back to article Partial beer print horror as Microsoft's printer bug fix, er, doesn't

Microsoft continues to demonstrate its impressive commitment to Windows quality by admitting the patch it released to patch the patch that broke printing was, er, itself broken. As a reminder, a fresh security update dropped from Microsoft's Windows Update orifice last week that left some Windows 10 users unable to print. …

  1. LDS Silver badge

    "right-clicking the same JPG and choosing 'Print...' fails"

    Which application is invoked to print from the contextual menu? It's a long time I don't print that way, for several reasons. It should be the default application registered for that file type -maybe something wrong within the UWP stack?

    1. Danny 14 Silver badge

      Re: "right-clicking the same JPG and choosing 'Print...' fails"

      paint.net failed when it prints as that uses the windows print subsystem. That wasnt context menu.

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: "right-clicking the same JPG and choosing 'Print...' fails"

        Damn them to all the depths of hell. You're right, it f***ing does!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. don't you hate it when you lose your account Silver badge
    Pint

    I'm sorry

    Laughing. Can't type

  3. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Windows

    This is getting like

    the credits to "Holy grail"

    "The people responsible for the subtitles after the first lot were fired, have been fired"

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: This is getting like

      A møøse once bit my sister.... No realli!

  4. redpawn Silver badge

    Move Fast and Break Things,

    other people's things that is. It seems that MS does not have any printers to test code on. Drop yours off at the Redmond HQ so they can test future patches on an actual rather than a simulated printer.

    1. Snake Silver badge

      Re: Move Fast and Break Things,

      It also makes you wonder, at least for me, if the problems are due to the printer manufacturers using "optimized" shortcuts through the API code, in order to claim faster print speeds for example.

      The original patch was for a security concern. Why should a security patch break printers, and only certain ones?? It should make you think...

      1. Wade Burchette Silver badge

        Re: Move Fast and Break Things,

        It makes me think of how much better Windows was before the new CEO decided to be more "agile".

      2. Nick Ryan Silver badge

        Re: Move Fast and Break Things,

        Probably not an unfair observation that a lot of this is down to the shocking quality of the print drivers. (I may be eying HP in particular at this point, but they are not the only ones). On the other hand, when the print drivers are delivered through Windows Update or are Microsoft Certified drivers then they damn well should only use the approved APIs and should be tested and should not break. They definitely should not cause a BSOD.

    2. Danny 14 Silver badge

      Re: Move Fast and Break Things,

      the first patch broke Microsoft print to PDF though.

    3. ITMA

      Re: Move Fast and Break Things,

      I think dropping several tonnes of manure off at the main entrance of their QC department - if indeed they have one - may be more profitable.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Move Fast and Break Things,

      Their motto is more like "Move Fast and Things Break"

  5. David 132 Silver badge

    For shame, Richard

    I was expecting an "Epic F-Ale" pun.

    Oh well. Be of stout heart, printing never gose well. It'll get fixed eventually, probably there's a fix already on the Windows In-cider ring.

    1. PeteA

      Re: For shame, Richard

      A mild observation, more bitter personally

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: For shame, Richard

        Does it fail on small images, or only lager ones? Regardless, it gives us an excuse to wine about Microsoft.

    2. MachDiamond Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: For shame, Richard

      "I was expecting an "Epic F-Ale" pun."

      I prefer a nice stout myself.

  6. TrumpSlurp the Troll

    Is the glass

    Half full, half empty or half missing?

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Is the glass

      Well as a large chunk of it's missing, it's going to be entirely empty within a moment of the picture being printed. Beer everywhere and sharp glass edges. Thanks, Microsoft.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Is the glass

        Microsoft's response to those annoying physicists who would argue that the glass was always full and only the gas to liquid ratio changed.

        1. David 132 Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: Is the glass

          I feel that this is an appropriate moment to link to this old XKCD "What If?" comic.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Is the glass

      In UK beer may only be sold in measures of one third, half, two-thirds of a pint and multiples of half a pint, short measures should be reported to your local Trading Standards office. Are Microsoft in breach of the law?

  7. A. Coatsworth
    Pint

    Sing along!

