back to article Déjà bork: BSOD fairy pays key-cutting kiosk another visit

A déjà vu of the borked variety landed on our desk today as another automated key-cutting machine housed in a Do-It-Yourself emporium shows its true colours: white on blue. The stricken system was spotted by Register reader David in the lovely Cambridgeshire town of St Neots. The town's growth over the years has meant the …

  1. My-Handle Silver badge

    "and saves customers from the hassle of having to deal with actual humans..."

    I have to say that on the few occasions that I've had key cut, I've always found the staff to be extremely quick and efficient.

    Them: "What key do you want cut?"

    Me: - holds up key -

    Them: "How many do you want?"

    Me: "Two"

    Them: - takes key, selects two blanks from the rack behind, mounts key in cutting machine, cuts 1st blank, cuts 2nd blank.

    Them: "That'll be £7".

    Done in a few short minutes. My kind of human interaction.

    1. GlenP Silver badge

      I've also had the sharp intake of breath, followed by, "Nobody keeps the blanks for those because they break the cutting machine!"

      That was from a local indie key shop, went round the corner to Timpsons who took one look at the key, reached for the blanks and cut the copies. When we mentioned what the previous shop had said the response was, "Bullshit!"

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The last time I had a key cut the conversation went like this.

      "Can you cut me one of these?"

      "That'll be 35 quid mate"

      "How much!!!"

      "Because it's a car key innit. If it was a BMW it would cost 300 quid. Even a Ford key would cost 100"

      "But those modern keys have electronics inside them. This key is for a 20 year old Mitsubishi, it's just a flat piece of steel! I could make one myself with a teaspoon and a hacksaw!"

      "Take it or leave it mate"

      "I'll leave it thanks"

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
        Joke

        Or if it had been a 30 year old Ford, you could probably have used the teaspoon instead...

        1. zapgadget
          Pint

          In the early 90's I once unlocked my mates Alfa Romeo with a 2p coin.

    3. mark4155

      "and saves customers from the hassle of having to deal with actual humans..."

      Me: Can you cut 2 spares of this key?

      Him: Sure that will be £6 for both, or £10 for three.

      Me: Oh OK I'll have three please.

      Him: Grins.

      Me: Thank you ex-offender key cutting man.

      Go figure kids!!

  2. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    I saw one of these trucks yesterday...

    https://www.bork.de/de/

    Perhaps, along with their logistics enterprise, they are actually responsible for, er, borking all these displays? German efficiency, and all that?

    1. Pseudonymous Howard

      Re: I saw one of these trucks yesterday...

      I like the tag lines in the slideshow on the right (English version of the page):

      BORK IS SUSTAINABLE!

      BORK IS COMPETENT!

      BORK IS LOGISTICS!

      BORK IS FUTURE!

      Resistance seems to be futile with those...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I saw one of these trucks yesterday...

        We have a room of very very advanced German CNC machines

        Somebody pushed a Windows update, all of them bluescreened (guessing somebody did something amusing in a device driver)

        They can't connect to fix it because they use Teamviewer and Windows can't boot.

        We aren't allowed to open up the machines and fiddle with the Windows PC because calibration/warranty/safety/bullshit

        They can't send an engineer from Germany cos of COVID

        Bosses are less than happy

        1. Someone Else Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: I saw one of these trucks yesterday...

          Thanks AC... I needed a chuckle.

          1. Gene Cash Silver badge

            Re: I saw one of these trucks yesterday...

            Somebody pushed a Windows update

            To the entire damn room? They didn't think to do one and see what happens? I think "somebody" is gettin' a beatin'

            1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

              Re: I saw one of these trucks yesterday...

              Nein: zer ist ein Vindows update und zo zer Vindows update must be applied automatically overnight

      2. herman Silver badge

        Re: I saw one of these trucks yesterday...

        They even have Bork Jobs - for all those Windows System Engineers with B0rk Experience.

  3. TRT Silver badge

    That goodness it's a BSOD and not some software licensing message asking people to "input a valid key".

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Surely "press any key to continue"

  4. Alan(UK)

    Many years ago, I worked on a coin operated key cutting machine. The computation (counting coins) was done with relays; the rest was motors and mechanics.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      That's what they told you, in fact it just contained a couple of urchins with a file

      1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

        Don't be silly - how does an urchin hold a file? I mean, what with all those spikes and no noticeable hands?

  5. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Err, yeah, I suppose so

    "As for the error itself, it's another 0x000000F4 hinting at either duff hardware or misbehaving software."

    Ummm...what else might be if not hardware or software?

    1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

      Re: Err, yeah, I suppose so

      Urchins getting bored ?

    2. chuBb. Silver badge

      Re: Err, yeah, I suppose so

      Counterfeit serial to USB chips supply chains were saturated with counterfeit chips a couple of years ago, many legit products contain them, rightful owner responded by baking drm into silicon, driver updates can result in bricking and bsods... Just about all vending hardware communicates via rs232 or MDB (rs485 with bells and whistles) even the kit with a USB socket just has a USB to serial convertor in line and this where the fake chips live

      So knockoffware is the third class of fail

    3. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Err, yeah, I suppose so

      Firmware, vapourware, Tupperware?

  6. David 132 Silver badge
    Happy

    Resetting it

    Certainly, a remote recovery from a BSOD can present a challenge unless one has an extra long finger with which to jab the reset button

    Yes. Such a shame the Fing-Longer hasn't been invented yet.

    Ah well. A man can dream. A man can dream.

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