back to article Facebook may soon reveal new name – we're sure Reg readers will be more creative than Zuck's marketroids

Consumer tech outlet The Verge today reports that Facebook may soon reveal a new name. Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand – a bit like Google did when it created Alphabet as its parent company. The Social Network™ is also keen to reflect its shift to "the metaverse", as signalled by its plan to hire 10,000 new …

  1. Precordial thump

    Malebolge.

    As the eighth circle of hell, the point of division between the violent and the fraudulent.

    Dorothy L. Sayers writes that the Malebolge is "the image of the City in corruption: the progressive disintegration of every social relationship, personal and public. Sexuality, ecclesiastical and civil office, language, ownership, counsel, authority, psychic influence, and material interdependence – all the media of the community's interchange are perverted and falsified"

    1. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      I read that as "male bulge", which seems equally apt.

      1. NoneSuch Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        DataSlurp Incorperated?

        Monetizing your personal data since 2021.

        1. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: DataSlurp Incorperated?

          I was thinking "Umbrella Corporation" but I suppose if I read all 100+ comments that someone else probably beat me to it. (for the survey I picked 'SPECTRE')

        2. cyberdemon Silver badge
          Headmaster

          Re: DataSlurp Incorperated?

          @NoneSuch

          And what does that have to do with the post you 'replied' to, eh? :P

          Late Posts are down there ↓↓↓

          Also, they've been doing it since a long time before 2021, and 'incorporated' has one 'e'. Welcome to the Reg forums :D

    2. macjules
      Childcatcher

      Whatever name marketing could come up with will undoubtedly be rendered by Zuck into something easy that he can understand. His wife (Priscilla) is commonly referred to as 'wife' while the dog is just called 'beast'. Facebook will probably just be called "corporation" or "work" but at an extreme could be called ZuckCorp after his inspiration LexCorp.

      1. nijam Silver badge

        > ... at an extreme could be called ZuckCorp ...

        Toxicorp would do nicely, then.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "Facebook will probably just be called "corporation" or "work""

        Too complicated. "Money".

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Big Brother

        Just be honest and call it Zuck.

        A simple, truthful, and ego massaging message.

        1. Keven E

          Us US'ns seem to have an issue with using and "s" where it sounds like a "z". Perhaps this is where we can help.

        2. Someone Else Silver badge

          Just be honest and call it Zuck.

          A simple, truthful, and ego massaging message.

          For real truthiness, it should be "ZuckUp".

          1. cflange

            ZuckApp

            > For real truthiness, it should be "ZuckUp".

            And inspired by a recent Facebook acquisition, they would spell it "ZuckApp".

        3. Tessier-Ashpool

          ZuckZuckGo, surely.

          1. zuckzuckgo Bronze badge
            Devil

            Already taken.

            F-Corp maybe?

      4. Someone Else Silver badge

        Maybe just, "Mine."

    3. ShadowSystems Silver badge

      If it's located in Hell...

      That makes their CEO into Satan. I object to this. The real Satan is good for something. Cthulhu brings the munchies, Satan brings the drinks, & I supply the cards & chips for our poker nights...

      1. Chasola

        Re: If it's located in Hell...

        Satan works for Spotify.

        He's got all the best tunes.

      2. Loyal Commenter

        Re: If it's located in Hell...

        Nah, I'm sure Satan has put Scumspawn in charge of FB.

      3. macjules
        Devil

        Re: If it's located in Hell...

        Ah, but in Hell a whistleblower is someone who has to blow a whistle loudly and constantly in order to avoid being slowly dunked into molten magma.

    4. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Devil

      Dis

      Is the name of the city of demons in Dante's 'Comedia - The Inferno".

      In one of Sir Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' books, Commander Sam Vimes has a little pocket demon-powered note taking device called a 'Disorganiser'.

      1. Precordial thump

        Re: Dis

        New phone. Who dis?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It doesn’t need a new name

    Like most organisations facing a constant onslaught of problems, it needs a new CEO. Ideally one that isn’t a massive c**t like this one.

    1. 45RPM Silver badge

      Re: It doesn’t need a new name

      Are you suggesting Pantyliner as the new name then?

      1. ShadowSystems Silver badge

        At 45RPM, re underwear...

        How about Skidmark, ShitStain, UrineSoaked, PissHole, FartBoom, WindyKnickers, Constipation, Diareah, Twisted, Crusty, or Rancid? =-)p

    2. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: It doesn’t need a new name

      It doesn't need a new CEO. It needs to be liquidated and its global assets distributed to various good social causes.

      As for Zuck and the board of directors... Chain Gang? They could start by fixing the potholes on the A34.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It doesn’t need a new name

        @cyberdemon

        What about the employees? About 150,000 of them. How would they pay their bill, mortgage/rent e.t.c.? From what I have read, it seems pay and conditions are pretty good.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          "What about the employees?"

