back to article BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "These NFT things," the Boss says, attempting a smooth segue from our topic to his favourite – how to make cash with no effort. "Yes?" "What are they exactly?" "Non-Fungible Tokens." "Yes, I know that, but what does it mean?" "I think the main thing is that it's non-fungible." "You …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I swear ...

    ... that Simon works for the same company as I do. We had a very similar discussion yesterday ...

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: I swear ...

      Have you checked the basement carpark recently? I should go down there now and have a quick look, see if there are any clues. Don't use the lift though. Or the stairs, come to think of it... No, on second thoughts, ask someone else to pop down there, tell them they're looking for old safes, bags of quickline, carpets, suspiciously burnt out vans...

      Um, you didn't tell them to do that in the lift right? Or any areas with cameras or listening devices? Or near anywhere that serves bhajis?

      Actually just make a run for it. It's the only way to be safe. No! Don't use the main door! That'll probably be booby trapped. No! Not the carpark either. Stay out of the lift! What he'll never suspect iis if you head for the fifth floor. Now, see that open window there? The one just above the conveniently placed skip? Climb out of that. I'm sure you can find a drainpipe to slide down. Watch out for the brackets that have been cut through... Oh never mind, I'm sure you'll find them yourself...

      1. John G Imrie

        Re: I swear ...

        Sounds like an updated training run for the final Exam of the Assassins Guild, Ankh Morpork

      2. A.P. Veening Silver badge

        Re: I swear ...

        Don't use the lift though. Or the stairs, come to think of it... No, on second third thoughts,

        FTFY, both an off by one and the obligatory PTerry ref.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I swear ...

        I would recommend that you AVOID the basement car park on off chance that you are never heard from again.

        1. Blackjack Silver badge

          Re: I swear ...

          The Rombas have never been the same since that last software update. The good news is that if you shit yourself they will get distracted and smear the shit everywhere so you have time to escape.

      4. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: I swear ...

        Just leave a 50 quid note under the foot of your computer monitor as a contribution to the BOFH beer fund. He doesn't usually care about the foot-folk unless they cross him.

    2. Ozan

      Re: I swear ...

      Linkedin says that he is working at Waikato Innovation Park Limited right now.

  2. BebopWeBop
    Trollface

    I could see where this was going

    And I have burnt my pile of newspapers and photographed the ash just in case....

    1. BebopWeBop

      Re: I could see where this was going

      Can I number them and sell each as a limited edition?

      1. Ken G
        Trollface

        Re: I could see where this was going

        If you feel that's Justified.

        1. Evil Scot

          Re: I could see where this was going

          Maybe I am getting old. But...

          I want a Mr. Whippy and a flake.

          1. Captain Scarlet
            Trollface

            Re: I could see where this was going

            I would prefer a 99 and a flake, but I suppose some people do want to be a bit murderous with the icecream man chime on the Mr Whippy vans going off at annoying times

            1. Charlie Clark Silver badge
              Coat

              Re: I could see where this was going

              A 99 is with a flake! Don't you people know nothing?

              1. TRT Silver badge

                Re: I could see where this was going

                A '99 with a flake' is actually a 'Bunny Ears', if you think about t it. And if you DO think about t it... then suddenly you want one and your ears will be tuning in for the sound of Greensleeves / Popeye / Whistle While You Work / O Sole Mio...

        2. Korev Silver badge
          Flame

          Re: I could see where this was going

          > If you feel that's Justified.

          And ancient too…

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: I could see where this was going

      Actually, I didn't. It's so long since I dealt with actual cash that I forgot that the new notes are all plastic.

  3. Maverick

    well played Simon

    "has value, but doesn't – like an SCO licence"

    1. stiine Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: well played Simon

      I think the people next-door heard me laugh out loud at that line. Brilliant!!!!!

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: well played Simon

      The other day I came across an article on how to dd an old SCO disk and turn it into a VM. I think I'll dic out my old dual boot SCO laptop and try it for old times sake.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: well played Simon

        "The other day I came across an article on how to dd an old SCO disk and turn it into a VM. I think I'll dic out my old dual boot SCO laptop and try it for old times sake."

        I did that with my Amiga 1200 during lockdown. Good luck and have some nostalgic fun!

        (ok, I'm using an emulator, not a VM, before the pedants jump in!)

    3. SealTeam6

      Re: well played Simon

      I worked for SCO for 12 years right up to the time it went down the toilet, so I find that line extremely funny.

  4. Chris G Silver badge

    Historically

    The first purchaser of the first NFT was an emperor AFAIK.

