back to article Wanted: Brexit grand fromage. £120k a year. Perks? Hmmmm…

No 10 Downing Street - the home of the UK Prime Minister - is looking to hire a big cheese at the Brexit Opportunities Unit to bring a fresh new oomph and zing to Whitehall. The 17-page job spec (downloadable here) – with perks including hybrid working, childcare benefits, a generous pension, and a loan to buy a bike – is …

  1. Velv
    Facepalm

    "£93,000 - £120,000"

    "Contract subject to negotiation; the role can be arranged on the basis of permanent appointment, loan, secondment or fixed-term assignment for a minimum of two years where it is in the mutual interest of the candidate and the Cabinet Office."

    So you can negotiate yourself outside IR35? Anyone spoken to HMRC?

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Free Box

      "...assignment for a minimum of two years where it is in the mutual interest of the candidate and the Cabinet Office."

      In the event of an untimely parting of the ways, the candidate can avail of a free box to take away personal effects and bombshells...

      https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-57505046

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        BBB

        Boris' Brexit Buddy

        Until... see above

        1. Roland6 Silver badge

          Re: BBC

          Boris' Brexit Champion

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Great Position/Opportunity

    No experience or qualifications needed. Just have to prove you are a devoted brexit headbanger.

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: Great Position/Opportunity

      Probably fair to assume that one of the limitations of the position is the inability to start negotiations to rejoin Europe?

      1. codejunky Silver badge

        Re: Great Position/Opportunity

        @Neil Barnes

        "Probably fair to assume that one of the limitations of the position is the inability to start negotiations to rejoin Europe?"

        Why would we want to do something that dumb?

        1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

          Re: Great Position/Opportunity

          Because even Boris and his Cretins have seen how stupid an idea it was and would like to correct it as rapidly as possible ?

          1. codejunky Silver badge

            Re: Great Position/Opportunity

            @Adrian 4

            "Because even Boris and his Cretins have seen how stupid an idea it was and would like to correct it as rapidly as possible ?"

            Even Boris and his cretins can see how stupid an idea it would be to rejoin, I should hope so.

            1. gandalfcn Silver badge

              Re: Great Position/Opportunity

              "Even Boris and his cretins can see how stupid an idea it would be to rejoin," For them maybe but not for the country. There is a difference.

              1. codejunky Silver badge

                Re: Great Position/Opportunity

                @gandalfcn

                "For them maybe but not for the country. There is a difference."

                Really? Are you in the UK or EU (believe me it could colour your perspective). If the UK were to rejoin that means none of the opt outs that remainers were clinging to as one of the few reasons to remain. With those there isnt a majority to be in the EU so why would the country want to rejoin without them?

                One of those serious opt outs being the Euro. That currency causing so much harm and causing the EU proper to struggle (polite wording for crisis).

                While of course the benefits of leave are already showing publicly the harm of remain is also visible just over there. Even the Swiss have just dropped their years of negotiation to join the EU because it isnt worth it.

        2. gandalfcn Silver badge

          Re: Great Position/Opportunity

          Why would anyone make such a dumb comment?

          1. codejunky Silver badge

            Re: Great Position/Opportunity

            @gandalfcn

            "Why would anyone make such a dumb comment?"

            It seems we both hold a similar opinion over the others comment.

      2. Adrian 4 Silver badge

        Re: Great Position/Opportunity

        "It needs someone who can change existing thinking,"

        So, no. That's ideal.

      3. Roland6 Silver badge

        Re: Great Position/Opportunity

        Doesn't say can't start negotiations for the EU to join the UK...

        1. codejunky Silver badge

          Re: Great Position/Opportunity

          @Roland6

          England already subsidizes Wales, Scotland and NI, why would we want to add such a basket case as the EU?

          Also they are far too illiberal.

          1. Roland6 Silver badge

            Re: Great Position/Opportunity

            @codejunky

            I think you are missing the point.

            This would be the Great British Union and Great British Market, that will work to Great British Rules of Fairness ie. you play by the rules, but we do what we like because we're sovereign.

            But you are probably right, the Conservatives, over many years, have demonstrated their ability to cock things up and then compound matters...

            1. codejunky Silver badge

              Re: Great Position/Opportunity

              @Roland6

              "This would be the Great British Union and Great British Market"

              As I said, the EU is far too illiberal and requires too much subsidy.

