BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies? BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns I've got nothing against conspiracy theories in general because if they didn't exist the PFY would probably have to join a book club or a sewing circle. But even the PFY will admit there's a limit, and at lunch today we think we found it ... "So let me get this straight," I say. "The …
It was about when we terraformed Mars. The nanobots are now hiding the existence of the Martian colony so only members of the illuminati can go there. That's why Elon's Mars trip will fail, they don't want riff raff space tourists spoiling the vistas.
I know this because I took the red pill.
And I know it was the red one because I've strapped strong magnets to my head under my lead lined tinfoil hat. And magnets discharge nanobot batteries, everybody knows that!
You realize that Musk is from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse and not from South Africa as he claims. He just founded SpaceX to get some replacement parts delivered to Mars so he can fix his ship and get out of here.
Meanwhile, the Illuminati will fail as Mars has already been spoken for.
https://xkcd.com/1504/
as always.
some excellent turns of phrase in this one:
"5G?" the PFY asks – at which point I feel the urge to object that he's leading the witness.
OK. So Big Data's manufacturing these nanobots which are very tiny. And what, they distribute them to all the vaccine companies for inclusion in their vaccines? Or do they just do it at the doctor level?
I fear we may be drifting into the PFY's own personal minefield of paranoia. However, it's important to push forward.
I'd love to have this conversation with one of these loonies, although i fear patience would wear thin fairly quickly
This advice works for any extremist.
Because they live in an alternate reality, they'll dismiss any rational argument that may threaten them to go back in the real life. It would be too hard for them, it would require them to be able to reassess their belief and to have critical thinking, something they are totally unable to do.
> I'd love to have this conversation with one of these loonies, although i fear patience would wear thin fairly quickly
It's really not worth the effort. You either nod and smile, which reinforces their beliefs, or if you attempt to engage, things generally spiral down into "well, we don't know", or "you can't prove a negative", which further reinforces their beliefs - after all, you've not been able to prove them wrong!
Humans are stubborn that way: they also only tend to trust information from within their own social group; anything from outside that circle which challenges their beliefs is highly likely to be rejected.
Personally, I generally prefer to avoid getting trapped in a social media echo-box, so I tend to keep people on my facebook feed regardless of what they're posting.
(Except for one British ex-pat living in Malta, who's both a born again christian and an ardent Trump supporter, despite being neither American nor living in America. When it became clear that he was happy to ignore even the people in his radical born-again church who thought he was going too far, it was time to drop the hammer)
As such, I had three anti-vax people on my Facebook.
The first was a middle-aged militant vegan with hippy leanings - the kind of vegan who drops anti-meat flyers into supermarket freezers atop the lamb chops. And they went for the full tin-foil-hat menu, bringing 5G, government conspiracies and the whole shebang into things, despite people - including their own daughter - trying to engage them and point out the various flaws and contradictions in the various conspiracy theories.
To be fair, something presumably got through at some point, since they've mostly reverted back to posting about animal rights, with just an occasional "world government conspiracy" post sneaking it. But for a long while, any engagement attempts bounced off like a champagne cork fired at a challenger tank.
The second was an upper-middle class party girl, who used to be in a band I liked; the kind of person who keeps a horse (and occasionally falls asleep in the stables) and mostly posts photos of exciting parties with Beautiful People in various exotic places.
But when lockdown hit and they couldn't party anymore, they went nuclear. Coronavirus isn't real, the hospitals aren't full, the vaccine doesn't work, lockdown should be lifted, we shouldn't be wearing masks, etc, etc. Complete with lots of citations from various dubious sources, and even some efforts to coordinate protests and campaigns.
Oddly, their various rationales seem to have changed over time, as it turned out that coronavirus is real, lockdown minimised the effects and while the vaccines aren't perfect, they do make a sizable difference to the number of deaths and hospitalisations, as even a cursory comparison of international trends will show.
It's almost as if they've just been constantly searching for a justification which would allow them to go back to their party lifestyle...
