Facebook may soon reveal new name – we're sure Reg readers will be more creative than Zuck's marketroids

Consumer tech outlet The Verge today reports that Facebook may soon reveal a new name. Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand – a bit like Google did when it created Alphabet as its parent company. The Social Network™ is also keen to reflect its shift to "the metaverse", as signalled by its plan to hire 10,000 new …

[Precordial thump]

Malebolge.

As the eighth circle of hell, the point of division between the violent and the fraudulent.

Dorothy L. Sayers writes that the Malebolge is "the image of the City in corruption: the progressive disintegration of every social relationship, personal and public. Sexuality, ecclesiastical and civil office, language, ownership, counsel, authority, psychic influence, and material interdependence – all the media of the community's interchange are perverted and falsified"

[Anonymous Coward]

I read that as "male bulge", which seems equally apt.

[NoneSuch]

DataSlurp Incorperated?

Monetizing your personal data since 2021.

[bombastic bob]

Re: DataSlurp Incorperated?

I was thinking "Umbrella Corporation" but I suppose if I read all 100+ comments that someone else probably beat me to it. (for the survey I picked 'SPECTRE')

[cyberdemon]

Re: DataSlurp Incorperated?

@NoneSuch

And what does that have to do with the post you 'replied' to, eh? :P

Late Posts are down there ↓↓↓

Also, they've been doing it since a long time before 2021, and 'incorporated' has one 'e'. Welcome to the Reg forums :D

[macjules]

Whatever name marketing could come up with will undoubtedly be rendered by Zuck into something easy that he can understand. His wife (Priscilla) is commonly referred to as 'wife' while the dog is just called 'beast'. Facebook will probably just be called "corporation" or "work" but at an extreme could be called ZuckCorp after his inspiration LexCorp.

[nijam]

> ... at an extreme could be called ZuckCorp ...

Toxicorp would do nicely, then.

[Doctor Syntax]

"Facebook will probably just be called "corporation" or "work""

Too complicated. "Money".

[Anonymous Coward]

Just be honest and call it Zuck.

A simple, truthful, and ego massaging message.

[Keven E]

Us US'ns seem to have an issue with using and "s" where it sounds like a "z". Perhaps this is where we can help.

[Someone Else]

Just be honest and call it Zuck.

A simple, truthful, and ego massaging message.

For real truthiness, it should be "ZuckUp".

[cflange]

ZuckApp

> For real truthiness, it should be "ZuckUp".

And inspired by a recent Facebook acquisition, they would spell it "ZuckApp".

[Tessier-Ashpool]

ZuckZuckGo, surely.

[zuckzuckgo]

Already taken.

F-Corp maybe?

[Someone Else]

Maybe just, "Mine."

[ShadowSystems]

If it's located in Hell...

That makes their CEO into Satan. I object to this. The real Satan is good for something. Cthulhu brings the munchies, Satan brings the drinks, & I supply the cards & chips for our poker nights...

[Chasola]

Re: If it's located in Hell...

Satan works for Spotify.

He's got all the best tunes.

[Loyal Commenter]

Re: If it's located in Hell...

Nah, I'm sure Satan has put Scumspawn in charge of FB.

[macjules]

Re: If it's located in Hell...

Ah, but in Hell a whistleblower is someone who has to blow a whistle loudly and constantly in order to avoid being slowly dunked into molten magma.

[Eclectic Man]

Dis

Is the name of the city of demons in Dante's 'Comedia - The Inferno".

In one of Sir Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' books, Commander Sam Vimes has a little pocket demon-powered note taking device called a 'Disorganiser'.

[Precordial thump]

Re: Dis

New phone. Who dis?

[Anonymous Coward]

It doesn’t need a new name

Like most organisations facing a constant onslaught of problems, it needs a new CEO. Ideally one that isn’t a massive c**t like this one.

[45RPM]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Are you suggesting Pantyliner as the new name then?

[ShadowSystems]

At 45RPM, re underwear...

How about Skidmark, ShitStain, UrineSoaked, PissHole, FartBoom, WindyKnickers, Constipation, Diareah, Twisted, Crusty, or Rancid? =-)p

[cyberdemon]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

It doesn't need a new CEO. It needs to be liquidated and its global assets distributed to various good social causes.

As for Zuck and the board of directors... Chain Gang? They could start by fixing the potholes on the A34.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

@cyberdemon

What about the employees? About 150,000 of them. How would they pay their bill, mortgage/rent e.t.c.? From what I have read, it seems pay and conditions are pretty good.