          As a Silly Con Valley native, the most common suggestion I've heard is that they all just go home. Same for Alphagoo, et ali. We never asked for them, they just showed up and started trashing the place while driving up prices. Worst thing that ever happened around here.

          1. bombastic bob Silver badge
            Devil

            Re: It doesn’t need a new name

            I left Silly Valley in 1980. Visited a couple of times since then, for business, high school reunion, etc..

            It was silly then, and even sillier now, from what I can tell.

            So FB's owning "umbrella corp" might become "JustGoHome Inc"? [eh, sounded better in my head]

        2. cyberdemon Silver badge
          Windows

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          @ idiot taxpayer

          As Jake said, send them off to work the fields or something. We don't need their corporate rot in other companies. In fact we need to get rid of that same scourge from a lot of other companies.

          I'm talking about the "treat all customers as data cows" culture. Surveillance, Modelling, Manipulation.

          i.e. "Let's build a marketing machine and use everyone's private data that they trusted us with as input."

          Sack the bloody lot of them.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: It doesn’t need a new name

            I didn't say anything of the sort. All I suggested is that they go home. Nowhere did I comment on the location of that home, nor what they should do for employment once they got there. Not my issue. The way I see it, their home town spawned them, their home town should be able to take care of them when their ad-iverse implodes.

            Please note that mine only applies to the companies that exist purely for advertising and marketing purposes. The real high-tech Silicon Valley is not universally hated here, just the ad-iots.

        3. doublelayer Silver badge

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          "What about the employees? About 150,000 of them."

          Well, it's too bad for them. They'll have to find new jobs or pay their bills with the savings from the pay they already received. Facebook doesn't stop being evil just because they pay some people to implement the evil and some other people to coordinate the evil plan. I'm sure some of them could rebuild some of the useful stuff that gets shut down because the original version was breaking privacy law.

          But there's no chance of those consequences happening, so those people will be fine.

        4. MGJ

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          Yes, we shouldnt shut down auschwitz until we've found jobs for the camp guards. Wont somebody think of the kapos too.

          1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

            Re: It doesn’t need a new name

            Small difference: the concentration camp wasn't voluntary whereas Suckerborg's website is.

        5. Jan 0

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          > What about the employees?

          They could be rehabilitated, or put on trial like concentration camp employees for violation of human rights.

    3. Stumpy

      Re: It doesn’t need a new name

      Zuck can't be a c**t. He has neither enough depth or warmth.

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: It doesn’t need a new name

        He's tall, skinny and rather stiff, so if not c*nt, perhaps pr*ck?

        1. Version 1.0 Silver badge

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          Maybe, but he seems to be very floppy so his "functionality" is limited.

        2. ShadowSystems Silver badge

          At Phil O'Sophical, re: Zuck the prick...

          Do you know why Zuck never got circumsized? (Waits for it) Because there's no end to that prick. (Drum sting) I'll get my coat... =-)p

          1. TimMaher Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: At Phil O'Sophical, re: Zuck the prick...

            Forgot the icon.

            FTFY———->

      2. Rich 2

        Re: It doesn’t need a new name

        Zuck is a psychopath. He should be barred from holding any position of power (I’ll not add “or responsibility” because he doesn’t take any).

        1. Robert Moore

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          You realize that your criteria would bar just about everyone currently in a position of power from the position they are currently in?

          I am not saying you are wrong. As always, Douglas Adams said it best:

          "To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

          Just substitute CEO for President.

          1. Outski Silver badge

            Re: It doesn’t need a new name

            I think that may be a reworking of Sam Clemens' maxim that anyone seeking elected office should be automatically barred from it.

        2. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          Zuck is a psychopath. He should be barred from holding any position of power (I’ll not add “or responsibility” because he doesn’t take any)

          Maybe he's ready for politics. Seems like that applies to too many of them of late.

        3. cmdrklarg

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          Unfortunately for us those jobs tend to select for those with psycho- and socio- pathic tendencies.

      3. Scott 53

        Re: It doesn’t need a new name

        Zuck can't be a c**t. He has neither enough depth or warmth.

        He can be quite slippery though.

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Paris Hilton

          Re: It doesn’t need a new name

          He always looks like a big drip to me.

  3. 45RPM Silver badge

    Hell

    It even gets a reference to the Circle in there. Nine of them. And it nicely describes what social media is doing to peoples lives.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @45RPM

      No, it is what people are doing with social media that may or may not ruin their lives. Please don't tell me that people get "addicted" to social media.That's just a "catch all" used as another way of spelling "it's someone else''s fault". I use social media. Save a fortune in phone bills. Means I get my 'net connection effectively for free. My books see that as a win!

