back to article $28m scores mystery bidder right to breathe same air as Amazon kingpin Jeff Bezos in Blue Origin flight

$28m has secured someone a seat on the first crewed flight of Blue Origin's New Shepard, with the mystery bidder scoring the right to breathe the same air as fellow passenger Amazon founder Jeff Bezos. Bezos had previously confirmed that he and his brother, Mark, would be strapped into the capsule atop the reusable rocket on …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My money is on it being Elon for a laugh.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Best outcome: Elon bought it and will give it to the most energic union organizer at Amazon...

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alert

      One of the Kardashians?

    3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Lindsay Lohan

      Fed up of waiting for The Register Special Projects Bureau to send her eponymous craft into Space, Lindsay Lohan takes matters into her own hands to be the first Lohan in space

  2. Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells

    Businesses have to report on potential risks to the business. For example Manchester United used to file that the company would be harmed should the manager at the time (Sir Alex) retire.

    I'd love to read Amazon's corporate risk assessment of "our glorious leader is being strapped to an updated version of a V1 rocket and fired approximately upwards".

    1. PhoenixKebab
      Mushroom

      I assume Bezos has ordered a self-destruct mechanism to be wired into every Amazon warehouse and employee. To be triggered if his vital signs cease.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        (Have a beer for that comment, I almost wet myself laughing at it!)

        But sadly, I can just about imagine Bezos doing that.

        I'm now having worrying thoughts about to what extent he might regard Baron Harkonnen as a role model…? "The spice trinkets must flow!"

    2. Mishak

      A pity he stood down to focus on BO.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      By the time the flight is planned, Bezos will not be an Amazon employee any longer. Consensus is that he hasn't been doing much for a long time anyway (busy with his new girl dontcha know), but once he's no longer involved in the corporation's business nothing that happens to him constitutes a risk to the shareholders. More practically, Amazon's never paid a dividend and if you totaled up all the net profits over the company's entire existence they'd come to just over $3 a share, or about 0.1% of the current market price. Given that track record of performance, it's difficult to believe that the loss of Mr Bezos would somehow deprive the shareholders of value; they should have fired him themselves years ago.

  3. macjules Silver badge

    In true Amazon style

    For $28m they deliver the seat to your door by Prime. "Oh, you thought you would be going up into space with Mr Bezos? Sorry but no."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In true Amazon style

      So they'll put the seat in a box 5 times its size, throw in a handful of half-inflated air bags, then hire a fourth-tier courier service to toss it from a moving van into your front hedge at 9pm?

      We could keep going by speculating about how they'll respond when the seat breaks the first time you sit in it because it's actually a Chinese knockoff marketed by a third-party boiler room reseller who folded up shop the minute your $28m arrived, but that would spoil the surprise.

  4. Ol'Peculier

    I don't think they could get the launcher and capsule to look more like a penis even if they tried...

    1. David Harper 1

      Time to update the Rowan Atkinson sketch

      You know the one. Rowan doing an outrageously over-the-top French accent and declaring "It's not Nelson's Column! It's Nelson's WILLY!"

      1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

        Re: Time to update the Rowan Atkinson sketch

        I thought that Willie Nelson was an illegal wrestling move?

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Hobnobbing with the Big Knob strapped into a Knob shaped rocket

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Hey, what's that? It looks like a a big...

        Woody! Woody Harrelson!

    3. yetanotheraoc

      Just wait ...

      ... until the parachute comes out, er, deploys.

    4. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alert

      Is that $28 million in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me

    5. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Is that your rocket mister, or are you just pleased to see me?

    6. zuckzuckgo Bronze badge

      It was intended to look like their fearless leader. Any resemblance to a penis is purely coincidental.

  5. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Other choices

    I am sure BO prices will fall but for $40M you can have a quarter of a Dragon or for €6,000 a Zero G ride on an A310. With $28M to burn I would wait for Axiom to add some tourist modules to the ISS. Dragon can carry 7 people which would be a rather cramped ride to ISS and back but more space when you get there. Starships might turn out to be cheap one day but lets wait for them to hatch before counting them.

  6. NoneSuch Silver badge
    Devil

    I bought the ticket...

    Just so I can kick the back of Bezos chair and ask "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" continuously from the moment we are strapped in.

  7. Gordon 10 Silver badge
    Flame

    Better check that for $28m you get a parachute or ejector seat. Otherwise imagine the buyers face when the Bezos Bros are whisked to safety seconds before a fiery death.

    1. zuckzuckgo Bronze badge

      No worries. BO specified that all paying passengers must wear a red shirt so the abort systems can prioritize who to save in case of an emergency.

  8. Chris G Silver badge

    This just in

    Dateline July 20. 2021

    The Blue Origin capsule containing the Bezos brothers and others, has been scooped up by an unidentified space craft. According to NASA tracking the trajectory of the craft appears to show it is heading for Uranus, investigators are looking into it.

    1. zuckzuckgo Bronze badge

      Re: This just in

      Early reports state that the unidentified craft looks remarkably like a red Tesla Roadster.

  9. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    Social distancing?

    I hope they all got vaccinated and tested :-)

  10. Nifty Silver badge

    People who bought this...

    Also bought parachutes and DIY will kits...

  11. yetanotheraoc

    Which one is worth $28 MM ?

    1. 10 minute elevator pitch to multi-billionaire.

    2. Get to play with the Fisher-Price steering wheel and sound-effects-buttons.

    3. Chance to vomit at the top of the world's tallest roller-coaster.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Which one is worth $28 MM ?

      None of the above. Just as one pays a hooker to leave afterward, one pays $28m not to board a spaceship with Jeff Bezos but to be let out after the flight.

  12. FuzzyTheBear
    Pint

    If i had it ..

    i would put that ticket to good use .. Open the airlock at the right time .. " Here Mr Bezos .. make a huge leap for mankind " close the door and press the " decompress " button to send Bezos in space .. ( of course , without the benefits of a spacesuit ) .. then casually walk out the capsule and go home knowing i did humanity a favor.

  13. TeeCee Gold badge

    Whoever it is...

    I really hope they're the sort that starts chattering at the poor bastard in the next seat as soon as the wheels leave the ground and doesn't stop until the doors are open at the end.

  14. Barry Mahon

    Has nobody suggested that the whole thing, including the flight, is an Amazon PR setup, or is that too obvious?

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