back to article Your spacesuit ran into a problem and needs to restart

There are two things a spacewalker doesn't want to hear: "Can you turn it off and turn it on again?" and "What's that hissing sound?" The IT solution of the ancients reached orbit yesterday as one of a pair of astronauts tasked with fitting a new solar array to the International Space Station (ISS) had to make his way back to …

  1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
    Mushroom

    There Are Three Things

    A spacewalker doesn't want to hear: "Can you turn it off and turn it on again?", "What's that hissing sound?" or the sound & sensation(s) of their stomach/bowels having a unexpected party & looking for the exit (Icon).

    1. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: There Are Six Things

      "Hey, what does this thing do?"

      "There are always a few parts left over, right?"

      And the ever-popular "Oops" followed by a deafening silence.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: There Are Six Things

        And as one or two have discovered, "why is my helmet filling up with water?"

      2. Arthur the cat Silver badge
        Alert

        Re: There Are Six Things

        And the ever-popular "Oops" followed by a deafening silence.

        I believe the most common final words on cockpit recorders are "Oh fuck".

    2. fidodogbreath

      Re: There Are Three Things

      On a similar note -- I've read that space-suit-wearing SR-71 pilots quickly learned not to eat eggs or other farty foods before a mission.

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: There Are Three Things

      this reminds me of a Dr. Who episode - in space, O2 is expensive, after all! (in that episode the suits literally took over)

      Along with a zillion other things I'm not an expert on, I have kicked around a design concept for a one-size-fits-all space suit, mostly for emergencies. In short, a vinyl bubble [made of thick material similar to a waterbed] with an integral helmet and radio, pockets for important things like an O2 bottle with a regulator on it, a couple of hose connections (for the O2 bottle etc.), and a bunch of oversized SHOE STRINGS that you'd use to obtain a proper fit.

      For working it may not be tough enough, but if you put something _like_ this on, then put some stronger clothing over it (like pants and a jacket, only SPACE pants+jacket) and gloves, it might be pretty effective, fit ANYONE, be relatively easy to put on, and maybe even cheap enough to be DISPOSABLE.

      And you could put these in boxes at various places inside the people compartment, for emergency use, in case of sudden decompression.

      (you'd have to strap on the extra A/C when working outside but that could be more like a backpack thrown on after everything else, connect up hoses, etc.)

      yeah - I think in terms of doing it "on the cheap" yet being extremely effective and reliable. But it would look like you were wearing a balloon tied with shoelaces.

      1. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C Silver badge

        Re: There Are Three Things

        Prior art - Bibendum

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelin_Man

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: There Are Blakes 7 Things

          https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EF3Rcm6VUAA6nwh?format=jpg&name=medium

      2. decentralised

        Re: There Are Three Things

        I suppose you wouldn't mind looking like a big dick if it meant survival.

      3. Jim Mitchell

        Re: There Are Three Things

        " a vinyl bubble "

        I seem to recall that NASA had plans for emergency rescue balls to be used on the space shuttle. They were really just plastic spheres with a handle. You relied on somebody with an actual space suit to move you out of harms way.

        1. Andy The Hat Silver badge

          Re: There Are Three Things

          Problem with emergencies is that entering or egress may be the issue ... as Alexei Leonov found out when he has to partially deflate his suit to reenter through the hatch ...

      4. Spherical Cow Silver badge

        Re: There Are Three Things

        Your vinyl suit will need some kind of flexible joints. Without those, the pressure in the suit will make it impossible for the occupant to bend/move their limbs.

  2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Could be worse: a blue screen....

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Is it running Microsoft Spacesuit?

    Maybe it needs to do an Online Update.

    Asking for a friend.

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Intractable Potsherd

    Heinlein

    Things were obviously much simpler when I were a lad. "Have Spacesuit, Will Travel" never mentioned reboots.

    (I have wondered for years what sort of batteries the suit used, though. They lasted an awfully long time without recharge or replacement.)

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Heinlein

      "(I have wondered for years what sort of batteries the suit used, though. They lasted an awfully long time without recharge or replacement.)"

      If it was Heinlein, then they would Shipstones.

  6. AceRimmer1980
    Alien

    IT meets Spacesuits , a documentary

    A bit sweary, but painfully close to what the reality would be?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaxZgsdh-ac

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like