      1. MarkTriumphant

        Facebook has done research into the best way to keep people scrolling down, to keep seeing more adverts. If that is not fostering addiction, I don't know what is.

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge

      And it nicely describes what social media is doing to peoples lives.

      More like "The Anti Social Network™" then. I think El Reg needs to change it's TM description.

    3. Someone Else Silver badge

      Speaking of "circle", I would propose InfiniteLoop for the new name. Seems to fit what they're about, and as stated elsewhere in this thread, accurately describes their attempts to create infinite scrolling by their addicts er..."users". (InfiniteLoop also accurately describes addict behavior, as an extra side effect).

      Oh, and then the Regtards here can locally rename them (a la "Chipzilla", "Micros~1", etc.) as "InfinitePoop", which is also quite accurate.

  4. Khaptain Silver badge

    El Zuck is basically a child in adults clothing that refuses to accept responsibility for his actions; the positive side of things is that this will in turn become his downfall.

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Devil

      I wouldn't give him so much credit.

      He knows people think of him as a child in adult's clothing so he puts on that persona to try to evade responsibility, but he is an adult, and one who is as evil and power-mad as the rest of the hundred-billion club.

  5. Chris G Silver badge
    Devil

    Off the top of my head

    SPECTRE seems to be a favourite from the Reg choices, I can't remember the original wirds for the acronym but this seems to fit:

    Stealing

    People's

    Every

    Communication

    To

    Render

    Evil

    As mentioned above a change of boss would help immensely, a change of existence would be even better

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Big Brother

      Re: Off the top of my head

      That's brilliant.

      My best was:

      Computerised

      Reality

      Elimination

      Extraordinarily

      Petrifying

    2. Allan George Dyer
      Terminator

      Re: Off the top of my head

      @Chris G - "SPECTRE seems to be a favourite from the Reg choices"

      I was going to go for SPECTRE, but then it seemed too European, Cyberdyne captures the Yankee vibe better.

      Your acronym is making me reconsider...

    3. RockBurner

      Re: Off the top of my head

      From memory:

      SPecial

      Executive

      for

      Counter-intelligence,

      Terrorism,

      Revenge

      &

      Extortion

      Seems fitting to be quite frank.

    4. Eclectic Man Silver badge

      Re: Off the top of my head

      What about:

      Suckers

      Provide

      Easy

      Course

      To

      Revenue

      Excess

      ?

      1. Ohooligan

        Re: Off the top of my head

        Service for

        Promoting &

        Exploiting

        Conflict

        Terrorism

        Revenge &

        Extortion

  6. Christopher Reeve's Horse

    Better than Life

    This whole Metaverse crap reminds me of Red Dwarf, although with tedious prediction I suspect it will be substantially Worse than Life.

    1. Roj Blake

      Re: Better than Life

      It will just be Second Life but with better graphics and less privacy.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Better than Life

        Less privacy? Try no privacy..

        1. CrackedNoggin

          Re: Better than Life

          Oh come on, what about the benefits? Every individual becomes their own reality TV show.

    2. cyberdemon Silver badge

      Re: Better than Life

      Worse than Death?

      1. captain veg Silver badge

        Re: Worse than Death

        Yes, that's it. That's what they should rename the Zuckbook.

        -A.

    3. John70

      Re: Better than Life

      I think he just watched "Ready Player One"

    4. ronkee

      Re: Better than Life

      Call it Arnold Rimmer

      https://youtu.be/r-ZiI3iVgpM

      And now I can't unsee it Zuck and that Smeghead are linked forever in my mind's eye.

  7. Danny 5
    Mushroom

    Too much?

    I was thinking in the lines of "social cancer", or something similar, or is that a bit too much?

    1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

      Re: Too much?

      No. If anything, it doesn't go far enough to really describe the damage Facebook causes.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Too much?

        Maybe add the word "terminal"?

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: Too much?

      Social necrotising fasciitis.

  8. xyz

    Zucky McZuckface

    Or similar...

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Zucky McZuckface

      Find and Replace Z with F... That is all!

      1. BenDwire Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Zucky McZuckface

        Surely you meant to write sed 's/Z/F/g' ? This is a techie site after all !

    2. Wade Burchette

      Re: Zucky McZuckface

      Creepy McCreepface

      Spy-e McSpyface

  9. cyberdemon Silver badge
    Pint

    Hatebook

    Simple, recognisable and on-brand. Only 2 letters from the original.

    Cleggy, you can have that one on me.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hatebook

      Along the same lines of only 2 letters for a similar "Social" media site..

      Shitter, Twisted, Twatter...

      1. cyberdemon Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Hatebook

        Twatter gets my vote.

        There used to be an actual parody site called Twatter.com, calling itself the Anti-Social Network, but it soon folded as Twitter itself became the open sewer of hate that it is now.

