back to article Dutch nuclear authority bans anti-5G pendants that could hurt their owners via – you guessed it – radiation

The Dutch Authority for Nuclear Safety and Regulation Protection has banned a list of so-called anti-5G necklaces, wristbands and eye masks because they could harm their gullible users. The agency commissioned a study by the Netherlands’ National Institute for Public Health and the Environment (RIVM) found that many of these …

  1. David 132 Silver badge
    Boffin

    They're an unncessary expense anyway.

    The absolute best way to make sure that 5G will no longer bother you is much simpler.

    1) Eat at least 1.1Kg of bicarbonate of soda. Yes, it'll taste unpleasant but this is a natural remedy, and the worse they taste, the better for you they are, everyone knows that. If you find it difficult to swallow, try adding a drop of homeopathic Aqua, the smaller the better.

    2) Promptly drink a litre of white vinegar.

    Trust me as a person whose post icon has goggles and a sensible haircut. This will prevent you being bothered any more by 5G and, what's more, will protect all the rest of us from you too. And I can guarantee that it doesn't involve covid vaccinations and, what's more, is something that the Government doesn't want you to do.

    1. b0llchit Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: They're an unncessary expense anyway.

      You forgot...

      • 0) Provide shield, umbrella, bucket and broom to family members
      • 1) ...
      • 2) ...
      • 3) Firmly close all entry and exit holes in front and back and await shielding result

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: They're an unncessary expense anyway.

        Firmly close all entry and exit holes in front and back and await shielding result

        That's some airtight* pron you really wouldn't want to see..

        *DO NOT google this at work

    2. Jon 37
      Stop

      DO NOT DO THIS!

      I have to laugh.

      But, I have to add a warning too, there are a LOT of stupid people out there:

      Do not do it. It will probably kill you.

      It will generate a lot of gas in your tummy. At best, you will be continuously burping and/or vomiting for a bit. But probably the gas will be generated so fast, you will not be able to burp/vomit quickly enough, and your tummy will literally explode. That would probably kill you.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

        >and your tummy will literally explode. That would probably kill you.

        And yet you can't produce any double-blind clinical trials proving this

        1. Sixtiesplastictrektableware Bronze badge

          Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

          Not even any statistical analysis. I, too, call shenanigans on this fraudulent attempt at sham safety.

        2. Kevin Johnston

          Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

          Try viewing the old Mythbuster shows....they did exactly this using a pig's stomach and eventually got the explosion they were trying for but only by using compressed air at ridiculous volumes.

          Using Pop Rocks or Mentos/Diet Coke or even bicarb and vinegar they could not create enough pressure as presumably there is a pressure level at which these reactions cannot take place.

          1. David 132 Silver badge
            Happy

            Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

            What the hell were they doing feeding pop rocks and Mentos to a pig? Poor creature!

            1. Screepy

              Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

              @David 132 - pigs stomach, not a live pig.

              1. Charles 9 Silver badge

                Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                It was the very first pilot show, way back in 2003. Dang, nearly 20 years ago, has it already been that long?

                1. Youngone Silver badge

                  Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                  2003 was not nearly 20 years ago, it's more like 5.

                  1. Toni the terrible

                    Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                    it's 2021 not 2008!

              2. David 132 Silver badge

                Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                Yes, I knew that. I was attempting to be humorous. Will learn my lesson and never try again.

                1. A K Stiles
                  Alien

                  Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                  Do, or do not. There is no try!

                2. Brad16800
                  Pint

                  Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                  Caution defiantly worth it but i'd hope the intelligence of people on this site means they'd know sarcasm. Was a good one David

            2. Def Silver badge
              Joke

              Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

              What the hell were they doing feeding pop rocks and Mentos to a pig? Poor creature!

              I think you'll find her name was Sharon, and she volunteered.

              1. This post has been deleted by its author

          2. Tom 7 Silver badge

            Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

            There should be a Mythbusters Mythbusters program, They are as sham science as the sham science they try to disprove.

            1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

              Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

              Did Mythbusters undertake rigorous scientific investigations? No.

              Did they bring critical thinking, introduce the scientific method and demonstrate that fun can be had with engineering, to the general public in a non-intimidation (and humorous) way? Hell yes.

              1. J. Cook Silver badge
                Boffin

                Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                There's an XKCD for that.

                And I seem to recall both Jamie and adam defending the show, which went along the lines of "you only see the results; you don't see some of the hours of all the boring paperwork, the non-spectacular failed attempts, etc. because it's not good television."

                1. Charles 9 Silver badge

                  Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

                  They referred to that in the past. One noteworthy commentary session reflected one of their Christmas episodes, where it ended in a Rube Goldberg-esque contraption. In a behind-the-scenes clip (think it was posted online; the episode occurred as the HD shift and social online media boom were both just starting), it was noted how many takes it took for the contraption to run all the way through.

      2. martyn.hare
        Boffin

        To save us all.. we could just..

        Bring back Sandy Heath. We never had so much cancer and covid until we started watching extraterrestrial television! FACT!

        1. David Nash Silver badge

          Re: To save us all.. we could just..

          Bring it back? I am pretty sure that's where my Freeview signal comes from.

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Re: To save us all.. we could just..

            Didn't Sandy Heath get caught in op Yewtree?

        2. Hubert Thrunge Jr.

          Re: To save us all.. we could just..

          It's most certainly still there. When I looked out of my bathroom window at 0645, it marker lights were glowing red like a homing beacon.

          If RF radiation is so dangerous, all of us living within a mile of it should be dead. When it was analogue, it was 1MW EiRP, one meeeeeelion watts. Not the piffling power of a 5G cellular base station (which could be as low as 100mW for some of the kit I've seen)

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: DO NOT DO THIS!

        But that would be the Darwin effect in action ;-)

    3. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

      Re: They're an unncessary expense anyway.

      I’m a bit dim, and believe in a lot of conspiracy theories. How many? I don’t know, I can’t deal with large numbers. But be that as it may, I tried what you said and I’m not having much luck. Every time I swallow the vinegar I burp it all up and have to start from the beginning. What would you advise now as I appear to have run out of bicarbonate of soda and my sofa is ruined. I also appear to have a lot of what I presume to be my insides flopping out of a large hole that’s suddenly appeared in my belly.

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: They're an unncessary expense anyway.

