back to article Stale and past its best. Are you talking about Windows or the pizza you're waiting for?

There are certain things that do not belong in pizza. One is pineapple. Another is the Windows Start Menu. Spotted by Reg reader Dean K, who was making an essential journey to collect the steaming disc of doughy delight from a well-known cheese-and-tomato bread slinger, the screen that would normally tell customers how long …

  1. Ochib

    Pizza toppings

    anchovies ftw

    1. AkodoGilador
      Mushroom

      Re: Pizza toppings

      Pineapple.

      1. TimMaher Silver badge
        Flame

        Re: Pizza toppings

        Snot.

        See bit about face coverings.

        1. Radio Wales
          Flame

          Re: Pizza toppings

          Sorry, that is anatomically incorrect.

          (

          SNOT is the accidental discharge associated wid der Olfactory protuberance (NOSE).

          PHLEGM is der stuff emanating from a Throaty Malfunction.

          At least, that's wot 'appened to MY Pizza.

          PS. I don't like Pizza no more.

        2. Chris G Silver badge

          Re: Pizza toppings

          As I mentioned elsewhere today, pineapple on a pizza is a travesty, however, some years back a workmate informed me that his pizza that he ordered from a local takeaway included two toenail clippings. Possibly added mistakenly thinking he was a foot fetishist but enough to keep me from ever going near the place again.

          I am sure worse things have gone into or on takeaway food but I don't want to think about it.

          1. AndrueC Silver badge
            Unhappy

            Re: Pizza toppings

            I just don't like pineapple. The taste is okay, it's the nasty soggy-crunchiness of the stuff.

      2. Def Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Pizza toppings

        I feel sorry for people whose taste buds haven't matured enough to appreciate the glorious taste explosions that combining the sweet with the savoury can offer.

        Turkey with cranberry sauce.

        Pork with apple sauce.

        Pate with black currant.

        Even cheddar cheese with strawberry jam is a delight unto itself. (I don't know how I first tried that when I was a kid, but does work surprisingly well with a nice mature cheddar.)

        And for those of you who are old enough, you must remember the "beloved" cheese-and-pineapple-on-a-stick UK party food of the 70s. Ok, ok, bad example. :)

        Ham and pineapple on pizza is a another great combination though. But you must remember, just because some of us enjoy pineapple on pizza, that doesn't mean we insist on putting pineapple on every pizza. Variety is the spice of life, after all.

        Cheers --->

        1. Pseudonymous Howard
          Coat

          Re: Pizza toppings

          The pineapple pizza can be found in any Pizzeria in Germany: The Pizza Hawaii. It comes with the usual tomato and cheese, plus ham and pineapple. This derives from the (in)famous "Toast Hawaii", invented for a TV cooking show from the early 60s. The original recipe:

          On a slice of toast first you lay a slice of cooked ham, one ring of canned pineapple, a slice "Scheiblettenkäse" (the German name of Kraft Singles). Bake until the cheese if molten and everything is hot. Serve with a cocktail cherry on top.

          Disclaimer: Please note that in spite of the name this has nothing to do with Hawaiian cuisine.

          Mine is the one with can of pineapples in the pocket.

          1. David 132 Silver badge

            Re: Pizza toppings

            Please note that in spite of the name this has nothing to do with Hawaiian cuisine.

            It would be more Hawaiian if you substituted Spam for the ham. Not wanting to give the fine pizzerias of Germany any ideas, of course…

          2. Potty Professor Bronze badge
            Angel

            Re: Pizza toppings

            When I was working in Dormagen, just north of Koln, I was staying at a small family run hotel just up the road from the Bayer plant. On the first evening I was reading the menu when I noticed an entry for "Toast", but the price looked a bit high for just toasted bread, so I asked the waitress (daughter of the proprietors) what it was. She explained that it was a round of toast with a steak on it, then a poached egg, and a Hollandaise or Pepper Sauce (to taste). I'll have that then, and delicious it was, too. I dined on Toast for the whole week I was there, and had a hard time explaining to our beancounters back home why the price was so high.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Pizza toppings

          My dad had an aunt who swore by kippers and jam or custard, and fruit cake (parkin?) and cheese (Wensleydale, Grommit)

          1. AndrueC Silver badge
            Joke

            Re: Pizza toppings

            ..on a pizza?

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: kippers and custard

            What!? *Vodka* and Custard, surely?

          3. Potty Professor Bronze badge
            Megaphone

            Re: Pizza toppings

            My father was always on about "Kippers and Custard". Another of his sayings was "An' 'alf a Saveloy".