        There are some still around though e.g. http://www.twat.me.uk/

  10. Jeroen Braamhaar
    Big Brother

    Omni Consumer Products

    obivously ....

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Omni Consumer Products

      Nuke 'Em! The game for all the family to play!

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Omni Consumer Products

        Nuke 'Em! The game for all the family to play!

        "You crossed my LINE OF DEATH"

        *BOOM*

        (icon for the visuals)

        From the original Robocop if I remember correctly. And yet, the line I prefer to remember: "I'd buy THAT for a dollar!" (it's a good swap for "that's what she said")

  11. cyberdemon Silver badge
    Devil

    TriOptimum Corporation

    to go with El Reg's theme..

    1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

      Re: TriOptimum Corporation

      They can have that name when they introduce an AI system called SHODAN

  12. Roj Blake

    Mos Eisley

    It should be called Mos Eisley, on account of it being a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

    1. 45RPM Silver badge

      Re: Mos Eisley

      You win. I wish I could more than one thumbs up it.

    2. devin3782 Silver badge

      Re: Mos Eisley

      I'd have done with Bene Tleilax.

      1. Loyal Commenter

        Re: Mos Eisley

        Or maybe Richesse? Because they're not quite as good at making machines as Ix.

    3. Sixtiesplastictrektableware Bronze badge

      Re: Mos Eisley

      I'm a Trekkie and I approve this gag.

    4. ShadowSystems Silver badge

      Re: Mos Eisley

      That would make Zuck into Jabba the Hutt, right? Seems fitting for that giant slimey slug...

  13. JassMan Silver badge
    Coat

    I suggest "[wned™ - all you data are belong to us"

    They can't use pwned 'cos it is already in common use but by replacing the 1st character (as in pwned) to a non-alpha they follow in the footsteps of Yahoo! Bing! etc but remain sufficiently different by having the mark at the beginning instead of the end.

    Besides, FarceCrook is too obvious.

  14. cyberdemon Silver badge
    Devil

    If you could delete three corporations

    Obviously Facebook would be top of the list, but what would the other two be?

    Amazon, Microsoft (would be my choice)

    But that leaves Google, Apple, Intel, the Communist Party of China.. :(

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If you could delete three corporations

      Or US government.

  15. Steve Kerr

    I would suggest Virtucon

    Dr. Evils empire.

    I bet zuck has a Mr. Bigglesworth too.

    Based on the current company i would suggest the board isn't dissimilar to Dr. Evils various henchmen, sorry, that wasn't PC enough, hench'various entities of inteterminate genders (72 gender types or some such on fakebook now), rocks, trees, a pot of pentunias currently speeding towards the earth wondering whether "they" will be its friend or whatever'

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: I would suggest Virtucon

      Mr. Bigglesworth too?

      Do you want to be a zero.

      Oops wrong Biggles.

  16. Mike 137 Silver badge

    Engender your own parent

    "Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand – a bit like Google did when it created Alphabet as its parent company"

    Restructuring is expensive so I may be wrong, but I have a suspicion that creating your own parent company has some potential fiddle advantage. I'd love to know whether I'm right and if so what the advantage is.

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      "Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand "

      That's It!

      Umbrella Corporation.

      1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

        Re: "Apparently Zuck wants to create an umbrella brand "

        Ubik.

        With apologies to Philip K Dick.

    2. Slacker1452

      Re: Engender your own parent

      Think share structures - currently he has majority votes but minority shares - a quiet exit?!??

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Engender your own parent

      The whole umbrella brand discussion has me confused..

      :)

  17. chivo243 Silver badge

    What ever the choice

    I'm sure we will find colorful alternatives here in El Reg Forums...

    1. Rafael #872397
      Alien

      Re: What ever the choice

      Sure will do!

      VisitorCorp too obvious? Too obscure?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What ever the choice

      Are you serious? There are some commenters on here that apparently can't even spell the word "fuck" correctly. BOMBASTIC BOB is probably the best hope for some original thoughts on this matter.

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: What ever the choice

        heh

        you just put the pressure on...

        I know: SEMPRINI!!! (and keep all 3 bangs at the end)

        (or maybe 'Bad Wolf')

  18. The Central Scrutinizer

    Panopticon

  19. breakfast
    Holmes

    It reaches everywhere, and like the many-headed monster of myth, any time a legislator or whistleblower cuts off one of its heads two more seem to grow to replace it so they should call their new organisation Hydra. I understand that there's even a comic-book connection in there.

    1. Mage
      Big Brother

      Re: new organisation Hydra

      If we are going multi-headed, Classics and Evil, then Hecate. Triple headed or aspected Goddess associated with crossroads, entrance-ways [Portals], night, light, magic, witchcraft, knowledge of herbs and poisonous plants, ghosts, necromancy, and sorcery.