[jake]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

"What about the employees?"

As a Silly Con Valley native, the most common suggestion I've heard is that they all just go home. Same for Alphagoo, et ali. We never asked for them, they just showed up and started trashing the place while driving up prices. Worst thing that ever happened around here.

[bombastic bob]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

I left Silly Valley in 1980. Visited a couple of times since then, for business, high school reunion, etc..

It was silly then, and even sillier now, from what I can tell.

So FB's owning "umbrella corp" might become "JustGoHome Inc"? [eh, sounded better in my head]

[cyberdemon]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

@ idiot taxpayer

As Jake said, send them off to work the fields or something. We don't need their corporate rot in other companies. In fact we need to get rid of that same scourge from a lot of other companies.

I'm talking about the "treat all customers as data cows" culture. Surveillance, Modelling, Manipulation.

i.e. "Let's build a marketing machine and use everyone's private data that they trusted us with as input."

Sack the bloody lot of them.

[jake]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

I didn't say anything of the sort. All I suggested is that they go home. Nowhere did I comment on the location of that home, nor what they should do for employment once they got there. Not my issue. The way I see it, their home town spawned them, their home town should be able to take care of them when their ad-iverse implodes.

Please note that mine only applies to the companies that exist purely for advertising and marketing purposes. The real high-tech Silicon Valley is not universally hated here, just the ad-iots.

[doublelayer]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

"What about the employees? About 150,000 of them."

Well, it's too bad for them. They'll have to find new jobs or pay their bills with the savings from the pay they already received. Facebook doesn't stop being evil just because they pay some people to implement the evil and some other people to coordinate the evil plan. I'm sure some of them could rebuild some of the useful stuff that gets shut down because the original version was breaking privacy law.

But there's no chance of those consequences happening, so those people will be fine.

[MGJ]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Yes, we shouldnt shut down auschwitz until we've found jobs for the camp guards. Wont somebody think of the kapos too.

[Ken Hagan]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Small difference: the concentration camp wasn't voluntary whereas Suckerborg's website is.

[Jan 0]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

> What about the employees?

They could be rehabilitated, or put on trial like concentration camp employees for violation of human rights.

[Stumpy]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Zuck can't be a c**t. He has neither enough depth or warmth.

[Phil O'Sophical]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

He's tall, skinny and rather stiff, so if not c*nt, perhaps pr*ck?

[Version 1.0]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Maybe, but he seems to be very floppy so his "functionality" is limited.

[ShadowSystems]

At Phil O'Sophical, re: Zuck the prick...

Do you know why Zuck never got circumsized? (Waits for it) Because there's no end to that prick. (Drum sting) I'll get my coat... =-)p

[TimMaher]

Re: At Phil O'Sophical, re: Zuck the prick...

Forgot the icon.

FTFY———->

[Rich 2]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Zuck is a psychopath. He should be barred from holding any position of power (I’ll not add “or responsibility” because he doesn’t take any).

[Robert Moore]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

You realize that your criteria would bar just about everyone currently in a position of power from the position they are currently in?

I am not saying you are wrong. As always, Douglas Adams said it best:

"To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

Just substitute CEO for President.

[Outski]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

I think that may be a reworking of Sam Clemens' maxim that anyone seeking elected office should be automatically barred from it.

[Mark 85]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Zuck is a psychopath. He should be barred from holding any position of power (I’ll not add “or responsibility” because he doesn’t take any)

Maybe he's ready for politics. Seems like that applies to too many of them of late.

[cmdrklarg]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Unfortunately for us those jobs tend to select for those with psycho- and socio- pathic tendencies.

[Scott 53]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

Zuck can't be a c**t. He has neither enough depth or warmth.

He can be quite slippery though.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: It doesn’t need a new name

He always looks like a big drip to me.

[45RPM]

Hell

It even gets a reference to the Circle in there. Nine of them. And it nicely describes what social media is doing to peoples lives.

[Anonymous Coward]

@45RPM

No, it is what people are doing with social media that may or may not ruin their lives. Please don't tell me that people get "addicted" to social media.That's just a "catch all" used as another way of spelling "it's someone else''s fault". I use social media. Save a fortune in phone bills. Means I get my 'net connection effectively for free. My books see that as a win!

[MarkTriumphant]

Facebook has done research into the best way to keep people scrolling down, to keep seeing more adverts. If that is not fostering addiction, I don't know what is.

[Mark 85]

And it nicely describes what social media is doing to peoples lives.