    Subsequent purchasers are equally as astute.

    1. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Historically

      But it was such fine material! Such soft and fine material!

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Historically

      Oh. I didn't realise NFT stood for: No Fucking Trousers...

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Historically

        And even the torched cash example has been done before, over 25 years ago.

        There's nothing new in the world, especially when it comes to art and gullability.

        Fungible link

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Historically

          Fungible the Bogeyman?

          1. Manx Cat

            Re: Historically

            How about fuck this game - you can have my NFT for an actual receipt of Gold (pry from my fingers blah blah...)

            I thought there was a shortage of energy/power going on?

        2. BOFH in Training

          Re: Historically

          hah! Beat me to it.

          Was just thinking of this when I was reading the story and it was too much to hope that nobody else thought of the klf.

        3. stiine Silver badge

          Re: Historically

          Stephen King released a book in which the ink began to fade when the page was exposed to air, meaning that it could only be read once, so technically, when you bought it it wasn't fungible, but if you read it and skipped two pages then technically it will be unique but the only way to prove it (short of an xray/mri scan) would be the open it, wiping that last pair of pages.

  5. Herby

    Value??

    Yes, sleepless nights in Sillycon Valley, and surely that is VERY non fungible. Have it for (enter value here) in bitcoin.

    Remember, it only has value if you can get someone to pay for it, or someone thinks it is worth something in exchange.

    And then there is paper money......

    I've got to go to bed. ZzZzZ...

  6. b0llchit Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Visionary comments

    I want to sell NFTs too! All must go! It is a good deal!

    Please, start bidding on my collection of cynical remarks here on the forum. I want to cash out before any of my written ramblings become outdated or any of my remarks actually inspire new forms of government.

  7. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
    Flame

    Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

    Someone was bound to get burnt, and it wasn't going to be Simon

    Great episode again

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

      Not enough upside yet. Presumably the sequel shows how a video of the whole thing was made. And why go for the uncertainty of an NFT when you can blackmail?

      1. stiine Silver badge
        Flame

        Re: Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

        Torching currency is a crime, right?

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

          Yes, defacing coin of the realm is a crime. But why would the BOFH want law enforcement involved? They might start poking their truncheons where they shouldn't.

  8. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
    Pint

    Excellent. Will mature with time too. :)

    And with a financially-poorer Bossly Unit too.

    And now, it's time for ---->

  9. chivo243 Silver badge
    Devil

    Fooling the Boss!

    Like shooting fish in a barrel!

  10. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    You are in a maze of twisty turny passages

    ... all alike.

  11. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge
    Pint

    Bravo, Simon. What next? The Realisation of Fact from Fiction for Crash Testing Dummies.

    That was the NFT Magic Roundabout accurately well described to a Mr T. Was a Friday the 13th ever better servered?

    And definitely worth at least another one of these Register favourites ------------------------->

    Cheers/На здоровье/干杯/Zum Wohl/Sláinte.

  12. lybad
    Joke

    Turings?

    Had to google that one - living in Scotland I'm not likely to see many of them. They're likely to be treated as dodgy cos they're not issued by a Scottish bank.

    1. Ochib

      Re: Turings?

      Like Scottish notes in England

      living in England and I'm not likely to see many of them. They're likely to be treated as dodgy cos they're not issued by a English bank

      1. My-Handle Silver badge

        Re: Turings?

        Whereas in NI we'll accept pretty much anything as long as it has a £ on it somewhere.

        Seriously, we have something like three or four versions of each note, depending which bank printed it.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Turings?

          And back in the day the Punt was at parity with the £ so those were accepted as well.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Turings?

            Eire, where the currency rhymes with Bank Manager in the vernacular

      2. lybad

        Re: Turings?

        Exactly. That was my point.

        Goodness knows what an English based person would say to a Scottish £100 or £1 note.

        1. David Woodhead

          Re: Turings?

          Goodness knows what an English based person would say to a Scottish £100 or £1 note.

          "Hello Mr £100 note. Would you like to come home with me?"

          1. stiine Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Turings?

            No, no, no. More like 'would you like to come have a drink with me?'

            1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

              Re: Turings?

              A single beer can be rather too expensive, but £100? Not quite hit that point yet...

      3. Joe 37

        Re: Turings?

        Still happens - took me about an hour to persuade a Co-op in London that a Scottish fiver was actually cash. Even when I got bored and offered to pay by card even though it was only 4 pints of milk I was buying.

        I suppose fungible is as fungible does...

        1. ibmalone Silver badge

          Re: Turings?