      There is a Facebook Portal product. It's about as good for mental health as necromancy (communication with the dead, not raising armies of the dead or sex with dead bodies).

      Also bots are a bit like ghosts.

      1. Helcat

        Re: new organisation Hydra

        Nope: Hecate was seen as both good and evil, but mostly in ancient Greece she was deemed to be good and her image was used over portals to ward off evil spirits.

        The triple head also seems to be an attempt to connect her to Cerberus, but in most depictions she has but one face.

        If you want evil: Zuck himself would be the prime candidate.

  20. Winkypop Silver badge
    Pint

    A new name needs a new location too

    I suggest "Jonestown"

    Has a nice ring to it.

    Refreshment anyone?

  21. Pat 11

    Metaverse

    Hopefully Neil Stephenson owns that.

    uSewer

    TimeZuck

    Schizm

    Polarize

    Monochrome

    Purgatory

    Virus

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Metaverse

      Schism

      Supreme Corporation for Hate , Interference, Subterfuge and Misdirection

    2. Timbo

      Re: Metaverse

      Well Facebooks' parent company name is being changed to "Meta"....

      So, apart from the obvious, can we assume some useful meta-phors (sic) might be forthcoming...?

      Or even some anagrams:

      Team

      Meat

      Mate

      Etam ( a name used for a ladies fashion chain of shops in the 70s)

      Tame

      I wonder if anyone registered meta.com?

      Damn - they did:

      Registered On1991-01-21

      https://who.is/whois/meta.com

  22. Inventor of the Marmite Laser

    Pissole

    Shittole

  23. elsergiovolador Silver badge

    Honeypot

    They'll call it Honeypot.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Honeypot

      Do I detect a sly reference to the honey men?

  24. ComputerSays_noAbsolutelyNo Silver badge

    Crony-verse

    Crime and Prejudice

    Tju-Mor (because according to El Reg "same old shit + infantile spelling = innovation")

  25. Dan 55 Silver badge

    Omnipotent manboy leader who has tantrums

    ZORG Industries?

    1. John Sager

      Re: Omnipotent manboy leader who has tantrums

      There's a Nork who fits that description, so what are we not being told? Is Zuck a secret dastardly experiment by the Kim family?

  26. jake Silver badge

    Whatever they name it ...

    ... I still won't join the clusterfuck, so quite frankly I don't give a damn.

    ElReg, you'd do well to offer this kind of option in your polls.

  27. ComputerSays_noAbsolutelyNo Silver badge

    Metastasis

    It sound quite like Metaverse, but describes the thing much better

  28. Stumpy

    If Oracle haven't already trademarked it, I would suggest the simple. 'Evil Corp.' for their new name.

  29. OwainR

    It has to be "Zero Wing"

    Because, All your base are belong to us

  30. Doctor Trousers

    SkinnerBox. one for the behavioural psychology nerds.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    2. Precordial thump

      Or InstaMilgram?

  31. Moldskred

    Trans-World Agglomerative Technologies Inc.? Or T.W.A.T. Corp for short.

  32. Andy Pearce

    Aperture Labs

    The attitude to their users is similar, and they even already have a product called “Portal”.

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Aperture Labs

      Although Zuckerberg is no Cave Johnson.

  33. Christoph

    Fastbuck

    Fits their mission plan

  34. Commander Lard

    I vote for "FacePalm"

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Facepalm

      "Face Palm"

      here's your icon!

  35. Kevin Gurney

    FriendFace

    Seems the obvious choice.........

  36. This post has been deleted by its author

  37. Andy Miller

    A bunch of mindless jerks...

    Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A bunch of mindless jerks...

      This, because however evil they may be, anything they come up with is sure to be as craptastic as every product made by Sirius Cybernetics. Mr. Adams, like most of us, knew this kind of stuff will never work.

  38. wjake

    Yoyodyne?

    Just a thought.

    1. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Yoyodyne?

      Laugh-a while you can, monkey boy!

  39. NickJP

    I like the suggestion from the ABC news financial journalist, for a name that is both green and more accurate: Faceplant.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fecesbook

    That’s the only name it deserves.

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Fecesbook

      Faeces has an 'a' in it, in English English. And I suppose as a singlular entity, it doesn't have to be plural.

      So, FaeceBook?

      Subtle, but to the point...

      Where's the Shit icon?

  41. Millwright

    Boskone.

    As in "Zuckerberg, speaking for Boskone"

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Since it's a new parent company, you want the organ grinder, not the monkey, so Eddor Corp works better.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    FashBook

    That is all.