More like "The Anti Social Network™" then. I think El Reg needs to change it's TM description.

[Someone Else]

Speaking of "circle", I would propose InfiniteLoop for the new name. Seems to fit what they're about, and as stated elsewhere in this thread, accurately describes their attempts to create infinite scrolling by their addicts er..."users". (InfiniteLoop also accurately describes addict behavior, as an extra side effect).

Oh, and then the Regtards here can locally rename them (a la "Chipzilla", "Micros~1", etc.) as "InfinitePoop", which is also quite accurate.

[Khaptain]

El Zuck is basically a child in adults clothing that refuses to accept responsibility for his actions; the positive side of things is that this will in turn become his downfall.

[cyberdemon]

I wouldn't give him so much credit.

He knows people think of him as a child in adult's clothing so he puts on that persona to try to evade responsibility, but he is an adult, and one who is as evil and power-mad as the rest of the hundred-billion club.

[Chris G]

Off the top of my head

SPECTRE seems to be a favourite from the Reg choices, I can't remember the original wirds for the acronym but this seems to fit:

Stealing

People's

Every

Communication

To

Render

Evil

As mentioned above a change of boss would help immensely, a change of existence would be even better

[Korev]

Re: Off the top of my head

That's brilliant.

My best was:

Computerised

Reality

Elimination

Extraordinarily

Petrifying

[Allan George Dyer]

Re: Off the top of my head

@Chris G - "SPECTRE seems to be a favourite from the Reg choices"

I was going to go for SPECTRE, but then it seemed too European, Cyberdyne captures the Yankee vibe better.

Your acronym is making me reconsider...

[RockBurner]

Re: Off the top of my head

From memory:

SPecial

Executive

for

Counter-intelligence,

Terrorism,

Revenge

&

Extortion

Seems fitting to be quite frank.

[Eclectic Man]

Re: Off the top of my head

What about:

Suckers

Provide

Easy

Course

To

Revenue

Excess

?

[Ohooligan]

Re: Off the top of my head

Service for

Promoting &

Exploiting

Conflict

Terrorism

Revenge &

Extortion

[Christopher Reeve's Horse]

Better than Life

This whole Metaverse crap reminds me of Red Dwarf, although with tedious prediction I suspect it will be substantially Worse than Life.

[Roj Blake]

Re: Better than Life

It will just be Second Life but with better graphics and less privacy.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Better than Life

Less privacy? Try no privacy..

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Better than Life

Oh come on, what about the benefits? Every individual becomes their own reality TV show.

[cyberdemon]

Re: Better than Life

Worse than Death?

[captain veg]

Re: Worse than Death

Yes, that's it. That's what they should rename the Zuckbook.

-A.

[John70]

Re: Better than Life

I think he just watched "Ready Player One"

[ronkee]

Re: Better than Life

Call it Arnold Rimmer

https://youtu.be/r-ZiI3iVgpM

And now I can't unsee it Zuck and that Smeghead are linked forever in my mind's eye.

[Danny 5]

Too much?

I was thinking in the lines of "social cancer", or something similar, or is that a bit too much?

[Jimmy2Cows]

Re: Too much?

No. If anything, it doesn't go far enough to really describe the damage Facebook causes.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Too much?

Maybe add the word "terminal"?

[Arthur the cat]

Re: Too much?

Social necrotising fasciitis.

[xyz]

Zucky McZuckface

Or similar...

[chivo243]

Re: Zucky McZuckface

Find and Replace Z with F... That is all!

[BenDwire]

Re: Zucky McZuckface

Surely you meant to write sed 's/Z/F/g' ? This is a techie site after all !

[Wade Burchette]

Re: Zucky McZuckface

Creepy McCreepface

Spy-e McSpyface

[cyberdemon]

Hatebook

Simple, recognisable and on-brand. Only 2 letters from the original.

Cleggy, you can have that one on me.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hatebook

Along the same lines of only 2 letters for a similar "Social" media site..

Shitter, Twisted, Twatter...

[cyberdemon]

Re: Hatebook

Twatter gets my vote.

There used to be an actual parody site called Twatter.com, calling itself the Anti-Social Network, but it soon folded as Twitter itself became the open sewer of hate that it is now.

There are some still around though e.g. http://www.twat.me.uk/

[Jeroen Braamhaar]

Omni Consumer Products

obivously ....

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: Omni Consumer Products

Nuke 'Em! The game for all the family to play!