          My tip is use the self-sevice checkouts, most of them accept all UK banknotes. (Exception I've found is 2019 Ulster Bank plastic notes when they hadn't been out for long, not tried the 2020£20 yet.) Although getting them taken in London is not too difficult.

      4. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. Hot Diggity

    NFTs

    So an episode of BOFH is an NFT?

    1. katrinab Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: NFTs

      Not quite. What you do is put the url

      "https://www.theregister.com/2021/08/13/bofh_2021_episode_15/"

      on a blockchain, and sell that token-containing url to someone.

      And because it is on a blockchain, rather than a common garden email or tweet or something like that, then somehow through the magic of blockchains it is worth a lot of money.

  14. Alumoi Silver badge

    A fool and his money

    Crypto, NFT, the boss.

    Well done, Simon!

  15. Dave314159ggggdffsdds Silver badge

    Would anyone like to buy an NFT of the number of the last bitcoin?

  16. Totally not a Cylon
    Mushroom

    Thai Office?

    Bonus points if Simon manages to convince the Boss of their Thai office to do it....

    They get arrested for merely stepping on a note to stop it blowing away, imagine what they'd do to someone who burnt a pile.....

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      Re: Thai Office?

      They get arrested for merely stepping on a note to stop it blowing away

      True if caught and in the case of the previous king completely deservedly, but he was most likely to pardon the culprit. In the case of the current king one would wish it were his actual face and he is most unlikely to pardon anyone caught.

  17. Jiggity
    Thumb Up

    Thank you

    For providing the first actually comprehensible explanation for what NFTs are (along with a nice object lesson as to why they are a Very Stupid Idea ;-) )

    1. Swarthy Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Thank you

      This is one of the clearest explanations of NFTs I've seen.

      Made even better by being funny.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Thank you

        It is far better than my example of the difference between fungible and non-fungible, which centred around trying to explain the difference between a £10 note and a cheque for £10, and I THEN had to proceed to explain WTF a cheque was.

        Bloody youngsters.

        1. the spectacularly refined chap

          Re: Thank you

          I prefer the cash vs car model since they are both things you can easily imagine being lent.

          If I lend you a tenner I expect £10 back a week (or whatever) later. It doesn't have to be the same tenner - wouldn't be much use if you couldn't spend it. Another tenner will do. Doesn't even have to be a tenner, two fivers work equally well. Money is fungible.

          If I lend you my car then I expect MY car back. Another car is not acceptable, even if it is the same make, model, age, mileage etc. I expect the specific, individual car back. Cars are NOT fungible.

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Re: Thank you

            And not two half cars?

          2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

            Re: Thank you

            If I lent you my car, I'd be perfectly happy to get a Bugatti Veyron back a week later (assuming in one piece), which I could then sell and buy a coupe of houses and a new sensible car.

            So, my car is quite fungible, as long is it gets exchanged for one of significantly greater value.

  18. Roger Kynaston Silver badge

    I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

    I assume that the SD card wasn't actually corrupt and they will now sell the pictures as NFTs to the idiots that buy such things as SCO licenses. As an aside, I hope that Pamela reads this.

    1. katrinab Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

      Are SCO still around?

      Last time I looked, they had ditched their old code base and were selling a re-badged version of FrreBSD. FreeBSD is good, but as the name might suggest, it is free.

      1. BOFH in Training

        Re: I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xinuos

        Thats the current name they are using, and after change of ownership, they are back at lawsuits again. Latest was in March 2021, against IBM and Redhat.

        Wonder if I will need to top up more pop corn for this show or will it be dead for sure soon.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

        " FreeBSD is good, but as the name might suggest, it is free."

        In SCO terms that doesn't mean too much. SCO had OpenServer but it wasn't open.

        1. the spectacularly refined chap

          Re: I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

          It was by the standards of the time - it predates Open Source as a term. Back then Open was generally understood as Open Systems - the important thing was vendor interoperability rather than source code.

          Do have fond memories of it, OpenServer was never cutting edge but had a degree of polish that modern Linux distros can only dream of. Of course once it was sold to Caldera who became the "new SCO" and kicked off the lawsuits development slowed to a crawl and bitrot set in, particularly in respect of modern hardware support.

          I suspect the FreeBSD kernel is simply an acknowledgement of that, things had decayed to a point there was simply too much work to do. A free kernel with the SCO userland on top does make sense to me for stuff that can't be migrated but I haven't really touched it in anger for twenty years now.