  43. naive

    I missed Sauron as an alternative name proposal

    Sauron (Q.: IPA [ˈsaʊron] or [ˈθaʊron]), the eponymous Lord of the Rings, originally called Mairon, was a fallen Maia, creator of the One Ring, a gifted student of Vala Aulë the Smith and lieutenant of Melkor (Morgoth). After his master's defeat by the Valar, Sauron became the second Dark Lord and sought to conquer Middle-earth by creating the Rings of Power.

    (https://lotr.fandom.com/wiki/Sauron)

  44. Howard Sway Silver badge

    I've had a name for it for years : Fucking Facebook

    As in "Are you going to spend all day on fucking Facebook?"

  45. iron Silver badge

    I wouldn't tarnish any of those cool names by suggesting they could be suitible for Facebook.

    My suggtestion... Evil Assholes R' Us

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Mushroom

      The ex-company that used to be called Toys'R'Us might be offended by your comment, which implies some sort of vague association.

      How about "the ex-company that used to be called Facebook, before its CEO was prosecuted and it was was disbanded entirely"

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Palantir

    Bugger, already taken.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Palantir

      Nazgul isn't taken though...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Palantir

        IBM's legal team may want a word

  47. s. pam
    Black Helicopters

    Would it be too much to call it…

    Mind

    Erasing

    Retarded

    Craphole

    Arrogantly

    Nuthole

    Or ‘Mercan

    Other alternative suggested by SWMBO is Anal Mind Erasure Co..

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Associated Social Systems Holding Alliance Terminus

    making arsehole into an acronym is more difficult and the Zuck is a left pondian anyway.

    Reminds me of the time I worked for one of the lesser London Universities that merged with another lesser London institution. They had a poll for a name for the new institution and the PA to Head of Registry came up with City University North Thames.

  49. Timbo

    New umbrella name for ArseBook?

    One would imagine Zuck has either bought a dormant company already, that has a name he likes....

    OR...even now, as I'm writing this, he is probably trawling the web, looking for a good name to use that isn't already in use...good luck with that...

    But there again, FB has so much financial clout, he could probably buy up any firm he likes the name of, make everyone redundant and just create his new "empire".

    (Doesn't Facebook already own What'sApp, InstaGram, Oculus VR, Onava, Beluga? So, thast gives FBWAIGOOB

    And a quick scrambling of the initial letters gives:

    BIGWOOF ;-)

    WAIFBOOB

    FABBOWOG :-(

    BIOFAGBOW....

  50. Real Ale is Best

    Ono-Sendai might be appropriate too.

  51. swampdog

    Binky?

    Maybe no-one at FB will notice the discworld reference and go with it because it sounds cute.

  52. js6898

    Addy Mc Ad-Face?

  53. Outski Silver badge

    I'd suggest Shipstone, after the power company created by Heinlein, which then becomes a megacorp with tentacles in every industry everywhere. However, it turns out that a Canadian power company has taken it already.

    1. Martin Gregorie

      Subarashī seems like a good match with Zuk's appparent megalomania.

  54. just another employee

    The Circle

    Surely??

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: The Circle

      I think you missed out "jerk" somewhere

  55. MadocOwain

    UMBRELLA Corporation, Resident Evil

    REKALL - Total Recall

  56. Sam Therapy

    Arsebook.

  57. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Call it whatever you like.

    Changing the name of a toxic company doesn't make it any less toxic!

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Pint

      Correct answer

  58. nijam Silver badge

    Why isn't BaseFook in the list?

  59. Finnish Anonymous Coward
  60. Phaid

    Network 23

    How about Network 23, as in the evil corp from Max Headroom

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: Network 23

      shhh... don't give them ideas, they might actually try making BLIP-VERTS

      "The network that literally blows your mind"

  61. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Can we settle for Defunct?

    Literally.

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Flame

      The (ex-)entity formerly known as Facebook. Rest in pyrolysed pieces.

  62. Bongwater

    well

    I think they should rename FB after that virus, Koobface.

    I voted for Cyberdyne if it pleases the court.

  63. Dinanziame Silver badge

    They'll want something starting with A

    Alphabet was chosen to show up in front of Amazon and Apple. Something like Alba, or Acme...

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: They'll want something starting with A

      AAAAA!!! (with all 3 bangs at the end)

      (the sound you make when you're stuck in their circling drain of social media content hell)

    2. Goat Boy

      Re: They'll want something starting with A

      Reminded me of a Viz funny from yonks ago.. Punchline fits FB perfectly:

      "AARON A AARDVARK, Incompetent Domestic Builder,

      Drains cracked * Carpets ruined * Cement mixed on your patio.

      All prices include 6 bags of hardened cement left by your front door.

      Plaster trailed through your home at no extra cost.

      Aaron A Aardvark - Not very good, but first in the book

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: They'll want something starting with A

        Aasvogel then- afrikaans for vulture. - though maybe better suited for El Reg.

        I guess MySpace is still available ...

