back to article What job title would YOU want carved on your gravestone? 'Beloved father, Slayer of Dragons, Register of Domains'

How many websites do I have? Go on, take a guess. Well done! You might be correct… or perhaps not. Honestly, I have no idea. As the weeks slip into summer, a recurring half-yearly to-do item pops up in my calendar to remind me it's time to get out the digital pruning shears and cut back my online overgrowth. My calendar does …

  1. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C Bronze badge

    Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

    LECTOR, SI MONUMENTUM REQUIRIS CIRCUMSPICE - Reader, if you seek his monument look around you.

    That's the sort of thing I'd like to be able to have.

    1. TheProf Silver badge

      Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

      "That's the sort of thing I'd like to be able to have."

      Good luck with that but I doubt anything as wonderful as St. Paul's cathedral would be built today.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

        If it were, it would be as a private mansion for a billionaire. Long gone are the days of public buildings being built with love and attention, with the goal of being aesthetically pleasing first, and functional second. Even modern cathedrals seem to be concrete monstrosities, even still when built by as wealthy an organisation as the Catholic church. Municipal buildings have no hope of being anything more than drab and functional.

        1. Pete B

          Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

          On the other had so many things seemed to be "designed" nowadays to fit the designers view of what is aesthetically pleasing with function not even on the list; quite surprising buildings aren't similar.

          Of course the millenium bridge over the Thames was struck by the "make it look good" first and worry about function later after it was built, so maybe that's a single contradiction to your argument.

          1. 2+2=5 Silver badge
            FAIL

            Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

            > Of course the millenium bridge over the Thames was struck by the "make it look good" first and worry about function later after it was built, so maybe that's a single contradiction to your argument.

            The Millennium Bridge would have looked good had it 'landed' inside Tate Modern as originally intended. However they didn't get permission for that so they just cut the end off and turned it around on itself, zig-zag style, instead of re-designing. Aesthetically it's an awful, awful bodge.

            It also doesn't align with the passage at the St. Paul's end, so as you cross the bridge you don't quite get a clear view up the passage to St. Paul's. If it had been built with a slight curve then that could have been achieved as well.

            The early wobbles have saved its reputation in a way: tourist guides can talk about that and skate over how poorly it fits into its context.

        2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

          This looks pretty reasonable: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-57496005

          It's a pity it's going to be built in one of the least accessible town centres in the country. I lived about 20 miles away for a few years and never ventured into it more than twice.

          1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

            Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

            At least it's stone-faced, but it has a bit of a New Bodleian look to it. The architects of that horror evidently felt that what the Sheldonian and the Clarendon Building needed was something reminiscent of the Atlantikwall opposite.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

            Are you claiming Oxford city centre is inaccessible? I lived there for quite a few years, and it's got the best public transport of anywhere I've ever lived. I can only imagine that you tried to drive to the city centre and ignored the excellent park and ride system. It's an old city centre that would be less than ideal for car traffic, and the council have done a great job with the ring road and buses.

            There was an episode of Top Gear where professional bellend Jeremy Clarkson and his snivelling sycophants complained about the town being "anti car". They notably didn't ask any of the residents, as everyone I knew understood why traffic was restricted and appreciated the decent public transport that was provided as an alternative. That scheme was implemented the year I moved there, and the terrible pollution in the city centre disappeared almost overnight.

            1. Tim99 Silver badge

              Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

              It's years since I went there. I remember the lack of adequate road direction signage when I tried to leave. Perhaps the planners thought that once there, nobody would ever want to go somewhere else? These days, SatNavs have taken over...

            2. Rich 11 Silver badge

              Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

              I'm upvoting you, not because I have any interest in Oxonian transport but for the phrase 'professional bellend Jeremy Clarkson and his snivelling sycophants'.

            3. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
              IT Angle

              Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

              I used to drive upto oxford and then take the A40 or A44 to go west (much more fun than droning down the M4/over the bridge)

              However what was a simple roundabout(with gas station/MacDs ) they've turned into some god forsaken mess where you now have to drive into Oxford through 14 traffic lights to a roundabout with no signposts and the lane markings that seem have been splashed on at random.