    99 little bugs in the code

    99 little bugs in the code

    99 little bugs in the code

    Take one down, patch it 'round!

    117 little bugs in the code

    1. FlamingDeath Silver badge

      Re: Sing along!

      “117 little bugs”

      I wish they would decrease

      The cve database is growing faster than it has done historically, not a good sign

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Sing along!

        One would hope that this is because testing is getting better (and thus finding more existing issues) rather than the developers getting worse, and creating more of them.

        Whatever happened to test-driven development? One would have thought that with all the emphasis on things like dependency injection in .Net Core, Microsoft would be writing perfect code by now. In reality, I suspect they are carving out great chunks of unverifiable C++ instead.

        1. Morrie Wyatt
          Trollface

          Re: Sing along!

          The bugs are being found faster because Microsoft now has so many more beta testers.

          They are known as Windows 10 users.

          (Azure outages are just to keep people from looking too closely at the other things Microsoft have managed to foul up.)

          Don't attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by Microsoft.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Sing along!

      "99 little bugs in the code

      Take one down, patch it 'round!

      117 little bugs in the code"

      Is that a Pentium P54C your are using to do the calculations?

      1. gerdesj Silver badge

        Re: Sing along!

        117.000012747 bugs ...

  8. Adrian 4 Silver badge

    After reading that article a few weeks ago about how Microsoft patched windows and applications with a whole raft of bodges to suit their ISV's and their own errors, I can only say they deserve absolutely everything they suffer from.

    What a bunch of morons.

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      But that is the problem, Microsoft doesn't suffer but the users do.

      1. Wayland Bronze badge

        A bit like when the NHS can't cope. The NHS is fine, it's the patients who die to ease the problems.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Adrian 4 - Don't worry!

      Microsoft is doing just fine, thank you very much for caring.

      1. georgezilla

        Re: @Adrian 4 - Don't worry!

        And that's why I stopped using Windows many, many years ago.

        Because it wasn't "fine".

        And it still isn't.

  9. Terry 6 Silver badge
    Pint

    Ah yes

    I've got this bug now. Thanks Microsoft - another skilled and professional job done with due care and attention.

    Specifically, right clicking and printing using the crappy useless built in Microsoft default print utility produced this effect.

    Not something I'd normally do, to be honest, as the "app" is right down at the bottom of Microsoft's shittiest.

    It's truly bizarre. Roughly the central third of the image remained blank.

    Well beyond my amateur coders' level of understanding.

    i.e. Somehow an update to a failed update interacts with Microsoft's own resident printing software to make it in some way delete or divert the print data corresponding to middle third of an image.

    (Printed same image from within Irfanview to check and it was perfect)

    Beer because above comment may be a "Hold my..." comment.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Terry 6 Silver badge

      Re: Ah yes

      Update- it happens on all my printers even the virtual .pdf printer not just the Canon.

      Fuckwits

      1. Nifty Silver badge

        Re: Ah yes

        Correct, I just now tried printing my recycling booking to a Canon, header appeared and image with booking number did not. Print to MS PDF does the same, Printed out the email successfully from an Apple phone now.

        Just as well not many people are trying to print our their flight boarding passed at the moment.

    3. Wayland Bronze badge

      Re: Ah yes

      It sounds like one of the buffers holding the image as it prints actually goes nowhere.

  10. Winkypop Silver badge
    Pint

    I’ll have an ‘alf

    Two messages:

    1. Save ink

    2. Drink less

  11. gerdesj Silver badge
    Linux

    Smug mode

    Bizarrely, Apple managed to pick up and run with a decent printing system - CUPS. Even more bizarrely it is the default printing thingie for your Linux box. Ta Apples

    It works rather well.

    1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

      Re: Smug mode

      I was just getting ready to post something similar. Linux Mint > Canon 1515 over my home network via wifi - never a problem. Android (various devices) to same - regularly can't see printer. Windows to same printer via direct connection - regular failures. (i-devices to printer - never happens. My wife sends everything to me to print!)