      2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge

        Re: They'll want something starting with A

        Aaron A Aardvark - Not very good, but first in the book.

        Also a Judge Dredd reference (The Day The Law Died)

    3. luminous
      Coat

      Re: They'll want something starting with A

      AGRGHH

      Perfectly sums up the people on it, and what the people not on it, think of it. And will appear before Alphabet.

      Where's my cut?

  64. davidp231

    The Zuckerborg Collective.

  65. chuBb.

    Sparkling turd

    If you can't polish it rollit in glitter

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Sparkling turd

      The phrase I heard was "You can't polish a turd.. But you CAN roll it in glitter!" :)

      Perfect description of marketing..

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Sparkling turd

        Mythbusters polished a turd. You need to freeze it first.

      2. the Jim bloke Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Sparkling turd

        they* say, if you eat the glitter first, it gets all through the turd.

        *"they", larger source of data than Wikipedia.

      3. Precordial thump

        Re: Sparkling turd

        I still laugh when I think of BOFH's adventures in that pastime.

  66. Brad Ackerman
    Boffin

    Protogen, not that Zuck is a fraction as competent as Jules-Pierre Mao.

  67. yetanotheraoc Silver badge

    Bumbershoot.

    Off topic, I made the mistake of looking in Roger's Profanisaurus in case it had any promising suggestions, and stumbled across "gamble and lose". Now I have to figure out how to stop laughing and get back to work.

  68. hoop_snake_drop_bear

    Waste of Space

    Waste of Space seems like an appropriate name. The logo should have stripes in it because we know they won't change their stripes.

  69. Joe Cincotta

    Names for Facebook parent company

    ALPHABOT

    Kind of like Google, just a little less personal

    ENRON

    Books just like the first one, only more cooked

    CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY

    ...in a rare moment of honesty we explain the real corporate structure...

    1. HelpfulJohn

      Re: Names for Facebook parent company

      "ENRON" has been taken and they may object so how about "ELRON"?

      Reminiscent of the progenitor of something equally nasty, slimy and destructive.

  70. Kev99 Silver badge

    I'm leaning towards KAOS. Short and accurate.

    1. Peter Ford

      Surely that's a radio station?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      But Ronnie Soak will plague you with milk bottles for eternity.

  71. jake Silver badge

    Here in the San Francisco BAy Area ...

    ... Channel 7 News ran a poll on the 11AM news broadcast, asking (paraphrasing) "Would Facebook changing it's name improve your view of Facebook?". The result was the most lopsided poll they've ever run ... 99% said no, 1% said yes.

    The only question remaining is what were the 1% smoking at 11AM, and why?

    They also pointed out that Google is still called google, despite changing their name to alphabet.

    1. stiine Silver badge

      Re: Here in the San Francisco BAy Area ...

      Change it for the better? Or worse? Which was which?

  72. the Jim bloke Silver badge
    Big Brother

    Ministry of Truth

    .. Minitrue for the character-limited / stock exchange ticker..

  73. iceaxe99

    What it's always been known as: FAECEBOOK

  74. msobkow Silver badge

    The name that is most fitting in my mind is:

    "Get Zucked!"

  75. Yes Me Silver badge
    Alien

    FourSkin

    or maybe just Suckerburg

  76. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    IOI

    You missed Innovative Online Industries from the list.

  77. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

    General Jackassery

    'nough said.

  78. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about Muckraker

    How about Muckraker?

    Seems to fit and is a anagram of part of the founders name...

    1. itzman

      Re: How about Muckraker

      WankTank™

  79. roger 8

    its new name will be FBNC False Bullshire news Corp

  80. Securitymoose
    Mushroom

    Barad-dûr

    After Sauron's Dark Tower in Mordor with the ever watching eye.

    1. Loyal Commenter

      Re: Barad-dûr

      Are they going to merge with Palantír? I mean they're basically in the same "data-slurping" business anyway, and the name would fit...

  81. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tartarus

    Tartarus (/ˈtɑːrtərəs/; Ancient Greek: Τάρταρος, Tártaros) is the deep abyss that is used as a dungeon of torment and suffering

  82. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We need something hip and true to the core of what facebook offers, something that just pops and makes you go “ah, that!” … I vote for “Dingleberry” (since micro-soft is already taken)

  83. stiine Silver badge

    I'm preferential to...

    Facelift

    1. JohnSheeran

      Re: I'm preferential to...

      Facepalm?

  84. Loyal Commenter

    Given The Orange One's new venture...

    "TRUTH Social", I propose "FALSE Social" as the new name for FB. Or, given that there is very little social aspect to it any more, and it all seems to be ads, and targeted "stories", how about "FALSE Advertising".

  85. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spectre

    Spectre or Hydra. Or "Cobra". >:-)

  86. JohnSheeran

    E.T.P.I.