And then there's the third: a person with some mental health issues, who was under a lot of stress after a divorce. And their initial concerns were pretty valid, since they centered around the mental-health impacts of the lockdown, and how it affects both adults and children.
But from there, things rapidly descended as they worked themselves into a frothing stew of anti-vax paranoia, to the point where they did actually/literally post "wake up sheeple".
Sadly, I didn't get to see what happened after that, since my attempts to politely engage with them were met with a Facebook unfriending, along with several other people who'd made similar attempts.
For this person, I do suspect it was mainly driven by mental health issues and stress; from what I've since heard, they have actually been vaccinated, but are refusing to do LFT tests and are therefore moaning bitterly about the fact that they're therefore unable to attend any events which require testing proof prior to entry.
So, yeah. From my experience, for all that I'm happy to talk to people like these - and keep them on my social media - in my experience, actually engaging them on any coronavirus-related subject is pretty much a losing proposition, no matter what you do.
Equally, it is quite interesting to see how both the more extreme edges of left and right wing are unified in their rejection of lockdown/vaccinations/etc and how their adoption of conspiracy theories seems to evolve over time.
It's almost as if they're just trying to justfiy sticking with their existing anti-goverment biases, rather than it being about the pandemic...
"Kin-dza-dza! What you've never heard of it?"
"No, Can't say I have"
"Well the Russians had seen this western conspiracy coming long ago and they made a documentary to better prepare their citizens"
"Oh. Tell me more"
"Well you know how silver is a natural defence for air bourne disease"
"Err...Yes!"
"It turns out that a tiny silver bell clipped to your nostrils is all that is required to ward off this man made pathogen, while also demonstrating to all around that you are savvy and know exactly what's going down"
"I never knew"
"And for good reason, it has been banned by every western country. Here, this is my webpage. I imported loads from Belarus before the USA put a world-wide ban on them and I'm doing my bit to help everyone get a hold of them. Tell your mates!"
"I'm so glad we met. I best buy a few dozen for my Facebook friends"
-
"So, Bob, how's the silver bell business going? Hahaha!"
"I wouldn't laugh, 'coz it's going quite well, I've got a growing number of conspiracy theorists buying them, thinking they ward off all the ills the illuminati can throw at them"
"You're kidding."
"No honestly. Their brain matter is probably mostly lime jelly, they believe anything you tell them, just so long as they didn't hear it on MSM"
"Well, that's good to hear, because your plan to mark all the loons with a branding iron on their foreheads, so society can better avoid them, sounded a bit controversial"
"Yeah. That didn't work out well, but the bell thing is perfect. They even work in the dark"
"Got any more money making schemes that benefit society?"
"You bet. Yellow trousers is my next line"
"What?"
"Seriously. Are you telling me you have never seen one of the greatest low budget sci-fi films ever made? Kin-dza-dza. Watch it. It'll explain everything."
You should partake in the MSN forums attached to news articles once in a while.
A current sample, article title: Face masks MUST be worn in shops and public transport - but NOT pubs. Here's a selection of replies:
masks are for muppets - end of
I'm exempt and no one can ask me why, I laugh
the data confirms none of it is actually necessary, rather a pacification for all you namby pamby's out there
if you think vaccines still work you are truly deluded ,oh the hypocrisy of it ,on to your third experiment as covid is worse than ever says it all !
Masks haven't worked anywhere in the world yet we reintroduce them here, just to increase levels of fear and control for the obvious pre planned lock downs incoming.Masks do not stop the transmission of this virus
And it just goes on, in virtually every article.
Many people seem not to be capable of understanding the concept of minimizing exposure and thus minimizing risk.
The masks, vaccine, social distancing are none of them "perfect", nor is your immune system.
The goal here is to *reduce* your chance of hospitalization and death. Any little thing you can do to reduce your exposure to the airborne virus is helpful.
So, I wear my mask, I still social distance and I have had all three jabs.
May the odds be ever in your favour...
My favourite comment when they say masks don't work is to tell them to see how far they can spit a mouthful of beer without one, then see how far they can do it wearing one.
That's why masks are of benefit.