[bombastic bob]

Re: Omni Consumer Products

Nuke 'Em! The game for all the family to play!

"You crossed my LINE OF DEATH"

*BOOM*

(icon for the visuals)

From the original Robocop if I remember correctly. And yet, the line I prefer to remember: "I'd buy THAT for a dollar!" (it's a good swap for "that's what she said")

[cyberdemon]

TriOptimum Corporation

to go with El Reg's theme..

[Boris the Cockroach]

Re: TriOptimum Corporation

They can have that name when they introduce an AI system called SHODAN

[Roj Blake]

Mos Eisley

It should be called Mos Eisley, on account of it being a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

[45RPM]

Re: Mos Eisley

You win. I wish I could more than one thumbs up it.

[devin3782]

Re: Mos Eisley

I'd have done with Bene Tleilax.

[Loyal Commenter]

Re: Mos Eisley

Or maybe Richesse? Because they're not quite as good at making machines as Ix.

[Sixtiesplastictrektableware]

Re: Mos Eisley

I'm a Trekkie and I approve this gag.

[ShadowSystems]

Re: Mos Eisley

That would make Zuck into Jabba the Hutt, right? Seems fitting for that giant slimey slug...

[JassMan]

I suggest "[wned™ - all you data are belong to us"

They can't use pwned 'cos it is already in common use but by replacing the 1st character (as in pwned) to a non-alpha they follow in the footsteps of Yahoo! Bing! etc but remain sufficiently different by having the mark at the beginning instead of the end.

Besides, FarceCrook is too obvious.

[cyberdemon]

If you could delete three corporations

Obviously Facebook would be top of the list, but what would the other two be?

Amazon, Microsoft (would be my choice)

But that leaves Google, Apple, Intel, the Communist Party of China.. :(

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: If you could delete three corporations

Or US government.

[Steve Kerr]

I would suggest Virtucon

Dr. Evils empire.

I bet zuck has a Mr. Bigglesworth too.

Based on the current company i would suggest the board isn't dissimilar to Dr. Evils various henchmen, sorry, that wasn't PC enough, hench'various entities of inteterminate genders (72 gender types or some such on fakebook now), rocks, trees, a pot of pentunias currently speeding towards the earth wondering whether "they" will be its friend or whatever'

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: I would suggest Virtucon

Mr. Bigglesworth too?

Do you want to be a zero.

Oops wrong Biggles.

[Mike 137]

Engender your own parent

"Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand – a bit like Google did when it created Alphabet as its parent company"

Restructuring is expensive so I may be wrong, but I have a suspicion that creating your own parent company has some potential fiddle advantage. I'd love to know whether I'm right and if so what the advantage is.

[cyberdemon]

"Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand "

That's It!

Umbrella Corporation.

[Neil Barnes]

Re: "Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand "

Ubik.

With apologies to Philip K Dick.

[Slacker1452]

Re: Engender your own parent

Think share structures - currently he has majority votes but minority shares - a quiet exit?!??

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Engender your own parent

The whole umbrella brand discussion has me confused..

:)

[chivo243]

What ever the choice

I'm sure we will find colorful alternatives here in El Reg Forums...

[Rafael #872397]

Re: What ever the choice

Sure will do!

VisitorCorp too obvious? Too obscure?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: What ever the choice

Are you serious? There are some commenters on here that apparently can't even spell the word "fuck" correctly. BOMBASTIC BOB is probably the best hope for some original thoughts on this matter.

[bombastic bob]

Re: What ever the choice

heh

you just put the pressure on...

I know: SEMPRINI!!! (and keep all 3 bangs at the end)

(or maybe 'Bad Wolf')

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Panopticon

[breakfast]

It reaches everywhere, and like the many-headed monster of myth, any time a legislator or whistleblower cuts off one of its heads two more seem to grow to replace it so they should call their new organisation Hydra. I understand that there's even a comic-book connection in there.

[Mage]

Re: new organisation Hydra

If we are going multi-headed, Classics and Evil, then Hecate. Triple headed or aspected Goddess associated with crossroads, entrance-ways [Portals], night, light, magic, witchcraft, knowledge of herbs and poisonous plants, ghosts, necromancy, and sorcery.

There is a Facebook Portal product. It's about as good for mental health as necromancy (communication with the dead, not raising armies of the dead or sex with dead bodies).

Also bots are a bit like ghosts.

[Helcat]

Re: new organisation Hydra

Nope: Hecate was seen as both good and evil, but mostly in ancient Greece she was deemed to be good and her image was used over portals to ward off evil spirits.