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not a security issue if not online

    Hardly a Bork. As long as that box isn't online, what does it matter what it runs? Just someone dropped something on a keyboard and hit a Windows key.

    They probably have a heap of second hand junked old PCs out back. Ready to swap in as each one gets gunked up with Pizza grease and muck.

    If all it does is run some old software, who cares? No customer data to be stolen, just a list of which pizzas were sold.

    By this guy holding on to their ancient system they are avoiding some modern monstrosity that probably needs cloud access, online updates, and all kindas headaches. Something new would be more of a risk.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Not a security issue if not online

      The article refers to "a well-known cheese-and-tomato bread slinger" and judging by the colour scheme on the display, it's Dominos. You can get your bottom dollar that the the video menu is managed and updated by head office and the local "manager" has no control over the menu, the prices or the special offers.

      It's be on the same network as the tills and ordering system with access back to head office. This is just the sort of thing hackers look for. Low hanging fruit connected to the crown jewels.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not a security issue if not online

        Surely if it was Dominoes they would not have been able to resist the "all come tumbling down" gags?

        If it is a big company online with this then I have zero sympathy. And the best thing is the hackers will only mess-up the company and not any personal data.

      2. JWLong

        Re: Not a security issue if not online

        It is Dominos, says so in the image.

        Their pizza is the worst, they must model their POS system after it.

  3. 45RPM Silver badge

    Computers. Of any kind. That’s what doesn’t belong anywhere near a pizza.

    Pizza should have thin, freshly stretched dough base, and then go to town on the toppings. I realise that Italians, and probably particularly Neapolitans, have very strict ideas about what constitutes an acceptable pizza topping - but I’m not so strict. Sure, I wouldn’t go for ham, or for pineapple, but I’m equally sure that my preferred toppings would have many people gagging. For reference, I prefer to overload a pizza with:

    * Freshly made basil and tomato sauce

    * Nduja sausage

    * Pepperoni

    * Chicken

    * Artichokes

    * Anchovies

    * Fresh chilli peppers

    * Smoked chilli sauce

    * A lot of mozzarella

    - and now I’m feeling hungry! (You wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry)

    1. AndyMulhearn

      I’m not a huge fan of chicken on a pizza, it’s dry enough as it is, but wouldn’t want to fall out over having on the ingredient list.

      On homemade pizza I’ve come to be a big fan of chopped celery. I’m not sure why I even tried it (You may well have been pissed at the time, Ed) but it’s become a firm favourite on my pizza efforts.

      1. 45RPM Silver badge

        Plenty of chilli sauce and cheese and nothing dries out. But celery? I’ll give it a crack. What’s the worst that could happen?

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "I’m not a huge fan of chicken on a pizza, it’s dry enough as it is"

        You're not cooking to right. Chicken is juicy when done properly. On pizza, it works best with some garlic butter then buried under lots of cheese.

    2. HildyJ Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Computers and pizza

      I assume you won't be visiting the new robotic pizza vending machines - Mr. Go Pizza

      https://www.theguardian.com/food/2021/may/07/dough-to-go-romes-first-pizza-vending-machine-gets-mixed-reviews

      1. 45RPM Silver badge

        Re: Computers and pizza

        Yeah, I was slightly thinking of that fail too. Also those vile Oetker pizzas. There are a million ways to violate pizza, but unusual toppings aren’t amongst them.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Pizza should have thin, freshly stretched dough base"

      I prefer the thicker base that's been allowed to rise a bit. The thin crust stuff feels like I've been short changed!

  4. FBee
    Happy

    Ham & Mushroom

    One of those accidental combinations that is now a favourite in the FBee House!!

    1. Potty Professor Bronze badge
      Angel

      Re: Ham & Mushroom

      When we were on holiday in northern Italy soon after we were married, we stopped in at a small pizzeria in Chiavenna. I wanted a ham pizza, and my wife wanted mushroom. Neither of us spoke Italian, and the proprietor spoke no English, so a lot of arm waving and finger pointing seemed to have worked. We were served two perfect Ham and Mushroom pizzas and two bottles of fizzy drink, and the whole lot came to under £3 at the time (1978)

  5. Jamesit

    Looks like Dominos. How can you make a good Hawaiian pizza without pineapple?

  6. Gene Cash Silver badge

    Golden

    "steaming disc of doughy delight from a well-known cheese-and-tomato bread slinger"

    That's some serious wordsmithing there.

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