              (maybe oxford council thinks we're still at risk of invasion and came up with that scheme to confuse the invaders)

              Anyway , back to the subject, I think mine will be a choice of 2, the classic roman

              "As you are now, so was I, As I am now, so will you be"

              Or better

              "Here lies Boris the cockroach and he's bloody annoyed"

              1. the hatter

                Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

                "Despite popular rumour, not all cockroaches were bound to outlive humanity" ?

        3. J.G.Harston Silver badge

          Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

          Hexagons really were "in" in the 1970s, weren't they? My university and my home town's university hall and my home town's town hall extension were all the Hexagon Aesthetic.

        4. nullptr

          Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

          I'm not sure that criticism of the architecture is necessarily justified - given that most architects build to the best of what's there. Just as Wren was rebuilding in the modern style over what had burned down, so the Brutalists were doing after the Blitz, in a way which both perceived to be the best way to deliver a utopia on Earth. I agree the Brutalist builds have suffered badly from ageing, but arguably that's primarily a consequence of them being able to be designed for a (relatively) precise lifespan; which is a fault, but the utility of which is arguably exemplfied by those who wish to knock the Brutalist buildings down in favour of building their own tabernacles.

          It should be remembered that anything standing today has undergone several periods of architectural fashion, potentially combíned with stone-robbing; the architecture of the 20th century has had to contend with much more in that we have an industry that wears its faith as but the passion of its hat, and changes it with the inexorability of a Kardashians' trousers. I will be genuinely interested to see what Brutalism survives into the 22nd century, since that will be most certainly the cream of the crop in a way previous architecture cannot claim.

        5. TheProf Silver badge
          Angel

          Church

          "as wealthy an organisation as the Catholic church"

          Being a Catholic schoolboy at the time the 'concrete monstrosity' was being constructed I can remember there being lots of fundraising carried out in the community. With that in mind I think the Liverpool Catholic Cathedral was funded locally* and not from the 'wealthy organisation' you may have seen swanning about in private jets etc.

          Of course the original plan was much grander.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liverpool_Metropolitan_Cathedral

          And you really should try going inside the 'concrete monstrosity' before condemning it entirely.

          1. Tom 7 Silver badge

            Re: Church

            TBF the inside is infinitely better than the outside.

            Mind you the same could be said of me after a good curry.

        6. Terry 6 Silver badge

          Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

          Yep. There seem to be two strands here. Sometimes in a mismatched harness together.

          On one side are bean counter lead decisions: use the cheapest materials, don't budget for any greater use than current, i.e.allow any "growing space", don't worry about the staff who have to work in there, don't plan anything to reduce the cost of future maintenance by spending a few extra bob now to make sure that things can be easily repaired in a few years' time.

          On the other hand are the grandiose self-promoting builds; make sure that the architect has a famous name, make sure the building looks brilliant on the architects illustration, choose a design that looks unique, totally ignore the area around and whether your building fits in, don't worry about the staff who have to work in there, don't plan anything to reduce the cost of future maintenance by spending a few extra bob now to make sure that things can be easily repaired in a few years' time, make a token environmental and public service commitment easily side-stepped..

    2. Paul Kinsler Silver badge

      Re: Samuel Holberry, Charterist

      [died in prison] "for advocating what to him appeared to be the true interests of the people of England."

      I happened across the gravestone quite by accident a few decades ago in Sheffield General Cemetery; and have always been impressed by the very careful wording.

    3. gerdesj Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

      Scribe/chisel: "<Your name> me fecit" into something you made that will last a while.

      As a last resort get it tattooed on your kids. For maximum effect, get it chiselled into the little loves ...

      (I have a small but quite minimal interest in how to start on translating: "The commentard formerly known as Mister_C" into Latin. Perhaps someone with more time on their hands could dive in here)

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

        My gravestone will be inscribed with 'Hic iacet nemo' and nothing else. If I can be arsed to arrange a gravestone. Or afford one.

      2. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C Bronze badge
        Happy

        Re: Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph

        Mister_C translation via Yandex "excors, qui genera stercora". Descriptive rather than literal.

        Their literal translation is "In commentario olim notus sicut Mister_C". I'll use that next time I allow the account to lapse...