The triple head also seems to be an attempt to connect her to Cerberus, but in most depictions she has but one face.

If you want evil: Zuck himself would be the prime candidate.

[Winkypop]

A new name needs a new location too

I suggest "Jonestown"

Has a nice ring to it.

Refreshment anyone?

[Pat 11]

Metaverse

Hopefully Neil Stephenson owns that.

uSewer

TimeZuck

Schizm

Polarize

Monochrome

Purgatory

Virus

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Metaverse

Schism

Supreme Corporation for Hate , Interference, Subterfuge and Misdirection

[Timbo]

Re: Metaverse

Well Facebooks' parent company name is being changed to "Meta"....

So, apart from the obvious, can we assume some useful meta-phors (sic) might be forthcoming...?

Or even some anagrams:

Team

Meat

Mate

Etam ( a name used for a ladies fashion chain of shops in the 70s)

Tame

I wonder if anyone registered meta.com?

Damn - they did:

Registered On1991-01-21

https://who.is/whois/meta.com

[Inventor of the Marmite Laser]

Pissole

Shittole

[elsergiovolador]

Honeypot

They'll call it Honeypot.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Honeypot

Do I detect a sly reference to the honey men?

[ComputerSays_noAbsolutelyNo]

Crony-verse

Crime and Prejudice

Tju-Mor (because according to El Reg "same old shit + infantile spelling = innovation")

[Dan 55]

Omnipotent manboy leader who has tantrums

ZORG Industries?

[John Sager]

Re: Omnipotent manboy leader who has tantrums

There's a Nork who fits that description, so what are we not being told? Is Zuck a secret dastardly experiment by the Kim family?

[jake]

Whatever they name it ...

... I still won't join the clusterfuck, so quite frankly I don't give a damn.

_{ElReg, you'd do well to offer this kind of option in your polls.}

[ComputerSays_noAbsolutelyNo]

Metastasis

It sound quite like Metaverse, but describes the thing much better

[Stumpy]

If Oracle haven't already trademarked it, I would suggest the simple. 'Evil Corp.' for their new name.

[OwainR]

It has to be "Zero Wing"

Because, All your base are belong to us

[Doctor Trousers]

SkinnerBox. one for the behavioural psychology nerds.

[I ain't Spartacus]

Coo!

[Precordial thump]

Or InstaMilgram?

[Moldskred]

Trans-World Agglomerative Technologies Inc.? Or T.W.A.T. Corp for short.

[Andy Pearce]

Aperture Labs

The attitude to their users is similar, and they even already have a product called “Portal”.

[David 132]

Re: Aperture Labs

Although Zuckerberg is no Cave Johnson.

[Christoph]

Fastbuck

Fits their mission plan

[Commander Lard]

I vote for "FacePalm"

[bombastic bob]

"Face Palm"

here's your icon!

[Kevin Gurney]

FriendFace

Seems the obvious choice.........

[Andy Miller]

A bunch of mindless jerks...

Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: A bunch of mindless jerks...

This, because however evil they may be, anything they come up with is sure to be as craptastic as every product made by Sirius Cybernetics. Mr. Adams, like most of us, knew this kind of stuff will never work.

[wjake]

Yoyodyne?

Just a thought.

[Throatwarbler Mangrove]

Re: Yoyodyne?

Laugh-a while you can, monkey boy!

[NickJP]

I like the suggestion from the ABC news financial journalist, for a name that is both green and more accurate: Faceplant.

[Anonymous Coward]

Fecesbook

That’s the only name it deserves.

[cyberdemon]

Re: Fecesbook

Faeces has an 'a' in it, in English English. And I suppose as a singlular entity, it doesn't have to be plural.

So, FaeceBook?

Subtle, but to the point...

Where's the Shit icon?

[Millwright]

Boskone.

As in "Zuckerberg, speaking for Boskone"

[John Brown (no body)]

Since it's a new parent company, you want the organ grinder, not the monkey, so Eddor Corp works better.

[Anonymous Coward]

FashBook

That is all.

[naive]

I missed Sauron as an alternative name proposal

Sauron (Q.: IPA [ˈsaʊron] or [ˈθaʊron]), the eponymous Lord of the Rings, originally called Mairon, was a fallen Maia, creator of the One Ring, a gifted student of Vala Aulë the Smith and lieutenant of Melkor (Morgoth). After his master's defeat by the Valar, Sauron became the second Dark Lord and sought to conquer Middle-earth by creating the Rings of Power.