    Electronic Trailer Park International

  87. Charlie van Becelaere

    I was disappointed

    that the illustration didn't show "Fiend Requests" - that seems more appropriate to NewCorp's likely operations.

  88. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm guessing that the 606 people (at the time of writing) who voted for 'SPECTRE' haven't seen the latest Bond yet... although, maybe they're on to something...?

    1. Loyal Commenter

      The latest Bond, Roger Moore, stopped making Bond films a while ago, and stopped doing anything more recently, due to being dead.

      Anyone claiming to be "Bond" after him was an imitation, and it still remains that Connery was the only real James Bond (with an unofficial exception made for David Niven)...

  89. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Z?

    If I was a world-dominating megama.... I mean, highly successful global entrepreneur... I'd go with something that reflects my name.

    So, maybe 'Zinc' ? As in 'Z, Inc.' ... ?

    A/C, unless someone wants to pay me the marketing big bucks...

    1. rpark

      Re: Z?

      ...Alpha & Omega.

  90. TonyMurphy

    Has to be EVIL CORP

  91. Scrimgeour

    WeBuyAnyHuman.com

    For the new Empire of Zuck?

  92. samzebra

    Evil Inc

    Zuck seems like a Doofenshmirtz

  93. itzman
    Coat

    Shagtown

    SleazeIsUs

  94. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    I'll second ZuckOff

    With plenty of scope for the adulteration of the first letter.

    Zuckfart is still a pig and changing the name is just applying a different shade of lipstick to the aforementioned pig.

    Any references to me of any of the Suck Inc social media platforms has nothing to do with me.

  95. Jason Hindle

    Social And Transcendental Activity Network?

    Can someone please come up with better words to fit the acronym? I'm terrible at this.

    1. rpark

      Re: Social And Transcendental Activity Network?

      ...'SATAN' is good.

  96. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Meh.

    Faro Automated Solutions.

  97. CzechNeck

    Tuckersoft

    Can be branded as TCKR.

    Or maybe Zuckersoft

  98. Twanky Silver badge
    Go

    STENCH

    Society for the

    Total

    Extinction of

    Non-

    Conforming

    Humans.

    Thank you, 'Carry On Spying'.

  99. ronkee

    Zuckerberg Information Technology

  100. David Roberts

    Zuck it and see

    No, I haven't read all the comments

  101. Matthew "The Worst Writer on the Internet" Saroff
    Trollface

    Riffing on a Saturday Night Live Sketch from Its First Season, When it was Still Funny

    Call it, "Painful Rectal Itch," with a name like that, it has to be good.

  102. Drishmung

    Assnet

    The Anti-social Network. Add an extra "s" for shitty (and euphony). Ass-net. Or Antisocial, Rapacious, Stupifyingly Evil Network, if you want a more detailed description.

  103. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    Some weird Symbol?

    Can you register a symbol as a company name? A bit like what Prince did with his name. Though in the case of Zuck, it could be a star shape like facsimile of his...

    Arsebook, the parent company of Facebook

  104. Eclectic Man Silver badge
    Big Brother

    I'm genuinely surprised

    that so far no one seems to have suggested the obvious (to me):

    Big Brother

  105. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Nuuzfeed

    Sounds right but looks so wrong.

  106. BART BARFSALOT
    Angel

    Haircuts Я Us

    We offer only "The Zuck," but you get to choose the size of the dim-sum bowl!

  107. Slacker1452

    The House

    They already have a chief executive who does what he wants & a Supreme Court that they selectively ignore, throw in the 3rd piller & no one will notice when they ultimately merge!

    I for one, welcome our new dystopian masters!

  108. rpark

    ...Jar of Hearts.

  109. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The only one I could think and it's probably used already is Zuck Ass. Or possibly Everything Zucks .

  110. snow20191102

    SCC

    Surely:-

    "The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation"

    ...Who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes...

    And from a copy of the NYT from the future:-

    ...they were the first against the wall when the revolution came...

    Thank you Douglas Adams.

  111. HelpfulJohn

    Hmmmm....

    How about "THRUSH"? "Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity". This acronym has the advantage of sounding like a very nasty fungus.

    When typing to relatives, I have the bad habit of calling it "FarceBoke" or, if I'm being inclusive, "FarceTwat" but I'm sure they would never accept either of those, nor are the two antisocial media companies likely to formally merge.

    Addendum: no prizes are offered for knowing where I found the THRUSH name.

  112. jake Silver badge

    Meta ...

    ... Morons Exist, Take Advantage!

  113. MikeLivingstone

    I thought this was to get away from the Drug References?

    Meta = Methamphetamine

    Facebook = Off your face book

    Whatsapp = What's up you nose

    Instagram = Instant gram of coke

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