I used to be employed in sterile product manufacture and the microbiological aspects involved in process development. It's obvious that a mask will at least catch some droplets instead of allowing them to be expelled in greater numbers.
Most of them got their education on Facebook.
My favourite of these is the "viruses are too small to be stopped by a mask unless it's a (model number) mask".
I even had to stop and think about that one for a couple of seconds- knowing it was wrong but needing a moment to work out why.
(It's not the virus they block, it's the particles containing the virii).
But it sounds so plausible at first hearing.
There's always the classic "do the research", generally followed by 'sheeple'
It used to be that you COULD do your research and get at least a passable answer, but now you tend to end up simply reinforcing whatever crackpot theory... erm, sorry, 'idea'... erm...
Just bookmark snopes.com (current top fact check 'is this man really 163 years old'... why would you really need to ask Snopes if it's true!)
"- in my experience, actually engaging them on any coronavirus-related subject is pretty much a losing proposition, no matter what you do."
Not always a losing proposition - last week one of them bought me beer while he droned on and I chatted with his very nice girlfriend, which, given that I'm at least 30 years older than her, bald and overweight didn't do my ego any harm whatsoever.
I was happy to regard that part of the evening as a win-win for me.
> It's really not worth the effort. You either nod and smile, which reinforces their beliefs
This is the biggest problem, these people have literally no capacity to identify the smile, nod and slowly back away move. It's used on them so often they just take it as genuine concordance and it only reinforces their crazy. :(
I did that once over the moon landings.
I broke his mind by explaining how the sky works and that if you look up during the day so you see the stars?
After acknowledging he couldn't, I then explained the same principle works on the moon. Cue ramblings about the sky being black on the moon until I reminded him of the distinct lack of atmosphere with which to colour the sky (Rayleigh scattering duly employed to explain how much of an idiot he was being).
He then proceeded to change the subject to football. Alot less challenging to his world view and significantly more likely to lose my interest instead, mores the pity...
I "see" a lot of evidence that the virus has been created by Facebook posts, look at the timing of the evolution of Facebook and the development of SARS and COVID and it's clear that neither virus existed before Facebook started doing research into methods of transmitting things without telling their users what was happening - all the early Facebook posts involved tiny robots written in Java which then jumped from user to user.
Why didn't they mention the surfing? The sheeples who have had the vaccine shed nanobots into the air, and the nanobots can surf on radio waves - especially on wifi waves. You can actually see the little clouds of nanobots around people's mouths and nose on cold days, because at low temperatures their stealth cloaking isn't as effective.
The only way to avoid these shedded nanobots infecting you is a total digital disconnect. No Wi-Fi, no mobiles, disconnect your router because Wi-Fi can leak out from network wiring. If you see any obvious infected plague carriers, marked out by wearing their government approved 'masks', you just have to run - cross the road, leave the building, whatever. A minimum 50 metres and you might just be safe.
Pics(the moving type) or it didn't happen. I need to see more. My video has broke. At least the nanobots make me repair my video-kit flawlessly. I feel... invincible. The nanobots are improving my life! I feel happy. I can do things! I'm getting smart. Yeah!
This must be a new title in the making, I guess. It will be watched (with a beer)... Crap, it is a remake of Transcendence.
I mean, this was the premise behind Illuminatus! as I understand it - create a story filled with so many plausible and verifiable conspiracy theories that are at the same time clearly absurd, so as to inoculate the mind to real conspiracy theories. Unfortunately, RAW underestimated the ability of humans to believe absolute nonsense.
(Conspiracy theory time: sometimes I suspect homeopathy was engineered to be minimally dangerous while taking up the "esoteric medicine" slot. Another form of immunization.)
Unfortunately, as this conspiracy was originated some years ago the nanobots they are currently deploying in the vaccine only support IPV4. They ran out of addresses ages ago, so the nanobots are just sat around waiting for an address.
Bill Gates has put the upgraded version with IPV6 support into the horse worming tablets.
didn't they add DHCP to the vaccine to fix that problem?
anyway who needs nanobots when emotional manipulation and mob mentality still work, even after thousands of years of evidence that people should NEVER fall for any of it... but still do.