(https://lotr.fandom.com/wiki/Sauron)

[Howard Sway]

I've had a name for it for years : Fucking Facebook

As in "Are you going to spend all day on fucking Facebook?"

[iron]

I wouldn't tarnish any of those cool names by suggesting they could be suitible for Facebook.

My suggtestion... Evil Assholes R' Us

[cyberdemon]

The ex-company that used to be called Toys'R'Us might be offended by your comment, which implies some sort of vague association.

How about "the ex-company that used to be called Facebook, before its CEO was prosecuted and it was was disbanded entirely"

[Anonymous Coward]

Palantir

Bugger, already taken.

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: Palantir

Nazgul isn't taken though...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Palantir

IBM's legal team may want a word

[s. pam]

Would it be too much to call it…

Mind

Erasing

Retarded

Craphole

Arrogantly

Nuthole

Or ‘Mercan

Other alternative suggested by SWMBO is Anal Mind Erasure Co..

[Anonymous Coward]

Associated Social Systems Holding Alliance Terminus

making arsehole into an acronym is more difficult and the Zuck is a left pondian anyway.

Reminds me of the time I worked for one of the lesser London Universities that merged with another lesser London institution. They had a poll for a name for the new institution and the PA to Head of Registry came up with City University North Thames.

[Timbo]

New umbrella name for ArseBook?

One would imagine Zuck has either bought a dormant company already, that has a name he likes....

OR...even now, as I'm writing this, he is probably trawling the web, looking for a good name to use that isn't already in use...good luck with that...

But there again, FB has so much financial clout, he could probably buy up any firm he likes the name of, make everyone redundant and just create his new "empire".

(Doesn't Facebook already own What'sApp, InstaGram, Oculus VR, Onava, Beluga? So, thast gives FBWAIGOOB

And a quick scrambling of the initial letters gives:

BIGWOOF ;-)

WAIFBOOB

FABBOWOG :-(

BIOFAGBOW....

[Real Ale is Best]

Ono-Sendai might be appropriate too.

[swampdog]

Binky?

Maybe no-one at FB will notice the discworld reference and go with it because it sounds cute.

[js6898]

Addy Mc Ad-Face?

[Outski]

I'd suggest Shipstone, after the power company created by Heinlein, which then becomes a megacorp with tentacles in every industry everywhere. However, it turns out that a Canadian power company has taken it already.

[Martin Gregorie]

Subarashī seems like a good match with Zuk's appparent megalomania.

[just another employee]

The Circle

Surely??

[Paul Crawford]

Re: The Circle

I think you missed out "jerk" somewhere

[MadocOwain]

UMBRELLA Corporation, Resident Evil

REKALL - Total Recall

[Sam Therapy]

Arsebook.

[Anonymous Coward]

Call it whatever you like.

Changing the name of a toxic company doesn't make it any less toxic!

[cyberdemon]

Correct answer

[nijam]

Why isn't BaseFook in the list?

[Finnish Anonymous Coward]

Zucks.

[Phaid]

Network 23

How about Network 23, as in the evil corp from Max Headroom

[bombastic bob]

Re: Network 23

shhh... don't give them ideas, they might actually try making BLIP-VERTS

"The network that literally blows your mind"

[Doctor Syntax]

Can we settle for Defunct?

Literally.

[cyberdemon]

The (ex-)entity formerly known as Facebook. Rest in pyrolysed pieces.

[Bongwater]

well

I think they should rename FB after that virus, Koobface.

I voted for Cyberdyne if it pleases the court.

[Dinanziame]

They'll want something starting with A

Alphabet was chosen to show up in front of Amazon and Apple. Something like Alba, or Acme...

[bombastic bob]

Re: They'll want something starting with A

AAAAA!!! (with all 3 bangs at the end)

(the sound you make when you're stuck in their circling drain of social media content hell)

[Goat Boy]

Re: They'll want something starting with A

Reminded me of a Viz funny from yonks ago.. Punchline fits FB perfectly:

"AARON A AARDVARK, Incompetent Domestic Builder,

Drains cracked * Carpets ruined * Cement mixed on your patio.

All prices include 6 bags of hardened cement left by your front door.

Plaster trailed through your home at no extra cost.

Aaron A Aardvark - Not very good, but first in the book

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: They'll want something starting with A

Aasvogel then- afrikaans for vulture. - though maybe better suited for El Reg.

I guess MySpace is still available ...

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: They'll want something starting with A

Aaron A Aardvark - Not very good, but first in the book.

