You wouldn’t know my new database, she goes to another school: Oracle boasts of earthshattering tech the outside world cannot see

Oracle has underwhelmed the market with its Q3 results – shares took a minor tumble yesterday. But true to form its island-owning founder and CTO did his best to distract from matters at hand by talking up wins against its arch-rival and hyping technology it is yet to launch. Big Red’s financials for the three months ended 28 …

[karlkarl]

"I'm not really ready to disclose our plans as to why I think it's going to suddenly spike but we expect very, very rapid database growth next year"

Obviously they are going to open-source the Oracle DB engine to benefit the world!

;)

[quxinot]

Please don't say that. There's already one nasty disease that the world is trying to handle.

[Steve Channell]

Anyone who's negotiated with Oracle know exactly what he means..

Oracle ALWAYS discount their official price list, and never ever allow customers to pay less without a fight.

Reduce your usage by 10%, that'll be a 10% price increase on what you have left. Thinking of JBoss instead of WebLogic to save money.. think again, RDBMS price goes up.

The only leverage you have with Oracle is to threaten scorched-earth

[Gunboat Diplomat]

Autonomous tech isn't going to help

It wouldn't matter if Oracle databases we're completely self-managing. I suspect the cost of it and the concerns about lock in are something that few IT pros not already running Oracle would risk.

Personally, Oracle could release a database 50 times more powerful than anything else and I'd still avoid it due to lock in fears and the horror stories I hear about "licence audits".

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Autonomous tech isn't going to help

Once upon a time TPTB decided I'd take over a system that ran on Oracle. I even got sent on a couple of courses at Bracknell. It didn't happen. I count it as a lucky escape.

[coconuthead]

autonomous database definition

The article doesn't define what an "autonomous database" is, and I'd never heard the term, so I Googled it. Every hit on the first page is a hit for "Oracle autonomous database". It appears to be an Oracle invention for tuning and management software with AI assistance. I don't think The Register should be normalising the term by using it as if it is valid industry jargon.

[TJ1]

Re: autonomous database definition

But is it level 5 autonomous fully self-driving or more like a possibly-level-2-but-take-your-eyes-off-and-it-crashes ?

I'd guess the latter!

[bombastic bob]

PostgreSQL

worthy of mention as an alternative database in the article

And someone offered (free?) porting of applications? Interesting! Ok maybe not free then... but still.

[shortfatbaldhairyman]

I do not WANT to know your new database

In fact I want to know NOTHING about you.

And why is an IT website writing about sales companies?

[Anonymous Coward]

Something sounds familiar here...

Has Oracle hired Donald Trump to do its messaging?

"It's going to be huge, just you wait!"

"Earnings have never been better -- anything else is Fake News."

"We are beating the h-ll out of Salesforce!"

"We are Making Oracle Great Again!"