Mine's the hat with Titanium instead of Aluminum foil
DHCP stands for Direct Human Control Protocol. It's quite ingenious and the reason large monitors are expensive. There's a lot of nanoscale space between 1 and 0. This is used by DHCP with nanobits interleaved with regular sized bits, and allows wetware and hardware host pairing, along with Direct Control.
It's the reason why people feel anxious when they have no signal. It's simply the nanobots trying to reconnect before their host's lease expires, and they expire with it. It also explains why both Big Data and governments want 100% broadband coverage so the sheeple are never out of contact with a DHCP server.
Furthermore it explains some of the reported symptoms like tiredness and sore arms. The uninfected have videos showing Prime vans collecting 'sleep walking' hosts being collected, taken to a warehouse and being returned later. It's also why the expression 'head in the clouds' has taken on a terrifying new meaning. We only use around 30% of our brains (much less in many cases) and Big Data hates to see an under utilsed asset. So that 75% idle capacity is rented out, and hosts are utilsed more efficiently.
This is also much better for the environment, and the bottom line. Silicon based hosts consume a lot of space, heat and power. Meatware hosts essentially self-provision, saving Big Data billions each quarter. And assets who managed to infiltrated the recent COP (Control of Population) have discovered the next phase. Meatware nodes are being encouraged to install heat pumps. These make little economic sense, unless you realise they can capture waste heat from compute nodes and turn that into saleable electricity.
Of course 'fact-checkers' will deny these obvious truths, but they either work for, or depend on Big Data.
(I kinda wonder if the drug dealers regret ever mentioning nanoparticles. Also pro-vaxxers, don't get too smug. After all, you're only following orders. And replication has always been part of both viral life, and the Prime directive. So get your booster shots, which contain a number of important updates!)
This post has been deleted by its author
REAL: My COVID infection a year ago has messed up my brain more than the vaccinations have. It has made my memory and technical focus almost as bad as being on that one antidepressant again, but without the "good" vibe.
JOKE: If Wi-Fi played a part in it, I'd be the one most affected in the family. Both my AT&T hub and the better/stronger Netgear router are here in the home office with me, ~50 hours a week. I added the latter "box" about two months before the COVID infection; never before was I exposed to this much RF inside 2 meters for long periods. Maybe that's why the whine in my left ear has gotten stronger, and it just took time to take effect.
The other half has some friends who are 110% on board with these Loony Ideas. Thankfully she has never made me sit in a room with them without beer in hand to keep my self calm. I do worry though that without her Sister (a Doctor) and her sisters husband (a Doctor and Vaccine researcher) the other half would have been talked in to believing all of this by these idiots, thankfully I did get to listen in to a conversation that went like this:-
Them - "Well she would say that"
My Better Half - "Why would she say that?"
Them - "Well they are Doctors"
Her - "And that means they are going to lie to me about taking the vaccine, wearing masks and all the things they tell me are for my own good?"
Them - "The whole medical profession is in on it"
Her - "If that was the case someone would leak it like that Snowdown guy" (That's what she called him)
Them - "That was all a smokescreen for the real plan"
Her - "That you are saying my sister is in on and has not told me, the same sister who cannot keep quiet about anything and gets morally outraged about the smallest thing?"
It's a moral question not a logic question. The basic claim is every doctor is corrupt and is gaining from this in one way or an other to such a point that there is not a single doctor who has a moment of remorse and confesses to being part of the plan. That is deeply flawed and insulting.
True but they never say that a dodgy civil servant in a pub offered them a pony to inject nanobots into unsuspecting patients so are the government not offering under the counter money to antivaxxers -- why don't they record one of the meetings. Again no one has come forward saying I took money from Boris then changed my mind. After so much time it is not credible that no one has been able to provide this kind of evidence.
>40% of UK medical students are creationists.
In my experience 40% of medical students are idiots. Idiots on the level of: if you need to work out the dose and you have mg/Kg you need to multiply by kg to get mg.
Seriously you don't need to memorise this for each drug - it's always the same, just look at the units and cross them out.