  2. Russell Chapman Esq.

    Exploring cemetries

    If there is an interesting old one, I do like to have a wander and read some of the stones. If you are ever in the area, check out Tower Hamlets Cemetry Park. A gorgeous old graveyard that's turned into woodland, in the heart of the east-end of London. I quite fancy doing a bit of a photography project there, it's such a calm, relaxing place with a great ambience as you wander around the stones and monuments.

    1. Pete B

      Re: Exploring cemetries

      Sounds like you're advocating taphophilia.

      1. Russell Chapman Esq.

        Re: Exploring cemetries

        I had to look up taphophilia - The love of funerals and cemeteries. No, definitely not. I simply like when I find a place interesting and I'm visualizing the images I can capture with my camera.

        1. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Re: Exploring cemetries

          I didnt want to look it up - the idea there was a special word for necrophilia of the welsh was really pleasing for some reason,

    2. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Exploring cemetries

      Last time I was in Tower Hamlets a couple of decades back, aside from the teens shagging between the gravestones, you would have been mugged by the lads who were trying to steal the railings for scrap.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Exploring cemetries

      St Just in Roseland.

      Yes, it's a place.

    4. Alistair Dabbs Silver badge

      Re: Exploring cemetries

      Several years ago I began plotting a walking map of London's famous dead scientists and engineers, taking in blue plaques, IEEE plaques, sites of great discoveries and, of course, graveyards. I was going to write it up for The Reg and make the walking route available as a Google Map with location photos. Unfortunately, I had to move before the Brexit Withdrawal Disagreement came into force and the map is only half done.

      Still, I have plenty of photos of surprisingly modest gravestones in unlikely places. Charles Babbage, IK Brunel, er... Douglas Adams, etc.

      1. Paul Kinsler Silver badge

        Re: Exploring cemetries

        Perhaps there is someone in London who could help you finish that. It's quite populous, for a tiny unfinished village in the middle of nowhere :-)

        1. Alistair Dabbs Silver badge

          Re: Exploring cemetries

          Walking guides are a bit more complicated than you think. For a start, most people would not be happy with walking very far, so my tech sites of London would have to be split up into separate circular walks. I also want them to be accessible to wheelchair easyriders. And, most important of all, I need to plot pub stops along each route, which means I'd have to personally test each one for Commentard Suitability.

          1. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: Exploring cemetries

            And toilet stops too.

            1. Tom 7 Silver badge

              Re: Exploring cemetries

              Generally solved by staying in the pub stop.

      2. Russell Chapman Esq.

        Re: Exploring cemetries

        That would be a really interesting walk/bike-ride if you ever decide to finish it. Because of Covid, my family in France/Spain have given up on coming to the UK this year. Brexit hasn't really changed things too much with regard to travel in Europe.

      3. Neil Barnes Silver badge

        Re: Exploring cemetries

        Surprisingly, Potsdam is a rather attractive place with a number of interesting monumental public buildings rebuilt after the twin unpleasantnesses of WW2 and the Soviet-controlled DDR.

        It can be a bit jarring though sometimes to see a rather fine fin de siecle building on one side of the road directly facing some worker's paradise construction. And there is the fine building opposite the Film Museum which is crowned with statues looking as if they're all about to leap off... nice place all round, and I'm glad I moved here.

        1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

          Re: Exploring cemetries

          Don't forget Sans Souci, a rather nice (and pretty small) palace.

    5. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: Exploring cemetries

      I can also highly recommend Arnos Vale Cemetery in Bristol, as a fine example of a Victorian cemetery, in the same vein as Highgate and Tower Hamlets Cemetery Park. It has many interesting graves, including those of all-round good eggs Mary Carpenter and Raja Roy.

    6. This post has been deleted by its author

  3. b0llchit Silver badge
    Joke

    When sounds do bother...

    Here lies Alistair Dabbs - Never to be heard of again.

    Cheers! (not you, you're dead, the other alive you)

  4. UCAP Silver badge

    Well I plan ...

    .. on living forever. So much to see in the universe, so little time left to see it.

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: Well I plan ...

      The universe exists for me to play tourist in.

    2. Mage Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: Well I plan ...

      I guess it's working so far?

    3. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Well I plan ...