        Yes, but I bet you're not especially worried about 5G now, are you?

        Ergo, the remedy has worked!

    4. glennsills

      Re: They're an unncessary expense anyway.

      Funny. Very mean if anyone is stupid enough to do it and yes, those people do exist... but funny.

      My wife the teacher uses this technique to produce rockets for younger kids.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: They're an unncessary expense anyway.

        "PIIIIGGSS IN SPAAAAACE!"

    5. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Dr_N Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Ha Ha Ha

    Gotta laugh at the ionizing radiation grift.

    1. jgarbo
      Facepalm

      Re: Ha Ha Ha

      No different from any religious grift. Gold plated crosses guarantee eternal life and entry into Heaven? Once you get them believing in a sky god they buy anything.

      1. Blank Reg Silver badge

        Re: Ha Ha Ha

        except that your gold cross isn't actively working to kill you

        1. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Re: Ha Ha Ha

          You are assuming its gold and is free of toxic ingredients.

          1. Toni the terrible

            Re: Ha Ha Ha

            Use a Silver cross/crucifix it works just as well and is cheaper...

            1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

              Re: Ha Ha Ha

              And protects against werewolves

    2. JimboSmith Silver badge

      Re: Ha Ha Ha

      I got given tickets to some Ideal Home Show type show years ago. Whilst there I found a more senior colleague from another department having a drink. He wasn't staying long but had to go back to a particular stand before he left. The stand he tells me has a device for limiting the amount of radiation that he was exposed to. He used his phone a lot and was worried about the energy it was exposing him to.

      I was curious to know what this was and walked over with him. I was expecting to see a cover closely fitting his phone made of a metallic substance. What I actually saw was a sticker that wasn't much larger than a current 5p piece and about as thick. I doubt that it cost much more than that to make either, they were selling them for a 'very reasonable' £5 each. Special show offer was £10 for three - utter bargain you understand.

      So I asked how it works and I was told it absorbs some of the radiation the phone produces. Doesn't that affect the ability to use the phone? Would that not reduce the signal reaching the mobile phone mast? It's not that radiation that it reduces is the reply - "it's technical you understand" So as a joke I said is it the visible radiation that is reduced?

      “Yes that's it exactly, you're smarter than you look."

      I tried educating my colleague that his top of the range Nokia wouldn't be affected in the slightest by this sticker. I said these things were a rip off using a headset would work better and visible radiation was just light. I was told to stop with the negative energy and he then went and bought £40 worth. Offered me one before leaving which I declined saying that it wasn't compatible with my model. I would like one of those £5 notes if he was offering though.

      At least those weren't radioactive as far as I know.

      1. ecofeco Silver badge

        Re: Ha Ha Ha

        You really have to wonder how people like that are allowed outside without a guardian.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. casinowilhelm

            Re: Ha Ha Ha

            The Guardian isn't generally into peddling woo (they gave Ben Goldacre a long running column). For anti-science, anti-reason nonsense look no further than the Express or Daily Mail

      2. Insert sadsack pun here Silver badge

        Re: Ha Ha Ha

        " I would like one of those £5 notes if he was offering though. At least those weren't radioactive as far as I know"

        £5 notes are rarely radioactive. However, it's been scientifically proven that 95% of bank notes are contaminated by cocaine, a highly addictive and health damaging substance. The only way to protect you and your family from cocaine-contaminated banknotes is to demand freshly-issued currency from your bank, and to send me your contaminated notes (£€$) for safe disposal. My address is PO Box 123, El Reg, Vulture Towers, London CH4 RLI

        https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32146301/

        1. Charles 9 Silver badge

          Re: Ha Ha Ha

          "However, it's been scientifically proven that 95% of bank notes are contaminated by cocaine, a highly addictive and health damaging substance."

          And they even forgot the "scientifically-accurate" claim that cocaine can be absorbed through the skin so can get you through touch alone (while this is true, the absorption rate is much lower, meaning you'd have to basically dip your hand in the hard stuff to be affected). Now, if you start getting to stronger stuff like fentanyl (or its stronger sibling, carfentanil, meant only for use on large animals), however, then you start talking about risk factors by touch alone.

    3. Kimo

      Re: Ha Ha Ha

      Almost as good as the devices that protect against WiFi radiation by putting a faraday cage around your router.

    4. Toni the terrible

      Re: Ha Ha Ha

      yeah, but they did sell radium coated watch faces a few decades ago, and the sellers knew the dangers even then

      1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: Ha Ha Ha

        The Mr Coates who helped out with the demonstrations at the Royal Institution Christmas Lectures for several years in the 1960s was in the RAF during WW2. he had a wristwatch with a luminous dial, the luminosity provided by paint containing radio-active elements. Even 20 years after the end of the war a Geiger counter held to the watch dial went pretty crazy.

        These were hand painted by ladies, who would get a good point on the brush by putting it between their lips. They all died of throat and mouth related cancers. As the paint was on the dial, and the workings of the watch between his wrist and the radioactive source, Mr Coates (and other RAF aircrew) tended to survive a lot longer.

        1. J. Cook Silver badge

          Re: Ha Ha Ha

          Yep. Google "The Radium Girls" for more details and a sad tale.

    5. Zippy´s Sausage Factory
      Devil

      Re: Ha Ha Ha

      Reminds me of one of my favourite all time quotes: "the radium water was working fine until his jaw fell off"

  3. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

    Double take

    I read the headline as anti-5G pants, which makes the same amount of sense.

    1. Shady

      Re: Double take

      I dunno, Ionising radiation in their pants would at least ensure that they’d be unlikely to bring any dimwitted inbred spawn into the world and kill off their cretinous bloodlines, so that makes perfect sense to me

      1. Stork Silver badge

        Re: Double take

        Unfortunately not, I am afraid. If it gives red skin the radiation is unlikely to penetrate deep enough to sterilise the gonads

        1. Muscleguy Silver badge

          Re: Double take

          It might make them drop off though. A tough ask but kill enough of the skin . . .

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Double take

          Maybe they can shove it somewhere closer. Just need to update the instructions.

    2. Daedalus

      Re: Double take

      "Anti-5G pants, Gromit! Ex-NASA!"

  4. HildyJ Silver badge
    Alert

    Don't let 5G win

    Those who prudently bought anti-5G necklaces need to know that swallowing them does not impair their anti-5G properties.

