back to article Bless you: Yep, it's IBM's new name for tech services spinoff and totally not a hayfever medicine

It has been a busy couple of months for creatives toiling away in IBM's strategy boutique but the team has conjured marketing magic with a scintillating new brand name that will head up the breakaway Global Technology Services unit. Kyndryl. Whisper it again. Kyndryl. It will be synonymous with quality tech infrastructure …

  1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    kinship as "relationships with people – employees, ..

    The ones that have got booted out due to age excepted

    icon: Ginny the chopper

  2. Dave Pickles

    KinHell

    Wonder how much that cost...

  3. Paul Herber Silver badge

    New offshoots in the future: Kynnayl and Kynamma. It all end up Kyntytsup.

  4. Aladdin Sane

    Christ, my eyes.

  5. Mr Dogshit

    Oh boy

    Sounds like a Scandinavian gnome.

  6. Dr_N Silver badge
    WTF?

    Pronunciation?

    Kin-Drill?

    Kine-Drile?

    K-Y 'n' Drill ?

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: Pronunciation?

      K-Y 'n' Drill ?

      That a more vigorous version of Netflix and chill?

      1. Dr_N Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Pronunciation?

        If it wasn't, it is now!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Best part of it: new authorities include a CEO, a board president and a Chief Marketing Officer. Now CIO or CTO to be found in any of the announcements. You'd think a technology firm would like to fill those two spots at first...

  8. Tom Paine

    A tip of the sombrero

    A shout out to anyone who's inherited an AD forest or tree named NEWCO...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lifecycle of Bollocks

    It marks a point in any organisation's death spiral when it comes up with a wanky rebranding and spouts bollocks about how it embodies some sort of psycho-babble. Sometime the organisation survives - anyone remember when PWC renamed their consulting division "Monday" - but often the PR puff is actually just death rattles.

    And why-oh-why-oh-why would any branding professional conceive a name that starts with 'kin ? That's just Kynaskingfortrouble™.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lifecycle of Bollocks

      Ironically, PwC was rescued from that rename fiasco... by selling the consulting division to IBM, where it became GBS.

    2. Scotthva5

      Re: Lifecycle of Bollocks

      "...anyone remember when PWC renamed their consulting division "Monday?"

      I certainly do AND the snafu that resulted from them forgetting to grab the mondays.co.uk domain, much to the delight of BT3A.

    3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Lifecycle of Bollocks

      When your 100years of corporate history is so toxic that you need to rebrand.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lifecycle of Bollocks

      It all started when 'personnel dept' was rebranded as 'human resources'... and 'stores' became 'supply chain'... and a 'spade' became a 'manual terrain sculptor'

      1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
        Big Brother

        Re: Lifecycle of Bollocks

        Uhhh...I'm told they're now to be referred to as "People Partners" (at least, at my company).

        Along with all the other stuff they spout, I'm now supposed to do a "self evaluation" every 6 months, and come up with "goals".

        How about, I just do my job to the best of my ability and try to keep the clients happy? Would that work for you? Good, me too. See how easy that was?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lifecycle of Bollocks

          The only time I did a 'self evaluation' was when it was launched (10+ years ago?). I'm not good with 'what I did on my holidays'-type waffle and just filled in one of the boxes. I was told I was supposed to use all 3 boxes (achievements, goals and something else) and I never bothered. I was on max payscale then with no bonuses, so no incentive to play their game

  10. Mike 137 Silver badge

    Someone never studied etymology (or spelling)

    '"Kyn" was derived from kinship [...] "Dryl", was drawn from tendril.'

    They'd maybe get away with "Kyn" at a pinch, but "dryl" makes no sense at all. The components of "tendril" are "tend" (to wander) and "ril" ( a suffix indicating the thing that does it). This problem is far from new, and typified by 'copter for helicopter. That breaks down etymologically into "helico" (rotating) and "pter" (a wing), so the particle "co" is actually meaningless.