      Likewise, I also plan to live forever.

      So far, so good...

  5. Greybearded old scrote Silver badge

    Speaking for myself

    I'm immortal.

    Well, so far.

    1. Julz Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Speaking for myself

      Thats odd, so am I...

    2. Red Ted Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Speaking for myself

      "Learning that we're only immortal for a limited time"

      Name that tune!

      1. CuChulainn
        Pint

        Re: Speaking for myself

        Rush, Dreamline, from the album Roll The Bones.

        Have a beer for having good musical taste.

  6. Spanners Silver badge
    Pint

    "Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes"

    If you can read this, you're overeducated.

    My mother did put my fathers degree on his tombstone. They met at Uni and I assume that it was still part of them.

    Perhaps it is more common in Scotland where education is (or used to be) more important than it is down here...

  7. Trigun Bronze badge
    Trollface

    No gravestone for me as it just uses up land. However, if I did have one perhaps a gravestone made of obsidian with a red border and red text which says:

    Hardware Failure. Press left mouse button to continue.

    Guru Meditation #30070800.00F80000

    1. HildyJ Silver badge
      Windows

      Traditional tombstone with my name and birthdate.

      And then an actual IBM 360 Emergency Pull Switch attached to the tombstone.

      Below that, "Power Shut Down" with my death date.

      Old school or no school.

      1. Tim99 Silver badge
        Coat

        I'd like C ERRNO: 130 OWNER DIED (but not yet).

  8. Admiral Grace Hopper

    A999-EXIT-PROGRAM.

    STOP RUN.

    1. Julz Silver badge

      Re: A999-EXIT-PROGRAM.

      Or for the fans of cremation: Halt and Catch Fire.

    2. Helen Waite

      Re: A999-EXIT-PROGRAM.

      AT LAST, WE MUST WALK TOGETHER.

  9. Warm Braw Silver badge

    Let's unhook the stirrups

    If that is the future direction of physical conduction audio technology I'm going to be reading a lot more books.

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Let's unhook the stirrups

      Book reader transmitting audio via vibrating underpants in 3 2 1 ...

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Let's unhook the stirrups

        You can be arrested if you have your underpants read Lolita.

  10. macjules Silver badge
    Devil

    Urgh .. Linkedin

    "I was late for my interview because I stopped to help someone's dog to cross the road. The next day I went for another job interview and guess what? That dog was the CEO!"

    1. Aussie Doc Bronze badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Urgh .. Linkedin

      ^^^^This.

      And the similar abomination at the other end of the scale "I stole some twat's car park space and gave them the finger - they were the CEO!!1!"

  11. Howard Sway

    No gravestone for me

    Scatter my atoms back into the world somewhere and let them go on wherever time takes them.

    A bit hippy-dippy you might think, but I can remember a trend 15 years or so ago when idiots were suggesting "interactive" gravestones festooned with screens, whereby the life of the deceased could be relived (I think most of them suggested buttons on the slab to operate them, which must make the trend pre smartphone).

    I guess it died out when most people realised that it was a genuinely ghoulish idea for a graveyard.

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: No gravestone for me

      Decades ago a lived across the road from a large catholic graveyard. Every few years they would pull up the gravestones on about a quarter of it and spread another layer of earth on top. Multistorey graves!

      Time to find out if my Latin is worse than my sense of humour:

      Nisi frangi non fice.

      Cogito numium ergo demens sum.

      1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

        Re: No gravestone for me

        Multistorey graves used to be fairly common, though I think it was mostly done by piling the interments on top of each other, rather than raising the ground level. John Donne's poem The Relic begins "When my grave is broke up again / Some second guest to entertain".

        1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
          Headmaster

          Re: No gravestone for me

          Either that or leave them there for a while, then dig them up again and move the bones into a central mausoleum for longer-term "storage" and re-use the grave for the next tenant.

          And most often the bones were put in the mausoleum by type rather than by previous owner, so there were shelves of skulls, ribs, pelvises etc but no-one was ever whole again.

          1. Psmo
            Pirate

            Re: No gravestone for me

            Same thing in the Paris catacombs, if you ever get the chance. There, some of the bones that were moved from various building projects got turned into artwork.