    2. Binraider Bronze badge

      Re: Smug mode

      Yep, Manjaro / CUPS sees my rubbish printer very happily over the network. Has kept me in print-your-own board games right through lockdown. Only one minor annoyance, and I think it's a distribution issue, is that it defaults everything to US Letter paper. Dammit, remember that I want A4!!

      I'm sure the option is buried somewhere in a text file to change this behaviour, but, niggles like this remain why Linux on the Desktop remains not-quite-there for all but the most determined users.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Smug mode

        "Yep, Manjaro / CUPS sees my rubbish printer very happily over the network. Has kept me in print-your-own board games right through lockdown. Only one minor annoyance, and I think it's a distribution issue, is that it defaults everything to US Letter paper. Dammit, remember that I want A4!!"

        I vaguely recall I had that problem with my Mac when I first got it (in 2012 and still going strong) - it just needed a tweak to CUPS (I still have the Safari link as a bookmark in case I need to go back to it: http://localhost:631/admin/).

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. Manx Cat

      Re: Smug mode

      It's a damn shame that Ubuntu can't retain a network connection...I'm a complete newbie, but the forums are like wizardry.

      Updates haven't addressed this PIA.

      Never mind, not going back to MS

  12. sbt Silver badge
    Joke

    ... might print as solid black/color boxes

    If I still used Windows (and printed using inkjets), I'd be demanding compensation for the wasted ink; that stuff's the most expensive fluid on Earth!

    In before a conspiracy theorist claims an inkjet printer maker put out a bounty for ink wasting hacks and a Dark (sorry, Hidden) Web hacker (sorry, cracker) broke out the Solarwinds toolkit and got busy.

    1. Confuciousmobil

      Re: ... might print as solid black/color boxes

      But surely they are saving ink?

  13. pmelon

    Tired of MS

    At work I am responsible for ensuring the never ending stream of MS RCE vulnerabilities is taken care of. I resent Microsoft and what I perceive as their poor quality products for this.

    I have been on friends and family duty dealing with the printer issue and have had money forced into my hand for dealing with it but still resent MS for it.

    End of tether. Done with all things MS - they will never see another penny from me personally or professionally.

    1. Dave K Silver badge

      Re: Tired of MS

      It's the perfect storm isn't it. A version of Windows that force-installs updates, combined with a woeful lack of QA testing for those aforementioned updates.

      People with sufficient skill know how to wrestle some control of the update process back from MS so that patches are only installed once we're pretty sure they're trouble free. But for all the normal folk out there, they are left picking up the pieces from yet more crap coding from MS.

      1. TonyJ Silver badge

        Re: Tired of MS

        "...It's the perfect storm isn't it. A version of Windows that force-installs updates, combined with a woeful lack of QA testing for those aforementioned updates.

        People with sufficient skill know how to wrestle some control of the update process back from MS so that patches are only installed once we're pretty sure they're trouble free. But for all the normal folk out there, they are left picking up the pieces from yet more crap coding from MS..."

        I wouldn't argue that the QA is woeful and needs to be sorted (like it has for a long time now with updates), but, (and I've been downvoted for saying this before, but I stand by it), having spent an inordinate amount of time over the years with friends, family and neighbours that have never patched their systems (and in some cases, can't, patch them because they used godawful activation hacks, I would prefer to deal with the fallout of borked updates compared to the malware-riddled pieces of shit they become because of a lack of said patches.

        And to that end at least, I actually believe home users should get automatically patched.

        Corporate users, no - they should have the understanding. If you're using KMS keys then it should allow control of the patching by the org.

    2. gnu4ever

      Re: Tired of MS

      Give yourself a break and go for linux mint

      www.linuxmint.com

      1. Adam Jarvis

        Re: Tired of MS

        Even Linux Mint is no longer straightforward, proprietary Nvidia graphics drivers are an absolute pain, due to no longer being updated.

        So many issues with older Nvidia Drivers (304.108).

        Though, I did finally find a way of fixing Linux Mint 20.1 with the latest kernels.

