back to article You wouldn’t know my new database, she goes to another school: Oracle boasts of earthshattering tech the outside world cannot see

Oracle has underwhelmed the market with its Q3 results – shares took a minor tumble yesterday. But true to form its island-owning founder and CTO did his best to distract from matters at hand by talking up wins against its arch-rival and hyping technology it is yet to launch. Big Red’s financials for the three months ended 28 …

  1. karlkarl Silver badge

    "I'm not really ready to disclose our plans as to why I think it's going to suddenly spike but we expect very, very rapid database growth next year"

    Obviously they are going to open-source the Oracle DB engine to benefit the world!

    ;)

    1. quxinot Silver badge

      Please don't say that. There's already one nasty disease that the world is trying to handle.

    2. Steve Channell
      Unhappy

      Anyone who's negotiated with Oracle know exactly what he means..

      Oracle ALWAYS discount their official price list, and never ever allow customers to pay less without a fight.

      Reduce your usage by 10%, that'll be a 10% price increase on what you have left. Thinking of JBoss instead of WebLogic to save money.. think again, RDBMS price goes up.

      The only leverage you have with Oracle is to threaten scorched-earth

  2. Gunboat Diplomat

    Autonomous tech isn't going to help

    It wouldn't matter if Oracle databases we're completely self-managing. I suspect the cost of it and the concerns about lock in are something that few IT pros not already running Oracle would risk.

    Personally, Oracle could release a database 50 times more powerful than anything else and I'd still avoid it due to lock in fears and the horror stories I hear about "licence audits".

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Autonomous tech isn't going to help

      Once upon a time TPTB decided I'd take over a system that ran on Oracle. I even got sent on a couple of courses at Bracknell. It didn't happen. I count it as a lucky escape.

  3. coconuthead

    autonomous database definition

    The article doesn't define what an "autonomous database" is, and I'd never heard the term, so I Googled it. Every hit on the first page is a hit for "Oracle autonomous database". It appears to be an Oracle invention for tuning and management software with AI assistance. I don't think The Register should be normalising the term by using it as if it is valid industry jargon.

    1. TJ1

      Re: autonomous database definition

      But is it level 5 autonomous fully self-driving or more like a possibly-level-2-but-take-your-eyes-off-and-it-crashes ?

      I'd guess the latter!

  4. bombastic bob Silver badge
    Devil

    PostgreSQL

    worthy of mention as an alternative database in the article

    And someone offered (free?) porting of applications? Interesting! Ok maybe not free then... but still.

  5. shortfatbaldhairyman
    IT Angle

    I do not WANT to know your new database

    In fact I want to know NOTHING about you.

    And why is an IT website writing about sales companies?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Something sounds familiar here...

    Has Oracle hired Donald Trump to do its messaging?

    "It's going to be huge, just you wait!"

    "Earnings have never been better -- anything else is Fake News."

    "We are beating the h-ll out of Salesforce!"

    "We are Making Oracle Great Again!"

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