            Nice retirement if you can get it.

          2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: No gravestone for me

            "And most often the bones were put in the mausoleum by type rather than by previous owner, so there were shelves of skulls, ribs, pelvises etc but no-one was ever whole again."

            Come judgement day and the resurrection, God will put all the bits back together again. They do expect a lot of their gods, do some people :-)

            1. Rich 11 Silver badge

              Re: No gravestone for me

              One medieval thinker conjectured that the human body must contain a small, invisible, intangible, indestructible bone from which God could reliably recreate and reanimate the entire body, regardless of where the bone ended up. He was worried that good Christians whose remains were destroyed by fire or lost at sea, and therefore never buried in hallowed ground, facing east and ready to rise on the Day of Resurrection, would miss out.

              It would have made a lot more sense if he'd just given God an Infinity Gauntlet.

              1. Terry 6 Silver badge

                Re: No gravestone for me

                I'm often fascinated by the number of religious types who'll happily claim God to be omnipotent and omniscient, yet needing praise and help from us.

                I could believe in God. I just can't believe in a God who's so needy .

                1. Fred Daggy

                  Re: No gravestone for me

                  And broke.

          3. Trigun Bronze badge

            Re: No gravestone for me

            Sounds a bit too poltergeist to me!

      2. Irony Deficient Silver badge

        Re: No gravestone for me

        The only fice that I know of is vocative — was that your intended use?

        I don’t know what numium is.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No gravestone for me

      Here's an interactive tombstone.

  12. Dr_N Silver badge
    Gimp

    devices that transmit detectable sound into your body via parts of your body

    Tenga Dolby Atmos Edition?

  13. CAPS LOCK

    Romanes eunt domus

    or perhaps Romani ite domum. I dunno, whatever...

    1. Spanners Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Romanes eunt domus

      Sic transit in Gloria mundi

      My sister was sic in the back of a white van at the start of the week.

      1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

        Re: Romanes eunt domus

        Caesar sic in omnibus, Brutus sic inat.

        1. Spoobistle

          Re: Romanes eunt domus

          Caesar adsum iam forti, Brutus aderat

          Caesar sic in omnibus, Brutus sic in at

        2. Terry 6 Silver badge

          Re: Romanes eunt domus

          This is because;

          Caeser adsum ex forte.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Romanes eunt domus

      Carpe canem et cave diem

      1. Ken Shabby
        Holmes

        Re: Romanes eunt domus

        Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Romanes eunt domus

          Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.

          (I wish I'd known this existed back when I learned Latin. It would have been so much fun quoting it and watching my classmates try to translate it.)

  14. Calum Morrison

    There's worse you could have on your tombstone; just ask Robert B Findlater buried in Durness, Sutherland at the tragically young age of 20 years & 13 months.

    1. Mast1

      Gone to his head

      In contrast to what was recorded on his tombstone as "the eccentric resident of Dorking" who was buried, at his own request, head down on nearby Box Hill.

  15. ShadowSystems

    "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"?

    Damn it, now I want to know more! Do tell! =-D

    As for my gravestone inscription, that's easy: "I feel fine. I'm getting better. I think I'll go for walkies!"

    1. Psmo

      Re: "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"?

      Better than "I wasn't foolin' anyone y'know"

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"?

      I think Dabbsy might be referring to his previous, sadly short-lived, employment as Eric Morecambes stunt double before he moved into IT and became a Technology Tart.

  16. Andy A
    Happy

    Spike's stone was anything but standard

    As a genealogist, graveyards are a common destination. It's true that occupations rarely get mentioned on gravestones, but mostly for cost reasons. When you are paying by the letter, even shortening the month from "JULY" to "JUL" might make the stone more affordable.

  17. Cuddles Silver badge

    Headphones

    "One particular area of audio hardware tech that's enjoying a reprise at the moment is buzzy, vibrate-y devices that transmit detectable sound into your body via parts of your body that aren't necessarily your ears. I haven't seen many of these for several years"

    They're a bit of a niche thing, but they've always been popular for running and other similar things. Most competitions won't allow you to wear anything that blocks your ears for safety reasons, so bone conduction headphones are the go-to solution for a lot of runners. I've never noticed anything weird about them; they usually sit very close to your ear and sound exactly like normal hearing. I hope they don't become too trendy though; since they don't form a seal around your ear or get shoved in a hole, they're even more annoying for nearby people than regular headphones. Great for running around outdoors, but I'd hate to sit on a bus full of people using them.