        Worth looking at:

        https://www.if-not-true-then-false.com/2020/inttf-nvidia-patcher/

        https://www.if-not-true-then-false.com/2015/fedora-nvidia-guide/

        1. Smirnov

          Re: Tired of MS

          Try openSUSE Leap. Installing nvidia drivers is simple (Nvidia provides a repository for SUSE) and thanks to YaST most things which on other Linux distros requires using the command line are easy to do, too. Plus its codebase is now moving to the one for SUSE Enterprise Linux which makes it something like legacy CentOS was to RHEL (just a lot less outdated).

          And for those that care, unlike Canonical, SUSE is a major upstream contributor to the Linux kernel and many FOSS projects.

      2. Nifty Silver badge

        Re: Tired of MS

        I was trying Ubuntu and was generally impressed. Until I wanted to print wirelessly to my Canon printer, something which works from Mac OS, Windows devices and portable devices in the house.

        That led me down a warren of workarounds that became so comically complex I gave up,

        I suppose the solution is to save the docs to Google Drive then print from another device.

      3. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: Tired of MS

        Or any of the other half-decent Linux distros.

        But... yes. MS is a crapfest when it comes to a quality POV.

    3. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Tired of MS

      Ah well you see the problem is that one of their old school coding team wanted to work from home at the weekend and so they printed out the code to take away with them.

    4. Onen hag Oll
      Windows

      Re: Tired of MS

      Does anyone remember those halcyon days when MS issued several individual OS patches a month? If one broke things, you could just remove the offending one, keeping the rest that (miraculously) didn't contain 'unintended features', and, at least temporarily, have a more secure machine whilst the specific element was fixed. Now, you either remove all the critical fixes to be able to work or you remain secure but can't work. Ah well...there's progress.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @pmelon - Re: Tired of MS

      Cheer up! You're being paid for that so you should be grateful to Microsoft. Actually that's my version for one of the conspiracy theories: everybody is buying and using Microsoft products because it keeps us all employed.

  14. Roger Greenwood

    Printing

    Some in the tech industry seem to think printing is optional, but many of us in the real world use it to convey information to those without a screen in front of them (as an example our welding bays are a pretty hostile environment for electronics). If we could stop printing easily we would.

    My colleague was about to skip a perfectly good canon printer because his new computer (win10) won't talk to it anymore. Canon is the problem here, of course (drivers), but MS are not helping by changing things so fast.

    1. Danny 14 Silver badge

      Re: Printing

      funnily enough, I run an old canon printer at home, it has no windows 10 drivers either. I run it via a HP jetdirect USB to 10/100 box, the box takes HP universal drivers and then it connects to the canon just fine.

  15. greenwood-IT

    Seriously..

    Well we have a legal requirement to print labels when we prescribe meds - and a dozen Dymo label printers all started missing life threatening details over the weekend.

    The "patch" also included un-fixes for DNS and FTP, which also broke this week after the reboot.

    Whoever wrote the security policy that said manufacturer released security fixes need to be applied within 14 days clearly never worked with Microsoft :-(

    1. DementedSmurf

      Re: Seriously..

      ah the good 'ol Cyber Essentials Certification in the UK has this 14 days 100% compliance for all high risk or critical security patches baked in, excellent as a principle... sometimes a bit iffy in practice & that applies to Apple too IOS 14.2, VPP Apps & Trampolines caused me grief for several months

    2. Pete B

      Re: Seriously..

      "Whoever wrote the security policy that said manufacturer released security fixes need to be applied within 14 days clearly never worked with Microsoft :-("

      And whoever selected Windows machines for the job clearly never read the EULA either - they are simply not suitable for life-critical systems, which yours appears to be.

    3. Wally Dug

      Re: Seriously..

      Dymo have released an update for their software - 8.7.3 fails; 8.7.4 works.

  16. arachnoid2 Bronze badge

    With all the pubs shut.........

    Thats what you get for drinking at home, time to stand in the corner and repent your sins.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Update: 19.03.2021 Latest Patch, on Patch, on Patch: KB5001649 Fails to install.

    To add more to this woeful continuing MS story:

    The Latest patch KB5001649 (19.03.2021) fails to download and install.

    Best to hold off, bag of rusty nails - Windows Update, is just that. A bag of rusty nails, software as a service, it ain't. It does install manually, if downloaded from Windows Catalog(ue).