              "you play by the rules, but we do what we like because we're sovereign."

              Sounds very much like the EU playbook. One of the reasons to vote leave.

              "But you are probably right, the Conservatives, over many years, have demonstrated their ability to cock things up and then compound matters..."

              I dont reserve that ability to the Conservatives. Labour aint much better and they are only the electable parts of government. At least its not compounded to EU levels though (just look at any of their crises)

              1. Roland6 Silver badge

                Re: Great Position/Opportunity

                >"you play by the rules, but we do what we like because we're sovereign."

                Sounds very much like the EU playbook.

                Selective observation I see, it is part of the UK's and US's playbook with respect to international treaties etc. witnessed most recently at the G7 Summit...

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Great Position/Opportunity

                  https://newsthump.com/2021/06/23/everything-is-proceeding-exactly-as-i-have-foreseen-explains-wise-brexit-sage-2/

                2. codejunky Silver badge

                  Re: Great Position/Opportunity

                  @Roland6

                  "Selective observation I see, it is part of the UK's and US's playbook with respect to international treaties etc. witnessed most recently at the G7 Summit..."

                  Not being selective at all. Just reminding you that the EU isnt worth having much trust in either.

      4. R Soul

        Re: Great Position/Opportunity

        Probably fair to assume that one of the limitations of the position is the inability to start negotiations to rejoin Europe?

        Unless the tectonic plates shifted recently, the UK is still part of Europe.

        It isn't in the EU any more. But that's a different thing.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brexit Opportunities Unit?

    Agreed, what a sad nothing name. Uninspiring. Why not, "The Department of Unicorns?"

    Or Bexit Board of Chancers? (I hear that abbreviation will soon be up for grabs...)

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Brexit Opportunities Unit?

      "Every problem is an opportunity"

      In this case the a self-induced opportunity on the scale of deciding to invade Russia in Winter

      1. Wellyboot Silver badge

        Re: Brexit Opportunities Unit?

        It doesn't matter what time of the year you invade Russia, winter turns up within a few months.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Brexit Opportunities Unit?

          And after disastrously invading Russia you can replace your leader and within a decade be a world leading country again.

          How long before the "opportunity" of Brexit is overcome

          1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

            Re: Brexit Opportunities Unit?

            Depends on how long it takes to start the invasion of Russia.

  4. Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells
    IT Angle

    How tedious.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      http://edition.cnn.com/TECH/space/9909/30/mars.metric.02/

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Fed up of "winning"?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    British Office for Reconstruction and International Sales

    Will be run by a Group Of Virtuous* Executives.

    *or Venal. Take your pick.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: British Office for Reconstruction and International Sales

      The Brexit Oblation Board?

    2. JetSetJim Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: British Office for Reconstruction and International Sales

      It will be "Office of Brexit Excellence" for the incoming chum of Boris/Gove/Truss/Hancock, which will have an impact on their honorifics & titles later on in life...

  6. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Is one of the

    qualifications "Must have been mates with boris at oxford" ?

    1. 45RPM Silver badge

      Re: Is one of the

      I doubt it. It’s a poisoned chalice, everyone knows its a poisoned chalice, and the money isn’t all that must - especially considering that it’s career suicide.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Is one of the

        But is it absolutely guaranteed career suicide? No chance of return of redemption whatsoever? Because, if so, I would like to nominate Dido Harding.

      2. WolfFan Silver badge

        Re: Is one of the

        You boys are so negative. This is a wonderful opportunity. I should be able to do this from here, which means that I can still do my current job, so that I can do the Happy Dance due to getting paid twice. I can send in a few papers on how the United Kingdom can remain a united kingdom when the Scots and possibly Ulster depart, and how to keep Wales and Cornwall on side. Failing that, just think of the wonderful business opportunities involved in replacing every single official form with forms which say ‘Kingdom of England’ rather than ‘United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland’. And the splendid opportunity of getting BoJo the Nobel Peace Prize, for having done the impossible: getting both Eire and Ulster to hate his guts at the same time for the same actions. A glorious future awaits!

        1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

          Re: Is one of the

          I was hating bozo the clown's guts before it was fashionable

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Is one of the

          Northern Ireland and Ulster are not synonymous. Part of Ulster is in the Republic of Ireland.