Also a Judge Dredd reference (The Day The Law Died)

[luminous]

Re: They'll want something starting with A

AGRGHH

Perfectly sums up the people on it, and what the people not on it, think of it. And will appear before Alphabet.

Where's my cut?

[davidp231]

The Zuckerborg Collective.

[chuBb.]

Sparkling turd

If you can't polish it rollit in glitter

[cyberdemon]

Re: Sparkling turd

The phrase I heard was "You can't polish a turd.. But you CAN roll it in glitter!" :)

Perfect description of marketing..

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Sparkling turd

Mythbusters polished a turd. You need to freeze it first.

[the Jim bloke]

Re: Sparkling turd

they* say, if you eat the glitter first, it gets all through the turd.

*"they", larger source of data than Wikipedia.

[Precordial thump]

Re: Sparkling turd

I still laugh when I think of BOFH's adventures in that pastime.

[Brad Ackerman]

Protogen, not that Zuck is a fraction as competent as Jules-Pierre Mao.

[yetanotheraoc]

Bumbershoot.

Off topic, I made the mistake of looking in Roger's Profanisaurus in case it had any promising suggestions, and stumbled across "gamble and lose". Now I have to figure out how to stop laughing and get back to work.

[hoop_snake_drop_bear]

Waste of Space

Waste of Space seems like an appropriate name. The logo should have stripes in it because we know they won't change their stripes.

[Joe Cincotta]

Names for Facebook parent company

ALPHABOT

Kind of like Google, just a little less personal

ENRON

Books just like the first one, only more cooked

CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY

...in a rare moment of honesty we explain the real corporate structure...

[HelpfulJohn]

Re: Names for Facebook parent company

"ENRON" has been taken and they may object so how about "ELRON"?

Reminiscent of the progenitor of something equally nasty, slimy and destructive.

[Kev99]

I'm leaning towards KAOS. Short and accurate.

[Peter Ford]

Surely that's a radio station?

[Anonymous Coward]

But Ronnie Soak will plague you with milk bottles for eternity.

[jake]

Here in the San Francisco BAy Area ...

... Channel 7 News ran a poll on the 11AM news broadcast, asking (paraphrasing) "Would Facebook changing it's name improve your view of Facebook?". The result was the most lopsided poll they've ever run ... 99% said no, 1% said yes.

The only question remaining is what were the 1% smoking at 11AM, and why?

_{They also pointed out that Google is still called google, despite changing their name to alphabet.}

[stiine]

Re: Here in the San Francisco BAy Area ...

Change it for the better? Or worse? Which was which?

[the Jim bloke]

Ministry of Truth

.. Minitrue for the character-limited / stock exchange ticker..

[iceaxe99]

What it's always been known as: FAECEBOOK

[Anonymous Coward]

The name that is most fitting in my mind is:

"Get Zucked!"

[Yes Me]

FourSkin

or maybe just Suckerburg

[Anonymous Coward]

IOI

You missed Innovative Online Industries from the list.

[a_yank_lurker]

General Jackassery

'nough said.

[Anonymous Coward]

How about Muckraker

How about Muckraker?

Seems to fit and is a anagram of part of the founders name...

[itzman]

Re: How about Muckraker

WankTank™

[roger 8]

its new name will be FBNC False Bullshire news Corp

[Securitymoose]

Barad-dûr

After Sauron's Dark Tower in Mordor with the ever watching eye.

[Loyal Commenter]

Re: Barad-dûr

Are they going to merge with Palantír? I mean they're basically in the same "data-slurping" business anyway, and the name would fit...

[Anonymous Coward]

Tartarus

Tartarus (/ˈtɑːrtərəs/; Ancient Greek: Τάρταρος, Tártaros) is the deep abyss that is used as a dungeon of torment and suffering

[Anonymous Coward]

We need something hip and true to the core of what facebook offers, something that just pops and makes you go “ah, that!” … I vote for “Dingleberry” (since micro-soft is already taken)

[stiine]

I'm preferential to...

Facelift

[JohnSheeran]

Re: I'm preferential to...

Facepalm?

[Loyal Commenter]

Given The Orange One's new venture...

"TRUTH Social", I propose "FALSE Social" as the new name for FB. Or, given that there is very little social aspect to it any more, and it all seems to be ads, and targeted "stories", how about "FALSE Advertising".

[Anonymous Coward]

Spectre

Spectre or Hydra. Or "Cobra". >:-)

[JohnSheeran]

E.T.P.I.