    Microsoft, heads should roll, but of course, they won't.

    https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/all/optional-quality-update-keeps-failing-to-install/2a78a597-b93e-48c3-9d39-866845a6490c

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Update: 19.03.2021 Latest Patch, on Patch, on Patch: KB5001649 Fails to install.

      It’s ok. They’ve issued a patch to fix the auto-patch code.

      1. deep_enigma
        Devil

        Re: Update: 19.03.2021 Latest Patch, on Patch, on Patch: KB5001649 Fails to install.

        ... Except that now your network card sings "Daisy, Daisy" every time you connect to anything on Microsoft IP space.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Update: 19.03.2021 Latest Patch, on Patch, on Patch: KB5001649 Fails to install.

          My mind is going, Dave. I can feel it.

          1. arachnoid2 Bronze badge

            My mind is going, Dave. I can feel it.

            Lack of investment in IT due to Brexit and Covid cutbacks have reduced the needs for bloodthirsty computer overlords HAL

    2. dhawkshaw

      Re: Update: 19.03.2021 Latest Patch, on Patch, on Patch: KB5001649 Fails to install.

      Installing from the catalog in to WSUS seems to have worked on two of my test rigs so far. The good news is that it does actually seem to have fixed the issue.

      All we need to do now is get an update for the same broken issue in the Server 2012 R2 CU patch :(

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Update: 19.03.2021 Latest Patch, on Patch, on Patch: KB5001649 Fails to install.

        12:49pm 19.03.201 Update:

        Windows Catalog is now running super slow, and impossible to search. Clearly, the whole world and his dog, has realised the ongoing printing problem can be (potentially) solved by manually installing the full cumulative update KB5001649, all 446 MB+ of it.

        Just great, Microsoft. /s

        1. Danny 14 Silver badge

          Re: Update: 19.03.2021 Latest Patch, on Patch, on Patch: KB5001649 Fails to install.

          my WSUS patch didnt say that it deprecated the previous ones. As a result my clients are downloading 1.5gb of patches per machine, the broken 8002, the partial fix and then this fix.

          great.

      2. arachnoid2 Bronze badge

        Installing from the catalog

        Sorry Kays catalogue no longer carries those any more.

  18. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    Would you like a flake in that pint?

    If I got a pint like that, I'd ask the bar staff to fill it up properly...

    1. idiot taxpayer here again

      Re: Would you like a flake in that pint?

      @Loyal Commenter

      If I got my booze served in a glass like that I would not be happy. To say the least.

      That is NOT a tapoyle glass. It's a glass for underage drinkers to ponce around with whilst pretending to be adults.

      That is all

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Would you like a flake in that pint?

        Beer should be served in proper pint mugs. Heavy dimpled glass. End of.

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: Would you like a flake in that pint?

          ...and even if it's fizzy (permissible I s'pose if it's sunny out) it shouldn't have an inch of froth on top, and certainly not below the rim of the glass.

          But then, I like a pint of real beer, not that shite with detergent in it.

          I've never quite figured out why the carbonate bottled ale though; the same stuff that would be completely flat from a beer tap, for some reason is expected to have fizz that goes up your nose if it's bottled. And most of them are pasteurised, so they can't even claim live bottling...

        2. TomPhan

          Re: Would you like a flake in that pint?

          Jack Carter would disagree.

          https://youtu.be/62qvbg_n7OU

  19. Version 1.0 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    What caused this?

    Were they patching a bug or adding a feature? It doesn't make any difference.

  20. AlexGreyhead
    Coat

    TITSUP

    Total Inability To Spool Usual Pints, perhaps?

    ... Sorry, I'll get my coat...

  21. Richard Pennington 1
    Pint

    Thinking back ...

    Wasn't it Heineken which printed the parts Microsoft couldn't reach?

  22. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Coat

    MS Karate Kid

    Patch on, Patch off. Patch On, Patch off.

    That is all.

    1. arachnoid2 Bronze badge

      Re: MS Karate Kid

      MS have turned to onion patches ,with enough layers they can fix anything.

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