          1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

            Re: Is one of the

            Part of Ulster is in the Republic of Ireland.

            Yup, three of the original nine counties.

        3. Roland6 Silver badge

          Re: Is one of the

          > This is a wonderful opportunity. I should be able to do this from here, which means that I can still do my current job

          You don't actually specify where 'here' is, would I be wrong to assume it might be outside of the UK? somewhere like Moscow...

      3. gandalfcn Silver badge

        Re: Is one of the

        Indeed, but there are quite a few BoJo cultists around, just like the Trumpists in the USA.

  7. Dave K Silver badge
    Joke

    My choice

    I'd rename it to the Brexit Opportunities Office for Business Investment and Export Solutions.

    Do I get the job now?

    1. I am David Jones

      Re: My choice

      Phone number: Whitehall 5318008?

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Alert

        Re: My choice

        surely it is...

        Phone number: Whitehall 350-000-000

    2. matjaggard

      Re: My choice

      I was just coming on here to suggest

      British Office of Opportunities Brexit Invariably Excludes, Sadly

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Foreign Undertakings Commerce Knowledge Enhancement Department

  9. hammarbtyp

    Isn't that a bit life jumping of a cliff, then trying to work out how to get a soft landing?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Or jumping off a cliff, refusing the offer of a parachute on the way down, crashing onto the rocks and claiming that the view of the cliff is much better from down here

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        ... and the only reason it's painful is because the rocks are being petty and vindictive...

        1. R Soul

          What's "petty and vindictive" about expecting someone to uphold the terms of a legally binding agreement that they willingly signed?

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            >What's "petty and vindictive" about expecting someone to uphold the terms

            Legally binding agreements don't apply to us, cos we're sovereign not foreigners

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            As the AC you're replying too, I agree with your rhetorical question.

            Hence the obviously sarcastic post!

            You'll need to try and understand Brexit logic if you want an answer, but English Empire Entitlement is the most likely answer.

            You see, brexiters voted to remove EU's access to the UK, but to keep our status the same.

            They expected to stop paying the gym membership, but still use the pool.

            1. codejunky Silver badge

              @AC

              "You see, brexiters voted to remove EU's access to the UK, but to keep our status the same."

              I would love to know who these people are. I hear about them and am sure there must be someone out there fitting this description but from what I see its remainers mentioning this hypothetical brexiter who wants to remain in the EU (read that oxymoron).

              "They expected to stop paying the gym membership, but still use the pool."

              Actually the EU kept pissing in the pool so we wanted to stop paying gym membership for 'facilities' that are undesirable. See vaccine procurement, financial crisis, migration crisis and increasing reliance on Russia.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Surely in this analogy it was the Leavers who took a massive (Brex)shit and then tried to convince everyone they'd just dropped a chocolate bar in the pool... "Look, just taste it. It's full of sovereignty and made in England."

  10. RockBurner

    Office of Brexit Opportunities in Europe - Personnel, Industrial & National Collaborations (OBOE-PINC)

  11. Data Mangler

    I know someone who's totally f****** hopeless. Should I suggest they apply?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      You are Mat Hancock and I claim my £120k

      1. Dave K Silver badge

        Now, now. Maybe he's John Penrose recommending his wife Dido for another top gig...

        1. 0laf Silver badge

          Dido isn't going to get out of bed for £120k

  12. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
    Go

    Sounds like a great opportunity ...

    I can think of at least one prominent code-addicted commentard who seems like an ideal fit for the role!

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like a great opportunity ...

      Nah, I think you have to come up with at least one good reason.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sounds like a great opportunity ...

      His always disgusted commentard friend could be his deputy!

  13. Eclectic Man Silver badge
    Trollface

    Highly contentious suggestion 'Troll or Joke'?!?!?!

    I realise that this is maybe a desperate gesture, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

    May I suggest that, purely in order to save the NHS, someone tell Dido Harding to apply?

    I know, I know, but honestly, we need the NHS, and whoever gets the Brexit Advisor Leading Liberation of Soaring UK Prosperity* job is going to be awful at it anyway. And even Boris would have to sack her after a short while.

    *Unfortunate acronym, sorry about that

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: Highly contentious suggestion 'Troll or Joke'?!?!?!

      May I suggest that, purely in order to save the NHS, someone tell Dido Harding to apply?