    This is not pedantry. Evolved words really do have intrinsic meanings based on their origins (albeit often pretty distantly). Just making up new noises is not how language genuinely evolves. Unfortunately the advent of mass communications has allowed what once would have been ephemeral arbitrary coinings to spread fast and widely so they enter the canon before they have been properly tested for their capacity to impart ideas.

    The advantage of language evolving from its etymolgical roots is that it often allows an informed hearer or reader to be able to work out what an unfamiliar word may mean without recourse to a dictionary. Arbitrary coinings don't allow that - they have to be explained, which defeats the fundamental purpose of language.

    1. Dabooka Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Someone never studied etymology (or spelling)

      Interesting post, thank you. Especially the example of 'copter.

      However surely it's kind of irrelevant in terms of the example of Kyndryl (whatever the hell they think it means), as surely that's been created not for the English language but as a trademarkable name for a new business entity.

      As I say, not to detract from your post though as I found that interesting.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Someone never studied etymology (or spelling)

        I'd expect they've pushed it through a search of various languages to make sure it doesn't mean something like bend over or lick my dick or some such in some less familiar language where they could be laughed at: I've Been Mortified is not a nickname to get.

        A pretty anodyne name that sounds a little funky is probably high up the terms of reference they set when looking. Isn't NewCorp 75% of the old IBM, focussing on the less sexy side of IT? If it is getting all the mainframe business then it's going to be around for a long time yet, so best get used to the catchy name.

        What was it again?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Someone never studied etymology (or spelling)

      Thanks for such a thorugh explanation. I honestly thought they picked "dryl" for all the fire drills we endured back in the day....

  11. TimMaher Silver badge
    Joke

    W1A

    Anybody remember that?

    I think IBM recruited some of their production team.

    How else can we explain this drivel?

    1. It's Broken Mate

      Re: W1A

      I reckon even Perfect Curve could have done a better job. Sigh.

  12. Arthur the cat Silver badge
    Flame

    totally not a hayfever medicine

    Damn! The loratadine doesn't seem to be working this year. Bloody trees!

    Icon for what my eyes feel like.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How do you make a big 'Kin hole?

    With a big Kyndryl

  14. Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
    Coat

    Sounds Tolkienesque ...

    Down came the Kyndryl from the hills, sowing confusion wherever they passed, and laying waste to all that was before them ...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sounds Tolkienesque ...

      The Kyndryl are small, shy creatures with no natural magic of their own. They spend their time searching the woodlands of Ecosia for traces of stray pixie dust in the hope that it might be used to sprinkle a little magic onto their own systems. Alas they never realise that pixie dust is Impish and affects only their own senses, thus their systems are always destined to remain ordinary in the eyes of their beholders.

    2. Pirate Dave
      Pirate

      Re: Sounds Tolkienesque ...

      Could also be the name of a castle. I've no idea why, but it makes sense in my head.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tendril? Really?

    A tendril is a parasitic creeper.

    So that sounds about right.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gnome?

    Looking forward to gyndryl, so I can switch back from KDE to Gnome.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Gnome?

      Well Gnome 3 is utter shite. So KDE must be really bad.

  17. Sam not the Viking
    Facepalm

    Spelling

    Classic IBM mistake. There's no 'F' in kyndryl.

    I wonder if anyone is going to get fired?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Spelling

      I remember a manager who made clear how to spell his name and is forever remembered as "there's only one F in" Graf

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Spelling

        And I've just realised I don't remember his first name!

    2. MikeLivingstone

      Re: Spelling

      This needs a cartoon:

      https://pasteboard.co/JXE91xr.jpg

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can we all just calm down please? I make a fortune from designing artwork and logo marks for rebranding etc. We were there when the Thomson Reuters F&R business rebranded as "Refinitiv". How we laughed. Just before the press release the rebrand manager asked us what we thought of the name....not a single one of the meeting replied. Not a whisper. He looked suicidal so someone at the back said "well it's different..."

    Anyway - Please don't fuck things up for me and my mates, we know it's bollocks. And we agree.

  19. Pirate Dave

    Ehhh

    So is this what Barbie does when the lights go down? Start up the KynDryl...