    So swallow them before the they are seized by the 5G run government.

    Internet studies have also found that swallowing them will render Bill Gates' implanted chips useless.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Don't let 5G win

      It's not well known that putting your head in a microwave oven set to thaw for about five minutes will reverse any adverse effects of 5G exposure ( higher settings are faster but warmer), obviously it is necessary to disable the door switch.

      This reversal procedure is discouraged by governments everywhere!

      1. Foxglove

        Re: Don't let 5G win

        Chris G,

        You made me smile, on a bit of basic training many years ago involving satellite uplinks the advice was:

        If you feel your body temperature rising walk away from the area.

        These days I apply that to social situations!

      2. Kubla Cant Silver badge

        Re: Don't let 5G win

        obviously it is necessary to disable the door switch

        Alternatively, cut your head off so you can get it in the microwave.

        1. Toni the terrible

          Re: Don't let 5G win

          My microwave is too small to fit even my removed head

    2. Eclectic Man Silver badge

      Re: Don't let 5G win - Bananas

      You can acquire some level of radioactivity by eating bananas*. But they contain vitamin-D and are actually good for you.**

      However, I am not aware that they have been tested for blocking 5G radiation.

      * https://www.sciencefocus.com/science/how-many-bananas-would-i-need-to-eat-to-become-radioactive/ (well, ok, you need to eat a LOT of bananas).

      ** As part of a balanced diet including other nutrients such as water, protein, fats etc., as long as you don't slip on the discarded skins.

      1. Michael Strorm

        Re: Don't let 5G win - Bananas

        Was going to point out that bananas are a flawed example, since your body will excrete any excess potassium so you generally don't end up with more potassium in general (and the small but constant percentage which is the radioactive isotope (*)) than you did before. But I notice the article itself mentions that anyway.

        (This is unlike other radioactive substances which can build up in the body, often in lieu of similar but non-radioactive elements in the same column of the periodic table).

        (*) The half life of potassium is- IIRC- in the billions of years, so decay of the "old" potassium in your body will have an utterly negligible effect on the timescale we're discussing here.

  5. Slx

    I thought standard procedure was to coat your entire body in “tin” foil (aluminium foil) …

    1. Ian Johnston Silver badge

      Gold paint works well too, as long as you leave a small patch unpainted at the base of the spine for the skin to breathe.

      1. Darth.0

        Inhaling from a gold spray paint lined plastic bag really adds extra protection.

        1. J. Cook Silver badge
          Joke

          nonono, it has to be silver paint, and you have to scream "I WILL RIDE ETERNAL, SHINY AND CHROME!"

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-58762915

      "An earlier hearing heard how the defendant became so paranoid about the effects of the mast he built a tin can bunker in his house and covered himself in foil."

      The guy's a lot better now he's back on his anti-psychotic medication

  6. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Opposite needed

    What can I buy to get 5G working? Will these radioactive gadgets flip the right Qualcomm configuration bits to fix it?

    1. Alumoi Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Opposite needed

      Oh, I don't know, another dose of covid vax?

      1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

        Re: Opposite needed

        Nope. I've had three and still can't get a 5G signal. Dammit, I should be getting 15G by now!

  7. Winkypop Silver badge
    Alert

    Rocky atoll for sale

    Guaranteed no 5G signal (and many other signals) available 24/7/365.

    Tell your paranoid friends to chip in.

    Includes free beach access.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Rocky atoll for sale

      >available 24/7/365.

      On what planet ?

    2. Wade Burchette

      Re: Rocky atoll for sale

      In the United States these people can move to Greenbrier, West Virginia. By federal law, no terrestrial radio waves are allowed due to the radio telescope. The mountains and the law block all human radio waves so that there is no interference with outer space radio waves. There is no 5G there, or even 1G.

      Several weirdos have already moved here because they have "WiFi sickness". I have driven through the area, and it is beautiful. But I wouldn't live there just because I don't want to be associated with these irrational people.

      1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Rocky atoll for sale

        Quote:"Several weirdos have already moved here because they have "WiFi sickness"."

        Are these the same people who have 'power line sickness'?

        Although in tests cant tell the difference between the power line being on and being off

        1. David 132 Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Rocky atoll for sale

          You've reminded me of the - probably apocryphal, but so what - delightful tale of the mob of angry paranoids who demanded a meeting with the cellular comms company that had erected a new tower in their neighborhood.

          The rep from the cellco attended the meeting, and listened patiently as resident after resident related tales of woe - of sleepless nights, dizziness, rashes, sneezing, pustulent boils, rains of sheep and outbreaks of Gnats.

          He expressed his sympathy and commiserated with them all, and closed with words to the effect of "After all you've experienced, I can't imagine what will happen when we actually connect and switch the tower on..."

          1. Dave314159ggggdffsdds Silver badge

            Re: Rocky atoll for sale

            That's a slightly embroidered version of something that happens all the time. Some of my neighbours were up in arms about the 'interference' from the '5g tower' that had 'just gone up'. Except it was a crane on a building site a mile or two away.

          2. Potty Professor Bronze badge
            Pirate

            Re: Rocky atoll for sale

            A friend of mine inherited a farm when his Dad retired and emigrated. He had a career, and did not want to run the farm himself, so he rented out the fields and barns to other local farmers to put their sheep, horses, etc. on. One day a telco representative approached him and asked to rent a small area to erect a phone mast at the top of the hill. An agreement was reached, and the mast duly installed. Then the telco started digging a trench across the field and along his driveway, to which he objected. The telco's representative said that they had to dig up the drive to connect the mast to power and the exchange. "Not without a rental agreement, you don't" was the reply. Subsequent negotiations were instigated, and he took the telco to the cleaners, to the extent that he didn't need to work any more.

          3. pavel.petrman Silver badge

            Re: Rocky atoll for sale

            That is why I like Mikrotik and Ubiquiti wifi boxes - their leds and displays are very easily turned off in configuration. (I don't know about junipers or procurves but I'd hope they, too, can accommodate wifi-sensitive homeopaths.)

            1. David 132 Silver badge
              Happy

              Re: Rocky atoll for sale

              I do have a small amount of sympathy for homeopaths.

              A very, very, small, very diluted amount of sympathy, shown briefly to a bottle of water, the water then being further diluted, but still - of course - demonstrating "memory" of the sympathy, right?

