver bullet" theory that this Latest and Greatest Technology will Solve All Our Woes!
Happens all the time in computing, but after enough time in the trenches, you realize all the "silver bullets" are just plain copper-clad lead and still don't do squat if you can't aim your computing weapons.
Something for the Weekend A mouse mat is delivering a speech. "I would like to thank my mom and dad, my trainer Brian, and to my recycled polyester silky surface that ensures unobstructed mouse movement."
Sporadic claps and whoops punctuate the hush from the auditorium.
"But most of all, I would like to thank you. I love you all!"
Something for the Weekend "I have just read your profile. Have you ever thought about becoming a real estate agent?"
This is my own fault for blindly accepting every connection request on LinkedIn. My network of professional contacts is in the hundreds but I know only about a dozen of them. The rest? I honestly haven't a clue who they are. They ask to connect and I accept.
LinkedIn should consider swapping its Accept / Reject Connection Request options for a simple Yeah Whatever button.
Something for the Weekend A robot is performing interpretive dance on my doorstep.
WOULD YOU TAKE THIS PARCEL FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR? it asks, jumping from one foot to the other.
"Sure," I say. "Er… are you OK?"
Something for the Weekend Which do you prefer: sweat or green slime? Both are being touted as clean sources of energy to drive electronic devices.
Hmm. “Clean” is not how my sweat has heretofore been described, least of all the morning after a garlic curry. But even my pit-pong pales into paucity compared with the environmental damage inflicted by a nuclear power station. And for all my lack of wattage, I positively glow in outrageously self-obsessed smugness. I must let my LinkedIn followers know.
Still, green slime – aka "blue green algae" – has its advantages over sweat. It is more plentiful for a start. Which would be the better option for powering small computers? It’s literally a power struggle between the two. And there is only so much sweat I can produce per day (despite Mme D’s observations to the contrary).
Something for the Weekend We're standing still. The suspense is unbearable. One of us is going to crack.
On the large projector screen is a message: "The application is not responding." Facing the large projector screen is a roomful of startup dudes. Staring back at them, and situated just underneath the projector screen, is the flailing, forlorn presenter himself: me.
"It's never done that before," I lie as I eventually give up frantically tapping the keyboard and jabbing the trackpad as if I was playing whack-a-mole.
Something for the Weekend Another coffee, please. Yes, I know we're about to start. There is always time for one more coffee. It's good for your brain. Thanks.
Could you hold my cup for a moment? I need to visit the restroom. Yes, I know we're about to start; you told me that already. There is always time for coffee AND a comfort break. Yes, I know the two are related but I don't have time to chat about it. I'm bursting here.
How about I drink the coffee straight away, nip to the WC, and return pronto? Slurp argh that's hot. Thanks, I'll be right back.
Something for the Weekend "We all know what we're doing today? Good. Do your best!"
With that cheery note, our new project director sweeps out of the 10:00 stand-up meeting and away to… someplace or another, I don't know, wherever it is that project directors go. Project managers can be found everywhere, usually nearby a waste basket overflowing with disposable coffee cups, but project directors? Who can say?
These project directors are a mystery. It's not a job title I'd come across before. They just swan in from time to time, managerial but polite and rather vague, then drift out again with a farewell motto such as "Do your best!" or "You've all done very well!" like Young Mr Grace.
Something for the Weekend My neighbor is talking to a rock. He is trying to persuade it to sing.
Urging him back to the barbecue, I make a mental note to abstain from the cheap luminous pink sparkling rosé that he'd been drinking. It's easy to recognize the bottles – I'm the one who brought them to the party.
He asks me to hang on a mo, turns back to his rockery – is it new? I never noticed it before – and addresses his favorite rock by name.
Something for the Weekend The bloke next to me is acting strangely. Sitting bolt upright and staring straight ahead, he is holding his hand, palm forward, level with his face.
"You don't need to raise your hand, Mike. It's not Zoom, ha ha," laughs the meeting's chair.
Mike remains motionless, stiff as a board, hand still up, not saying anything. So we ignore him and carry on with the discussion.
Something for the Weekend Robots want my face. This is horrifying – not just for me, but for you too. Just imagine: it means robots will be walking around with my face, stuck on their face.
Luckily for me, the process is likely to be virtual, not physical. Nor will I have to do a swap, thank goodness. Knowing my luck I'd end up with neither John Travolta's darling dimples nor Nicolas Cage's vacant visage, but the freaky mush of a post-surgery Bogdanoff twin.
However I'm getting ahead of myself; all of this is in the future. For the moment, we've just about reached a stage where it is possible to present a convincing-looking AI-powered synthetic video of a natural human face that speaks whatever you tell it to in any language you choose – in real time. You can use it, for example, to put a nice face on your product promos, training vids, and weather reports without having to hire an actor and book studio time.
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