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

            "had a degree of polish that modern Linux distros can only dream of"

            I wouldn't go as far as that but if SCO had cut prices back in the '90s it's quite likely that Linux would never have become more widespread than, say, Reactos. At the time is was a well established server running on affordable hardware and capable of running a small business, especially when combined with Informix. A lot of small businesses did indeed run on it and, in turn, provided at least part of the income of freelancers such as myself. Fond memories indeed.

            1. katrinab Silver badge
              Meh

              Re: I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

              Or even fairly large businesses. McDonalds was their largest customer. I don't think they use it any more.

            2. jtaylor Bronze badge

              Re: I expect Simon the PFY to split the proceeds

              "if SCO had cut prices back in the '90s it's quite likely that Linux would never have become more widespread than, say, Reactos."

              I'd expect Linux would still be popular. The computer club at my university had a few modest second-hand UNIX workstations. Even to install basic GNU tools, we had to port code and hack around weird sometimes failing hardware. NetBSD was available and FreeBSD existed, but Linux offered something different. It not only ran on modern PCs, but was very easy to take apart and hack on, with an enthusiastic community finding new ways to use it. I think that being able to easily hack on and contribute source code really made Linux take off.

  19. Dizzy Dwarf
    Flame

    KLF

    Sounds like them KLF wankers missed a trick.

  20. TRT Silver badge

    Of course there's another level to this story...

    In a master stroke of genius not only did Simon exchange the real money for some vaguely passable forgeries that he ran off quietly on a few reams of that plastic impregnated "long-life" paper bought a few years ago to print "permit to work" and "storage permits" for contractors working in outdoor/harsh environments, you know, the stuff certified for cleanroom use, but that the "Sustainability Champions" managed to get banned due to the high plastic content (so now they have to print new permits every time it rains) and has been sitting quietly in the corner of the paper store for the last 5 years, but he also videoed the whole shebang, including a running commentary, of 'How the boss burned two grand' which he then auctioned off as an NFT and made a further £20k from.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Of course there's another level to this story...

      You do realise that you just screwed up Simons chances of a quiet week next week because you just Ninja'd next weeks episode and now he'll have to write a new one.

  21. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Must try

    this one on my boss... although going by previous , he's happy enough enough to burn other people's money. or keyboards

    But I'm not happy............ interviews for a new PFY next week..... as if I didnt have enough to do already......

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Must try

      Another? What happened to the last one? It must only be a couple of weeks or so ago that he started.

  22. Niek Jongerius

    NFT art

    Some excellent examples of "NFT art" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs7-aoQDvWg

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder...

    I wonder if it would be illegal to counterfeit the currency and then burn it to create an ash NFT.

    I mean, it's generally only illegal to counterfeit if there's an intent to use it in commerce, and you would instead be doing it with the intent to destroy it.

    1. Borg.King

      Re: I wonder...

      My thoughts too. I'm pretty sure PFY and BOFH swapped out the real wonga for some facsimiles hastily run off the super high quality laser printer that the company just had to buy last week.

      1. Grey_Kiwi

        Re: I wonder...

        Wouldn't work

        A lot of modern copiers won't do colour copies of well-known currencies, they have recognition capability and just refuse. Black and white is OK

    2. doublelayer Silver badge

      Re: I wonder...

      I think it would as they often restrict the creation of convincing notes to avoid the risk--I.E. no, I didn't use it, but someone else found it and did. But if you're immediately destroying it, they wouldn't know you had.

    3. Dave314159ggggdffsdds Silver badge

      Re: I wonder...

      "it's generally only illegal to counterfeit if there's an intent to use it in commerce"

      As far as I know that's the opposite of how it works - counterfeiting is an offence, as is passing counterfeit notes.

      Apparently people who make props for films have a problem with this, because money that looks real on-screen is generally comparable to counterfeit notes.

      1. jtaylor Bronze badge

        Re: I wonder...

        "Mister 880" is a delightful movie about an unusual counterfeiter. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042742/

  24. Curtis

    I see a revenue stream here...

    Will El Reg be selling NFTs of "aManFromMars'" comments?

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: I see a revenue stream here...

      Will El Reg be selling NFTs of "aManFromMars'" comments? .... Curtis

      :-) Would that investment be shrewd? ....... and revolutionary evolutionary and subversive?

  25. Blackjack Silver badge

    Okay; does the BOFH want to deal with the accounting apartment ninjas again? Because all those fires are increasing the office insurance premiums.

    And he is out of shinny hardware to bribe them with, the Windows 11 scam can't be done yet due to all Covid prep money wasted.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    NFT

    NFT stands for Non-Functional Testing where I come from. Tell this fancy blockchain mob to get their own abbreviations!

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021