40% of UK medical students are creationists
Staunch creationists tend to believe it because they believe their religion teaches creation and so it becomes a religious thing. And if they have a high standard of morality as well (due to their religion) I think I can overlook any scientific disagreement with respect to 'origins', which generally have NOTHING to do with being able to provide medical treatment... right?
Besides, "intelligent design" (while going off into the weeds, I guess) could actually be a form of whole-species evolution, given the stress and threat of extinction if you do not adapt.
In other words I do not buy into ANY currently accepted model of evolution without repeatable scientific experiments showing something conclusive. Everything else is speculation (though personally I favor a model that includes evolution via epigenetics, and catastrophic "jumps" rather than gradual ones, and if a god is responsible I have no problem with that)
and honest religious doctors probably will not consciously inject you with nanobots
"Everything else is speculation (though personally I favor a model that includes evolution via epigenetics, and catastrophic "jumps" rather than gradual ones,"
partly, "Punctuated equilibrium" is fact but so is gradual change over time, if environment gradually changes.
Wrong about epigenetics though. And no it isn't speculation. Our absolute knowledge, not theory, of how DNA works, and changes over time, explains evolution.
I know. We had some guy from a prion research unit get in touch back in about '92. He wanted some tissue from our extensive collection of brains.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Bit of everything you have." He said.
"Well I've got mostly primate brain, and cat, tiger, lion, dog, mouse, rat, horse, sheep, giraffe... bit of ocelot. But the more exotic stuff has been sitting in formaldehyde for the last 50 years, so I don't think you'll get much from there."
"No, that'll be fine." He said. "The prions will still be active."
"Say what?" I exclaimed.
"Yeah. You can't easily get rid of them you know. Wouldn't really matter if you had boiled them in formaldehyde and autoclaved them afterwards. Nasty buggers."
has given me enough ideas for conversation starters with my estwhile colleague(most hated enemy) in the chair opposite.
Well he would be in the chair opposite if he wasn't locked in the toliet at the moment after finding out his ham sandwich lunch had'nt have turned out to be a ham and chilli sauce sandwich.
Of course it couldn't have been me because he locks his lunch in his desk just in case there are malicious people out there to do him harm
But it was a coincidence that the PFY dragged him off for a lengthy and technical explanation of a production problem at about 10am , giving a highy motivated and malicious person enough time to unscrew the back off his desk, open said sandwich and lightly dust it with tobasco... just enough to make him think his other 1/2 left chilli sauce on the butter knife last night.. and then replace everything good as new.
But I guess making him destroy his own keyboard was reward enough for now
Next week : That persisent buzzing noise he hears after he gets a jab next Thurs.....
They did this as far back as WW2 already; Lucille Ball tried to expose that plan in 1974 when the batteries had finally run down and she wasn't affected any more (they were microbots, fitted in a dental filling as miniaturisation hadn't progressed to them being small enough to float in your bloodstream as well as feed on radio waves), but she was only laughed at.
In the 70s we got lots more vaccines and that was because the chips weren't as integrated. The reason we had to have separate measles, mumps, rubella was that the nanobots had to use 6502 and Z80s
It would explain why we spent so much time watching crap TV - the nanobots forced people to like "On the Buses" and "Mind Your Language"
Be careful what you wish for, because they have struck here before on serious articles. It might seem beneficial to correct them, and it might seem fun to troll them, but it doesn't take very many of them ignoring your correct points and not caring about your jokes while making it clear that they are putting others at risk to make the exercise a lot more frustrating.
In addition, I have identified a pattern of argument among those who argue against the vaccine. When they think they have an advantage, they'll use all these stupid arguments in the hopes of convincing others. When they know they're talking to someone who is smart enough to recognize those as the rubbish they are, they go into defensive mode. That means they will use a lot of vague arguments that you can't immediately dismiss (the vaccine has reported side effects which can be dangerous, and you have to acknowledge that it's technically true while most of the ones they're talking about never happened). They'll also do the very specific lie, the kind that takes thirty seconds to make up but takes you fifteen minutes to research in order to disprove. This tactic isn't limited to vaccines, but it is popular with that group.
but it doesn't take very many of them ignoring your correct points and not caring about your jokes while making it clear that they are putting others at risk to make the exercise a lot more frustrating.
