back to article An actress, an internet billionaire, and Tom Cruise walk into a space station ... not necessarily at the same time

Internet clothing mogul Yusaku Maezawa on Thursday said he and an assistant will take a 12-day trip to the International Space Station in December. And Russia's space agency said actress Yulia Peresild and film director Klim Shipenko will blast off to the orbiting platform in early October. Incredibly, Tom Cruise and director …

  1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Alien

    Cruise Control!

    ...given that the SpaceX flights are fully automated

  2. Chris G Silver badge

    Anyone care to predict when the first porno in space is made?

    Though how they will organise the pizza delivery is beyond me.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      With no gravity to provide resistance it must be a really interesting experience..

      1. Ken G
        Holmes

        Yes, a special magnetic base and matching electric pizza wheel are needed.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Dibs on "Bungee Banging" as the title...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          In space no one can hear you cream?

      3. HildyJ Silver badge
        Devil

        It'll never happen. The astronaut training centrifuge will end up with silicone all over it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      December 28th 1973

      1. HildyJ Silver badge
        Holmes

        Presumed reference to the Skylab strike?

    3. ravenviz

      Have you never seen Flesh Gordon?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nothing there...

    Surely there's something better to use the ISS for?

    This is even worse than the crappy Mars copter.

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Nothing there...

      maybe we could send up a few "hotel" modules with piano lounges, restaurants, fully stocked bars, and other typical guest accommodations.

      Space tea, space coffee, and space croissants at 7 AM, every day for the interplanetary breakfast bar.

      And every lounge with a "stellar" view of the, er, stars.

      1. Wexford

        Re: Nothing there...

        7am comes around every ~93 minutes on the ISS. That's a lot of croissants.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nothing there...

      Surprisingly large number of people are happier to see it run as a kind of upmarket B&B than a scientific research establishment..

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tom Cruise

    Will no doubt insist on being strapped to the outside of the rocket with nothing but goggles on.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tom Cruise

      I'd want at least a jock strap as well...

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Tom Cruise

        That's no way to talk about Simon Pegg*.

        *Yes I know hes not Scottish.

    2. Little Mouse

      Re: Tom Cruise

      "strapped to the outside"? Pfah!

      The real Tom Cruise would hang on with just his bare hands, and hold his breath until they dock.

  5. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Coat

    I'm very disappointed

    How could the Russians let us down so badly!

    If you're going to send an actress into space, the other person should surely be a bishop.

    As in, "that's a might big rocket, said the actress to the..." Well, I'm sure you get it - and yes I'm getting my coat.

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: I'm very disappointed

      ...if their visit coincides with that of Cruise, isn't he very high up in the Church of Scientology to warrant him being sort of a "bishop"?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'm very disappointed

        Don't bash him

  6. paul10
    Happy

    Pizza from space

    You can't do without pizza!

    A solution will certainly be found.

    The idea of a special magnetic base is a good one!

    But you also need a good pizza chef.

    Good luck and ....... bon appetit!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: Pizza from space

      The US military have a pizza option in their field rations. It's heat in the bag with a three year shelf-life. What more could you ask for?

      1. Down not across Silver badge

        Re: Pizza from space

        A pizza.

    2. PerlyKing Silver badge
      Go

      Re: a good pizza chef

      I don't think you can make real pizza in microgravity. Not with that part where you throw it up in the air to stretch the base....

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: a good pizza chef

        It's the act of spinning it that stretches is. If you can spin it sufficiently fast, some of the dough moves to the edges and stretches the rest - you've created your own "gravity". Just like the space station in 2001.

        Can we make a pizza large enough for astronauts to both live on, and eat? We'd have to site it close enough to the Sun to cook it, but the astronauts could live in a shelter made of pineapple.

  7. AndrueC Silver badge
    Joke

    An Englishman, an Irish man and a Scotsman walked into a bar..

    They weren't badly bruised but the building site foreman had to fill out an H&S incident form.

  8. nojava

    ISS is a bit old.

    Time for a new Space Station.

    The old one should be turned into a Hotel and Tourist attraction like the Queen Mary now parked at my birth place.

    The ISS will probably get more traffic than the QM does.

    1. Little Mouse

      Re: ISS is a bit old.

      But beware the Vermicious Knids!

      1. ShortLegs

        Re: ISS is a bit old.

        +1 for Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator...

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