          4. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Rocky atoll for sale

            We had a similar experience when upgrading the radio comms in a London road tunnel. The local residents were utterly convinced that they were suffering ill effects from the new hardware until we took them into the equipment room and showed them the yet-to-be-connected coax cables on the floor.....

            I also had the same with a bunch of schoolteachers when we installed Wi-Fi into their school - they complained of headaches and various other malaises, and STILL couldn't be convinced even though all we'd installed were the coax cables that would connect to the aerials - there wasn't actually any Wi-Fi hardware in the equipment cupboards yet.... Several of them actually resigned their positions over the non-existent radiation! To this day it scares me that people that stupid are trying to teach our young.

      2. sanmigueelbeer Silver badge

        Re: Rocky atoll for sale

        Several weirdos have already moved here because they have "WiFi sickness". I have driven through the area, and it is beautiful. But I wouldn't live there just because I don't want to be associated with these irrational people.

        No idea who got offended with your remarks but here's an upvote from me.

        When we started rolling out WiFi, I'd get, at a minimum, two complaints per year of "WiFi sickness" or "allergic to WiFi". The complainants then proceeded to demand that we turn off WiFi to the entire building because it was giving them a pounding headache.

        I remembered a particular confrontational (yes, it became that heated) exchange that the staff threatened to report me to my manager for my behaviour. I gave the phone number to my manager and she reached into her purse and pulled out a mobile phone to my manager.

        I bit my lip and walked away.

        1. MiguelC Silver badge

          Re: "WiFi sickness"

          I had a boss - who was an ex-techie, gone managerial - that used to routinely unplug the wi-fi AP over his head because he "didn't want radiation around him like that". I tried reasoning with him but utterly failed, as expected. So I used to just plug it again when he wasn't around.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: "WiFi sickness"

            Just snip one of the legs of the 'power' LED, then it will be 'off' all the time

          2. ecofeco Silver badge

            Re: "WiFi sickness"

            I am still amazed these days at how many folks in I.T. are actually just mechanics and savants. Super smart about specs, super dumb about basic grade school science.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Rocky atoll for sale

          "When we started rolling out WiFi, I'd get, at a minimum, two complaints per year of "WiFi sickness" or "allergic to WiFi". The complainants then proceeded to demand that we turn off WiFi to the entire building because it was giving them a pounding headache."

          Unfortunately, this not always imaginary and if the headaches are genuine they need to be properly investigated by medical professionals, rather than just being attributed to "WiFI sickness".

          Many years ago (pre WiFI days) one of my colleagues regularly complained of headaches, supposedly caused by having to sit too close to the mains power risers at work. The issue continued after she was moved to a different work area and was then attributed to the mains power supply to the desk.

          Ultimately, the problem turned out to be not the power wiring but an undiagnosed embolism in her brain which eventually cost the life of both herself and her unborn child. MRI scans, which might have found the problem earlier, came along shortly after.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Rocky atoll for sale

            "one of my colleagues regularly complained of headaches, supposedly caused by having to sit too close to the mains power risers at work"

            "cost the life of both herself and her unborn child"

            Darwin in action.

        3. Robert 22

          Re: Rocky atoll for sale

          The phone may well have had wi-fi enabled.

          Aside from this, wi-fi and 4g signals have considerable similarity to 5g signals, particularly as the higher 5g bands are not yet in widespread use.

    3. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: Rocky atoll for sale

      Does it also come with a bridge? It MUST have a bridge.

  8. Richard Boyce

    Source of radiation

    I can't read Dutch, so can someone tell me if the authorities have said what the source material is that's producing the radiation, or any other technical details?

    1. jdiebdhidbsusbvwbsidnsoskebid Bronze badge

      Re: Source of radiation

      I used Google translate but couldn't find any reference to what type of radiation they emit, nor what the material is that is emitting it.

      The makers claim they emit negative ions, which suggests beta radiation, but I've probably made a huge mistake there by ascribing some element of truth to the claims by the peddlers of this tosh. (a similar product advert claims it needs to be recharged by exposure to moonlight for 5 hours!)

      It's a lot of effort to make something that is deliberately radioactive in a certain way, so I suspect the makers are using some ground up rock that just happens to contain uranium. Maybe they dug it out of their garden in Cornwall. If so it's probably alpha radiation. In which case, this is all fine and the Dutch authorities clearly don't understand that since uranium is naturally occurring these radioactive emitters are as pure and cleansing as all natural products obviously are.

      1. Alpine_Hermit

        Re: Source of radiation

        No it’s unfortunately not OK. Granite contains radon. In granite areas it accumulate in adequate amounts to be a significant health risk.

        It’s why houses and especially cellars need to be reasonably well ventilated in those areas.

        I guess the NL authorities have determined that granite (if that’s what the substance is) containing radon permanently around your neck is not a smart idea.

        It’s probably something more immediately harmful though. It wouldn’t surprise me if those entrepreneurial crooks in the Ukraine were actually digging up contaminated soil at or near Chernobyl and selling that to the gullible.

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Source of radiation

          Even if the bit of granite in the necklace was the size of your cellar the radon still wouldn't accumulate. I think it's safe to say that, in normal usage, necklaces can be considered ventilated.

        2. Robert 22

          Re: Source of radiation

          I hear it is a remarkably effective treatment for covid.

      2. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Source of radiation

        @jdiebdhidbsusbvwbsidnsoskebid

        "(a similar product advert claims it needs to be recharged by exposure to moonlight for 5 hours!)"

        Obviously contains ground-up werewolf bones. It's scientifically proven that having your throat ripped out by a pissed-off werewolf is 100% effective against harm caused by 5G signals.

        icon - the one with the silver knife and the bulb of garlic in the pocket... can't be too careful, got to cover all possibilities.

    2. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

      Re: Source of radiation

      Americium 241; same stuff as in smoke alarms. Wouldn't be surprised if they actually DID dig it out of smoke alarms.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Source of radiation

        But Am241 an Alpha emitter and these claim to emit negative ions to counter 5G.

        Does that mean they might not even work ?

        1. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Source of radiation

          Does that mean they might not even work ?

          You have to ask?

        2. J. Cook Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Source of radiation

          Nah, they installed it upside down, that way it's emitting negative ions instead.