Electronic Trailer Park International

[Charlie van Becelaere]

I was disappointed

that the illustration didn't show "Fiend Requests" - that seems more appropriate to NewCorp's likely operations.

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm guessing that the 606 people (at the time of writing) who voted for 'SPECTRE' haven't seen the latest Bond yet... although, maybe they're on to something...?

[Loyal Commenter]

The latest Bond, Roger Moore, stopped making Bond films a while ago, and stopped doing anything more recently, due to being dead.

Anyone claiming to be "Bond" after him was an imitation, and it still remains that Connery was the only real James Bond (with an unofficial exception made for David Niven)...

[Anonymous Coward]

Z?

If I was a world-dominating megama.... I mean, highly successful global entrepreneur... I'd go with something that reflects my name.

So, maybe 'Zinc' ? As in 'Z, Inc.' ... ?

A/C, unless someone wants to pay me the marketing big bucks...

[rpark]

Re: Z?

...Alpha & Omega.

[TonyMurphy]

Has to be EVIL CORP

[Scrimgeour]

WeBuyAnyHuman.com

For the new Empire of Zuck?

[samzebra]

Evil Inc

Zuck seems like a Doofenshmirtz

[itzman]

Shagtown

SleazeIsUs

[Steve Davies 3]

I'll second ZuckOff

With plenty of scope for the adulteration of the first letter.

Zuckfart is still a pig and changing the name is just applying a different shade of lipstick to the aforementioned pig.

Any references to me of any of the Suck Inc social media platforms has nothing to do with me.

[Jason Hindle]

Social And Transcendental Activity Network?

Can someone please come up with better words to fit the acronym? I'm terrible at this.

[rpark]

Re: Social And Transcendental Activity Network?

...'SATAN' is good.

[Anonymous Coward]

Meh.

Faro Automated Solutions.

[CzechNeck]

Tuckersoft

Can be branded as TCKR.

Or maybe Zuckersoft

[Twanky]

STENCH

Society for the

Total

Extinction of

Non-

Conforming

Humans.

Thank you, 'Carry On Spying'.

[ronkee]

Zuckerberg Information Technology

[David Roberts]

Zuck it and see

No, I haven't read all the comments

[Matthew "The Worst Writer on the Internet" Saroff]

Riffing on a Saturday Night Live Sketch from Its First Season, When it was Still Funny

Call it, "Painful Rectal Itch," with a name like that, it has to be good.

[Drishmung]

Assnet

The Anti-social Network. Add an extra "s" for shitty (and euphony). Ass-net. Or Antisocial, Rapacious, Stupifyingly Evil Network, if you want a more detailed description.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Some weird Symbol?

Can you register a symbol as a company name? A bit like what Prince did with his name. Though in the case of Zuck, it could be a star shape like facsimile of his...

Arsebook, the parent company of Facebook

[Eclectic Man]

I'm genuinely surprised

that so far no one seems to have suggested the obvious (to me):

Big Brother

[Kevin McMurtrie]

Nuuzfeed

Sounds right but looks so wrong.

[BART BARFSALOT]

Haircuts Я Us

We offer only "The Zuck," but you get to choose the size of the dim-sum bowl!

[Slacker1452]

The House

They already have a chief executive who does what he wants & a Supreme Court that they selectively ignore, throw in the 3rd piller & no one will notice when they ultimately merge!

I for one, welcome our new dystopian masters!

[rpark]

...Jar of Hearts.

[Anonymous Coward]

The only one I could think and it's probably used already is Zuck Ass. Or possibly Everything Zucks .

[snow20191102]

SCC

Surely:-

"The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation"

...Who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes...

And from a copy of the NYT from the future:-

...they were the first against the wall when the revolution came...

Thank you Douglas Adams.

[HelpfulJohn]

Hmmmm....

How about "THRUSH"? "Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity". This acronym has the advantage of sounding like a very nasty fungus.

When typing to relatives, I have the bad habit of calling it "FarceBoke" or, if I'm being inclusive, "FarceTwat" but I'm sure they would never accept either of those, nor are the two antisocial media companies likely to formally merge.

Addendum: no prizes are offered for knowing where I found the THRUSH name.

[jake]

Meta ...

... Morons Exist, Take Advantage!

[MikeLivingstone]

I thought this was to get away from the Drug References?

Meta = Methamphetamine

Facebook = Off your face book

Whatsapp = What's up you nose

Instagram = Instant gram of coke