    1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Headphones

      Yes, things like the Bone Fone were being sold 42 years ago: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bone_Fone

      1. Paul Kinsler Silver badge

        Re: Headphones - Bone Fone

        Bone fone? Fonebone?

        Shades of Don Martin!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: IT angle :-)

          https://fineartamerica.com/featured/fragmentation-happens-don-martin.html

      2. Daedalus Silver badge

        Re: Headphones

        Yes, I bought one myself after seeing the ad in some sci/tech publication back in the dim and distant past when a stroke of academic fate sent me to west Texas for a few months. Of course it didn't actually arrive until I was back in Blighty, so the former boss in El Paso had to ship it to me.

        Unfortunately the device was designed with the US in mind, a country where VHF/FM reception is excellent as a matter of commercial necessity. Using it on the outskirts of London was a matter of facing the right direction while wearing it, which led to some odd situations before I abandoned it entirely. The interference from airliners landing at Heathrow didn't help either.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Headphones

          "after seeing the ad in some sci/tech publication"

          Most likely a JS&A ad in OMNI Magazine.

          I have a working Bone Fone. I recently rescued it from a box in my parent's attic (along with a pair of roller skates and a pile of Campagnolo bike parts I collected to modernize my early '70s PX-10E). It is OK for listening to baseball, the news or talk shows, but that's about it.

  18. KittenHuffer Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"

    I prefer my stunts to be cunning! Especially where grapefruit are concerned!

    ----------> Need I say more?!?

    .

    All of my posts keep going getting flagged for moderation, and some aren't even appearing after they've been moderated.

    Guess I'll just have to stop bothering to comment.

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      Re: "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"

      All of my posts keep going getting flagged for moderation, and some aren't even appearing after they've been moderated.

      Guess I'll just have to stop bothering to comment.

      You're not the only one.

      1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

        Re: "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"

        After 30 months without a single rejected comment I've suddenly had 3 rejected in the last 7 days. The first was rejected when I made an OCP joke, unfortunately the author had mistyped OPC, and when they corrected that they must have rejected my comment.

        Since then every comment has to wait for moderation, and another 2 have been rejected, seemingly when they got stuck in moderation.

        I wonder what I have to do to get out of this moderation loop!

        1. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

          Re: Re: "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"

          Email us corrections, there's a greater chance someone will see them.

          1. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
            Happy

            Re: "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"

            Nonsense! Complaining publicly and uselessly instead of pursuing a useful and beneficial path is the very soul of the Internet!

          2. KittenHuffer Silver badge

            Re: "Amazing Stunts with Grapefruit"

            I wasn't pointing out an error, I had seen the mistyped OCP and was making a Robocop joke. I hadn't even spotted the mistake.

            Someone else pointed out the error and while it was being fixed my OCP comment was probably rejected as it was no longer relevant. And since then I've been in commentard hell!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Beloved father, Slayer of Dragons, Register of Domains

    This ain't dope, put me down NOW!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Seen once and happy to pass it along...

    "Here lies an atheist,

    six feet below,

    all dressed up,

    and no place to go."

  21. m-k

    I recommend

    A Small Book Of Grave Humour. Apparently all genuine inscriptions, all delivered in an appropriately-shaped package. Can be had off abebooks or ebay for a couple of quid.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is still one of my favs...

    "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

    Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'

    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

    Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

    The lone and level sands stretch far away."

  23. chivo243 Silver badge
    Go

    John Belushi?

    Samurai Bakery - master baker, Mr. Dantley: Oh, fruit cake! My favorite! Boy, it’s really a beauty. You.. you are a master baker!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't know the title...

    ...I'd want.

    But I certainly don't want "Peep show wank booth moppers rag wringer".

    1. doesnothingwell

      Re: I don't know the title...

      Jizz Mopper

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I don't know the title...

        ...is the line manager for the Peep show wank booth jizz moppers rag wringer.