          Mines the lead-lined coat.

    3. Stoneshop Silver badge

      The article from the Dutch Authority for Nuclear Safety and Radiation Protection (ANVS)

      Heeft u een ‘Quantum Pendant’ (anti-5G) hanger of ‘negatief ionen’ sieraad of slaapmasker? Leg deze veilig weg

      Nieuwsbericht | 16-12-2021 | 13:04

      Heeft u een product met negatieve ionen werking die hieronder staan vermeld? Draag deze dan niet meer, leg deze veilig weg en wacht op inleverinstructie. Uit onderzoek, dat de ANVS heeft laten uitvoeren door het RIVM, blijkt namelijk dat deze specifieke producten ioniserende straling uitzenden. Het gaat om 10 producten. De hoeveelheid gemeten straling hiervan is laag. Dit betekent dat de kans op schade aan de gezondheid klein is. Maar bij continu en langdurig dragen van deze producten is op lange termijn gezondheidsschade niet volledig uit te sluiten. De bij de ANVS bekende verkopers in Nederland hebben te horen gekregen dat de verkoop verboden is en per direct stopgezet moet worden en dat zij hun klanten hierover moeten informeren.

      Elk risico voorkomen

      De 10 onderzochte consumentenproducten bevatten radioactieve stoffen. Ze zenden daardoor continu ioniserende straling uit. Hieraan wordt de drager blootgesteld, dit kan nadelige gevolgen hebben voor de gezondheid. Daarom zijn deze consumentenproducten met radioactieve stoffen wettelijk verboden.

      Ioniserende straling kan weefsel en DNA beschadigen. De hoeveelheid straling die is gemeten aan de onderzochte producten is laag. Echter, in het geval van langdurig en continu dragen van deze onderzochte producten (een heel jaar 24 uur per dag) kan de in Nederland strenge limietwaarde voor blootstelling van de huid aan straling overschreden worden. De limietwaarde is ingesteld om het risico op elke vorm van gezondheidsschade te voorkomen. Bij deze consumentenproducten kan gezondheidsschade niet volledig uitgesloten worden, denk aan een rode huid. Gezien de lage straling is de kans hierop zeer klein. Om elk risico te voorkomen, roept de ANVS bezitters van deze producten op ze niet meer te dragen.

      Do you have a 'Quantum Pendant' (anti-5G) pendant or 'negative ion' jewellery or sleep mask? Put it away safely

      News message | 16-12-2021 | 13:04

      Do you have a product with negative ion action listed below? If so, do not wear it anymore, put it away safely and wait for instructions on how to return it. Research commissioned by the ANVS to the RIVM has shown that these specific products emit ionising radiation. It concerns 10 products. The amount of radiation measured is low. This means that the chance of damage to health is small. However, if these products are worn continuously for a long time, long-term damage to health cannot be completely ruled out. The sellers in the Netherlands known to the ANVS have been told that the sale is prohibited and must be stopped immediately and that they must inform their customers about this.

      [followed by a list of the items found to be hazardous, but only pictures, no details about the component substances]

      Preventing any risk

      The 10 consumer products investigated contain radioactive substances. They therefore continuously emit ionising radiation. The wearer is exposed to this and this can have adverse health effects. For this reason, these consumer products containing radioactive substances are prohibited by law.

      Ionising radiation can damage tissue and DNA. The amount of radiation measured in the products investigated is low. However, in case of prolonged and continuous wearing of these investigated products (a whole year 24 hours a day), the in the Netherlands strict limit value for skin exposure to radiation may be exceeded. The limit value has been set to prevent the risk of any form of health damage. In the case of these consumer products, health damage cannot be completely excluded, for example, redness of the skin. Given the low level of radiation, the chance of this happening is very small. In order to prevent any risk, the ANVS calls on owners of these products not to wear them anymore.

      Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

    4. CuChulainn Silver badge

      Re: Source of radiation

      Although this is a current story, the issue of radiation in these things has been around for longer than that.

      Detected radioactive elements include Thorium-232, Potassium-40, and Radium-226.

      Apparently, the Thorium comes from the volcanic lava used to make them (and possibly the other radioactive elements, too), and it would appear some pendants contain the mineral Monazite, which is also relatively radioactive.

      There was a story a while ago where a batch of these things sent from China couldn't get through Russian customs because they were setting the radiation detectors off.

    5. Kernel

      Re: Source of radiation

      Some of them apparently use Thorium -

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BA5bw1EV5I

      1. CuChulainn Silver badge

        Re: Source of radiation

        They don't 'use' it. They contain it naturally.

        The volcanic rocks used in some of them contain radioactive elements such as Thorium, Potassium, and Radium. They have higher background radiation than normal (easily up to nine times more).

        Some of them also contain the mineral Monazite, which has been used of a source of Thorium and even Uranium historically, and can be even more radioactive depending on where it came from.

        It does seem that the pendant manufacturers have applied their own take on 'science' with their claims of them 'emitting particles'. Which they do - α, β, and γ (notwithstanding the fact that at least one is a ray rather than a particle). But radioactive emissions nonetheless, which can damage human cells.

        One pendant manufacturer decries all this and boasts that their own pendant is made from Fullerite (in Shungite mineral), which has allegedly been shown to absorb electromagnetic radiation, and is totally non-radioactive.

        It would appear that it does from studies, though little is known overall - which is easily enough for these people.

        But it only shields at best - it doesn't attract. So wearing a 5cm disk of it with a Yin and Yang pressed on it around your neck isn't going to help when you walk past the local 5G mast. Well, except for a 5cm patch across your chest.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Are the product sponsors serious or murderous? What is the source of the materials? If I buy a 5G phone, while it ward off this awful stuff?

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

      AC: "Are the product sponsors serious or murderous?"

      You may need to sit down for this bit, but I suspect they are 'in it for a fast buck'. It may come as a shock to you that some people (nobody who writes for or posts on the Register, obviously) are less than entirely honest or scrupulous when it comes to 'earning a living', and are prepared, sometimes, to sell products that do not actually work as per the advertised function.

      Sorry. Have a lie down and a mince pie to recover.

      1. msobkow Silver badge

        Epic burn. Absolutely epic. :)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "...less than entirely honest or scrupulous when it comes to 'earning a living', and are prepared, sometimes, to sell products that do not actually work as per the advertised function."

