back to article Fearing she had stumbled across a body, dogwalker reports pota-toe to police

The game is... a potato? That's how it turned out to be for a dogwalker from the Tyne and Wear town of Gateshead in North East England. Word has reached Vulture Towers that a pro-tuber-ance in muddy soil was reported to Northumbria Police last Tuesday because it looked distressingly like human remains lay beneath. Things got …

  1. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

    Dau!!! (phinoise)

    Perhaps the woman should have tried to talk to the body, perhaps it would have Mutter(ed) - "H-aloo"

    Sorry. I'm going now.

    1. Version 1.0 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Dau!!! (phinoise)

      Aloo gobi is a vegetarian dish so the body would not have talked back.

      1. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

        Re: Dau!!! (phinoise)

        Yes, but "Aloo Mutter" as I somewhat pathetically tried to pun about is made with Potatoes.

        And the last time I checked Potatoes were still actually vegetables so your response is still wrong on both levels.

    2. macjules
      Coat

      Re: Dau!!! (phinoise)

      "crime scene in her own bake yard."

      I blame Mary Berry. I bet she knows where all the bodies are berried.

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    If kids found it

    They'd poke it with a stick and discovered it wasn't a toe. Wouldn't they?

    Toes Up!

  3. Dabooka
    Trollface

    Easy mistake to make for some

    I mean if she's from Winlaton there's a reasonable chance she's never seen an actual potato before, unless it's chipped and fried.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I was hoping to be first early with this comment but looks like I'm late

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Not late, just main crop.

  5. ThatOne Silver badge
    Coat

    Racists!

    > only for the human toe to be identified as a potato

    So potatoes are of lesser importance than humantoes?

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: Racists!

      So potatoes are of lesser importance than humantoes?

      Unless they're Jersey Royals.

    2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: So potatoes are of lesser importance than humantoes?

      I presume you haven't heard about the woman who wouldn't let her daughter marry David Coleman?

  6. Andy Non Silver badge
    Coat

    Maybe it was Mrs Potato head

    and she thought it was her husband's body?

  7. Version 1.0 Silver badge
    Happy

    She acted sensibly

    She saw something suspicious and reported it to people who are trained to investigate, had it been a real toe and she'd dug it up it could have messed up the investigation.

    <joke>In Tech terms, think about seeing something odd in a program, do you report the "bug toe" the developer or do you open a hex editor and patch the app?</joke>

    1. Dr_N

      Re: She acted sensibly

      Valid point. If she'd dug it up she'd have had spud on her hands for sure.

    2. Ben Tasker

      Re: She acted sensibly

      > She saw something suspicious and reported it to people who are trained to investigate

      We recently, while walking the dog, found something odd, round and metal being exposed in the sand by the tide.

      I dug down the side of it a little way to try and find markings/clues of what it was, but it just grew in width and went quite deep.

      So, we called the rozzers, who said "don't like the look of that" and called EOD. They came, decided to leave it overnight (as the tide was going to cover it) and revisit in the morning. The local paper ran a story about a suspected mine being found on the beach.

      The next morning, EOD came back and started work on it. In the pictures you can see where they've carefully excavated around the edge of it.

      Turns out it was an old, upturned metal bucket....

      But, a week after, there was a story in the paper about someone who'd found some unknown metal objects on the beach and taken them home. Turns out they were old grenades, which then proceeded to explode in their kitchen.

      If it's suspicious, there's only so much you can really interfere with it - it's better to err on the side of caution than to leave something lying around.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: She acted sensibly

        A few years ago, a German war mine wanted up in South Wales. The parents allowed their kids to play with it, and took photos of them with it.. The bomb squad made a controlled explosion (it turned out to be dud, but no-one knew that)

        https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3201972/Children-pose-holiday-snaps-unexploded-World-War-Two-Wales.html

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    To be fair, if I saw a potato sticking out the ground, I'd too think it was a job for the Peelers.

    1. hoola Silver badge

      But only in Northern Ireland (unless the term has been buried in these new times of harmony and goodwill),

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Some folk suggest the colloquialism 'coppers' derives from Robert Peel's Auburn ginger hair. Peelers, for coppers, from the same chap.

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        The nickname "Peelers" for the first official Police Force dates back to...erm....the first official Police Force formed by Robert Peel. I take it from your comment that the term is still in use in NI?

        1. hoola Silver badge

          Certainly it was still in common use to refer to the police Norther Ireland well into the 2000s as "Peelers". It was usually used as a derogatory way of referring to any police officer.

  9. Sceptic Tank Silver badge

    She obviously thought something was a foot.

    1. You aint sin me, roit
      Facepalm

      Someone had had his chips.

  10. Jonathan Richards 1
    Coat

    Perfectly understandable...

    See a potato... send for the Peelers!

    Mine's the late Victorian ulster, thank you so much.

  11. Efer Brick

    the conspi'tards would ask

    "was it counted in the CoVid statistics?"

  12. Daedalus

    If thumbthing can go wrong....

    This is just a good example of Murphy's Law in action.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    oh dear

    Good job she didn't see its eyes protubering, she really would have called the copssprout for that, there would have been terrifrite scene.

  14. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    "With a little digging"

    Are you joking ? Have you not seen all the shows about police investigations ? There really are a lot of them, and most of them emphasize that a crime scene is not to be disturbed.

    She was right to call the police. The police were undoubtedly relieved that there wasn't some grim murder to investigate. I'm sure it was just like that time my chimney caught fire and I had to call the fire department. They came, saw what was burning, axed it off the chimney frame and took it outside. When I apologised for the nuisance, the chief answered "Not a problem sir. We very much prefer not to have to drag out dead bodies."

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where was she walking her dog? An allotment?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      The boundaries ofGateshead include quite a large rurarl area and small villages.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    What flavour of dog-Walker's crisps was it?

    A-salt and vinegar?

  17. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    There is another scenario where both scenarios would have been correct

    It could have been a foot, wearing a sock with a hole in it.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: There is another scenario where both scenarios would have been correct

      "Taties in yer socks!" Not heard that since I were a nipper!

  18. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    The police could have placed a bet on what it was...

    Toe you win.

    Cell-u-lose.

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Michael Hoffmann Silver badge
    Angel

    Nervous breakdown

    I can't take it! I can't take it! Make it stop!

    First the article... so much punnage... the puns, the puns, they burn!

    Then the commentards... more puns... even more puns... my head... my brain...

    I'll never be able to look a potato in the eyes again!

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Nervous breakdown

      Oh, do stop sprouting off!

  21. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Keep your eyes peeled

    Never know what you might stumble upon

  22. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge
    Thumb Up

    Excellent punnery all over the place.

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