      She heard you already...

      https://www.theregister.com/2021/06/07/dido_harding_nhs_ceo/

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Highly contentious suggestion 'Troll or Joke'?!?!?!

        That was his whole point! Get her in there instead of the nhs

  14. elsergiovolador Silver badge

    I am afraid they should at least quadruple the offer in order to find someone competent.

    With such low salaries, no wonder we keep reading about another official securing another contract for one of his or her mates and since there is no enforcement, we have what we have...

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      I am afraid they should at least quadruple the offer in order to find someone competent.

      I am afraid you are missing the point, they don't want someone competent.

  15. Howard Sway

    Successful applicant must 'change existing thinking'

    Oh, if only the "existing thinking" in 10 Downing Street really could be changed.....................

    1. elsergiovolador Silver badge

      Re: Successful applicant must 'change existing thinking'

      They mean the candidate's thinking. They also forgot to add the ability to use tele-prompter as a requirement.

      Probably whatever candidate's thinking is, it will be replaced with oven ready scripts

  16. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    BOO sounds appropriate; here's one sector that's goosed https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-57518910

  17. amacater

    We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

    Can I nominate amanfrommars - [they?] will make sense of everything done in this post if duly appointed.

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

      Erm, what about Mr Dabbs? He actually lives abroad so has some experience of foreigners, albeit being asked to park his car somewhere else in your actual French, but it is a start.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

        >He actually lives abroad

        So a defector then ?

        1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
          Alert

          Re: We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

          I think he had no choice in the matter - a honey trap by the laid by the French with their deep cover operative Mme Dabbs

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Re: We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

            The sacrifices some men have to make .....

        2. Eclectic Man Silver badge

          Re: We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

          I am sure that the respected Mr Dabbs, is, as they say, an honourable man sent to lie abroad for his country.

      2. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

        I hope for Dabbs' sake his neighbours aren't Jonathan Harmsworth and Andrew Neil. Too much jambon fumé on the menu when invited round for a barbecue might cause indigestion.

      3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: We have our own candidate ritght here on El Reg ...

        "...park his car somewhere else ..."

        If he did not sort out his driving licence in time, he'll no longer be doing that unless he passes a local driving test.

        https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2021/jun/18/brexit-still-isnt-done-but-we-certainly-have-been

  18. Mike Richards Silver badge

    One for the rebranding experts?

    So rather than Brexit, it becomes all trendy with a lower-case 'brexit' or go the whole Standard Life and call it 'brxt'. Or perhaps something from the left field like 'gooseberry'.

    Add whale song and scented candles for the full Strategy Boutique experience.

  19. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    Dominic Cummings

    Would be an ideal candidate. Probably in with a chance were he to apply.

  20. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    BOB

    Department for Brexit Or Bust

  21. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Wallpaper allowance

    "a loan to buy a bike", but no mention of costs for office redecoration. No one worth their salt[Lulu Lytle soft furnishings] would be tempted by such a paltry compensation package

  22. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    MBA

    Must have a MBA from a reputable institution

    Master of Brexit Anarchy

  23. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

    Bing?

    Bong! A man made for this role. If anyone can persuade us we’re thinking it wrong, it’s Bong.

  24. HildyJ Silver badge
    Windows

    Hat incoming

    As a Yank, I've seen insurrection and secession movements, trade agreements and trade wars, and an even more bigly leader.

    I'm retired so I don't have a career to ruin.

    I've been a consultant so I know how to say "brilliant idea sir!"

    I figure a few massive committees to include the views of all stakeholders should tide me over for the better part of a year while I collect my salary and then I'll resign in protest of something. There's always something.

    Welcome to the new British Office for Opportunities in Brexit.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Hat incoming

      Are you able to distinguish, after a long consultation period, your arse/ass from your elbow ?

      You may be over-qualified

  25. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    Allo, Allo!

    Apparently Officer Crabtree is the favoured candidate for a new liaison role with the EU

    1. AndrueC Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Allo, Allo!

      I think you're mixing your TV series there old bean :)

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmmm

    If Brexit was the brilliant thing we were told it would be, there would be no need for such a unit. The way they try to spin damage limitation is so 1984, but still, there are some muppets who even now think Brexit is a good thing.

    The mind boggles.