        Is it already "Beat-up on Microsoft" Day again?

        1. ecofeco Silver badge

          What day isn't? Are there even ENOUGH days to do so?

  10. heyrick Silver badge
    WTF?

    WTF?

    I met one of these people the other day. To say it was a mindscrew would be a massive understatement. When I tried to say something, you know, logical... They'd be "yes but" and off on a completely different tangent. Vaccination to 5G to Bill Gates to secret tracking to some mumble about a powerful organisation controlling the government... Hell, their argument wasn't even self-consistent. I'm honestly surprised that alien anal probes weren't thrown into the mix.

    I did originally write that I don't understand how people could believe such rubbish, but then I remember that "going to church" isn't really that different, and for hundreds and hundreds of years people have been willing to massacre each other over it, so... <sigh>

    1. jgarbo
      Alien

      Re: WTF?

      Anal probes are only mentioned by Catholic choir boys.

    2. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: WTF?

      Alien anal probes and the consequent implants are the main reason for many of the conspiracy theories that are commonly disseminated.

      The aliens are spreading dissent and confusion to make the Takeover™ easier!

      1. ClockworkOwl
        Go

        Re: WTF?

        Any aliens that have spent 5 minutes around here and still want to Takeover™ are clearly missing several space marbles. I'm not sure life under the Takeover™ will be any worse than our current inglorious lot..!

        1. Tomato42
          Trollface

          Re: WTF?

          You don't like the current Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves™ "leadership"?!

          Clearly you're an anti-patriotic communist! /s

      2. Montreal Sean

        Re: WTF?

        If a brain control implant is going to be inserted, I'd rather it not take the long (anal) way.

        Shove it up my nose, much shorter trip.

        1. Lotaresco

          Re: WTF?

          "If a brain control implant is going to be inserted... Shove it up my nose, much shorter trip."

          This statement is not true for politicians. Rectal insertion is the shortest route to their brain.

    3. steelpillow Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: WTF?

      "going to church" isn't really that different, and for hundreds and hundreds of years people have been willing to massacre each other over it..."

      Wrong way round, bub. For over a century atheistic Communists have been equally bloodthirsty - anybody's belief system is just a handy coatrack to hang their innate cruelty and arrogance on.

      1. John Hawkins

        Re: WTF?

        I regard the commos as as religious as any of the other nutters - ffs they pickle old leaders' corpses and keep them on display in fancy buildings for people to worship - what's not religious about that?

        1. steelpillow Silver badge

          Re: WTF?

          "What's not religious about that?"

          You better ask the ghost of Chairman "Religion is poison" Mao.

          But do tell us, you clearly hold strong beliefs about society and morality. What's not religious about you?

      2. Ian Johnston Silver badge

        Re: WTF?

        The trouble is not belief. Belief is fine. Belief helps people makes sense of their lives. Belief inspired great art. Belief - amongst other things, of course - makes people happier.

        The problem arises when believers insists that everyone else must share, or at least profess to share, the same beliefs. The you get crusades, pogroms, purges, EMACS vs vi holy wars (what a giveaway), gay people hanging from cranes in Teheran, children's swings chained up in Stornoway on Sundays and the end of your career if you say "What do you mean, non-binary?" in a university.

        Alas there are few belief systems which explicitly tell believers to tolerate other beliefs. Sikhism is one, but even then Mrs Gandhi might not agree.

    4. lglethal Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: WTF?

      "I'm honestly surprised that alien anal probes weren't thrown into the mix."

      You didnt stay in the conversation long enough...

    5. Eclectic Man Silver badge

      Re: WTF?

      Try reading 'How to talk to a Science Denier' by Lee McIntyre (ISBN 978-0-262-04610-7), published by the MIT press. He analysed how people believe conspiracy theories, and how to talk to them without antagonising them or getting angry about their responses.

      Note this only applies to science deniers, not to religious people, many of whom can actually be quite brave, nice and reasonable (Desmond Tutu, Trevor Huddlestone, M L King Jr. for example).

      1. Jonathon Green
        Trollface

        Re: WTF?

        Is there a companion volume which provides advice on how to achieve maximum antagonism and anger? That seems like it would be *much* more entertaining…

        1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: WTF?

          Umm, do you have a 'Twitter' account?

          (Also a bit p**d off that my considerate and genuine post has, so far, attracted 10 fewer upvotes than your 'Troll' iconed post. :o( )

      2. Kubla Cant Silver badge

        Re: WTF?

        Try reading 'How to talk to a Science Denier'

        But first you'll need to read 'Why the f*** you might want to waste your time talking to a Science Denier'.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: WTF?

        Lee McIntyre is a Climate Change nutter. He's just another that's scared of getting his funding cut if he tells the truth. I had a pint with him a little while ago, and he's absolutely resolute in his "belief" in CO2 induced Climate Change. He's just another maroon.

    6. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: WTF?

      The one good thing about Covid has been that, by staying at home, I'm not exposed to these feckin' morons. The bad thing is that by staying home they've had plenty of time to get drawn into other conspiracy theories in order to doubly display their moronicity.

    7. Potemkine! Silver badge

      Re: WTF?

      "going to church" isn't really that different

      The first and main message was "love thy neighbor", but some humans change it to "massacre the infidels". I blame humans rather than church.

  11. msobkow Silver badge

    If radiation poisoning does away with anybody delusional enough about 5G to think they need to wear it, I think that is just Darwin taking action to scrub the gene pool. For that matter, whenever we get anything even vaguely related to a "Darwin Award" happening, a smug part of me cheers at the thought that humanity might evolve beyond its current cesspool status some day - if we can avoid drowning in the cesspool that worships ignorance and "alternative facts" before it is too late.

    1. Sixtiesplastictrektableware Bronze badge

      Total Point Avoider

      Any comic book TV fans about here?

      There's a cartoon called Young Justice (kid-superhero sidekicks now grown up) that has an old comic character that's immortal (Vandal Savage?) who has been guiding the evolution of humanity by triggering various catastrophes to overcome.

      Your comment really drives home the poignant meaning of that character to me right now, and it's a comic thing. Ultimately stories for young minds. That's where I got plenty of my moral didactics as a kid (ask yourself: what would Peter Parker do?).