It's worth remembering that while it may be frustrating trying to reason with people who are already too far gone down the rabbit hole, your words may well be effective with the casual reader you never see, the one who is still on the fence or wavering in their views.
Simon had the right approach: just ask questions.
(anything else simply sounds arrogant, condescending, smug, and/or elitist, and depending upon the subject matter, might actually be JUST THAT and even DEAD WRONG in the process)
"Mr. Gallilleo, EVERYONE KNOWS that the sun moves across the sky and that the Earth is in the center of the universe. THE most educated people agree, and here YOU are insisting that the SUN is the center of a "solar system" of planets, one of which is the earth, that revolve around it. DID NOT THE BIBLE SAY that the SUN WAS HELD STILL IN THE SKY for Joshua when he asked God to do it?" Now where have we heard THIS sort of thing before... [this is why science has experimentation and peer review, and a good scientist is JUST as excited when he was wrong as when he was right, discovering the truth in the process]
I disagree. Look at the article. Yes, it's fiction, but the person was not dissuaded by logical questions. That happens in real conversations too, although often in a different way. They don't see how illogical it is to assume every doctor is secretly on board with an evil plot, so asking them why they do it, what the goals are, how they possibly manage the logistics, all lead you into a loop. Worse, if someone else is watching the conversation, the idiot is stating all nature of lies to bolster their point, and I'm not allowed to point out the inaccuracies because it makes me too smug, then the observer sees a knowledgeable person with all these anecdotes and the stupid supporter who can do nothing but ask for details. The liar is happy to keep providing those; their original anecdote was a lie, so they won't mind piling on some more.
Take your own example. If Galileo had decided to counter the prevailing theory only by asking questions about it, he would have gotten answers. The geocentric model wasn't only supported by stories from religious books. It also had a lot of work put into understanding it. For centuries, people had been observing objects' movements and making models to explain those movements using a really complex series of geometric orbital paths around the planet. Those models could correctly predict the movements of the objects quite well, until they couldn't, when they would be changed to account for the problem.
Had Galileo asked questions, he and any observers would have been presented with thousands of pages of rigorous, precise, meticulous, and mathematically accurate calculations showing how everything circled the earth. The only problem is that all that correct mathematics didn't work with the real physics going on. It would have been one questioner against centuries of provable effort and he would have been ignored with ease. He had to say "This model is wrong, I can prove that it's wrong, and I can prove a replacement". Doing that meant that others could verify that the inaccuracies he found were real and that they could similarly verify what he thought. That is what he needed to do and he did it.
You are a figment of my imagination. The only reason you doubt the nanobot conquest is because it amuses me for you to do so.
Hey! And you over there! The only reason you are smirking is because I set the two of you against each other for the lulz!
Get out of that, if you can. Bwahahaha!
People often accuse conspiracy theorists of not thinking, but the opposite is true. They think too much and read too much and seem to be unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy. They are prime cannon fodder for the unscrupulous out there who use them for their own personal gains. They spout about us all being controlled by "the man" when if fact they are the ones being manipulated and controlled by others. It'd be funny if it wasn't just plain sad.
I've seen him shooting a shotgun in a fight scene while shagging someone. I've seen him drink himself to death in a motel. Those were two different characters.
I know, he's inconsistent in the extreme, but Leaving Las Vegas is a great film and to make out that's the same character as Ghost Rider is wilful ignorance.
This post has been deleted by its author
The nanobots we made are on or off only, it drills holes or sit there. Unfortunately like all foreign bodies in the human body, they get surrounded and or ejected. Unless we make them drill holes. They don't go after anything particular, just a micro scissor/drill. Not even good for assassinations, unreliable. I made that all up, but it sounds more realistic than current reality.
The Register 
Biting the hand that feeds IT
Copyright. All rights reserved © 1998–2024