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Ehhh

      Or light up the kindlingKyndryl when the barbie goes out

  20. Zarno Bronze badge
    Pint

    I wonder.

    I wonder, was diphenhydramine already taken as a name?

    Seriously, makes me think of Benadryl, down to the causing drowsiness thing, and it opening the nose, in this case to get the money to flow out of it easier.

    Icon, because unlike diphenhydramine, you'll practically be required to drink when on Kyndryl ...

  21. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Polishing turds.

    More turd polishing. Nothing more to add than that really.

  22. Howard Sway

    Kyndryl

    Sounds like the sort of knock-off version of a popular eBook reader you'd find for £20 in a discount supermarket.

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: Kyndryl

      Nah, it's a rather unpleasant skin disease of sheep.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Soon to be known as

    KynHell ?

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kyndryl, character of Warcraft

    https://worldofwarcraft.com/en-us/character/us/stormrage/Kyndryl

  25. JDPower666

    Ooh, replacing 'i's with 'y's, how edgy lol

    1. John H Woods Silver badge

      and conversely ...

      ... edgi

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's difficult finding a .com domain available. Suspect some keyboard bashing found a string of letters that were available.

  27. sbt Silver badge
    Facepalm

    "forever* to be known as Kyndryl"

    Tell me again, how long did ISSC last?

    This seems so pointless. For some silly customers, the IBM name was the only reason to use them. Now why would they?

  28. John Styles

    The angry dentist company.

    "Pass me the fu..."

  29. Claverhouse Silver badge
    Happy

    Fucking Rebranders

    ...at Kyndryl, which is definitely not a rural family dental practice with a sense of humour

    Nice...

  30. Pangasinan Philippines

    Building a shed

    Make sure that the wood is Kiln Dry.

    Or else . . . .!

  31. Slabfondler
    Coat

    Sounds like a family...

    That's a bit too close...in the producing offspring kinda way.

  32. Mr Dogshit
    Facepalm

    About as dumb as DERA becoming QinetiQ and Royal Mail calling themselves Consignia.

    1. GruntyMcPugh

      DERA, formerly DRA, quite apt. DRA to DERA to QinetiQ, then many staff farmed off to Atlas Electronik.

      Which reminds me, I need to go book a camping trip with my favourite spook.

  33. GodBlessIBM

    As in

    Where have I put that 'kin drill?

    1. MikeLivingstone

      Re: As in

      Encapsulated in a cartoon

      https://pasteboard.co/JXE91xr.jpg

      <html>

      <img src="https://pasteboard.co/JXE91xr.jpg">

      </html>

  34. john 103

    Steven Erikson

    Might have something to say about the name...

    https://malazan.fandom.com/wiki/Khundryl

    The sheer "Gall" of IBM

  35. quite_remarkable

    I detect the involvement of some

    Kyn'idiots

  36. jonnycando
    WTF?

    Poor old IBM

    They just don't make any sense anymore....

    1. GruntyMcPugh

      Re: Poor old IBM

      "They just don't make any sense anymore...."

      And they no longer make Servers, or Workstations, or Laptops,.... now they've farmed off the outsourcing, leaving core IBM with,.... Cloud and Z-Series?

      I did a contract at a Bank, and they had a couple of Z-Series,.. only time I've seen one in the wild. I don't know anyone who uses IBM cloud.

      They cut Notes / Symphony loose some time ago. As someone forced to use 'Symphony' it was more of a cacophony.

      Just how do they make revenue?

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wots In A Name

    Spotted on a SWR train this morning...

    "Don't Just Clean it. Clinell it."

    For Clinell (sic) claim to be "No.1 Suppliers Of Disinfectant Wipes To The NHS"

  38. MikeLivingstone

    A cartoon for Kyndyl

    <HTML>

    <img src="https://pasteboard.co/JXE91xr.jpg" alt="fkyndryl">

    </HTML>

  39. gibberBCN

    Kyndryl

    If they have the best global talent in the industry why does IBM want to sell them off ?

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