      As time wears on it seems like you just can't save everybody, and then I wonder if anybody would be worse or better reading comics instead of religious texts? Sorry for the mixed bag of nutty emotions. Good cartoon, though.

      1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

        Re: Total Point Avoider

        ask yourself: what would Peter Parker do?

        I prefer Charlie Stross' version: what would Leeroy Jenkins do?

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Total Point Avoider

          Since the first time I heard of WWJD, I thought a far better option would be WWDWD.

          (Obviously that would involve a lot of running.)

          1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

            Re: Total Point Avoider - What Would -X- Do?

            I am not a SuperHero. I cannot leap even medium sized buildings even with a 'run up'. I cannot climb walls without suitable hand and foot-holds. Neither am I the Son of God blessed with great wisdom* and the ability to perform actual genuine miracles (turning water into wine, moving mountains, raising the dead, curing the lame and blind etc.). So the idea that I would base any of my actions on what someone with any of those powers would actually do is, frankly, not on. (I am also a physical coward, my experience of being beaten up on several occasions has convinced me that I am really not much cop at fighting, think 'Kick Ass', without the 'Kick'.)

            I'd prefer 'what would -X- (insert deity / superhero of your choice) want me to do?' But sadly that is just not as catchy a phrase as 'What would -X- do?'

            *For evidence of my lack of wisdom I present my accumulated postings on the Register which you are welcome to read and comment upon at your leisure.

            1. Rich 11 Silver badge

              Re: Total Point Avoider - What Would -X- Do?

              Neither am I the Son of God blessed with great wisdom

              In fairness I don't think the Son of God frequently expressed much in the way of wisdom. Cursing a fig tree for not growing figs out of season isn't very wise. No wonder each of the gospel authors felt the need to present it differently, to try to write some sense into it.

      2. Dr. Ellen
        Big Brother

        Re: Total Point Avoider

        Vandal Savage has been around a very long time.He was one of the major villains for the original Green Lantern, first appearing in GL 10 (1943). He's still running around, because he is immortal. Back in the old days, they could make him behave by threatening him with a life sentence in the pen. Immortal, so long and boring ... These days , he'd be released on a ridiculously low bail.

      3. Ian Johnston Silver badge

        Re: Total Point Avoider

        ask yourself: what would Peter Parker do?

        Introduce sectorisation and Network SouthEast.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: Total Point Avoider

          A joke for the young people there…

          He’s fallen in the water!

          1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

            Re: Total Point Avoider

            Turn the knob on your side!

            1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

              Re: Total Point Avoider

              And when I nod my head, you hit it.

  12. DrXym Silver badge

    Been around for some time

    I saw this video on YouTube last year describing bracelets and other woo that contained thorium - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7TwBUxxIC0

    You can even buy feminine "anti-ion" sanitary pads if you can believe that. Because who doesn't love radioactive fanny?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Been around for some time

      I seem to remember, when at college, that I saw quite a few that did look angry, possibly radioactive....

    2. PHogan21

      Re: Been around for some time

      Oh goody as the plastic wear away it can leave thorium dust behind for others. The gift that keeps on giving.

    3. MachDiamond Silver badge

      Re: Been around for some time

      "You can even buy feminine "anti-ion" sanitary pads if you can believe that. Because who doesn't love radioactive fanny?"

      If the glow-in-the-dark effect is bright enough, it could be helpful, at night, under the covers. Paired with the "Glo-Worm" condoms, it's a match made...... well somewhere.

      1. msobkow Silver badge

        Re: Been around for some time

        You know, if the couple has kids, sooner or later that is going to result in some serious explaining being required in the wee hours of the evening/morning... :)

  13. Dr. G. Freeman

    That reminds me, have to check my unicorn trap at work before I go off for the holidays. Keeps them away from the machine, you see...

    1. Sixtiesplastictrektableware Bronze badge

      Yeah, once they start nibbling the wires, you're stuffed.

      1. Toni the terrible

        Its them poking it with their single horn...

        1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

          Watch out for the invisible pink ones - they fill the entire universe, you know.

  14. Ian Johnston Silver badge

    I do a stage show about electromagnetism. A few years ago I performed it at a small science festival and afterwards one of the organisers came up to me to ask what I thought about 5G. Doesn't bother me at all, I said. But what about the harmful effects on humans? None, I said. They didn't say thanks, took ages to pay and never invited me back.

    I wonder if Glastonbury does a science festival?

    1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

      I can see how a stage show about electromagnetism might be polarising.

      1. Flightmode
        Pint

        Here, you earned this.

      2. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Boffin

        You can likely find as many who will be attracted to such a show as who will be repelled.

        1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

          Repulsive magnetism

          In theory, as humans are basically bags of water with a few carbon chain chemicals and other bits and pieces, the diamagnetic effect means that a strong magnetic field should repel a human, just like a grape:

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diamagnetism

          https://www.exploratorium.edu/snacks/magnetic-fruit

          Or a frog:

          "Compounding the honor of winning the Nobel is that Geim is the only scientist to date to win both a Nobel and an Ig Nobel, the award given to scientists for experiments so outlandish that they “first make people laugh, and then make them think.”"

          https://slate.com/business/2014/05/nobel-prize-in-physics-andre-geim-went-from-levitating-frogs-to-sciences-highest-honor.html

          (I'd post a link to my own experiment on repelling gapes, but my video is not as good as those on YouTube.)

          1. Stoneshop Silver badge
            Go

            Re: Repulsive magnetism

            the diamagnetic effect means that a strong magnetic field should repel a human

            I now have an image of a patient, exiting from an MRI scanner at high speed.

      3. ecofeco Silver badge

        How often do you field these questions?

    2. MachDiamond Silver badge

      "I wonder if Glastonbury does a science festival?"

      When they've hosted an episode of "The Infinite Monkey Cage", it's been very popular.

  15. Real Ale is Best
    Flame

    5G Rollout

    EE are busy installing 5G masts in my hometown.

    I'm honestly surprised that none of them have been set on fire.

    Looking at the rate they are charging, I think Starlink would be the cheaper option if I cared to replace my FTTC connection.

  16. Mike 137 Silver badge

    Another iteration of an old obsession

    Radiation based fads are far from new - see 'Half Lives' by Lucy Jane Santos [Icon Books 2020] and the 'consumer' section of the Oak Ridge Associated Universities Museum of Radiation and Radioactivity. Everything from dentures to a Uranium jock strap insert.