  25. Irony Deficient Silver badge

    carved in smaller letters using an almost illegible font

    A font of that style, Newman, was quite common in Irish language publishing before the 1950s Irish spelling reform. Milligan’s gravestone unfortunately didn’t use the traditional overdots instead of h’s for lenition, e.g. go raiḃ mé instead of go raibh mé for “that I was”. The gravestone’s font also avoided the traditional lower-case “long r” (ꞃ) and “long s” (ꞅ) of Newman, which tend to be the hardest letters for anglophones to get accustomed to.

  26. Dante Alighieri Bronze badge
    Headmaster

    Register

    What is the correct term for some one who registers many domains?

    Registrar has too tight a meaning.

    Register is a singular action or a document.

    Registerer is NaW (not a word)

    So unless Mr Dabbs has all his domains tattooed on him, forming a living register of his registrations I am lost.

    Register of Domains does not quite parse for me.

    1. skeptical i
      Trollface

      Re: Register

      Registard?

      For anyone with "too many" (however this is defined) domains, perhaps registered in a spree or frenzy.

    2. 2+2=5 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Register

      > What is the correct term for some one who registers many domains?

      > Registrar has too tight a meaning.

      The registrar is the official (or in this case organisation) that records the registration. The person applying for the domain therefore ought to be called a 'registree'. But since there isn't such a word then 'applicant' is probably the best alternative.

      In terms of having registered too many then maybe "domain diarrhoeic"?

  27. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    64 thousand Euro question

    "...lengthen my life. Or penis"

    Not that I want to be the cause of strife in chez Dabbs, but have you shown those to Mme Dabbs and asked given the choice, which one of those she would prefer you to pursue.

  28. Montreal Sean

    Audio

    Dabbsy, your schlong-lengthening audio will only work of accompanied by schlong-lengthening video.

    It's a package deal.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Unicorns

    Remember, a Unicorn is just a donkey with a strapon. That is all.

  30. Franco Silver badge

    A certain Mr William Connolly (who I often quote in this parish) always said he wanted on his tombstone (in very small test so you had to get close to read it) YOU'RE STANDING ON MY BALLS.

    For my part being Scottish, I just want the word "cunt" on my tombstone, because there are so many different ways that can be interpreted and none of them are wrong or right. (you may have to be Scottish not to take cunt as being pejorative)

  31. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    Tombstones? Cemeteries?

    Perhaps not for very much longer on this ide of the pond. Burials are on their way out, many opting for cremations. Composting remains is gaining approval. Anything to keep the dead from tying up valuable real estate (as if we don't have plenty). Some are suggesting that cemeteries be dug up and re-purposed for housing. For the homeless, of course.

    We also don't have the deep history of cathedrals and old estates. I have just out-lived an estate, horse stables and pasture that was built at the same time I moved into the neighborhood. The owners moved out and a developer snatched it, with bulldozers in tow. We look forward to welcoming our new high density apartment blocks.

    If you expect to be remembered, it will be as a jar on your descendants mantle. Just hope you don't get misplaced in a move.

  32. Dr. G. Freeman

    Gordon Douglas Freeman (1981- ...)

    If found please return here.

  33. Blackjack Silver badge

    Google "Relaxing sounds ten hours" then play the video you prefer from the results.

    Who needs an App?

  34. shawn.grinter

    Mine...

    I'd want:

    /*

    //

  35. Tom 7 Silver badge

    A couple of weeks ago

    I was down my local banging what looked like part of a broken rotary harrow on the table and saying 'No, its definitely not a shell!"

    The bomb disposal squad disagreed later. But something of that ilk on a plaque on the floor of a church to make the buggers laugh for a change.

  36. Sam Therapy

    "Connection lost"

  37. fatbuddha

    Re: Spike’s gravestone

    Just a small correction - the gravestone doesn’t face the local pub, but faces the church although the pub is indeed across the road from it. It’s easily found as the grass track to it is well worn by visiting feet.

    He lived in Dumb Woman’s Lane - typically Spike - in what he called “the ugliest house in England”.

  38. David Woodhead
    Devil

    It has to be ...

    ... 'He didn't suffer fools gladly'.

    Should be the default epitaph for every BOFH.

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