  27. Warm Braw Silver badge

    A big cheese

    Well, thanks to Liz Truss, at least there will be a welcome in Japan, though crossing the Channel is likely to be out.

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      Re: A big cheese

      Do they have any idea the market for cheese in Japan is limited to various western embassies and expats?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    Someone who can change existing thinking

    There is existing thinking? Who is it who does this 'existing thinking'? And apparently this person will bring 'new thinking to government': I think that must be a typo: 'new' should not be there.

    1. DiViDeD Silver badge

      Re: 'new' should not be there

      I would say the same about 'thinking'

  29. TheProf Silver badge
    Devil

    A Good Thing

    I think this a a good thing. Someone to look at how things are going to have to change after spending 47 years in the EU.

    How being independent will mean sorting out our own rules and regulations. How we are going to interface with the rest of the world. What our obligations and commitments will be without the support of the rest of Europe.

    The government is now totally in charge of the ship and if we're to avoid the reefs and sail happily in the Tory Blue waters of free enterprise unfettered by the chains of the octopus-like bureaucracy that was our immediate past then I'm all for it.

    It would, also, have been a much better idea to have looked at all this and more before pulling on the eject handle.

    1. Whiskers

      Re: A Good Thing

      For some reason, this discussion brought to my mind the once-famous government job of "President of the Board of Trade". Not something I've heard anything about for many years, but it would seem to be pretty much what's needed now; someone to guide and inspire and enable "Trade". Not "Brexit", that's history, nothing can be done about it now.

      Whimsically, I referred to Wikipedia <https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_the_Board_of_Trade> and found that not only does the job still exist, there's an incumbent. Someone called Elizabeth Truss, who's been in post for nearly 3 years. I wonder what she's been doing and is it her "thinking" that the successful applicant is expected to "change"?

      1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

        Re: A Good Thing

        I suspect that the 'thinking' the successful applicant is expected to change includes:

        The belief that Brexit is an unmitigated disaster for the UK.

        The feeling that the Northern Ireland accord with a de facto customs border in the Irish Sea is a major problem.

        The belief that all of those British Commonwealth countries may be somewhat less than eager to sign up to free trade deals favouring their old invaders, sorry, colonial overlords, sorry, country that brought civilisation, railways and White Supremacy to their uneducated masses.

        The belief that closing UK borders to foreign seasonal fruit pickers and casual labourers from the EU will harm the UK economy.

        Or the belief that Boris and the current UK government have no idea what they are doing and are basically 'winging it'.

        <Thinks, I wonder if 'Thought Leadership' is explicitly mentioned in the job description.>

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: A Good Thing

          With the right person it could work - remember the time Derren Brown became prime minister and everything was wonderful ?

          1. Whiskers

            Re: A Good Thing

            At least he wouldn't rely on magic or miracles

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This whole article is a complete waste of print for you idiots, Brexit is doing fine but you pathetic creatures try to make out all our problems now are due to Brexit and nothing to do with the China-Virus. The majority of you lost, get over it idiots !

    1. Whiskers

      Brexit wasn't and isn't a continuing process, it was a once-only event that has happened and that's that. Its aftermath is of course ongoing, and that's what has to be handled now. Too bad there wasn't any real preparation in advance, or even proper negotiation of its terms.

      1. codejunky Silver badge

        @Whiskers

        "Too bad there wasn't any real preparation in advance, or even proper negotiation of its terms."

        I think you can have both leave and remain agree to that. Cameron did his best to stop any preparation from being possible and May started promising only to chicken out and try to remain.

        1. Whiskers

          Re: @codejunky

          Yes. Both camps are equally to blame for the mess.

    2. Big_Boomer Silver badge

      Oooohhh look, another pro-Brexit comment from an Anomalous Cretin. Why do none of you dare to display an account name? Are you afraid?

      Your grasp of the English language is appalling, your racism is obvious, and you also seem unable to count. You probably should have stayed at school a bit longer.

  31. Slabfondler
    Mushroom

    Why not Dido?

    Give her this plum, instead of letting her destroy the NHS. Yeah, let her destroy Brexit....that's my cunning plan!

  32. codejunky Silver badge

    In case anyone missed it

    The EU case against AZ has been ruled in favour of AZ. They are fulfilling their contract as agreed

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Politics

    Yawn...

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021