    1. heyrick Silver badge

      Re: Another iteration of an old obsession

      Back around the 00s, a shop selling stuff like flower remedies (that old weaker = more potent crap) had a set of special bottles with vaguely worded mystical properties.

      It was (allegedly) water collected from around Chernobyl. I picked up one and cupped my hands around it. It didn't glow. Unimpressed.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Another iteration of an old obsession

        There is a homeopathic 'remedy' made from cancer cells.

        It's probably the one time when you pray that it only has a 'memory' of the 'active ingredient'

    2. Dr_N Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Another iteration of an old obsession

      Radium water, anyone?

      1. Steve K Silver badge

        Re: Another iteration of an old obsession

        The Revigator?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    some of the materials in these devices might cause actual harm.

    the ULTIMATE proof they WORK, i.e. the secret world government will stop at NOTHING banning those PRICELESS and LIFE-SAVING devices, they'll us every TRICK up their DIRTY sleeve to make people SCARED. But PEOPLE shall not be scared! PEOPLE shall stand strong! PEOPLE shall buy TWICE as many! So, in the act of ULTIMATE DEFIANCE we now have an EXCLUSIVE, SPECIAL-SPECIAL offer for the TRUE register believers. lick here and get cancer-free ABSOLUTELY FREE!*

  18. Kev99 Silver badge

    Never underestimate the stupidity of the human animal.

    1. msobkow Silver badge

      Hard to do when your favorite adage is the one about "If you build an idiot-proof system, nature will just come up with a bigger idiot."

      1. sandman

        Hmm, could do with updating. "If you build an idiotic system, idiots will flock to buy it."

      2. Rob Daglish Bronze badge

        “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”

        ― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

        So far, those complete fools keep surprising me with how inventive they can be when it comes to getting things wrong - to the point it would surely be easier to do it properly compared to how back-to-front they have to do something to make it go wrong. I've started to wonder if they're simply trying to break stuff now, to be honest!

        1. Charles 9 Silver badge

          Frankly, I wonder how much these fools can stretch things without becoming Darwin Award winners...especially with designs specifically tailored to create aforementioned...

          1. ecofeco Silver badge

            They often DO become Darwin Award winners.

  19. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Alien

    Too late

    According to some TeleEvangelists in the USofA, the vaccine contains eggs that hatch out inside us into synthetic beings.

    If that is correct then a few radioactive anti-5G pendants are of no consequence but as a race, we are truly doomed. All those beings inside us just waiting to erupt out of our stomachs. Alien was just a dress rehearsal.

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Too late

      Wasn't that the plot of Dr Who story? I seem to recall a 'slimming device' that was actually 'hatching' some alien life forms' babies from 'fat' people around 1 a.m. The alien's planet had been nicked by the Daleks for some reason.

  20. ThinkingMonkey
    Joke

    Simple solution...

    Buy an iPhone 12. Expensive, but what price health, I ask. I have one and it appears to ward off 5G signals very effectively. T-Mobile told me I should get 5G practically everywhere but I've only ever seen the tiny "5G" icon on the upper right of the screen like twice in the last 6 months despite traveling around quite a bit. So my body should be just about as "5G-free" as your basic caveman.

    1. Dave314159ggggdffsdds Silver badge

      Re: Simple solution...

      I keep telling 5g nutjobs that in fact all 5g phones have a protective device built in, and it's only people without 5g phones who are at risk.

      You're providing the data to confirm my theory :)

      1. ecofeco Silver badge

        Re: Simple solution...

        Oh very well played.

    2. Totally not a Cylon Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Simple solution...

      Try Leicester Forest East Sainsburys carpark.......

      Or the middle of the Peak District National Park

      Only places I've got 5G...

  21. John Doe 12

    Pedants or Pendants?

    I read that as "Dutch nuclear authority bans anti-5G PEDANTS" :-D

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That’s just silly!

    Everybody knows that 2 tubes of wasabi generously applied to your genitals daily will keep the 5G away.

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: That’s just silly!

      But it has to be genuine wasabi. Not that fake horseradish stuff.

  23. MachDiamond Silver badge

    Movie Lines

    Whenever I see stuff like this I think of the line from Real Genius, "That's what you get for not having an education". I realize that not everybody has what it takes to do proper science, but the concepts are not hard to understand if the teacher is mildly decent. I can't keep track of silly articles that are blaming health issues on all of these spike proteins floating around in our bodies tearing up our insides. As if spike proteins are ultra nano tiny steel nails.

  24. ricardian

    Back in the Good Old Days

    You were able to buy your kids a proper science lab as a Christmas or birthday present https://youtu.be/zeyoJGqKbOQ

  25. Vometia has insomnia. Again. Bronze badge

    El Reg key rings

    I still have my El Reg key-rings I bought years ago on the basis of "get 'em now!" because they were about to be banned because, er, reasons. Or something. They still glow quite brightly.

  26. MacroRodent Silver badge
    FAIL

    Rather inept con-men

    I mean they have gone the extra mile to make their products actually dangerous! If I were to sell any quack health device, I would make sure it is non-radiating (and non-poisonous, non-allergenic, and poses no electric shock hazard, if applicable), that way most regulators would just smile knowingly and let me go on selling.

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      Re: Rather inept con-men

      They did go the extra mile to ensure their products actually did something measurable, they just didn't consider danger to health.

  27. Robert 22

    Actually, these pendants could serve a valuable function. One could use a geiger counter to warn of the presence of these idiots. Much better fro tracking than Bill Gate's non-existent microchips.

  28. Potemkine! Silver badge

    Natural selection at work.

    Oculos habent, et non videbunt.

  29. Big_Boomer

    Toxic Waste

    I can't see a downside. The gullibles are happy with their magic amulet, the con artists are happy with their ill gotten gains, and industry is happy with finally having somewhere to get rid of toxic waste. Everybody is happy. Oh, am I supposed to feel sorry for the poor misguided fools and try to protect them from themselves? <rotflmao>

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Toxic Waste

      Is that why my one has "Made in Sellafield" in tiny writing on the rim?

  30. Col_Panek
    Black Helicopters

    It's full

    Maybe they've soaked up so much 5G and now they're reradiating it? So, you need to get a fresh one.

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